#toxic relationship

[kingkat12]

hickeys (roman godfrey x reader)

WARNINGS: 18+, mentions of sex, softcore-y smut, tw!bullying, Roman using his powers for no good, he's being so weird about virgin!reader, angsty fluff lol

summary: after having sacrificed your friendship with Letha for Roman's limited understanding of love and affection, you suddenly learn the consequences of your actions...

word count: 7,406 (you know me, not sorry anymore)

a/n: this is part 4 of my series seven minutes in heaven! click here to read; part 1, part 2, part 3! enjoy!!!<33

Roman had a hickey right on the side of his throat. Thankfully, I knew who gave him that one-- me.

It dawned on me that I had never seen him with one before. Despite how easy it was for me to get lost in the feelings of joy, finding a sense of pride at being the only one allowed to do that to him, I remembered Roman hadn't always been open to these sorts of things. He had warmed up to it gradually, with everything starting as a small incident at my place a week ago.

We had been splayed out on my bed, my face buried in his chest as I took a casual mid-day nap on top of him. It had become a habit-- Roman would come over, we'd bicker about something, then make out for about an hour until he decided to take his smoke break on my balcony. But today was different; the both of us had just finished a rather hard math test, so we were absolutely spent by the time we hit my bed. Roman didn't even have the energy to smoke, and seeing how tired he was, I decided to be bold and cuddle up to him; however, I hadn't expected us to fall asleep like this.

Weirdly enough, he didn't resist my advances. He'd usually start feeling uncomfortable as he wasn't used to affection like this, but today, Roman had his arms around me as I laid with my head on top of his chest. I had been a little embarrassed to wake up to the sight of a tiny puddle of my drool on his sweater, and I tapped the spot with my fingers as though that would make it go away.

Roman awoke, groggy. He let out a low grunt as he raised his head, trying to get a look at what I was doing. "Is that what I think it is?--"

"No," My words barely came out louder than a whisper, now covering the spot with my palm as I looked up at him with a soft smile. "Did you sleep well?"

Roman, being the stubborn asshole he was, didn't even register my question. "Did you drool on me?"

Oh God, this was mortifying. I figured he'd find out anyway; I slowly removed my hand from the spot, sliding off him. "Sorry..." As I rolled over, my back against the bed, I could only sigh. Being Roman's unofficial official girlfriend was hard, especially now that I didn't have any friends to discuss it with. 

However, there were moments where the hardships were worth it. Moments like these ones, where Roman now flipped over and unexpectedly snuggled up to me, his face hiding in the crook of my neck. "I've never been drooled on like that before," he said, his words muffled in my hair. "This is my favourite sweater."

With wary movements, I brought one hand up to his brown locks, gently stroking through them. I wasn't sure what the next sound from Roman was, but the closest thing would be a purr. "I'm sorry," I mumbled, my other hand running up and down his broad back. "Want me to buy you a new one?"

Roman huffed; "Don't be stupid. I'll just leave it in the washer here if you don't mind," 

"The washer?" My hands froze, no longer ghosting over his skin with gentle touches. "It will dry up in a second, Roman, get yourself together. And even worse, I might get the urge to wear it if you leave it here." I immediately regretted that joke the second it slipped past my lips-- in hopes of brushing over it, scared he'd climb off me and go back to being his usual self, I resumed running my fingers through his hair and up his back.

To my surprise, Roman didn't react much. The only thing I could notice was a rather shaky breath against my neck, almost as though he had just had a really tempting thought. Eventually, he spoke; "It wouldn't fit you very well,"

I did my best to shrug, although that was hard to do with someone on top of me. "That's not the premise," I huffed. "People usually wear each others' stuff when they're into one another. It's a cute thing."

"... So you'd want me to leave my sweater here?" Roman eventually propped himself up on his elbows, meeting my gaze. "Why? It's not like you'd be able to wear it anywhere."

It was in moments like these that I realized how little Roman actually knew about girls. He was supposedly very good in bed, but with feelings and affection? He was like a very aggressive puppy with gorgeous fur-- some men you simply have to train to be soft. "I'd wear it at home," I said, reaching out to brush his messed up hair away from his green eyes. "Especially when it's stormy outside and I'm doing my homework."

Something about my words seemed to be leaving small cracks in Roman's shell-- had I not been so observant, I wouldn't have noticed the way his pupils dilated or the way his features softened as he looked at me. "Would it be a one-way thing?" he asked; was I imagining things, or did he sound shy? "You get my sweater, and I get..."  Roman propped himself up further, taking a quick glance around my room. It didn't take long before his eyes landed on the plain, black hair ties on my nightstand, and he wasted no time reaching for two in one go. "I get these."

Seeing him so serious about this exchange was too funny-- I couldn't help the giggle building in my chest, suppressing a rather obnoxious laugh. "Yeah, I think that's smart," I murmured, stroking my thumb over his cheek. "Your hair is getting a little long... Would probably make your life easier."

Roman rolled his eyes, huffing. "It's not exactly like you have anything else lying around here!"

There was no way in hell I was about to tell him that my room was this clean because I had predicted he'd come over. "Okay, but it still works," I reached for his hand, taking the ties into my palm before rolling them over his fingers, watching as the rubber bands now sat comfortably at his wrist. "There you go!" I exclaimed, beaming up at a rather perplexed Roman. "Sweater, please."

It took a few seconds for him to react-- his eyes fixated on the black rubber ties around his wrist, and before I knew it, I saw slivers of pink appearing on his cheeks. I had never seen him react to anything like this before, and I had no idea why Roman was suddenly unmistakably blushing. "Fuck," he breathed. "That's cute." 

To hide his blush, he quickly wried his sweater off his body, throwing it away on a chair nearby before burying his face in the crook of my neck again, putting his whole weight back on me. "Promise to use it for dirty stuff too," he grumbled, probably to save face, before pressing a kiss to my neck. 

I was happy Roman didn't see how brightly I was smiling-- I would've been told off immediately, and he'd most likely retract right back into his shell. It was unusual for him to accept any sort of affection, and I wondered whether he had let anyone this close before. The more I got to know Roman, the more he was sleepy and babbling around me, I realized that I had to gradually ease physical kindness into his life to make our weird whatever-ship work. 

The whatever-ship I had sacrificed everything for.

And I would've spiraled deeper into thoughts about it, but the sudden pressure I felt against my neck made me snap out of it-- I realized he was giving me a rather hefty hickey, a familiar tingling sensation coursing its way through my body. I let out a satisfied sigh, my fingers burying themselves deeper into Roman's hair as he moved elsewhere on my neck to make a second one. "These will go well with the sweater," he purred against my skin.

I held back a shiver-- The hate I had once felt for him had quickly turned into whatever this was. All I knew, was that it felt good enough to distract me from the guilt that kept gnawing at me after betraying Letha the way I did. ｡ﾟ•┈୨♡୧┈• ｡ﾟ

The next day at school actually marked a month since the last time Letha and I had spoken on the bleachers. A month of staring at her longingly from afar like a kicked puppy and asking our mutual friends how she was. It didn't take long before they all heard what had happened between Roman and I, and they suddenly became Letha's friends only.

I didn't know how lonely I would be after I chose Roman, and it was slowly breaking my heart. Being blacklisted by nearly all the girls at school was tough, to say the least. 

So as I rummaged around my locker, getting ready for my next class, I didn't expect Letha to approach. There was no way I could imagine she'd do that, especially after the way she had been denying all my attempts of reconciliation. But here she was, blonde hair styled to perfection, and her green, stern eyes meeting mine the second I closed my locker door.

I stared right back, at a loss for words despite opening my mouth to speak. 

Letha cleared her throat, pressing her books tightly against her chest. "It's been a month," she tried, something about her softening with the weight of her words. "I think I might be ready to... talk."

My heart jumped up like never before, immediately thrown into a feeling of ecstatic victory. "What?" I squeaked, unable to stop my beaming look of joy. "Are you serious?" 

Letha shrugged, biting the inside of her cheek to suppress her smile. "I think it's time to try, at least?--" Her words came to a halt the second I turned to face her fully, and her green eyes immediately found my neck. 

My hair had moved to behind my shoulders as I turned around, revealing the hickeys I had tried my best to cover with setting powder and foundation. It didn't take long before Letha's softening look became one of horror as she took a step back, clearly repulsed.

I immediately went into panic, piecing it together. "No, Letha, wait!--"

There was no stopping Letha before she turned on her heel, bolting down the corridor with heavy steps. 

I turned back towards my locker, pressing my forehead against it. There was no way in hell I'd let everyone see me cry in public again. It felt as though Letha had dug her hand into my chest and ripped out my heart, now squeezing it until it finally popped. My breath hitched as I stepped away from the locker, sniffling as I felt a sob build.

Just as I was about to leave and get to class somehow, the familiar scent of cinnamon entered my system. "What did Letha want?" Roman asked, his hands tucked into his pockets as he approached. His brows were drawn together in a disapproving look as he watched Letha disappear down the hallway in unmatched hurry, and I got a good glance at him when I finally turned around to face him. How long had he been watching me from afar?

