hadesnotplut0

[hadesnotplut0]

Cannibalism is the new religion or something

[hadesnotplut0]

There is a space for you carved into my soul

Between the bloody wet viscera

And the truths I've buried deeper than the six feet housing the hopes and shattered dreams of my adolescent ignorance

It smells like brandy , cheap cigarettes and a summer morning soaked in a certain brand of nostalgia, sweet and tinged and the sorrow of being 15 and a girl and being too loud for anybody else to really listen

There is a space for you carved into my soul

And I'm not sure I even k ew it existed until you stepped up and filled it perfectly .

[hadesnotplut0]

Things I keep in my bag when I go out :

●Car keys

● My soul in a little glass jar

●The love I have for a boy who'll one day forget my name and the tender way I said his

● A list of the people who I no longer live for

● fairy dust

● Childlike wonder and whimsy in a sparkly pink envelope

● The parts of myself carved out by the horrors of growing up

[hadesnotplut0]

i'm either the happiest or saddest person in the world, and there's no in between

[hadesnotplut0]

Girls when their complicated relationship with :

♧ Religion

♧Their Dads

♧ Their Mothers

♧ Not being conventionally attractive

[hadesnotplut0]

And a piece of me will always wonder what could have been if I were a touch braver and you more willing to compromise

[hadesnotplut0]

How lucky I am

To exist at the same time and in the same place as Her.

[hadesnotplut0]

‧₊˚⊹ a beam of love hits you and it refracts suddenly it’s friendship and romance and care and curiosity and protectiveness and obsession and softness and a hunger to give and be given. and how can one person possibly hold all of that? ୨୧

[hadesnotplut0]

How I feel reading smut while being scared of intimacy in real life

[hadesnotplut0]

I swear those aren't mine

(I say with a suspiciously Eren Jaeger shaped lump in my throat)

eren jaeger??? nah what a jerk what a— [trips] [hundreds of thousands of photos of eren jaeger spill out of jacket] w-what  a fuckign asshole i these arent mine im just [gathering them up frantically sweating] listen i just listen fuck [thousands of pictures of eren jaeger scatter across the floor] shit fcuk im holding them for a friend just listen 

[hadesnotplut0]

I exist in multitudes .

[hadesnotplut0]

And if there's one thing I'm certain of

It's that my body and hers were formed from the stardust of the very same shooting stars

That our souls were born as one

That my heart knew hers before we ever met each other

[hadesnotplut0]

And how much longer must I continue to pray to a god I'm not sure I believe in to pardon the sin I'm not sure exists for a fate I'm not sure awaits me ?

[hadesnotplut0]

I'm not sure I believe in God

But something divine must exist

She and I exist in the same place and the same time after all

And if that's not a blessing , I'm not sure what is

[hadesnotplut0]

And what am I supposed to do with the pieces of your soul that still cling to mine ?

These feelings too big for my body

and

my heart too frail for this torment

These thoughts too vast for my mind

and

my brain too fragile for this lifetime alone

So tell me ,

How do I stop looking for pieces of you in the puzzles of strangers I meet but can't seem to want to keep ?

[hadesnotplut0]

"One day i am gonna grow wings"

Not like Daisy Randone

Or any of the Lisbon sisters

Not even like Icarus

No one day I'm going to fucking soar , regardless of the multitudes I exist in crying for surrender

or the cloying anguish coating my upper lip , climbing up my throat and begging of me caution

One day , I am gonna grow wings and pray to God I finally make it

[hadesnotplut0]

All I have left are the materials to build a monument to something that can never exist .

The texts of a religion whose altar I am no longer welcome to bow before

And a love for someone can never be mine

not really anyway