herothehardway

[herothehardway]

So I (astrophysics undergrad) was just recc'd the Antarctica AU and I have to ask - did you get a position at the ICL and if so HOW????? I've dreamt of that position!!!

Hahahah you don’t know how delighted I am that my fic has been enjoyed by so many astronomy and physics people! Lowkey sometimes I get the itch to go back and correct some things now that I’m in grad school that were a little inaccurate but I am not opening that can of worms 😂

I sadly was not accepted by any grad schools that are involved in any of the instruments at Amundsen-Scott (I did apply to several schools exclusively because they operate South Pole instruments lol) despite the lack of trying but yeah I think that’s probably your best bet. Or apply for staff positions if you see any but they’re generally extremely sought after and idk how competitive you’d be with a bachelors degree since you’d probably be in an application pool with people with masters and phds. But who knows, it’s worth a shot!

[herothehardway]

Me upon discovering an online game that helps you learn git: haha I've been using git for years now, I could skip ahead many levels, methinks hahaha no, no, I'll be humble and start on level 1

Me on level 5: You can do what??? There are commands for what???

[herothehardway]

I just burst into tears watching this, I still can't believe it's real. These books were my absolute favourites as a teenager and seeing Alek and Deryn animated so beautifully like this, as I'd hoped and wished for so long, is overwhelming. I'm desperate to hear the voice actors now, especially bringing Sharp's colourful swearing to life hahaha

[herothehardway]

i looked on your abuse tag for a while and didn’t see that you answered this but if i’m wrong lmk. any tips on how to pull a friend out of an abusive relationship? i know i can’t control her but she asked me to tell her when her relationship starts to look like what mine did and when i told her she didn’t listen and now she’s getting back with the same person after 3 days. i know i’m not supposed to control her but i don’t know what to do besides an ultimatum at this point. hoping someone else has better advice before i do that.

Thank you for asking this highly relevant question. I'm sorry your friend is in a bad relationship and I'm sorry you have been through this as well - abuse is too common and that's why I'm glad you asked. We all need this information.

Most people's first instinct when their loved one seems to be in an unhealthy relationship is to raise the question with them. How people do this differs, and I would always opt for what's called curious exploration (open questions about the relationship and reflections of the emotions your loved one expresses) over confrontation, as the latter seldom is productive. In your case, anon, you raised it as agreed upon beforehand but your friend wasn't receptive to your thoughts. This, too, is common.

In my experience with clients in a abusive relationships, there is a lot of shame tied up into being a "victim", one of several reasons "survivor" is a preferred term. To imply or explicitly state that their relationship seems abusive can in instances when they're not ready to hear that yet lead to resistance and a deeper commitment to said relationship. The genuine concern for their safety is taken as criticism of themselves and their own person, usually as there probably exists some doubts and insecurities already. When we are already insecure we tend to become more protective of whatever it is we are insecure about. For this reason I would stray from words such as 'abuse' or even 'unhealthy'. Not to say that labeling abuse as abuse cannot be a relief to some - when they are ready for it it can be very cathartic for somebody else to see and acknowledge their experiences as abuse - but they need to be further along in their acceptance and insight for that to work.

As people who care about them, it can be difficult to see a loved one stay with or go back to an abusive partner. We want them to be safe and happy and to us it seems obvious that the source of their misery is the abusive partner. But abusive relationships aren't always all bad all the time. That's how we get stuck. It's like a slot machine. It can be helpful for some to speak about their relationships like a behavioral addiction - the mechanisms are similar or the same. That's what the actual definition of love-bombing is, btw. The increase in loving behaviors by an abuser right before or right after a bad abusive episode meant to keep the victim in the relationship. Because of this pattern - tension, incident, reconciliation (honeymoon phase or love-bombing), calm - it can be difficult for the person being abused to see the abuse, as it's not all bad all the time. That hope that the love-bombing or calm phases will prevail is what is so addictive about the abusive relationship. "This time maybe it will work out".

For us who see the abuse, we want to support our loved one, and the first instinct if usually to get them to leave. As discussed, that's not an easy task. It's common for abused partners (speaking explicitly about IPV, but any type of domestic violence regardless of relationship works similarly, although leaving may look different when the abuser is a relative) to leave the abuser between 3 to 11 times before they leave for good. Some never leave. What abuse does, at its core, is strip us of agency and dignity. We become dependent and degraded. If somebody else then comes along, no matter how good their intentions, and tells us that we must leave that too is stripping of agency and will be met with resistance. The change needs to come from within the abused person themselves.

