homosexchad

[homosexchad]

The New York Times (October 2, 1979)

[homosexchad]

[so horny my penis is whistling like a tea kettle] what? i cant hear you over my penis

[homosexchad]

i love it when dan is a complete hypocrite. he’ll say phil has an insane northern childhood because he got caught by the police underage drinking or had a talk in school one time about dogs, but will turn around and drop a story about making it to the finals of a christian puppet competition like it’s nothing. he’ll make 5 graphic sex references in the space of a minute then blush and go “you can’t sAY that!” at phil’s mild innuendo. he’ll wear a tiny mini skirt in front of thousands of people but make phil censor his clavicle. no one is doing it like him

[homosexchad]

[homosexchad]

welcome to my crack au where everything was fine and nothing bad ever happened to anyone

[homosexchad]

someone get this poor man a chair for the love of god

[homosexchad]

fuck you, if i jerk enough i can make it matter!

[furiously jerks off]

you will never jerk it in a way that matters.

[homosexchad]

I have a question. I'm gonna be stupid cause I don't have a palate, technically.

[homosexchad]

sometimes forgor that no food means drink strong and wow i drink too much and now boyfriend cook for me and i have flowers

[homosexchad]

glass onion is so funny bc they’re all public figures right? imagine reading the news one day during the pandemic and you see that nancy pelosi, andrew tate, lana del ray, and neil degrasse tyson went to visit elon musk’s private island in greece and they all got exploded because elon musk took them on a joyride in a cybertruck that was basically the hidenburg. and also it blew up bc elon killed grimes during their divorce proceedings and grimes’ twin sister wanted revenge

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I'm living for how genuinely pleased and amused Phil is by Dan's bitchy comments about the others' outfits, telling him he's so good at it he should be on actual drag race. Like this is literally Dan making acidic remarks about a bunch of 8 year olds' outfit choices on Roblox, and yet I'm STILL getting steamrolled by how genuinely proud Phil is of Dan as a person in general and how much he loves every part of him. Sigh.

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me when my neurologist is kind of weird and the appointment was frustrating so i google her and find a news article about how she contributed to the death of a patient in 2017 and a whole page of bad reviews from people with the same condition im being diagnosed with

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this sucks so bad i need to [remembers suicide jokes only worsen my mental health] put on the best talent show this towns ever seen

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silly goofy demon times

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it's so foggy out on the road i can't make out (makeout?! 😳😏😳🥺⁉️❤️❣️?💗💓💕💞💖💛💚💖💛💝💋?) a thing 10 feet infront of me

[homosexchad]

boyfriend got a beard cut and WOW his face is smaller than i thought