hellocuddlist-blog

[hellocuddlist-blog]

Cuddlist Professional Cuddling in Forbes. Hear Co-Founders Adam Lippin and Madelon Guinazzo talk about their inspiration and why Forbes says that Cuddlist is “Brilliant as Fu#@K

[hellocuddlist-blog]

Nurturing touch helps us feel connected to the human experience – a connection many people with disabilities have lacked throughout their lives. Steve has spina bifida – a defect in the growth of the spinal column at birth – causing him to experience functional and sensational difficulties. Before finding his Cuddlist, Ilya, he rarely experienced any touch apart from the transactional touch that occurs between a patient and doctor. Similar to many other people with disabilities, the people in Steve’s life tend to be touch-avoidant, depriving him of vital nurturing touch. Ilya’s sessions with Steve involve addressing his touch needs by practicing safe and caring touch. Their sessions are emotionally healing because they are a space where Steve is able to voice his touch needs. It takes bravery to be vulnerable but, as a Cuddlist, it is Ilya’s job to create the space for her client to be brave and then meet his needs in a way that other people in his life cannot.

“For me touch can be as important as air or food. Touch is pretty much what I need most and what hasn’t been in my life the most.” -Steve, Cuddlist client

Social isolation is a universal problem. We all have a need for connection and the pain we feel when we are deprived of this connection is real. People with disabilities compared to people without are much more likely to be socially ostracized for looking or acting differently; people with disabilities are often excluded from relationships, both platonic and sexual, and feel like they don’t fit into social norms. This isolation can compound into feeling worse about a person’s self image and worsening mental health. In a study for Social Psychiatry John Collette found that “Physical limitation, dependency and social isolation were all found to be associated with poor mental health.” As Cuddlist we intend to provide a safe, communicative and respectable space for people with disability by providing a destigmatized environment for self expression.

“Steven’s story is incredibly touching and tugs at my heart strings. It just goes to show that many people,especially those with chronic illness, are often touch deprived—-whether it’s because of stigma, physical deformities, “looking different”— of this fundamental and unmet human need. In fact, the deprivation of touch and intimacy can actually be more difficult than the challenges of the disease condition itself. This is observation is both powerful and poignant, as it highlights how “simple” yet inaccessible the remedy has been. Often bereft and isolated, patients with chronic medical conditions, like Steve who has Spina Bifida, can derive tremendous health and psychological benefits by establishing human connection through touch.” -Dr. Dan Yadegar

Cuddlist sets itself apart as an opportunity for people to explore what it means to set boundaries and listen to needs in order to create a consensual experience of bonding and growth through touch. People with disabilities often have damaged self-image and find it hard to be comfortable due to times in life meant for discovery and evolution being replaced by stress and medical tests (Coleridge, 1993). The Cuddlist experience creates a space where people with disabilities can decide what they want. By breaking the mold of an objectifying and broken system we hope to give much needed touch to people who usually do not have access to such a basic need. Another problem for many people with disabilities is a lack of opportunity to express their emotional issues. (Morris, 1989; Swain 2001). At Cuddlist we value all of our clients as holistic human beings and realize problems physically or mentally does not mean you are broken. We understand that being disabled is never easy and we intend to provide people with a safe space where they can truly embrace themselves for who they are rather than defining them by their disability.

Citations

Coleridge, P. (2001). Disability, liberation, and development. Oxford: Oxfam. http://policy-practice.oxfam.org.uk/publications/disability-liberation-and-development-122661

Ludwig, E., & Collette, J. (1970). Dependency, social isolation and mental health in a disabled population. Social Psychiatry and Psychiatric Epidemiology. https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007%2FBF00594719?LI=true.

French, S., & Swain, J. (n.d.). The Relationship between Disabled People and Health and Welfare Professionals. Handbook of Disability Studies. http://sk.sagepub.com/reference/hdbk_disability/n33.xml

www.cuddlist.com

[hellocuddlist-blog]

Cuddlist Professional Cuddling Code of Conduct

https://cuddlist.com/soleiman/

https://cuddlist.com/tate/

[hellocuddlist-blog]

https://cuddlist.com/madelon/ 

Co-Founder/Director of Training and you can book an one-on-one session with Madelon

[hellocuddlist-blog]

www.cuddlist.com

https://cuddlist.com/davidmilo/

[hellocuddlist-blog]

Really great article .