Roman's glare quickly faded away when his attention shifted and he noticed the way my eyes had glossed over. His whole tough look disappeared within a sliver of a second, and I was unsure whether he noticed it himself. "... Nothing good, I see?"

I shied away from his gaze, my eyes darting down to my shoes. "She wanted to make up all until she saw... well," To demonstrate, I turned a little, showing Roman the once blank canvas which was now covered in about six hickeys that I counted last night. It was clear to me that my attempt at hiding them had failed.

Roman could only sigh, an infuriating grin now spreading across his face. "I'm going to say sorry now, but know that I don't fully mean it because... the sight of you like this is so damn hot," He leaned down, pressing his lips against my forehead as he took my face into his hands. I couldn't help but notice that he was still wearing my two black rubber bands just as my breath hitched at the loving gesture.

Something about the kiss made my heart skip, but another part was ripping at me; Roman clearly cared more about the fact that he had marked me than how upset I was. I hummed in response, not knowing what else to say before much later; "Don't do that,"

"Do what?"

"Don't kiss me like that," I mumbled, pressing my back against my locker to make as much space between us as possible. "Just... Don't." 

Roman's first reaction was on display with a stunned expression, up until his brows drew together in what I could only read as annoyance. "Fine," he said, teeth gritted. His hands fell down at his sides, trying to save face as he took a step away from me; "I'm just trying to make you feel a little better, it's not that fucking deep." In true Godfrey fashion, he also proceeded to storm down the hallway, clearly flustered after being shut down.

I had to take a long breath-- this was a lot to take in for one day. Roman being in denial about his feelings also didn't help much. I wanted to run after him, grab his hand and tell him that he could do absolutely whatever he wanted with me, that I'd love for him to kiss me like that once more, but I knew I couldn't.

It was hard to believe how badly I had fallen for a guy who could barely regulate his own feelings. Someone who insisted on making it apparent to everyone that I was his without actually wanting to put a name to it. I let out a sigh, watching Roman get further and further away. Something told me I maybe should've followed him, at least asked him whether he wanted to come to my place later and sleep next to each other, but my plans quickly fell apart when I witnessed the one thing I hated seeing most in the world.

In the midst of his angry storm-off, Roman managed to turn his head to allow for his eyes to follow a girl with an exceptionally short skirt passing him by. 

I wanted to throw up-- the hungry look in his eyes made me nauseous. Everything about Roman looking at someone in the way he usually looked at me made me want to burst into tears all over again. 

No matter what I felt for him, one thing would never change; I hated Roman Godfrey. I hated him and the way he made me feel like a stomped bug. Hated the way he'd look at me after he'd make me cum around his fingers, the way he'd stroke my hair away from my forehead with the gentlest touch as I fell asleep, and the way he'd insist on driving me everywhere just to spend some extra time together.

I hated him. I hated this feeling, and especially what it had done to me, my friendships, and my reputation.

｡ﾟ•┈୨♡୧┈• ｡ﾟ

... Thoughts of my reputation went out the window now that Roman was back in my bed. Nothing suggestive, of course-- he was currently half asleep next to me. Even more heartwarming, was the fact that he still wore my two hair ties around his wrist, and I could get a proper look at him now that he was resting. I loved this feeling; we were both wearing the items we had exchanged.

"It looks good on you," he mumbled, tugging me closer with the arm he had around me. "My sweater. I thought I would hate seeing you in it, but it's not so bad."

My body was halfway on top of his, and I couldn't help but giggle as he pressed me closer to his chest. "Why did you think you'd hate it?" I adored the feeling of being completely engulfed in Roman-- the lingering scent of his perfume stuck to the gigantic sweater I was in, and his big arms around me made all my pain feel worth it. 

All up until Roman hummed, eyes still closed as his hands raked through my hair; "You wearing my stuff makes it real... Like you're mine. I don't know whether I want that responsibility,"

I could only sigh, unsure whether I should let my heart sink just yet. Sometimes, it was best to dig around in Roman's mud of a brain before settling for the version he wanted me to believe. "So you would be okay if I was with someone else?"

Roman opened one eye, glancing down at me as he raised a brow. "Are you with someone else?"

"... No,"

"Would you want to be?"

What an odd question; one he didn't need to know the truth of. "Would you care if I did?"

Roman opened his second eye, now scouring my face to check for cracks in my facade. Something told me he wasn't buying it, but that he wasn't about to take any chances. Eventually, he scoffed, rolling his eyes before closing them again; "Fuck off,"

"Fuck off yourself," I mumbled, burying my face in the crook of his neck. I tried to dull out the fact that his arm automatically wrapped itself tighter around me before I spoke once more; "Answer the question."

"Why?" Roman shifted, pulling my whole body on top of his, letting out a satisfied sigh now that all of my weight was laid on him. "It's a stupid question. Why can't we just enjoy this moment?"

He had a point, sure-- I just didn't deem it enough. "I hope you remember that I have a lot on the line here," I placed my hands next to his head, pushing myself up to get a proper look at him. Roman eventually opened his big, green eyes, and they quickly rounded out as they met mine. Everything about looking into his eyes made me want to squeal and pepper him with kisses; this was dangerous territory. I knew had to pull myself together; "I have, like... zero friends because of this. Because I chose you. And you not wanting to take on that responsibility or whatever it was that you called it, makes me feel like crap. You make me feel like crap." 

It was clear that Roman was holding his breath without thinking about it. He stared up at me, unsure what to say; "... All the time?"

"What?"

"Do I make you feel like crap all the time?"

That was certainly a way to spin it-- taken aback, I furrowed my brows as I pondered the question. "Not... all the time, no,"

Roman hummed; he seemed content with that answer. "I know you're upset about the whole Letha thing," he said, his big hands traveling down to grab at my hips as he shifted me to sit in his lap. "I also see that I'm not exactly helping the situation, but... you can't keep blaming me for your decision."

"... Okay," His request was simple enough-- I was ready to adhere to his wishes. "But then you have to say it out loud."

"Say what?"

"That you like me,"

I watched as Roman's eyes widened, his grip on my hips tightening. His whole body tensed up, unsure whether to speak or not. It was clear that he was conflicted about how to tread forward, and I held my breath the second his plush lips parted. Roman sat up, his back now supported by my headboard. Like this, I was sat in his lap with my arms draped around his neck, and he connected our foreheads with a sigh. Roman's words eventually came out like a slow, warm whisper; "I don't know what I feel," 

It felt as though my heart had lodged itself into my throat-- what? I was about to start arguing with him, cursing him out for dragging me through the mud for nothing, all until Roman suddenly reached for my hand. He placed my palm over his heart, his eyes finding mine as he steadied his breathing. "I don't know what I feel," he echoed. "But I know that looking at you makes my heart beat faster. Feel how hard it's going?" He pressed my hand further up against his chest, something about his touch giving away the sincere nature of this gesture. I hadn't seen Roman doing anything this romantic before, and everything was practically perfect all up until he opened his dumb teenage mouth; "I'm serious. It usually only beats like this when I look at pictures of Sydney Sweeney in a swimsuit."

That's it-- I groaned and ripped my hand out of his grip. "Okay, that's enough. You need to leave, it's almost midnight," In an attempt to climb off him, I almost made it out of his lap before his hands grabbed my hips once more, forcing me back down as I yelped. My eyes widened as they met Roman's, watching his signature smirk spread across his lips. 

"Where do you think you're going in my sweater?" he purred, suppressing a chuckle. "My sweater, my rules. Give me a kiss before I leave, at least."

I huffed as I snaked my arms around his neck, feeling his hot breath against my lips. "And why should I kiss you?"

"Because you want to?" Roman didn't care to try to suppress his grin, gently nudging my nose with his as his grip on my waist tightened. His voice dropped, getting airy as he whispered against my lips; "You want to so bad."

Everything about him made the butterflies in my stomach flutter-- it didn't help that his hair was tousled in a classic heartbreaker look, along with how ridiculously soft his lips suddenly looked. 

Roman definitely noticed the reddening of my cheeks, concluding why I had gone mute. "Don't be like that," he teased, not doing a good job with hiding his amusement. "Just kiss me first, for once. Have you noticed that you never initiate anything?"

I held my breath-- "I just... don't know what I'm doing," My confession was unexpected, but it felt nice to get it off my chest. "I don't want you to think I'm clueless."

"But you are?" Roman's chuckle was one of mischief as his hands shamelessly trailed down my body, now grabbing my ass as he pushed me closer to him. "It's not a bad thing. Just means I can program you to my liking."

I didn't even act as though I wanted his hands off of me, giving in to his antics. Something about the way he was holding me made me feel awfully warm-- maybe it was time to take off the sweater? "Tell me what you like, then," I purred, putting my hands on his chest. I figured that if I had gone down this route, I'd continue my path with conviction. 

Roman's smirk only grew, letting out a breathy laugh against my lips as he gave my ass a firm squeeze. "That's my girl," he cooed. "We'll start simple." He nudged his nose against mine once more, his lips parting before his words came out in a hot whisper against mine; "Kiss me."

