heseemewumbo

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Before reading this, please don't be alarmed. As heavy my heart is right now, and as hard every evening has been lately, crying myself to tiredness every night, I'm fine. Pero if I don't let this out now I will never hold myself accountable, and this is the most humiliating thing that I have to do now, for the sake of my mental health, before it's too late for me.

I am not financially stable. I've been in financial, mental, and emotional crisis over the past year, and I feel I've been covering this all up, for the most part because tbh with the pandemic finally dying down, and coming out of a major surgery last year, I just wanted to go back and live the normal life I've been craving for so long. I've reached a tipping point lately. I've resorted to self-harm recently. I've started breaking things, and I'm scared.

I'm currently more than half a million pesos in debt. It's a long story, but I've made horrible decisions last year, I thought I could finally invest in a home, I thought I could turn my life around somehow knowing I own something. I've been scammed, and I ended up in debt, renting, no house to my name. Additionally my mother hasn't been helpful either, whom had a big part in all this. She's also in debt. The expectation to live up to my mother's failed dreams, being abandoned by my father, having to stop studying to start helping my family, only to fall back in this pit hole. I don't have any words. I am suffering. And I'm humiliated.

I wrote this letter to myself originally, bc somehow maybe writing this down could help me stabilize a bit, only having come out of a panic attack. I write this letter to you now, whoever's reading this, to say I'm sorry. I feel like I've been deceiving everyone. I pretend I'm fine and I pretend nothing's wrong. In the end I might have been affecting you somehow, without you knowing, probably financially too. And I promised to start this year comnecting to you again. I've tried but it hurts when I get to go back home. It costs me so much to be alive right now. I failed, and I might stop making those promises again. I'm sorry.

I can't take part in anything, at least for the next 2 years. I need to step back from the delusion I've created for myself and face the realities of my situation. I simply cannot afford anything right now. No, I'm not asking for help financially. This is simply a burden I cannot drag you guys into. Yes, if I have debts I'll pay them sooner, and if anything it can be discussed. I just need my head space, and I still have ideas, I can always share them.

I need to let this be known, because I've broken my relationship with money. Perhaps I'm telling you all this now bc at least, for what it's worth, I value our relationship more than anything else, more than any money in the world, and if money somehow ruins it will be the end for me. I don't want to let go, not of you, not of myself, I need to tell you this now before it's too late for me. Perhaps also to warn you, too. I'm sure I'm the only person with the propensity for bad decisions, but simply just. Don't be me? Please don't be like me.

I might take a step back from anything too spend-y for now. I'll jump back by 2024, I hope. Please understand that I might distance myself from a lot of things for now. Likewise, I don't know how reassuring this is, but I'm still here. And I still love y'all. 😊

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Remember him?

Reblog and click on the picture.

Why, hello Esteban Julio Ricardo Montoya Delarosa Ramirez

Damn <3 

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Hi Tronnor Fandom

Maybe y’all can calm down and help the fandom BY STOPPING MAKING ASSUMPTIONS? NOTHING’S CONFIRMED, OKAY?! “Looking at the whole picture, tho.” GOD, these are the same people who are saying that the boys need privacy, we don’t know every detail about their lives, blah blah, and now y’all are saying you’re looking at it at the “whole picture”??! I mean, what do you really know??! What do we know??

Connor’s latest tweet, IT’S NOT FROM TREVOR. Here are the lyrics: http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/trevormoran/gotmefeelinlike.html It’s not from Trevor, OKAY, stop being so sure it’s not tronnor.

And no, I’m not saying it’s tronnor, I know it might not be tronnor related, but please could everyone stop making hasty assumptions??! I thought y’all are smarter than this. (The only thing we can say about that tweet is that “yay, Connor’s being his sappy self again”.) See, y’all are stressing yourselves out from mere assumptions, that’s unhealthy for the fandom, spare those who still believe, at least, go curl up in a room and stop proving tronnor broke up because, simply put, you’ll NEVER know the truth.

It just baffles me we’ve come to the point people are assuming they’ve broken up WHEN WE DON’T EVEN KNOW THEY’RE ACTUALLY A THING TO START WITH. 

For those who still has faith in this fandom, calm down, ship as long as you still can, just as long as you keep on doing it responsibly (stop tweeting Troye and Connor anything “tronnor” because that actually stresses them out, stop spreading stolen pictures of them, etc), and just chill for now. We know nothing, okay?? Now go finish that fanfic, you weirdo.

And sorry if I sound so angry. Just really annoyed and saddened that this fandom I love is falling out so fast, even though we know nothing. I will keep on shipping them, in my mind perhaps, through the little fan fics left because people are deleting them now?? :(

The most mature thing is to probably calm down and acknowledge everything is just assumptions? Because it comes off as this: people are sad not because they broke up (again, not confirmed), but because people didn’t get the tronnor reunion they’ve all romanticized and craved for months. The time they’ve been apart was long enough to start the rumours, and the disappointment of not having any tronnor thing on the day they were supposed to meet fueled it further.

I hope I’m wrong about that one, tho.

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“ We’re speculating about a break-up of a non-confirmed relationship. For all we know it’s just a friendship. For all we know they could be secretely married by now.”

AND THIS IS WHY Y’ALL NEED TO CHILL. Besides, if the ships was ever true or not, I’d still ship them, that’s the point of shipping, ain’t it? Troyler is alive and well, even Conler’s alive (actually burning really hot recently), none of them are confirmed (or true, at the very least) and people still ship them. Heck, we even ship fictional people, straight guys, married people (Kate Winslet and Leo DiCaprio shippers), even siblings! (Mabel and Dipper pinecest where u at, haha)

I WILL STILL SHIP THEM THO. Why? Because I just love them, separate AND together. Break-up, just friends, married, I’ll always love them, no matter what.