5 things you should know about skin hunger

I’ve posted blogs in the past that mentioned the term skin hunger, the physical and psychological need for meaningful human touch, and I received an inquiry asking for more information about this phenomenon. So, here you are. Top 5 things you should know about skin hunger.

1. It’s an actual *NEED*

Like the name suggests, skin hunger isn’t a desire, it’s a primal necessity that like food, water, and sleep, humans will hunger, long, and ache for when they need it.

The outcomes of unmet skin hunger have been explored in a number of well-documented (but ethically questionable) research studies. Babies in hospitals, orphanages, and other institutional settings that receive adequate bio care (feeding, bathing, and changing) but are left in cribs for 20+ hours a day and not touched or held, experience lasting neurological changes including shrinking of the volume of gray matter in the brain. Adults deliberately exposed to the common cold virus in a lab are less able to fight off the virus and more likely to experience severe symptoms if they didn’t get many hugs in the two weeks prior to the study.  

2. It can be partially satiated through sex, but doesn’t have to be

The intimacy of sexual activity is a method to satisfy skin hunger, but it’s only one method. Skin hunger isn’t about sex and there are dozens of ways to nurture your need and provide it for others that isn’t inherently sexual or romantic. Examples include:

Hand shakes

high fives

hugs

pats/rubs on the back

shoulder squeezes

nose boops

massages

piggy back rides

dancing

holding hands

linking arms

playing footsies

kisses (on the head, hand, cheek, or lips)

cuddling

using a friend’s shoulder as a pillow while watching TV or riding the bus

stroking their hair

tickling

horseplay (pillow fights, play wrestling, etc.)

sitting on laps are all examples.

3. Tons of people aren’t getting their skin hunger needs met for a host of different reasons

Lots of us are skin starved, but some populations that may experience touch deprivation most include:

Tweens and teens: Have you ever noticed that people in this age group are constantly horsing around, shoving, and playfully hitting each other in the arm? In western social norms, 11-17 years old are often considered too old for kissing and snuggling their parents, and too young to be given privacy for kissing and snuggling a boyfriend or girlfriend. My theory is they turn to tackling each other to meet skin hunger needs.

Elderly: Social isolation and extreme loneliness that can occur in later life as spouses, friends, and family die off has had a well documented affect on touch deprivation and overall health outcomes.

Institutionalized: Whether it’s in a prison or a hospital, there’s been some research on the torture-like effects of going days, months, years, or even decades without human touch as a matter of institutional policy.

Men: Those pesky social norms that make cuddling, hugging, and hand-holding “feminine” behaviors and “feminine” behaviors undesirable has left lots of men folk in severe touch isolation.

All of us: Between ever increasing work commutes keeping people alone and away from their loved ones for more hours of the day, social media that does a phenomenal job of connecting us emotionally but can disconnect us physically, this irksome but prevalent cultural myth that conflates touch with sex, concerns about touch and sexual harassment, and an epidemic of deep chronic loneliness, it’s safe to say many/most/all of us might be a bit skin hungry.

4. Skin hunger is related to violence

Observational research has found a number of correlations between touch and aggression. Researchers observed people sitting with their friends or family members in cafes and restaurants in different nations and noticed how many times they touched each other (leaning against them, rubbing their back while talking, putting an arm around their shoulder, etc). Participants in cultures that experience less violence were observed to touch each other much more than cultures with high rates of violence. Among the highest was France with 110 touches in 30 minutes. In the US it was 2 touches in 30 minutes.

The interactions among low-touch cultures were also more aggressive and violent among the peer group, not just within the country at large. For example, a 30 minute observation showed more pushing, hitting, and aggressive verbal communication among the American participants with low rates of meaningful touch.

5. There have been conscious attempts made recently to meet human touch needs

Skin hunger is a relatively new concept, and it’s starting to be seen a public health issue crucial to our well being . As such, active efforts to bridge the touch gap have been started, and include the free hugs campaign, cuddle parties, professional cuddling businesses, senior care facilities offering training for their staff on touch as part of elder care, and hospital volunteer programs to cuddle sick newborns.

Check back next week for another Top 5 Friday!

Dr. Jill McDevitt is a nationally recognized, San Diego based sexuality educator, speaker, writer, and the resident sexologist at Swiss Navy. She has a BA in Sexuality, Marriage, and Family, MEd in Human Sexuality Education, and PhD in Human Sexuality, which means she is the only known person in the world with all three degrees in sex. It also means she has the coolest job ever!