His words were too alluring to deny-- I leaned forward, my hands carefully laying against his broad shoulder as I kissed him. A sigh of satisfaction escaped Roman, who immediately dug his hands into the flesh of my behind to tug me closer. Everything about the way he was reacting to me reminded me of our first date, and the way he had held and kissed me in the alley when we were hiding from Letha. 

The kiss was slow, almost lazy; something about the moonlight hitting us was making it more intense. It mostly consisted of small, loving pecks, and many pauses to simply smile against one another. I wondered whether he had ever kissed anyone like this before, with a softness I didn't see in him very often. 

It was hard to believe that this was the same guy that had me running around scared for him to prick me with needles. The only thing pricking me right now was the hardening of Roman's cock beneath me. With every twitch, every time his hands dug into my hips in an attempt to grind me against him, I could only grin into the kiss. There wasn't exactly anything sexual about this kiss, but he would always get hard from the smallest little things-- I couldn't help but find pride in it. At least this was another confirmation that he wanted me.

Roman eventually grew frustrated, now trying to rut up against me just for any sort of friction. With that, I grabbed the headboard, raising myself with my knees so that he wouldn't succeed. As he groaned, I had to bite down on my growing smile; the look on his gorgeous face was too damn thrilling.

Roman's eyes were round, his chest sinking with a shaky exhale as a rosy flush lingered in his cheeks. "Anything," he breathed. "Just give me anything. I'll take it."

"Anything?" I wasn't quite sure what he was getting at; "What do you mean?"

His hands grabbed at my waist, signalizing that he wanted me to sit down on his arousal once more-- perhaps that felt like a relief in itself? Roman stared up at me through his brows, his fingers digging into my flesh. "I'm not asking you for sex. I'm being nice. So I'm saying I'll take anything you'll give me... Even the smallest thing," He leaned forward, pressing a wet kiss against my neck which had me losing my breath within seconds, now whispering against my skin; "Just touch me." Roman's needy kisses trailed up my neck, jaw, and cheeks until his breath was hot against my ear. "However you want. Don't be shy, try it out."

Something told me that Roman was secretly into me being a virgin, after all this time of making fun of me for it. However, I wasn't about to say no to the opportunity to explore with the Roman Godfrey, and I eventually sat back down on his arousal, my cheeks flushing a deeper shade of red at the sound of his muffled grunt. 

My hands went up into his soft hair, pressing a kiss against his temple as my fingers stroked through his locks. "There's one thing I might want to try..."

Roman turned to nip at my jaw, his hands traveling back down to my ass. "Go for it,"

I didn't want to give him time to change his mind; my hand in his hair tightened, pulling him away from me with an unexpected roughness. I was about to apologize until I noticed the way Roman closed his eyes, and the way his lips parted in what looked like pleasure. It suddenly dawned on me that he might be the type to like a little pain, not only cause it. However, I wasn't ready to explore that at the moment-- I had another thought to attend to. 

Roman's head lolled back against the headboard as I leaned down to kiss his neck, and it was clear to me that he was enjoying himself. It was only when his fingers dug themselves back into the flesh of my behind that I got the confidence to pull through with my original plan; I sucked down on a particular spot, hard enough to leave a mark.

I didn't need to see his face to know that Roman's eyes were wide open with the realization of what was happening. I was ready for him to push me away, tell me off, tell me to stop-- but his arms only wrapped around me, pulling me closer in a swift motion that had me grinding up against his hard cock, and Roman let out a sigh of pleasure as he let himself be marked with a blooming hickey. 

Something told me I had to be somewhat special for him to allow me to do such a thing, and it quickly dawned on me that I had never felt this happy with anyone before, despite his shortcomings. 

I liked Roman more than I had ever liked anyone before, and I had an inkling that he felt the same. Who knew something so simple could feel so incredibly good?

｡ﾟ•┈୨♡୧┈• ｡ﾟ

Knowing I had Roman wrapped around my finger, despite him not being able to properly say it out loud, had me floating around in my own little bubble. Everything concerning Letha suddenly felt irrelevant, and it wasn't taking up as much space in my mind as before. All I could think about was the way Roman had smiled at me as he passed me in the hall, the red hickey on the side of his neck peeking out past his shirt. The cherry on top of it were the two hair ties he still wore around his wrist-- he was enjoying this, wasn't he?

However, I was yanked back into the absolute shitshow I had caused for myself concerning my girlfriends later that same day.

My previous friends had never done anything more than glare at me from across the hall. Maybe the occasional overdramatic huff when they passed me, an extra eye-roll my way, and so I did my best to not pay it any mind. 

Which is why I was so shocked when the proceeding followed. 

It didn't bother me to sit alone at lunch-- not anymore, at least. I wasn't about to reach out to Roman to ask where he was and whether I could join him either; but just as I picked up my phone, ready put away my nerves and text him, my gaze was diverted from the screen and to the three girls that sat down in front of me.

I held my breath, my eyes widening with the realization that my previous best friends were staring at me with the nastiest looks I had probably ever seen.

Oh no.

Breathing deeply, I did my best to harden my gaze and keep my guard up. "What do you want, Jasmine?" I asked, putting my phone down on the table as I stared down the girl in the middle. Jasmine was the one I had liked the least in our friend group, and I wasn't surprised that she was the one to take action-- the rest of the girls always followed her like dogs, and it had always made me sick; especially now that they were sititng by her like docile animals.

Jasmine cleared her throat, leaning further over the table in an attempt to intimidate me; "We're just here to make you aware of something,"

"Which is...?"

Taken aback by my lack of reaction, Jasmine's eye twitched just slightly as the girls next to her grew more and more uncomfortable. "Letha told me what she saw on your neck this morning. And sitting this close to you, I see it too... Do you not understand how it makes you look?"

There was no way for me to hold back my sarcasm; "How does it make me look? Do indulge, Jas," I couldn't even hold back my grimace at this point. "Why does it even matter to you?"

Jasmine's eye twitched once more, and she slammed her hands against the table with a loud thud. "What upsets Letha, upsets me! I'm just glad I found out what kind of person you truly are, and it brings me immense joy to realize everyone is starting to catch on to the truth as well!"

Despite how hard I attempted to stay neutral, unaffected, and unfazed, I couldn't do anything about the way my heart sunk. I couldn't even muster up anything to counter Jasmine's words, taken aback by the bluntness of my previous friend.

"Letha really wanted to reconcile, do you know that?" Jasmine continued, an evil snicker building in her throat. "But it's fucking disgusting that you walk around like you're proud to be fucking Roman Godfrey, especially when you know how much you've hurt her. Fucking traitor!"

Before I could protest, she reached for my phone which I had left unattended. There was barely any time to pry it out of Jasmine's hands before she stood up and smashed it into the table, the rest of her posse scurrying away from the table before the pieces of glass could hit them. I didn't have to look to know that the whole cafeteria was watching this scene play out; it was only when I heard gasps coming from around us that I truly realized the extent of what had happened.

As the glass from my phone had bounced off the table, the sharp pieces flying in every direction, I had covered my face with my hands. So, when I slowly pried them away from my eyes, turning them around to identify where the stinging of my skin was coming from, my eyes fell on the three pieces of glass lodged into the back of my hands. It wasn't too deep, not enough to scar or cause real damage, but damn-- it burned like crazy. 

With tears in my eyes, I watched as Jasmine snickered, clearly unaffected by the fact that she had caused me physical harm; "We're ready to make your life a living hell," she hissed. "That'll show you. Fucking whore."

Something inside me broke. Usually, I would've fought back, I would've said something-- but I froze. Completely. I had never felt anything like this, the mix of both physical and mental pain turning me to stone.

Fuck. Was this truly how everyone saw me? Nothing more than one of Roman's countless whores?

I knew this would haunt me for the following weeks to come, and I couldn't fight the way my mind shut down. The need to get away overcame me; with shaky steps, I got up from my table, realizing I was about to leave school despite the day not being finished. 

｡ﾟ•┈୨♡୧┈• ｡ﾟ

I had avoided Roman like the plague for the rest of the day-- I was almost as broken as my phone. I held the pieces in my hands under the dim lights of my desk in my room, nudging the glass around on the table. My phone had completely shattered, now just a heap of technology I held onto for the sake of nostalgia in a deep state of shock.

I kept glancing at my hands, my fingers ghosting over the three thin cuts that had parted my skin. They were thankfully not that grotesque to look at, and I was quite sure I could play it off as a scratch from a particularly large cat if anyone asked. 

Or... so I hoped. 

I wondered whether Letha knew about what had happened. Did she condone it? Had she been the one who ordered Jasmine and her gang to mess with me? Everything about this situation made my head spin-- Choosing Roman might've been the wrong decision. I kept thinking about an alternative universe in which I had never asked him to kiss me in the first place, or one where I had told Letha about my feelings for her cousin before it was too late.

It dawned on me that I had mostly likely made the wrong choice-- how was I supposed to deal with this?