So why y’all changing tumblr usernames??! Keep them, just as long as you keep the ship to the ship, be a responsible shipper (by that, I mean don’t force them to do things to satisfy your ship lust, might actually stress them out). That’s all, I guess.

Tronnor might not be “true” but the ship will be forever. <3

So about these rumors.

I don’t think Tronnor have broken up. Troye’s OUT interview took place 4 weeks ago, and during that 4 weeks we had a lot of tronnor little moments (the cheer up snapchat, con’s support for youth music video, tyde tweeting connor, troye liking tweets saying: i love you so bad. Connor interacting with all of troye’s friends. The interview where connor talked about troye (okay maybe that was prerecorded) Connor mentioning Troye in a video, Troye sporting the CC beanie etc. Etc.) and honestly, Troye seemed so annoyed by the interviewer (no offense they were just doing their job I get that) when he/she/they asked if he had a boyfriend and when he said he didn’t want to talk about it that person still kept pushing him and in his responses he is trying to avoid the subject so hard.

Also, the fact that they haven’t been seen together doesn’t say a thing. There could be lots of reasons. They probably had to catch up a lot hence why they didn’t go out together and stayed in, he could have been sleeping at con’s for all we know! Maybe Troye had someone to work with that could not be done another weekend? Or Connor had meetings with his record label and other projects. And maybe, maybe they are sick and tired of being spotted together and people going all crazy. Troye is probably tired from tour, he still has an infection, he’s still feeling weak, maybe they weren’t feeling like going outside?

Let’s not forget about the sudden social media drought, that always happens when they catch up. They use snap chat a lot less (has troye even snapchatted since sunday??) they tweet less too. And Connor randomly tweeted about bunnies, I don’t think a generally sad person would do that. (Unless he’s fine with the breakup, and honestly when they’re fine, why aren’t we??) (also troye wore bunny ears, very subtle connor)

Honestly, I think they are getting ready to come out as a couple. Troye tweeting about rumours, connor tweeting about a long overdue guest. (I know they were both tweeting about something else but it could have been a little nod to what’s going to come) I’m secretely hoping that they are letting us believe they have broken up, watch us freak out and then snapchatting making out and being like HAHA YOU THOUGHT.

For all we know they are cuddling on connor’s couch rn. Or filming the boyfriend tag.

But yeah, also to put it in perspective: We’re speculating about a break-up of a non-confirmed relationship. For all we know it’s just a friendship. For all we know they could be secretely married by now.

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Ohem are you from the philippines????

what the fuck do you mean tronnor aint real

what do you call this then

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This is the money abuelita, reblog this in the next five minutes to receive the best news of your life

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reblog and make a wish! this was removed from tumbrl due to “violating one or more of Tumblr’s Community Guidelines”, but since my wish came true the first time, I’m putting it back. :)

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reblog and make a wish! this was removed from tumbrl due to “violating one or more of Tumblr’s Community Guidelines”, but since my wish came true the first time, I’m putting it back. :)

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oh no, huhuhu

Tronnor aesthetics

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BAM MYSTERY SOLVED!!!!!

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This isn’t true because

A.) Troye is obvs always with Connor. Where was Ryan ever in the picture??? No? 

B.) Obvs just a way to drive Tronnor fans insane. Well, shippers gonna ship, I think people should respect that as well.

C.) If ever this was real, I think it’d be easier for Tronnor to just confirm that they’re just not dating, but they haven’t, and they’re just throwing proof everywhere like mad men, so...

PLEASE TELL ME THIS IS A LIE WHY ARE YOU FUCKING LYING STOP PLAYING WITH OUR HEARTS DO NOT FUCKING LIE NO NO NO NO NO NO FUCKING NO

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- Australian Shepherd. Want more? Follow:http://dogsandpupsdaily.tumblr.com/

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totally lost it at “for him.”

Blue Neighbourhood songs x Connor Franta’s instagram

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Not all famous youtube people do that, like, Superfruit with Scott and Mitch from Pentatonix, they’re pretty famous too, and they can still manage youtube. I don’t think we have to say good bye just yet, heck, why would he get rid of his roots, he basically came from youtube?

Well, I’m not for one to dictate what he’s supposed to do, but I don’t see why we’re being overly dramatic mothers, seeing our “little boy” grow up and follow his dreams, when we should just be celebrating about what he has right now and being happy about it. He’s not that type of guy, guys, we all know him better than that. We are in fact his first fans. Cheer up.

On that note, I’ll always be proud of him and of what he does. And no, I might not ever say goodbye to troyesivan18, even if he does stop making videos, I’ll always watch his videos whenever I think of him. Troye, we all love ya and we will always do. <3

Goodbye troyesivan18

Guys, its so sad to say this but we have to finally say goodbye to troyesivan18. Today, december 8, 2015, Troye Sivan will be featured in the Tonight Show hosted by Jimmy Fallon. Everyone will know about him. He’s not going to be our little secret anymore. All those amazing memories we had together, they will never be forgotten but people from all around the world will now know about them. Think about the way he called us munchkins and beans and when he repeatedly thanked us for supporting him.  Troye will also eventually quit YouTube. It makes sense. He’ll want to focus on his music career and he won’t have the time to sit down and talk to us. He’ll become famous and win an oscar and maybe…maybe he’ll forget about us. We’ll be watching tv and look in astonishment as Troye Sivan is all over the news. We were his first fans. The people who were always there.  but now we have to step aside and let others enter