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I don’t know what’s worse,

Being dead or alive.

The sky’s are bright but in the darkness I stay.

Being without the one you love,

I’d rather not

God seems to good to be true

And heaven is so far away

But if reincarnation is real how will I find you again.

This moment is all we have

He says to live each moment and enjoy the time we have together

But in the darkness I stay.

Because I don’t know what is worse being alive or dead.

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Oncology:

“Your test results are available”

Me:

Immediately wants to vomit.

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I’m sitting here thinking…. I don’t think I truly understood the meaning of “preaching to the choir” until recently. I think growing up I just knew when it was appropriate to use.

Maybe that’s why the world is so fucked up. We don’t think about the words that we say and why we say them, we may not even understand why, it could be as simple as a learned behavior that needs to be broken.

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I forget what it’s like to not have a care. Yes I have adult responsibilities, but I am also a caregiver, the primary source of income and health insurance, I am the scheduler of all appointments, the keeper of the books and more.

My job never ends. I feel like an exhausted mother but without children. A cancer diagnosis changes your world, your perceptions, and you live in fear even in the good days.

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Do you ever want someone to tell you your ugly because you just want some honesty?

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my story

I want to tell my story. I want to express the pain I experienced that winter at Sheppard Pratt and the abuse that was inflicted on me, but the words are still so hard to get out. Memories blurry from being drugged beyond belief, actions forced upon me, padded rooms and shells of humans. Where to begin?

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If only everyone who has hurt me would have to pay for what they’ve done. Instead I have to live as walking proof of their damage while they exist happily. There’s no justice in this.

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an open letter to my body:

Bro, wtf.

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First pic be like “bitches come and go bruh but you know I stay” on tik tok

EUPHORIA 2.01 | 2.08

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Trying to navigate my way through life like...

#disaster rue

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EUPHORIA Season 2, Episode 8

+ bonus:

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I don’t want to let you in cause all people do is leave. 

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when you feel alone and work is overwhelming just remember that you’re a part of someone’s best memories. no dialogue just your presence, in exploring somewhere new, a reassuring smile and support you gave, or in lots of laughter and sun. it helps the days feel worth more, even if today felt like it didn’t count, it did. you exist in so many ways you can’t measure.

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by Pelin Kılıç

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