Just as I was about to toss the remnants of my phone into the nearby bin, I heard a few knocks at my window which made me turn towards the sound. There he was, the last rays of today's sunlight making the bronze hues in his hair shine through; Roman tapped against the glass once more, eyes round with an emotion I couldn't piece together from afar.

I walked towards the window and opened it, leaning against the frame as I spoke; "What are you doing here?" My tone was sharper than expected-- seeing him didn't exactly make me feel any better.

"You haven't answered my messages," Roman didn't seem to be in a hurry about getting off my roof, making himself comfortable by sitting down by the window. "All day. Radio silence. I'm not really used to that from you, so... just checking to see whether you're having a stroke or something."

I did my best not to roll my eyes; "A stroke?"

"I don't know?" Roman shrugged, his green eyes never leaving mine. "What other explanation is there for a girl not answering me?"

I grimaced as I watched his expression. It was impossible to push down the intense feelings of frustration when I looked at him, all my love for him manifesting back to its usual hate-- I wouldn't have been in this situation if I hadn't met him. This was technically just as much his fault as mine. 

Why did he look so confused? It suddenly hit me that he was being dead serious; he didn't get it at all. He genuinely couldn't find another reason for my absence. "Oh," was what I managed to say, clearing my throat as I sat down on the window sill. "Have you not heard?" 

Roman blinked twice, clearly lost as he looked up at me. "Heard what?"

My eyes darted down to my hands, which I had covered with the sleeves of Roman's sweater without even thinking about it. "I thought everyone would be talking about it," I mumbled. "I guess that's a relief, then."

"What are you talking about?" The green of his eyes nearly swallowed me, and I found a tiny trace of genuine concern behind them, so miniscule I could barely notice it. "What happened?"

I wanted to disappear into a heap of nothing; it was so embarrassing that I had let this happen. My pride was definitely trying to choke the life out of me. "My phone broke," I breathed, automatically reaching for the hem of the sweatshirt out of nervous habit-- I felt my cheeks flush, nervous to be revisiting the moment that had haunted me all day.

Roman's brows furrowed, unsure how to react; "You made it sound like something really bad had happened. I could buy you a new one, no problem," He watched me pick at the sweatshirt, now reaching out for my hands to stop my destructive fidgeting.

I let out the breath I had been holding the second our fingers intertwined, feeling the roughness of his hands against mine. My eyes rested on the black hair ties he still wore around his wrist, a blooming warmth igniting in my chest and wading through all my anger. I was so swept up in the moment, comforted by the way he squeezed my hands twice, that I didn't catch the moment the sleeves of the sweater bunched up and revealed the cuts on the back of my hands. "You don't need to buy me a new phone, don't be ridiculous," I said, watching a single strand of his brown hair slowly fall over his eyes as he glanced down. "I'd feel bad--"

"What's this?" Roman's grip around my hands tightened, now bringing them up to his face. 

It felt as though my breath had gotten lodged in my throat as I watched Roman's widening green eyes scan the surface of my hands. His brows drew together once more, thumbs swiping over the unhealed wounds. The touch made me hiss, attempting to get out of his grip, but to no avail. "It's the neighbour's cat," I tried. "I bent down to pet it, and--"

"This is not from a cat," Roman's gaze darted up to meet mine, suddenly a lot more intense than usual. "I'll ask you again, what happened?"

I tried to squirm out of his hold once more; "It's not important, Roman... Forget it, please. Actually, I'm going to have to ask you to leave--"

"Tell me,"

"No, seriously, drop it! Can't you just go?!--"

Roman's grip around my hands tightened further, almost to the point of making me wince. "Tell me," His pupils widened at an eerie rate, transfixed on mine. It felt as though his words were echoing through my head, and it didn't take long before I suddenly felt as though my inner monologue froze over.

And before I knew it, my mouth had a mind of its own; "They broke my phone,"

"Who?"

I really, really tried to fight it. Getting Roman involved in this drama was certainly not ideal, and I did my best to push away the urge to tell him; why was it so strong, all of a sudden? It almost felt as though he was controlling my mind, but it was ridiculous to even think so-- that was obviously impossible. Right? 

I eventually got around to answering; "Jasmine," 

"... Who?" Roman was beginning to sound like a really confused owl.

"Jasmine," I echoed. "Letha's friend. She brought a few girls over to my table and smashed my phone. Called me a whore."

Roman was silent for a few seconds, his face going unnaturally blank. "These cuts are from your phone?"

"Yeah,"

"And she did it because you're with me?"

"... Yeah," Did he just insinuate that we were together? I held my breath, unsure why my mouth wasn't adhering to my orders-- I so desperately wanted to point it out, but I physically couldn't. What on earth was happening?

Roman hummed, his grip around my hands loosening. "What else did she say?"

I blinked several times in an attempt to get out of the trance-like state I found myself in, but nothing seemed to be working as long as Roman's gaze was locked on me. "She said she's gonna make my life a living hell," As I sniffled, I realized tears were pooling in my eyes. I squeezed them shut, shaking my head to try to snap out of it once more. "I- It's fine, though." It dawned on me that the trick was to not look at him-- I finally started feeling like myself again. "I just need to talk to Letha and check out the options for a truce, or whatever."

As I dared to open my eyes, I watched his blank face. Something about the lack of reaction was unsettling, on the border of uncomfortable, and it almost made me want to squirm. It was in this silence that a thick, red drop of blood suddenly made its way down Roman's nose, and he didn't react when it met his lips. It was almost as though he had frozen to his place on my roof, and I couldn't remember the last time he had blinked.

My eyes widened, concern filling my body. "You're bleeding," I breathed, trying to get my hands out of his. "Let me get something for you, Roman, it's gonna run down to your shirt!--"

Abruptly, he got up with a quickness I hadn't seen in him before, still not saying a word. Suddenly, I couldn't help but notice it-- the hickey on the right side of his throat. One he wasn't even trying to cover up. Despite how much Roman kept denying wanting to be with me, here he was, getting up to do God knows what whilst quite literally baring my mark on his skin.

I watched him, my brows drawing together in complete and utter confusion. "Roman?" Calling out his name didn't seem to do anything; he let the stream of blood run down his chin, now dripping down onto his shirt. I could only look up at him, unsure why he was acting like this.

Finally, Roman spoke; "Living hell, you say?" His voice was low, threatening-- it was suddenly clear to me that he had gotten a very dark idea.

These sorts of proclamations coming from a guy who had an affinity for pricking girls with needles genuinely concerned me. I got up from the window sill, ready to climb out onto the roof to join him. "Come on, Roman, let's just talk!--"

It was as though he was on auto-control, rushing to the edge of the roof before turning around to climb down. My heart beat hard in my chest as I nearly lunged out of my window, hoping to reach him in time. "Hey, where are you going?!" 

I didn't make it-- Roman had already managed to land on the grass beneath him, his long limbs an apparent advantage, and he was now storming down my lawn towards his car. 

"Roman!" I yelled, crouching down on the edge of my roof; this was definitely not looking good. My mind kept racing as I gave up trying to catch up to him, burying my face in my hands. 

I was screwed. I was so screwed. 

(a/n: check out part 1, part 2, and part 3 if you haven't!! thank you for reading, more to come!!<33)

[justmeinadaze]

Colors (Part of Halsey AU)(Eddie X You)

A/N with Warnings: You don't have to have read the others to understand this but it helps. Part of this AU. While the universe is a Steddie pairing, this is about one of the readers experiences with Eddie when he was an addict. I'm writing one for Steve next. I would place it between part one and two of the series.

Warnings: 1994 is healing Eddie munson and 1985 is Toxic/Addict Eddie with Fem Girlfriend Reader, SMUT, slight dirty talk, comfort, needy intimacy

ANGST, Eddie unintentionally triggers Y/N and she disassociates, Steve uses his therapy skills to bring her back and help them both, Eddie exhibits toxic behaviors (yelling, degrading, throwing things, accuses her of cheating), He unintentionally throws something and almost hits her. Mentions of Steve's alcoholism. Wayne scolds his nephew and worries about him "ending up like Allen". A teacher is a dick and belittles Eddie.

The flashback doesn't have a happy ending but the 1994 timeline does. Obviously because events in the series...

Word Count: 4815

Donate/Tip me <3

"You're dripping like a saturated sunrise You're spilling like an overflowing sink You're ripped at every edge but you're a masterpiece And now you're tearing through the pages and the ink."

1994

“Hey, pretty girl.”, Eddie beams from his place at the stove where he was making dinner. “How was your day?”

“Good. Long.”, you sigh as you hop up on the stool by the counter as you watch him move around. “My editor wants me to rewrite the article and he just kind of made me feel bad.”

The metalhead’s back straighten as he turned to face you. 

“What did he say?”

“He kind of insinuated that I’m slacking and that I’ve turned in way better work than this. He’s right ya know?”

“What? No, sweetheart. Fuck that guy!”, he shouted as he turned back to his pan to stir the food. “Y/N, you writing is amazing! That asshole fucking sitting on his high horse behind his desk like he’s God or something dictating what’s ‘acceptable’. He should feel fucking lucky he has someone as talented as you!”

His long hair lightly smacks his cheek as he turns to throw a smile your way but your wide eyes and frozen stature has it falling from his lips. 

