halogen2

[halogen2]

actually good news, i DID write a little after i ate lunch :’) now im at work about to clock in so lets hope the day goes by quicklyyyy

well i WAS gonna try to write before i have to leave for work in like 2 hours. but im feeling too shitty to focus on anything so i guess im just gonna make lunch and listen to taz so i can calm down and not be in a horrible mood for the rest of the day

[halogen2]

Lisa Wright (British, b. 1965)

Beneath the Strangeness of it, 2020

Oil on canvas

[halogen2]

well i WAS gonna try to write before i have to leave for work in like 2 hours. but im feeling too shitty to focus on anything so i guess im just gonna make lunch and listen to taz so i can calm down and not be in a horrible mood for the rest of the day

[halogen2]

To Feel Many Other Ways

nerves and pain and telephone poles and being naked

[halogen2]

does it feel like you can’t just offhandedly go “oh i go by he/him actually”? also something that helped me with pronouns is having one friend who i know will correct other people on my behalf

it happens so quickly that there isnt any time to correct them w/o seeming like im offended / bothered by it or purposefully looking for an opportunity to correct them 😭 which like, i AM, but not for transphobic cis guy reasons, for dysphoria reasons, but there feels like no way to convey that w/o accidentally outing myself, so. stuck between a rock and hard place i suppose!

[halogen2]

also. i go by Gray at work and not Michael but im kind of regretting it bc i have a feeling these coworkers would use he/him for me if i went by a more “obviously masculine” name 🙃

[halogen2]

in general, being at work (aka in public + being perceived by both strangers and new coworkers for 7 hours straight every day, which is . a huge change from 3+ years of WFH as an author) has brought up a LOT more dysphoria than i expected. ive noticed im way more self conscious about my appearance, my voice, my height, my face - literally everything - since getting they/themed all the time. + now im worried i sound “too gay” so i keep doing this stupid fucking masc voice when im on the register bc otherwise old ppl look at me like i just kicked their dog.

[halogen2]

new trans problem unlocked, that i havent dealt with in the south but am now getting more in the north, and which is actually causing a lot more dysphoria than expected: well-meaning cis allies at work keep they/theming me 🙃, and i dont know how to correct them without either 1) outing myself as a trans man (which i dont want to do) or 2) accidentally coming off like a transphobic cis man who’s offended by being mistaken for nb 😭

[halogen2]

TOP 15 2000s HORROR FILMS (as chosen by tumblr horror lovers): 5. Ginger Snaps, dir. John Fawcett (2001)  ➤ 81 votes, 4%

[halogen2]

also does anyone know how to get rid of that stupid notification that LITERALLY always pops up whenever im making a text post on mobile, that demands i choose which blog/community im making the post to (even tho i never post anywhere but this blog) + covers the entire screen so i cant see what im typing, and only goes away once i click on it. bc it has driven me insane for at least a year and im sick of it

[halogen2]

can someone come write this book for me please. or maybe beam the ability to write directly into my brain so that i can finally fuckin make anyyyyy progress

[halogen2]

i love it when people are in their thirties that's so sexy of you

[halogen2]

[halogen2]

Penry Williams

Stormy Landscape, 1855-85.

[halogen2]

Townes Van Zandt-Waiting Around To Die, Heartworn Highways (1976, James Szalapski)

[halogen2]

have to leave for work in an hour. havent written anything or even rlly tried to. started crying out of nowhere again. i should shower and eat but all i want to do is wallow. everything is bad but what else is new

[halogen2]

Being cute on the balcony