hauntedthoughtz

[hauntedthoughtz]

NF - Hope

+ song references

[hauntedthoughtz]

Thirty years of running, thirty years of searching

Thirty years of hurting, thirty years of pain

Thirty years of fearful, thirty years of anger

Thirty years of empty, thirty years of shame

Thirty years of broken, thirty years of anguish

Thirty years of hopeless, thirty years of (hey)

Thirty years of never, thirty years of maybe

Thirty years of later, thirty years of fake

Thirty years of hollow, thirty years of sorrow

Thirty years of darkness, thirty years of (Nate)

Thirty years of baggage, thirty years of sadness

Thirty years of stagnant, thirty years of chains

Thirty years of anxious, thirty years of suffering

Thirty years of torment, thirty years of (wait)

Thirty years of bitter, thirty years of lonely

Thirty years of pushing everyone away

(You'll never evolve) I know I can change

(We are not enough) we are not the same

(You don't have the heart) you don't have the strength

(You don't have the will) you don't have the faith

(You'll never be loved, you'll never be safe

Might as well give up) not running away

(You don't have the guts) you're the one afraid

I'm the one in charge

I'm taking the (no)

I'm taking the

Reigns

[hauntedthoughtz]

Life was actually so much easier being “crazy” having to take responsibility of your life and work hard at sanity is fucking tiring. I’m tired.

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If you see this on your dashboard, reblog this, NO MATTER WHAT and all your dreams and wishes will come true.

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More photos of my snake babies 🐍❤️

[hauntedthoughtz]

by nicoles_moments

[hauntedthoughtz]

Caria chrysame psittacus, a type of metalmark butterfly known for its shimmery green markings. Photo credit: Kim Garwood

[hauntedthoughtz]

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So I’ve been diagnosed with ptsd recently and it kinda makes sense. Apparently the intense memories I get sometimes are actually ptsd flashbacks and why normal therapy hasn’t helped and why I’m still “caught up” in the past.

It’s from my abusive ex that I started dating 10 YEARS AGO and for some reason the flashbacks, dreams and triggers are getting more and more intense. Maybe it could be bc it’s (TW) 10 years since I tried to take my own life or maybe it’s just simply bc I’ve been working so hard to heal myself and I have made progress that it’s become more obvious it’s happening. I don’t know but I guess maybe I have some hope that I can now work on this specifically and try move forward?

A cool thing happened to me the other day though. I lost a weeks worth of work on video I had been editing, that I was about to complete (that isn’t the cool thing) and naturally I was devastated, I cried and processed it. But in the back of my head I was like things like this happen for a reason and you will be able to do it again it will be even better than before! So many years the negative thoughts out weighed the good, but it seems slowly I’ve trained my brain to actually think AND believe the positivity. And that was a pretty fucking cool thing.

So even though I still struggle and I still wonder if I will ever get “better” or be “normal” there really is a hopeful light keeping me going. I have faith.

[hauntedthoughtz]

“Though I missed Lisa, life was easier without her .” 💔