“Y/N?”, he coos but you don’t respond. “Baby?”

Tossing the spatula he was holding to the side; he turns off the stove and comes around to cup your face in his palms. 

“Sweetheart, look me. What’s going on?”

You were mumbling something as your mouth moved and he had to place his ear right above your lips to even put any of the words together. 

“What do I have to do? What do I have to do? What do…”

“STEVE!!”

####################

1985

You stare at his empty seat beside you in class when you should be listening to the teacher speak about trivial things like Shakespeare and Hamlet. Eddie had been there that morning when you shared your breakfast with him and Steve knowing they most likely didn’t eat because their vices made them nauseas especially in the mornings. 

Now it was your first class after lunch and he wasn’t here. When he walked away from you, he said he had to go to the bathroom but he would be there before the bell rang. You couldn’t help but envision him hiding in a stall before digging into his pocket to look for the vile filed with powder he felt like he needed to survive. He was probably smearing it along the point between his index and thumb before bringing it to his nose to inhale deeply. He most likely thought about how late he was going to be and how disappointed you were in him but the pull of the high was stronger. 

“Y/N?”, the teacher calls jerking you out of your thoughts. “Do you want to answer my question?”

“I, uh, I’m sorry what was the question?”

“I asked if you thought Hamlet loved Ophelia especially with the way he treated her.”

“Um, I feel like it’s more than what’s on the surface. Hamlet seems to hate her when he says mean things to her and calls her names but he was so consumed by things going on inside his head… that he lashed out and said things he didn’t mean.”

The teacher’s eyes scan you over as the bell rings and kids start to stand to pack up their belongings.

“Alright, class. I’ll see you on Monday. Don’t forget your assignment due first thing Monday morning! Miss Y/N, would you mind staying behind for me?”

You nod as you finish putting away your things before following behind him to his desk where he takes a seat and waits for the last student to leave. 

“Here’s a copy of the worksheet I handed out at the beginning class. Tell him if he skips my class one more time I’m going to have to speak with Principal Higgins and his uncle.” As your lips form into a thin line, you nod again as you reach for the paper, pausing when he doesn’t release it from his grasp. “I know he’s your best friend, Y/N, but you can’t let him keep dragging you down. You are a smart girl and an extremely talented writer. You deserve to excel in life.”

Taking the worksheet, you push it into your backpack and flash him your calmest smile you could muster.

“So does he. Thank you, Mr. Gold. I’ll see you on Monday.”

***

Eddie stirred at the sound of your voice as he forced his eyes open to see a blur standing over him. 

“Hey, sweetheart.”

“Shhh, Eddie. You’re in the library. Come on, it’s time to head home.”

“Is it? Fuck me. I meant to sit down for one second. Ok, let’s go, fuck.”, he grunted as he tripped over his feet and fell into your arms accidently pushing you back. “I’m sorry, baby. I’m ok. I got it.”

As you drove his van, you worried about Steve who was supposed to have dinner with his parents and some of his father clients. Knowing him, after he would binge the booze in the house and then come to the trailer looking for you. You always worried when he went outside drunk, afraid he would cause an accident or if he was walking, ended up somewhere he shouldn’t be. Your parents were out of town this weekend so you planned on staying at Eddie’s to help him with his English homework but knowing them none of that would get done. 

“How was class? Did Mr. Asshole have anything to say?”, he sighed as he turned his body to face you while you drove. 

“No.”, you lied. “But he did give me the worksheet we worked on and then he mentioned we have that homework due on Monday.”

“Fuck, I haven’t even started that. I don’t Hamnie.” His eyes flick towards you when you giggle making him smile softly towards you. “What? Why are you laughing at me, pretty girl?”

“It’s Hamlet, dork.”

“Oh, excuse me.”, he teases before tilting towards you to kiss your cheek and leaning on your shoulder. “I love you, sweetheart.”

“I love you to, Eddie.”

***

“Fuck me.”, he whines under his breath when he sees his uncle’s truck still by the trailer.

Taking a hold of your hand, he practically yanks your arm out of its socket as he pulls you to the door and through the living room. 

“Ed.”, Wayne calls before the boy even makes to the hallway. Sighing, he releases you and takes a step back to meet his guardian. “I got a call from a couple of your teachers today. They said you weren’t in class.”

“I was. They must be mistaken. Y/N can vouge for me since she has a couple with me.”

You stiffen as he points to you but Wayne already understands what his nephew doesn’t seem to. It’s not fair to put you in the middle. 

“I’m not asking her, I’m asking you. Your English teacher tells me you’re about to fail his class and your science teacher said you’re one test away from an F.”

“Ok, ok. Jesus, I’ll do better.”

“You said that last time, kid, and the time before that! I won’t tolerate it anymore. You need to get your act together. When I took you in I promised you’d have a better life! I won’t allow you to end up like Allen!”

Eddie’s entire body straightened as you felt the anger practically radiating from him. 

“I’m nothing like him. Now, don’t you have a deadbeat job to get to?!”

Your heart broke for Wayne when you say his own crack open through his eyes. Grabbing his cap, he shimmied around his nephew and paused by the door. 

“Y/N, would you like me drop you off at home on my way?”

Taking ahold of his hand, you caress it gently with your thumb piercing Eddie’s chest as he watches you comfort his uncle. That was the kind of person you were and one of his favorite things about you. You were so kind and full of love he felt he didn’t deserve.

He was always terrified one day someone would notice that and take you away from them. Or even worse, you would realize you deserved better and leave. No…he couldn’t allow that. Eddie and Steve needed you. Without you they were less than nothing; they were empty. A blank canvas with zero color or a dark room with no light. 

“I’m actually going to stay here tonight, Wayne. Thank you and be careful. It looks like it may rain soon.”

Glancing towards the hallway Eddie had disappeared down, he nods and lightly shakes you hand before letting go. 

“Yeah, it does.”

***

“Fucking asshole. I’m nothing like my dad.”, he grumbled as he pulled out a cigarette and lit the end. “And what about you, huh? Why the fuck didn’t you defend me out there?!”

“I didn’t…I don’t want to be in the middle, Eddie.”

“Bullshit! You put yourself in the middle all the fucking time! Why didn’t you tell me Mr. Gold was going to call him?! Do you want to see me in trouble?!”

“No! He told me if you missed one more class then he would call him.”

“So, you lied to me!? He did talk to you?! Why the fuck did you lie?!”

“Because I didn’t think it was a big deal. You are going to class and I’m going to help you get an A.”

“By fucking him?”

“Excuse me?!”

“You heard me! You and I both know you’re not as innocent as you claim to be, little girl! What else did he say huh?! Tell me!!”

Your jaw tightened as you defiantly planted your feet into the floor. 

“He said I deserved better and that I’m an amazing writer! He thinks I’m going to make something of myself one day.”

“And he’s going to help you right?”, he sneered.

“Yes, you fucking dick! You caught me! He said all I needed to do was meet him after class and if I do whatever he wants he’ll help me get into school just to spite you!”, you lied watching as he slowly got amped up the more you spoke. “Is that what you want to hear?! It seems to be because you accuse me of bullshit like that all the time, Eddie!”

“Because I know you’re not fucking perfect like you pretend to be, you fucking whore! FUCK! Teachers think I’m a fucking failure, you think I’m a fucking idiot apparently, and my uncle thinks I’m like my father. You want to see me like my fucking father, I can show you what Allen is capable of. 

You watched him with wide eyes as he trashed his room around you both muttering things to himself under his breath while the destruction happened around him. You were never afraid of either of them when they got low like this. Neither boy had ever hurt you physically and the viper tongue you had long gotten used to. It was when all sense seemed to fade and the light that usually gave you hope disappeared into the background of their anger that you started to worry. When caution was haphazardly thrown to wind and they were no long present which was rare but happened. 

Like now…

He wasn’t even sure what he threw until your squeak filled the room and a loud shattering crash pushed some of the drug induced fog out of his brain. It took him a moment as his eyes darted around the room looking for you before he realized you were on the floor with your hands covering your head. 

“Y/N?” 

Behind you there was now a hole in his wall the size of the ashtray he threw with ashes suddenly sprinkled all around you. 

“Baby! Oh my god!” Falling to his knees, his hand reached out to dust the mess from your hair but you coward away and his heart shattered. “Sweetheart…FUCK! I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry. I didn’t mean what I said or…” When he tries to touch you again, you forcefully shove him away. “Baby, please, let me make it up to you. L-Let me hold you.”

The last of your resolve faded away as he reached for you again and this time you allowed him to lift you into his arms, where he pulled you onto his bed and held you tightly to his chest. 

“I’m so sorry, Y/N. You’re too good for me, princess. I didn’t mean to frighten you.”

“Eddie…what do I have to do…to show you that I love you both and ONLY you both?”

“Nothing, baby. I know. It’s the blow…fuck…you deserve better. I swear I’m never taking another hit. I hated seeing you afraid of me.”

Closing your eyes, you melted into the frame, his hands shaking as he gently petted your head and kissed your shoulder.

