i-think-therefore-i-panic

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an apple a day keeps the doctor paranoid… if you leave them in his sock drawer

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“Oh what a beautiful morning,

Oh what a beautiful day,

I've got a wonderful feeling,

Everything's going my way” (Oklahoma!).

- said no one who uses Tumblr, ever.

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this is what happens when middle schoolers experiment with panorama

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That moment when you stand up from the toilet and your leg is so asleep that your foot has ceased to act like a foot

Me: Hey, can you please move?

Foot: Can you be quiet? I’m trying to sleep!

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Yeet a beet

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fog after rain is just clouds being indian givers

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but why

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one of the best things about having stomach issues is absolutely demolishing a public restroom only to find someone waiting to use the stall so you’re just like good luck and wash your hands super quickly to leave before they get out because you never want to see them again 10/10 would recommend

#ibs #gad

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HELLO VOID MY OLD FRIEND, IVE COME TO SCREAM AT YOU AGAIN

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so if youre walking barefoot outside it’s called grounding, but if youre falling through the air its not called skying?

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youre a lizard harry

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I think I had a vision? At 3:45 in the morning, I heard these words in Robert California's voice: "Are you normal? No. Should you be normal? No of course not my dear, because NORMAL... is a pathetic WASTE of time."

#textpost #vision #robertcalifornia #theoffice #normal #meirl #funny #funnytextpost #whycantIsleep

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RDJ is basically the white male version of an old black woman

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Husband: *attempts yodeling*

Me: "That sounds like a drunk frog warbling with a mouthful of marbles."

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Actors are just paid weirdos.

~me, an observation