h-francois

[h-francois]

I really need a hug, but not just from anyone. I need a hug from you. My soul hurts and it misses you desperately. I wish I could hold you, I know I wouldn't let go for such a long time

Good night

[h-francois]

I’m on my last shift in Tasmania. The most senior surgical doctor on site at the hospital over night. I just did a massive procedure in ED, alone. I’m back up in my office. You can hear a pin drop up here.

I really miss you tonight. You’ve been in my thoughts every moment I’m not running around. Right now more than ever I wish I could call you and hear your voice. I hope you’re sleeping well right now, warm in your bed, surrounded by pillows. Sleep well baby, I wish I were there with you.

[h-francois]

Im thinking about you so much. My heart hurts and I've checked your "last active" status maybe a dozen times today. I dont know why, I dont know what I hope to achieve... I just really really miss you honey. I wish I knew how you were. How life's treating you. How you're feeling right now. What you want and what you're working on... I just want to talk to you as us.

I have a job for next year already but I still checked Toowoomba General Surgery Registrar jobs today. Again I dont know why. Maybe I wanted to see. Maybe I wanted to try make myself feel better, picturing a life with you. Picturing turning up at your door, promising never to let you go again... God I wish I could do that honey. God, how I want to hold you in my arms again and never let you go.

[h-francois]

I’m in Tasmania, landed this afternoon. The last time I was in Tasmania you called me after months of not talking. I’m really kind of hoping that will happen again. I miss you more than I know how to describe. I miss my soul mate… I hope you’re doing well my love

[h-francois]

If you ever think that it’s easy for me to live without you, just know that you’re wrong. I’ll never stop loving you or stop missing you, I’ll never get over you… my heart hurt so much right now it woke me from my sleep and I had a panic attack for 5 minutes before I could get it under control. My heart hurts so bad that I struggled to catch my breath. I miss you. I miss you desperately and I don’t know what I can do about it, there’s nothing I can do about it. I miss you baby and the thought of just holding you again in my arms and telling you it’s going to be alright… I don’t know it just kills me. I just wish I was with you. All the time. I just wish I was with you because I belong to you, now, before and always. I love you…

written in pain and with love

[h-francois]

This view is only worth it when I’m completely alone. Quiet, in peace. Or if I share it with that one special person. Otherwise it’s just a bitter view from high up. Useless

[h-francois]

Sorry my love. I just had to scream out into the world but I didnt want anyone to hear me. I feel hurt, for the first time in a long time. It's not often that I feel like I'm enough but I felt like things were going to be okay, even if it was just for a minute there. Everyone's moving on with their lives and I'm just stuck here. I want to be with people but then when I get there I just want to leave. I feel like I've lost I've lost the spark that made me interesting. I'm begining to doubt everything again. It's not a good look on me.

I've picked up a few days of work in the country. Maybe if I get away I'll start to feel like myself again. Feel useful again. Your memories keep me sane. I hope you're doing well. I know you unfollowed me everywhere and that's okay. It still took me a few days to swallow it when I saw it, even after all these years, but it's still okay. I know you have to move on. Thank you for being so brave. You were always far stronger than me. I still love you for it

[h-francois]

Went on a trip. In all honesty, I hated it. It’s not worth going anywhere if you don’t go with the person you love. I’m good for work and that’s pretty much it

[h-francois]

I don’t even know why I’m writing this here anymore. I just don’t have anywhere else to write it down. No one else to tell or talk to. Everyone has their own agenda, their own motives. I’m sick of being taken advantage of. They weren’t lying when they said nice guys finish last. Fuck me if that ain’t the truth. Maybe it is a better look on me when I’m stone cold and fuelled by anger. Looks like we’re going back there soon enough

[h-francois]

History loves to repeat itself. And I still won’t learn my damn lesson

[h-francois]

I don’t know any more. I can’t do anything right. It’s driving me up the bloody wall. It’s the same bloody thing, over and over and over again. I should honestly just learn my lesson and be an asshole every time. If they think you care, they’ll walk all over you.

I’m just tired. I’m sick of trying and getting it thrown back in my face. It just fucken sucks.

[h-francois]

1st of July - Happy Anniversary sweetheart. Thinking of you xx

[h-francois]

[h-francois]

[h-francois]

[h-francois]

It’s insane how much I still love you. All this time and I still ache for your heart. I love you deeply

[h-francois]

I’d give almost anything to hold you again. Go back to that soft fluffy bed at the Sunny coast… I wouldn’t have left without you if I had known