“Y/N?”, he whispered but you chose to pretend to be asleep, to heavy in your trauma exhausted brain to even answer back. “I’m scared. If I ever lost you it would kill me, baby, especially if it was my fault. If I ever… no…I could never hurt you, sweetheart. Not like my dad with my mom…or me. Did you know that black eye I had when you first met me…Allen accused me of ‘being too good for this family’. Popped me so hard… That’s not me…right, baby? I’m not…that bad?

Fuck. The fact that I even have to ask myself that says enough. No more, pretty girl. I’m going to get clean and get my act together. I’m going to be the man you need me to be. I love you so much.” His voice cracks and he clings to you tighter. 

When he finally releases you, you do fall asleep only to be woken up to the bed jostling as someone falls into.

“Steve Harrington!”, Eddie hisses in a murmur. “I have a fucking front door. You’re going to wake her up!”

The boy stumbles not so subtly, still shaking the mattress before rising to his feet. 

“Jesus, dude. What the fuck happened here?”, the jock slurred. 

“I, uh, we… I did too much blow at school and…”

“And? You didn’t fucking hurt her did you?!”, Steve growled.

The sounds of him scurrying off the floor before pushing his friend against the wall fill your ears. 

“Shhhhh!! No, dick. I didn’t fucking hurt her and I never would.”

“Get the fuck off me! I had a long night alright dealing with my parents and their bullshit friends. I don’t need you and your bullshit to!”, the boy shouts with zero regard to the volume of his voice. 

“Steve?”, you call as you open your eyes and face their direction. He was drenched from head to toe from the rain outside and you quickly crawled out of bed realizing just then that Eddie had begun cleaning the mess around the room. “You’re gonna get sick, baby. Let’s get you warmed up and dried off.”

Steve’s eyes softened when you took his hand, leading him to the bathroom so he could shower and change before getting into bed. 

***

The following morning, you awoke to the feeling of fingers in your hair and opened your eyes to lock with Eddie’s tearful, bloodshot ones. 

Without saying a word, you reached out to caress his cheek, swiping your thumb along his face to catch the wetness that stained it. Placing his palm over yours, he tilted his head to kiss your skin and nuzzled into the warmth of your hand. 

When his bottom lip trembled, your own tears began to fall as you pulled his body into yours and held him tightly to you. 

Out of all the many states and emotions you have seen both boys in, you hated this one the most. When the pain, no longer numbed by vice, would leak through. You never wanted to see them hurting and did everything you could to remind them that you were there. You desperately wished there was a way you could take it from them to house it yourself. 

Sometimes you would imagine touching your palm to their chest and blue glow would flow from them to you. They would shine brighter and smile wider; maybe finally be at peace. You were strong. You could handle the heaviness of that glow until they were ready to work through it themselves. 

“I’m not my dad.”, Eddie whimpered as his voice cracked. 

“No, baby, you’re not.”

“I’m sorry, Y/N. I’m so sorry.” Shaking your head, you tilted back so your lips could kiss his. “I get so scared sometimes…I don’t know what I would do without you…”

“I’m not going anywhere, honey, I promise.”

He kissed you again, slowly at first till they became steadily more passionate with his shaking palm gripping your hips to press against his own. In one swift motion, Eddie pulled you from Steve’s sleeping side, underneath his warm frame as his needy kisses promptly travelled to your neck. 

Feeling the movement between your legs, you wrapped your limps around his waist as he shimmied his cock free from his boxers and you licked your palm before reaching down to pump it along his shaft as a heavy pant escaped his lips. Tilting both your heads to look down, you two watch as you move your panties to the side and guide his length inside of you. 

“Fuck, sweetheart.”, he groaned as he collapsed fully on top of you as you circled both your arms around him. 

“I love you so much, Eddie. I know—mmm—I know you’d never hurt me like he did you.” 

As you spoke, the metalhead steadily thrust his hips delivering long, deep strokes that had the head of him deliciously abusing your g-spot while you tried to focus on comforting him. 

“I’m yours and Steve’s. I would—oh my—I would never hurt you or-or leave you for anyone else. I need you.”

Abruptly pushing up onto his palms, his eyes searched your face as he picked up his rhythm.

“You need me, baby?”

You don’t know what made you do it but your hand extended landing directly on his bare chest. You imagined that blue light leaving his heart and wrapping around your wrist, guiding you as your palm moved behind his neck to bring his lips to yours. 

“I’ll always need you, Eddie. Make me cum, honey, please. I-I need to feel you fill me up.” Honoring your request and not caring about the man sleeping beside you, he pumped his hips harder and faster, slamming his cock deep inside you. “Just like that, Eddie, please.”

“Just like that, Y/N? Fuck, say it again. Say you need me.”

“I need you.”

“Again.”

“I need you, Eddie.”

“Ah—again.”

“I need you.”

Taking ahold of your wrists, he pins them beside you head as his own fall into the nook of your neck and his heavy breaths warm your skin. Your body shakes beneath him as the coil snaps and the pillow smothers his grunts as he pounds his release into your cunt. 

As you both pant, you glance towards Steve who was still fast asleep with his head turned towards the wall. When Eddie shifted his gaze to see what you were looking at he couldn’t help but chuckle. 

“Boy sleeps like a rock especially with that whiskey he drinks.” Shifting his gaze to you, he tenderly leans down to kiss your lips. “Tomorrow when we wake up maybe him and I can come up with a plan together on how to get sober.”

Your fingers caress his cheek as he grins and kisses your fingertips. 

***

“Mr. Munson, you seem a bit jittery today.”, Mr. Gold addresses Eddie with an edge as the boy slowly walks to the front to hand him the worksheet with other homework you had given him and worked with him to complete all weekend while you waited for him outside the door after class. 

“Y-Yes, yes, sir. Just, um, trying to get things in order.”

The metalhead just wanted to throw all this bullshit on the man’s desk and leave. He hadn’t had a hit since Friday evening and he felt like his body was trying to kill him. All he wanted to do was go home and lay down with you in his arms. 

“Well, there’s a lot more that needs to be done, son. Did Y/N help you with this?”

“Yes, sir.”

“She’s a sweet girl and very smart. She has a bright future ahead of her.”, the teacher responds absently as he looks through the boy’s assignments. 

“Yes, s-sir. We tell her that all…all the time.”, Eddie winces as he grabs his stomach. 

“Hm. It’s interesting that you tell her that yet you continue to drag her down. She’d probably be in one of our higher courses we offer here but for whatever reason she insists on being where she’s at.”

“Steve and I would never do anything to keep Y/N from being great.”, he growled. “She’s our best friend and we love her.”

“But not enough to grow with her it seems. All right, well, I’ll go over these and input your grade later. Keep showing up and doing the work. Who knows, maybe we can keep another Munson out of jail.”

Eddie’s eyes widen as his brain goes into overdrive before reaching over the desk to grab the paperwork you both had work so hard on and ripped it in half.

“EXCUSE ME!”

“You’re not fucking excused, asshole!”

“Eddie, wait—“, you called trying to stop him as he shoulder checked you and powerwalked down the hallway. “How could you say that to him?!”

You teacher grumbled as began picking up the pieces of paper around him. 

“He did a couple of assignments, Y/N. He has a lot more things he needs to do to show me he actually wants to do better and this isn’t a tick in his favor.”

“How the fuck is he supposed to do better when you belittle him like you just did?! He worked all weekend trying to catch up!”

“Watch your mouth, Miss Y/L/N, or I swear to god I’ll call your parents.”

“Call them! Hell, I’ll tell them when I get home what an asshole you are! You’re a teacher! You’re supposed to guide him not bring him down!”

Turning down the hall, you went on the hunt for him, ending up in the parking lot where he was sitting in his van.

“Babe?”

A small smirk painted his lips as he lazily leaned his head to face you. 

“Hey, sweetheart.”

“Eddie…please…”

“No, baby. Everything…everything’s ok. I actually feel a lot better, you know. Fuck that guy. I’m going to show him how amazing I am and pass that stupid class with flying colors so I can shove it in his face!” 

As his glassy eyes meet yours, your heart shatters into pieces once more as you wonder to yourself why you even bothered to get your hopes up this time when every time before has always had the same outcome. 

“Come on, pretty girl. Let’s get something to eat.”

 After climbing into his van, he inhales and rubs the bottom of his nose with his finger before glancing toward the glovebox to make sure it was closed and reaching for your hand to hold onto his lap. 

###################

1994

Ice touching your arm startles you back into the moment as you gasp and squeeze the hand holding yours. 

“There she is. It’s ok, honey, you’re ok. Breathe. Good girl. Inhale…and exhale…good.”, Steve smiles as he places the cube he was holding back into the cup by his side. His cold fingers continue to run along your skin as he watches your eyes fleet from left to right. “You’re alright. We’re in our apartment in Detroit and your safe, baby.”

“Is she ok?”, Eddie murmurs as he bites the nail on his thumb. “Do we need to go to the hospital or doctor or something?”

Steve calmly shakes his head as his other palm pets your hair. 

“You’ve seen her do this before in high school. She’s disassociating.”

