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My Self Sabotaging Mind (Flash Fiction Continued)

Thirdly, I thought it was the word flow problem. And it is said that one should do “morning ranting” to help the word flow. I did try it for one or two weeks, but then it became boring. The mindless rambling didn’t go anywhere and it felt like I was wasting the energy of my typing fingers. I didn’t feel that it helped my problem at all. Then I realized that I never have a word flow problem at…

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My Self Sabotaging Mind (Flash Fiction)

Flash Fiction #180 I’ve always had this feeling that anything I write doesn’t come out as I would like it to come out. I don’t know why I feel this way, but I do. I can’t even articulate why this is the case. What is the problem? What is the gap between what’s in my mind and what is typed? It is something very vague that cannot be expressed in a comprehensible way. I thought this feeling would…

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The Managing Style (Flash Fiction)

Flash Fiction #179 It is said that there are two kinds of Asian restaurants in America—one kind caters to Americans and the other caters to Asian immigrants. The food choices, the food presentation, the management, the waiters or waitresses, and the price can be slightly different or significantly different, depending on who you ask.  Yue is a manager of a restaurant of the latter kind, which…

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The Attachment Theory

I can’t believe I am so devious. I am definitely not. Well, I never consciously want to be devious, but probably my subconscious sabotages me in ways that I am not aware of. Anyway, all these thoughts come from the fact that I encountered an attachment test. Usually I don’t take such tests since I am always wary of tests or competitions or games, which force me to become a bad version of myself.…

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My Mother & Ginseng

The price of ginseng has stayed flat, not affected at all by the current inflation. How strange. Just when I think everything is up and up, ginseng comes out and displays its steady price exactly like before, as if to mock my misconception. The autumn and the coming winter are the appropriate time to take it, especially the American ginseng, which has gradually taken over the Asian stores here,…

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Satisfaction & Disappointment

I am satisfied and disappointed at the same time, satisfied with the passages of descriptions that are subdued and suggestive exactly to my liking, but disappointed with them due to the same reason. I actually go back to reread some of the lines, “I had believed that my simple presence could keep my family safe, somehow, and so had tagged along on countless tedious walks and errands purely to…

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My Trigger In Full Display

I was very agitated, so much so that I couldn’t get my mind off it even if I knew I should be doing something else. I had no reason to be so agitated since it was not something that concerned me. Something happened to somebody else and I was just an outsider, being a friend or an onlooker of somebody else’s life but not really involved in it, but I was surprised that I could get suddenly so…

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Archetype vs. Prototype vs. Stereotype

I am listening to a book about writing and it talks about character archetypes, like lovers, outlaws, sages, heroes, anti-heroes etc. And the author claims that archetypes are very different from stereotypes, although the explanation is not very convincing. I have to say many lovers in fictional books of romance or kung fu or history are quite typical, if not stereotypical. And I read such a…

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A Great Love Story Unwritten And Unread

Sometimes I can imagine myself attending my parents’ wedding and shouting at them, “please don’t. Don’t do that. Please do not create a hell for yourselves and for others.” And they heed my warning and believe me and part their ways, happily staying friends ever after, happily living their separate lives knowing that they are wrong for each other. Nobody will consider this a love story, but it…

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The Underlying Messages Are So Different

I went to the grocery store last weekend and picked up a book from a three layered table display with books all piled on each layer, deliberately disorganized. I don’t want to mention the book’s name or the author’s name since I don’t like to say negative things about a living author. I prefer gentle stroking to feather ruffling. Anyway, I read several beginning pages today and can’t help…

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A Game Of Confidence

I am feeling a little uncomfortable with myself when I think of this, but I can’t get rid of this feeling. I met Dodo last weekend again in the store and she talked about her kids. How intelligent is her son and how sweet is her daughter. She ranted, holding my hand as if I was going to flee the scene, which I had no intention of doing. Her earnest eyes pressed on me, her voice almost pleading. I…

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Saturday’s Busy Void

Have you ever found that you are busy for an entire day, but in the end, around the midnight, you realize that you have achieved nothing. Busy for the sake of being busy. Rushing here and there just for the purpose of satisfying an inner demon of self torture or some other kind of inexplicable pathology. Now it is past midnight, but I really haven’t done anything today. The laundry is undone;…

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The Impulse To Say Something

I just zoomed with a girl who didn’t like her Asian looks. Actually she didn’t explicitly say it, but I understood that she felt her looks made it hard for her to fit in, made her stand out in a negative way. She tried not to attract attention to herself because most of the attentions she received were not positive. As an Asian American and as a woman, she had plenty of reasons to wish herself…

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When I Have Nothing To Write For Today

Another Sunday comes and goes, and I’ve done nothing except running to the stores, making a batch of soy milk, rising three cups of dough with a yeast packet, read the first half of a book that complains about modern love but disguised as a love story, bought three audible books on sale, which I knew I would regret later. I always regret my purchase of books that are on sale, but being regretful…

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My First Relationship Heartache (Part 3)

This is the 3rd part of the story. The previous parts are here: 1st, 2nd. Now looking back, I think she was trying to make connections with me through stories of her family. Talking about her family made her feel she was being intimate with me. I should reciprocate with my own family stories, but it was too painful for me to talk about my family. So I stayed silent and she continued in her…

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My First Relationship Heartache (Part 2)

(This is the 2nd part of the story. The 1st part is here.)  As if she was deliberately trying to annoy me, she talked about her family all the time. I was not so much jealous of her good fortune as I was terribly bored since I had no family story to tell to reciprocate her conversation. “My little brother was sitting on the ledge, about to fall over. We live on the tenth floor, you know.” She…

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My First Relationship Heartache (Flash Fiction)

Flash Fiction #177 Many years ago, I attended a boarding high school hundreds of miles away from home. My parents didn’t want me to go, but I insisted on it. The school was well known for its bad food, worn out dorms, rigid rules, and indifferent teachers. It would have discouraged any normal people from ever setting foot in it, but I was excited. I wanted to leave home. It didn’t matter where.…