Confrontation creates tension both within you as a friend and within the loved one you're trying to help, and can lead you to drift apart, especially if the abused feel like you are judgemental of their relationship. We don't want this to happen. Isolation is one of the main tools an abuses utilizes, consciously or not (because while some people are just cruel and consciously abuse others, a lot of the time the abuser is only half-way aware of what they are doing), to keep their victim in the relationship. Instead, what we want to do is offer support on the abused person's terms. Don't try to persuade them to leave. Instead offer support like a place to stay if they need it. Or a shoulder to cry on and an ear to listen. Just doing friendship things and preventing isolation. What somebody needs will be based on their relationship and other social and psychological factors. If the abuse is physical they may need somebody who can drive them to the ER. Or if the abuse is more psychological (not mutually exclusive obviously) they may need somebody they can call at any hour to cry. Economical abused people may need someone who can open an account for them to stash away money or such. Ask your friend what they need if they are open to that. Or if you notice something they might need help with if you can do that for them. If they are very downtrodden and lack the ability to decide if they want help with X thing, you can speak in statements like "I will do X thing for you when you need me to".

When it comes to talking about the relationship, I use a lot of elements om motivational interviewing (MI) when I meet people in abusive relationships. You're not a therapist or a counselor, you're a friend, but the core tenets of MI are based in compassion and evoking change through that. To use skills like active listening, simple and complex emotional reflections, and open questions to bring to surface the person's own reasoning are not outside the scope of a layperson. To hear yourself say something aloud often makes it easier for us to hear the flaws in our own reasoning because now it's not just an internal thought, now we hear it as others do, and that is what using MI elements does. Again, you're not a therapist, but to use active listening skills is good in any private relationship.

I hope this was helpful. I also invite followers to share their tips from experience both as survivor and friend of survivors.

-mod liz

[herothehardway]

please do look it up if you dont know the date bc there may be at least an approximate answer and otherwise the last option will completely dominate and this poll will be boring.

and dont be like 'but i cant sing'... just answer the earliest tune you know well enough that you COULD sing it

periods of western classical music provided only for reference

[herothehardway]

hey, wanna know something cool?

a little over a century ago, the polar explorer Ernest Shackleton lost the ship Endurance when attempting to make a land crossing of the antarctic.

soon after, the ship would be crushed by the surrounding ice as it shifted, and it would sink about 10,000 feet to the sea floor.

BUT THEN

2 years ago, national geographic was able to locate the HMS endurance and found it in an incredibly well preserved state!

the leader of the expedition, Mensun Bound, said "This is by far the finest wooden shipwreck I have ever seen. It is upright, well proud of the seabed, intact, and in a brilliant state of preservation."

[herothehardway]

this manatee looks like it’s in a skyrim loading screen

[herothehardway]

[herothehardway]

no nuance pick one. you can elaborate in the tags.

[herothehardway]

How many have you read?

The BBC estimates that most people will only read 6 books out of the 100 listed below. Reblog this and bold the titles you’ve read.