“Because of me? I-I didn’t mean to. I didn’t even think. I—”

Both men watch as your head hangs and you start to sob. You allow Steve to pull you into his arms while he continues to comfort you while his friend waits helplessly on the side lines. 

“Shhhh. We got you, Y/N. You’re safe. Everything is ok. Hey, Ed, why don’t you go make her a bath with those smells she likes?” Without hesitation, he runs that way and the other boy allows him a moment before carrying you to the bathroom. “There we go, pretty girl. There’s no rush ok? You sit here as long as you need to and I’m going to go finish dinner. Is it ok if Munson sits with you?”

You nod and in return he kisses your forehead but before he can leave Eddie grabs his arm. 

“Are you sure that’s a good idea? What if I scare her again?”

“She’s not afraid of you, Eddie. Trust me. Whatever happened I’m sure you didn’t do it intentionally. It could have been something as small as a smell or as big as a raise in your voice. Whether we like it or not…we’re responsible for her pain… we just have to be there for her and do whatever she needs.”

“Yeah…yeah…hey, um, can you show me what you did out there to bring her back? Just in case in the future, you know?”

“Of course. Right now, though, I think it would be good for you two to talk.”, he smiles as he pats his friend’s back and leaves the room. 

Exhaling out the nerves, he takes a seat on the floor beside the tub facing you as you stared forward. Your gaze shifted towards him, however, when he leaned his head back and accidently hit it a bit too hard causing him to wince as he rubbed his head. 

A little snort laugh left your lips and he grinned as he playfully rolled his eyes. 

“Oh, that’s funny, huh? I think I just lost some lyrics to a few songs with that little bonk.” When his eyes meet yours, he sees that light that had been reflecting through them this past year return and he sighed in relief. “I’m sorry I scared you.”

“You didn’t scare me.”, you murmur. “I think it was just a combination of my day and…”

“And what?”, he urges as he rests his chin on his arm that’s laying on the edge of the tub. 

“I don’t want you change who you’ve become, Eddie. You didn’t do anything wrong. My brain just…sometimes things trigger it…”

“Because of what we did.” Your head hangs but he immediately places his fingers under your chin to lift it again. “Baby, we own it. That’s what therapy and rehab taught us. We can never take that back even though every day I wish we could. I wish I could just touch your brain and take away all the pain we caused but I can’t.”

“I always wanted that with you two. I thought of me touching your chest and…”

“Yeah but sweetheart it’s no longer just you facing this alone. You don’t have to carry it alone.”

“My editor said the things he said and then you raised your voice. It reminded me of that incident with Mr. Gold.”

“Pfft, yeah…Mr. Asshole.”, he chuckles as he shakes his head. “I heard he’s not teaching anymore thank God. I, um, that was when I accused you of wanting to sleep him. I threw things including the ashtray…”

When you nodded, he swallowed at the memory. 

“I’m sorry, sweetheart. Do you want to talk about it? I don’t mind. It helps me to understand you know?”

You two talked until the water got cold. 

Eddie brought you to the bedroom to dry you off, put you in comfy pajamas, and brush your hair. By the time Steve said dinner was ready, you wouldn’t have been able to tell anything had happened at all. 

The metalhead threw you over his shoulder and you giggle all the way to the couch where he lightly tossed you down to sit beside you. 

“Don’t get used to this, rockstar. Here you go, honey.”, the other boy teases and hands you both your plates. 

“Thank you. Oh, hey Steven! Fork?”, Eddie sasses, grin widening when you laugh. While they playfully banter, you grab the remote and flip through the tv. “Oh, princess, look!”

“Yes!”, you beam as you both get more comfortable and Steve whines as he places himself beside you. 

“Why? Do we have to watch blood and cuts?”

“Yes.”, you and the metalhead announce at the same time. 

Eddie smiles down at you and tilts down to kiss you lips. 

###########

[floppnopikka]

₊✧[BILL CIPHER HEADCANONS]✧₊‧

He would call you 'Meat sack' 'Little degenerate' and last but not the least 'Butterfly' (I'll explain why butterfly later)

Bill can be into romantic stuff but not in a human way, he wants to give you flowers? he'll give you a rafflesia, want something to eat? he'll give you deer teeth, both rotten and healthy.

There's not a moment of your day he'll annoy the hell out of you for example he'll intentionally trip you when you go down the stairs just to hear you hiss in pain "Haha! you humans don't know what's fun in pain!" while laughing at you, when you're baking he'll put poison rat liquid in your mixture and when you notice the taste he'll once again laugh at you "Tasty right? Haha! I put some poison rat liquid for more flavor!" while you're literally choking to death.

Now as to why I headcanon Bill calling you 'Butterfly' is because you are what people call earthly beauty which signifies a butterfly and that what makes him intrigued by you.

Not only does he find you beautiful but also because you're small and weak for his liking and he can manipulate you however he wants, he can pluck your wings away without you noticing and scientifically proven, butterflies can't feel pain when their wings are cut off.

But out of all his tortures which he called teasing, he does give you special treatment, none of his friends will harm you and as a matter of fact, they will protect you or even befriend you but don't take that for kindness they will still mess with you.

Your patience is now a thin thread and a major headache because of another Bill's antics, so you decided to confront him professionally but Bill being uncanny he just shrugged your reasons and 'excuses' about you being a party pooper and kill joy.

Overall, he's the definition of the hazardous sign of yellow and black flag when it comes to dating and making deals with him.

A/N: This is a total mess! But to clear up my notes and study for my exam I have to post this so I wouldn't have anything on my notes :,) I'll probably fix it, hope y'all like it!

[tommyriddlez]

hey you, mutual. i see you haven't liked or reblogged my posts for a while. just tell me. who's this new whore of yours. swear i won't be mad.

[stargirlanthem]

[dive-nire]

you’re crying in the mirror again.

stop crying. you don’t get to fucking cry.

crying is for the wounded; you’re just fucking stupid.

-dive nire, metanoia

[longquietloser]

fuck. i just need someone to love me. love me just a bit, it would be enough. i can do all the rest. please i hate being alone. i dont know for how much longer i can do this

[a-meh]

[cyberiapinksosa333]

“wtf is wrong with you”

you mean like today or like in general?

[grendel-menz]

A navigation of some adult relationships

[hamoodmood]

Give me back my love

[bonbons-artdump]

Really thought how hitting tvs used to 'fix' them.

Plus bonus my headcanons for how voxs upgrades went between 50's and 70's

[modist07]

Quick drawings

[singmyaubade]

Shades Of Cool

toxic!dark!rafe cameron x female!pogue!reader

summary: you are just living your life, completely normal and free. but, what happens when rafe cameron decides that you are his? he's danger.

warnings: smut! 18+ stalking, manipulation, rafe is obsessed with reader, fingering, swearing, unprotected sex, slight breeding kink, praise, oral (male receiving), dark!rafe cameron, choking, jealousy, violence, heavy smut..

a/n: i'm delighted I'm finally starting this, even if it took me so long. i genuinely hope you all enjoy this series. i understand that this a bit short, but the narrative is only getting started, so things will only get wilder! however, it is to be expected—this is a rafe cameron fic.

series

One thing that you hated about Outer Banks was how the heat still radiated at night, causing excessive amounts of water to be drank and a great amount of fans that blew hot air into your face.

It only made everyone irritable and only caused more arguments like now,

"I swear to god JJ, I am about to fucking murder you if you say another word," You hissed, giving him a glare as he mockingly grew scared.

"I agree," Cleo said before falling back into her nap.

"All I'm saying is that we have been moping around here for hours meanwhile we could be partying on the fresh beach and cool water," JJ replied, using his hands to represent the scenery to all of you.

"I'm going to have to agree with Y/N," Pope said, turning his head to JJ, "I'm already in tough shit with my parents for when you knocked over my great-grandmothers vase," Pope glared.

JJ put his hands up in defense, "I told you tequila makes me clumsy,"

"Besides every single Kook is there, including Rafe and if he sees Sarah with us, it will only bring another fight and you are not going back to jail," Kie warned, still closing her eyes while the fan blew the air in her face, blowing her hair.

"When have we ever been scared of Rafe?" JJ asked.

"When he gave me a full smackdown for doing my job," Pope scoffed.

"And when he almost drowned me," Sarah chimed in from across the room where she was laying on John B's legs on the carpet floor.

"And when he shot Sheriff Peterkin in front of us," John B added.

"And when-" Pope began.

"Okay that's enough," He said as you giggled, turning your head back to the fan.

You didn't know much about Rafe Cameron since you had moved to Outer Banks only last year and you had met the "star Pogues" a few months ago.

You had never really seen Rafe's face ever, only heard of him honestly.

But you didn't know if it was a bad thing.

All you had heard about was how evil and villainous he was which caused some places to be off limits for the fact that the boys couldn't handle another beat down with the Kooks and there was a greater matter at hand.

But still, you always were curious about "evil" Rafe Cameron.

"You guys are no fun," JJ pouted, sitting beside you on the couch.

You patted the lower part of his leg, "Poor baby," You sarcastically said to which moved his leg swiftly causing you to laugh.

Suddenly the lights and fans turned off as you all except for JJ groaned, knowing that meant the electricity was off you and you would have to deal with the heat and darkness.

Which meant the only choice was the beach party,

JJ cheered, "I win!"

You crossed your arms as you walked on the warm sand, lots of cheering and loud music around you. You could see the Kooks and the Pogues in their own groups, not daring to interact with eachother.

It was hard to get used to the fact that there were two groups of people based on economic statuses and that it meant that if you were one thing, the other one hated you.

You had never been to a place like that but you just kinda got used to it.

Yet you still could never tell which group was really which sometimes.

You were forced to walk around by yourself as John B and Sarah wandered off to a quiet spot while JJ started drinking with Kie as his babysitter and Cleo and Pope wandered around.

All of it sounded like a lot of third wheeling which made you stay away.

But you didn't mind being alone, you liked listening to the waves and watching the festivities that went along with a party.

And you knew that a beer would help you get more into the party festivities.

You walked over the keg where a man with a shaved head and a matching tank top and shorts poured himself a beer as you curiously looked at him.

You had to admit that he was one of the most attractive men you had seen before.

His lips were a perfect shade of pink and they were smooth like sucking on a cherry. His veins were bulging from his hands and you could see the peach fuzz on his jawline that you could only really see upclose.

You snapped out of your analysis as he looked at you as you waited there awkwardly, forming a smile on your face.

"Sorry to creepily stand here, I'm just trying to get a uh-" You said, pointing to the keg.

His face studied you for a second, almost as if he was trying to figure you out. You could tell by his face that he had never seen you before and he looked as if he was trying to figure out if you were a Kook or Pogue.

He chuckled, "Didn't mean to take so long, I wouldn't have if I had seen your pretty face sooner," He smirked, looking you up and down, causing you to blush.

You felt stupid for blushing over something that a man probably said to every pretty girl he saw but you felt something different about him.

You were taken aback by his boldness, "Do you say that to every women that waits for her turn on the keg?" You teased.

"Only the pretty ones," He replied, causing you to laugh.

"Smooth talker I see," You smiled.

"Always," He joked, "I swear I've never seen you around and usually, you know everyone in Outer Banks," He probed.

"Yeah, I just moved here last year," You answered, "I haven't made my rounds yet,"

"Figured," He said, "I would've definitely noticed you,"

"Pfft," You beamed, "I'm sure you would've walked past me on the beach, there are many beautiful girls here,"

"Nah," He laughed, looking off, "You are different from them,"

"How could you already assume that?" You asked, curiosity biting at you.

"For one, you aren't stuck up and preppy which is most the girls on this island," He grinned as you giggled.

"Ay, they aren't all like that," You replied.

"Most of 'em," He added, "But I don't pay much attention to them,"

"Figures," You said, eyebrow raising.

He saw your eyes move the keg and his cup before he offered his cup forward.

"Might as well take mine, I wouldn't feel proud of myself if I let you pour one yourself," He winked.

Great attempt at being a gentlemen.

"No no, I got it," You said before he shook his head.

"I insist" He said, his thumb grazing yours.

"Thank you," You smiled, "I'm Y/N" You introduced, taking the cup from him while extending your other hand for him to shake.

He shook your hand, "I'm Rafe," He replied with a smile as yours slowly fell.

The Rafe? The Rafe you were basically supposed to never interact with and who was the supposed devil? That Rafe?

"Rafe Cameron?" You asked, standing frozen.

"Guess my reputation precedes me," He joked as you didn't laugh but instead cleared your throat.

You took your hand back quickly, "Oh, i-it's nice to meet you," You cleared your throat, "My friends are waiting so I'm gonna-"

He clearly figured you out, "Pogue, I'm guessing?" He snickered.

Your face wrinkled, "Is that supposed to be a funny thing?"

"Hilarious actually," He answered, only angering you more.

"I don't see what's funny about that?" You crossed your arms with ur drink resting in your hand.

He wiped his jaw, "Must be tough at the bottom of the food chain,"

Your nose flared, "Must be tough being an elite asshole,"

He laughed, "I just think it's an unfortunate cause, I mean it's just unlucky," He smirked.

Asshole.

"Unlucky?" Your lip pursed, " I think what's more unlucky is thinking that your cool for a fucked up economic status that has been perpetuated on an island,"

"I just don't believe your friends belong on Outer Banks," He said, not a hint of hesitance in his voice.

He really believed in this bullshit.

"I mean you would really rather hang out with a group of dirty Pogues?" He snickered, looking off.

"Well I am one of them and they are my friends," You scoffed, "You seem more dirty than us," You insulted.

"Is that so?" Rafe mocked.

"Do you wanna talk about your father's dirty money?" You asked.

"I would watch that pretty mouth," He replied, inching closer.

"Or what?" You hummed, acting braver than you usually would.

"Fuck around and find out sweetheart," He came closer, breath fawning on your face.

The whiskey on his breath kissed your nose but not breaking your eye contact with him as you inched closer, eyes on his lips.

As he tried to close the gap, you threw the drink in his face. "Oohs" and snickers filled around the both of you as you stomped away from him.

He smirked, wiping the alcohol off of his face.

'What an asshole,' You thought,

Little did you know that Rafe only grew to like you more.

You found JJ and Kie sitting by the beach together as she laid her head on his shoulder. You were thinking about interrupting them but tarnish their moment, you choosing instead to call it a night and also you didn't feel like trying to find the rest of the group.

You were glad that you knew yourself enough to drive to the party considering that you got tired fast. You couldn't really see in the parking lot due to how dark it was and away from the lights.

You digged in your back pocket for your phone to pull out of the flashlight as you reached for your keys but dropped them instead in the process.

You audibly groaned as you searched on the floor in the darkness for the keys. You went on your knees with your flashing light, searching on the ground as you heard footsteps behind you, darting your flashlight behind you but seeing nothing.

You had a bad feeling but you thought it was paranoia because you were alone in the parking lot and maybe a little due to the interaction you had earlier with Rafe.

You couldn't stop thinking about how he came off as nice but switched so quickly into an elitist piece of shit.

Sounds like how they described him.

But still, there was a pit in your stomach that felt like butterflies when he grazed your thumb.

You sighed, pushing the thoughts out as you finally grabbed your keys, using the concrete-sanded floor push yourself back up off the ground.

Suddenly, you felt a cloth on your mouth and a hand covering your waist as your muffled screams filled the parking lot, trying to kick your attacker behind you.

You felt yourself drifting into the darkness as you screamed one last time,

And everything went black.

tags: @hysteriahall @avengersassemblee @lighttism @whereismymindnow @hotch-meeeeeuppppp @vi06ma01 @haven247 @vanessa-rafesgirl @blvebanisters @riordanness @aleidag1rly @muzanjackson22

[youwillleaveme]

i can’t and shouldn’t have relationships, ever

[cntloup]

can't stop thinking about toxic!simon and how he absolutely destroys you :'(

the pad of your fingers softly brush against simon's cheek ever so slightly so as not to wake him up. you'll be damned if you disturb his peace.

and soon, you feel tears well up in your eyes. he's been distant lately, much more than before. and you can sense him pulling away more and more each day.

even though you've always known he's not yours, it still hurts as a thousand knives being plunged into your heart every time he comes back with the smell of a foreign perfume lingering on him or the shade of red, slightly purple on his skin.

and you feel hatred and disgust bubble up inside you, mostly toward yourself because you let him do this. you always let him do these horrible things to you. you just can't help the way he has you wrapped around his finger.

and you feel nauseous as you recall all the empty promises of commitment and a long-lasting love he makes as he thrusts deep inside you and brings you over the edge of euphoria.

oh how lovingly he holds you as though you’re his entire world as he makes love to you. how he whispers his honeyed words into your ear as you come undone beneath him and he chases his peak, using you for his own satisfaction, he thinks to himself.

but as soon as his balls are empty, he's back to being the cold and distant hardened soldier you know all too well.

he always has a protective hand on your back when you're out together and glares daggers at the creeps who dare to even take a glance at you.

he feels his heart shatter into a million pieces in his chest every time he leaves you, and every time he sees the pained look in your eyes as they fall on the hickeys on his neck, or the times he hears your muffled sobs when you think he's asleep and you bring your hand to softly caress his cheek.

he fights so hard not to melt right then and there under your touch, not to break down and spill out a thousand apologies and beg for your forgiveness.

he just can't go further than that and fully commit to you. every time he feels those three words spill out, he bites back his tongue. and every time he feels his walls crumble down and himself becoming vulnerable in your presence, he builds them back up only to be stronger and more impenetrable.

he's not yours, yet he can't be anyone's but yours. he knows that. he feels it deep in his heart. but he takes ten steps further away from you when you take a step towards him.

yet he comes back. he always comes back. only to shatter you into pieces again and again.

and you wonder why he is so cruel yet so loving. why he keeps pushing you away when you complete each other like pieces of a puzzle.

and you think this 'why' might kill you one day as you feel yourself getting closer and closer to the edge.