1 Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen 2 Lord of the Rings - J. R. R. Tolkein 3 Jane Eyre – Charlotte Bronte 4 Harry Potter series 5 To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee 6 The Bible 7 Wuthering Heights – Emily Bronte 8 Nineteen Eighty Four – George Orwell 9 His Dark Materials – Philip Pullman 10 Great Expectations – Charles Dickens 11 Little Women – Louisa M Alcott 12 Tess of the D’Urbervilles – Thomas Hardy 13 Catch 22 – Joseph Heller 14 Complete Works of Shakespeare 15 Rebecca – Daphne Du Maurier 16 The Hobbit – JRR Tolkien 17 Birdsong – Sebastian Faulks 18 Catcher in the Rye 19 The Time Traveller’s Wife - Audrey Niffeneger 20 Middlemarch – George Eliot 21 Gone With The Wind – Margaret Mitchell 22 The Great Gatsby – F Scott Fitzgerald 23 Bleak House – Charles Dickens 24 War and Peace – Leo Tolstoy 25 The Hitch Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy – Douglas Adams 26 Brideshead Revisited – Evelyn Waugh 27 Crime and Punishment – Fyodor Dostoyevsky 28 Grapes of Wrath – John Steinbeck 29 Alice in Wonderland – Lewis Carroll 30 The Wind in the Willows – Kenneth Grahame 31 Anna Karenina – Leo Tolstoy 32 David Copperfield – Charles Dickens 33 Chronicles of Narnia – CS Lewis 34 Emma – Jane Austen 35 Persuasion – Jane Austen 36 The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe – CS Lewis 37 The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini 38 Captain Corelli’s Mandolin - Louis De Bernieres 39 Memoirs of a Geisha – Arthur Golden 40 Winnie the Pooh – AA Milne 41 Animal Farm – George Orwell 42 The Da Vinci Code – Dan Brown 43 One Hundred Years of Solitude – Gabriel Garcia Marquez 44 A Prayer for Owen Meaney – John Irving 45 The Woman in White – Wilkie Collins 46 Anne of Green Gables – LM Montgomery 47 Far From The Madding Crowd – Thomas Hardy 48 The Handmaid’s Tale – Margaret Atwood 49 Lord of the Flies – William Golding 50 Atonement – Ian McEwan

51 Life of Pi – Yann Martel 52 Dune – Frank Herbert 53 Cold Comfort Farm – Stella Gibbons 54 Sense and Sensibility – Jane Austen 55 A Suitable Boy – Vikram Seth 56 The Shadow of the Wind – Carlos Ruiz Zafon 57 A Tale Of Two Cities – Charles Dickens 58 Brave New World – Aldous Huxley 59 The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time – Mark Haddon 60 Love In The Time Of Cholera – Gabriel Garcia Marquez 61 Of Mice and Men – John Steinbeck 62 Lolita – Vladimir Nabokov 63 The Secret History – Donna Tartt 64 The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold 65 Count of Monte Cristo – Alexandre Dumas 66 On The Road – Jack Kerouac 67 Jude the Obscure – Thomas Hardy 68 Bridget Jones’s Diary – Helen Fielding 69 Midnight’s Children – Salman Rushdie 70 Moby Dick – Herman Melville 71 Oliver Twist – Charles Dickens 72 Dracula – Bram Stoker 73 The Secret Garden – Frances Hodgson Burnett 74 Notes From A Small Island – Bill Bryson 75 Ulysses – James Joyce 76 The Bell Jar – Sylvia Plath 77 Swallows and Amazons - Arthur Ransome 78 Germinal – Emile Zola 79 Vanity Fair – William Makepeace Thackeray 80 Possession – AS Byatt 81 A Christmas Carol – Charles Dickens 82 Cloud Atlas – David Mitchel 83 The Color Purple – Alice Walker 84 The Remains of the Day – Kazuo Ishiguro 85 Madame Bovary – Gustave Flaubert 86 A Fine Balance – Rohinton Mistry 87 Charlotte’s Web – EB White 88 The Five People You Meet In Heaven – Mitch Albom 89 Adventures of Sherlock Holmes – Sir Arthur Conan Doyle 90 The Faraway Tree Collection – Enid Blyton 91 Heart of Darkness – Joseph Conrad 92 The Little Prince – Antoine De Saint-Exupery 93 The Wasp Factory – Iain Banks 94 Watership Down – Richard Adams 95 A Confederacy of Dunces – John Kennedy Toole 96 A Town Like Alice – Nevil Shute 97 The Three Musketeers – Alexandre Dumas 98 Hamlet – William Shakespeare 99 Charlie and the Chocolate Factory – Roald Dahl 100 Les Miserables – Victor Hugo

[herothehardway]

I’m back, bitches! And so is Catra and her abundant mental illness BDE 😁

[herothehardway]

do u still think ab the antarctica AU? bcuz i def do😭

Yes I think about it very often especially since I met my girlfriend through it! Going on 4 years bb 😎

[herothehardway]

A persons fanfic tells you a lot about them, i , a fanfic writer, realize in terror

[herothehardway]

I am OBSESSED with Drew Sarich's performance of Poor Unfortunate Souls. Also while you're here, go check out the full concert celebrating the works of Alan Menken (Hollywood in Vienna 2022)

[herothehardway]

Do u think the bride and Lucy Liu ever explored each other’s bodies