iamgoingtohell---again

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US Equality Act 2019!

Do you know about the Equality Act currently in Congress? If no, allow me to tell you! 

(If yes, and you are leaning toward not supporting it, you can read this other post of mine. If yes, and you are already fully against it, please move on from this post or at least don’t be mean.)

The Equality Act is literally this:

“This bill prohibits discrimination based on sex, sexual orientation, and gender identity in areas including public accommodations and facilities, education, federal funding, employment, housing, credit, and the jury system. Specifically, the bill defines and includes sex, sexual orientation, and gender identity among the prohibited categories of discrimination or segregation.

The bill expands the definition of public accommodations to include places or establishments that provide (1) exhibitions, recreation, exercise, amusement, gatherings, or displays; (2) goods, services, or programs; and (3) transportation services.

The bill allows the Department of Justice to intervene in equal protection actions in federal court on account of sexual orientation or gender identity.

The bill prohibits an individual from being denied access to a shared facility, including a restroom, a locker room, and a dressing room, that is in accordance with the individual’s gender identity.”

And what that means is that it gives LGBT+ people the exact same rights as other citizens. What it will not do is invalidate your religion, somehow legally give men a right to harm women in bathrooms, undermine anyone else’s rights, coerce medical professionals, legalize sexual assault, strip any parental rights from non-abusive parents, or… and yes, these are apparently concerns, shut down charities or allow men to defeat women in sports.

I have heard it said many times that we are corrupting the world because it seems like we have more  LGBT+ people now than ever before. This is not true. We just now have more out and public LGBT+ people, and that is because we are making the world safer and safer for them to simply be who they are.

Would you like to help keep human beings safe and give a large group of people the same rights as other citizens or even just learn more about the Equality Act? I’ve made it easier for you!

This website here is the Human Rights Campaign’s official website on the Equality Act. From there, there are links to support however you feel best.

If you would like to simply add your name in support of the bill, you can do so here. You can also add your name by texting COSPONSOR to 472472.

If you would like email or call your members of Congress in regards to this bill, you can do so here and here.

If you wish to email, the HRC has already drafted a basic email giving your support and asking for your member of Congress to pass the bill - so even if you have social anxiety, you don’t actually have to come up with anything to say yourself.

Don’t know who your members of Congress are? That’s okay! HRC will automatically email them based on giving them basic info of where you live. And yes, the website is secure and you are safe.

If you would like to get even more involved, here is how you can find events near you to join, here is how to become a grassroots lobbyist, and if you simply want to share your story as a member of the LGBT+ community, you can do so here.

Of course, all those links come straight from the HRC website, so if you would like to inform yourself further…

If you would like to read the bill for yourself, you may do so here.

If you would like information on what this bill could mean for employment, this is an interesting look. Or if you would like to read for yourself unlawful employment actions, that link had this one, also good to read.

And finally, if you would like to know how the bill is doing in general, you can click here.

If nothing else, thank you for taking the time to read!

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https://thedeandude.home.blog/

“I told myself it was like that with everyone and learned to move on.

Meanwhile, I had my first major depressive episode spanning over a couple of years as a teenager and was extremely suicidal. It got a little better when I graduated and began at a local university because I was s t a r t i n g  m y l i f e. But then, during college, I had another major depressive episode spanning over a couple of years and was extremely suicidal. It got better again around that graduation because – for real this time – I was s t a r t i n g  m y l i f e. But then I got really depressed because I couldn’t find work, got a little better when I did find work, then went straight into yet another major depressive episode spanning several years during which I had varying degrees of being suicidal.

So yeah, phew, glad I learned to move on. (☞ ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)☞”

Go check this guy out.

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you think you want me to shut up? i have to listen to myself even when im not talking

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My journeying with gender

I know this isn’t a popular blog, but I’m going for it.

At 26 years old, my gender identity is being shaken to the core. The realizations I’m having are freeing, the reality of them are terrifying, and the skeletons of everything within it are soaked deep with Persistent Depressive Disorder, or dysthymia.

Honestly, I would appreciate any advice or thoughts, as long as it’s kind.

(Please be nice to me.)

And I’m tagging random - but double checked against transphobia - blogs I follow that I hope will be friendly, at least reblog, and maybe also give their honest opinion. (Some of them are popular, I don’t expect a response) @barnabyleeofslytherin @thatsthat24 @spaceyspades @hey-pretty-mama-its-johnny-bravo @tenoko1 @superwhoavengelock-etc @novamjohnson @arosecret @gayngelofthelordlovesdean @trans-matters @transboygif

So, let’s start with realizations. (It’s weird; I’m weird - just read three paragraphs down)

Not too long ago, I fell down a YouTube rabbit hole where I watched this video on reincarnation (more or less - it’s some dude’s near-death experience). Basically, when in regards to me, it comes down to: he asked the people he was talking to in this afterlife place if he could stay next time (because he had to go back this time), and their answer was (not verbatim): “We doubt it. You never stay long. You like your lessons.”

Which, okay, I get how that’s creepy, but I will also say that dude reported they seemed mostly amused with him the entire time. As in, okay, this guy again? Same questions. What a cinnamon roll. 

At any rate, it was enough for me to actual consider if I could “come back”, and then what I would come back as? And the idea that I could come back as a gay man gOT ME SO HAPPY AND EXCITED I CAN’T DESCRIBE!

And that was when realization first hit me on the head: cis people don’t have these thoughts.

Which I know sounds like such a duh moment, but it actually was. There had been a couple of things poking at me, hinting similarly for a while, but this opened the flood gates. For the first time in my life, I began acknowledging that I have thoughts like:

“I’d give anything to be a man.”

“God, I’d love to have a penis.”

And even: “Why couldn’t have my balls just fucking dropped???”

I finally, after all these years, realized these aren’t cis thoughts (especially when they’re daily, and two of those pretty much are), but it clashes so much with who I have gotten used to being.

Which brings me to reality.

Accepting I wasn’t “cis” was surprisingly really easy. Like I alluded, it was freeing. Coming back down to earth, I had q u e s t i o n s. And being both the person I am and a long term mental health *whatever*, I asked them to myself.

Why didn’t I know/realize/get a hint before age 26?  First off, when I look at my life, there a thousand hints that I’m not “cis”. 

Second, I didn’t realize because of how I grew up. I grew up in an environment where there is literally a “how cute, let’s laugh” story of me where I cried because I was told by the women in my family not to play with the boys. The “laugh” part of it is them (the women involved) saying, “We should have known then you’d be a tomboy from that incident.” Catcher? The men in my family retelling that story don’t laugh. They say instead, “We realized then you weren’t like them.”

And that’s exactly it. I grew up with a family that had one foot in liberal things and one foot in conservative/traditional things. So, it was a stretch and active thing for them to allow me to always hang out with the “guys”, to build and paint houses with the men, and to do “manly” activities with the men of our family because it was very “feminist” and “independent” which they supported. (Not all, but my parents did so everyone else had to shut up.). 

It’s an entirely different thing for that same child to be trans. They didn’t raise a boy. They raised a strong, female daughter.

So me saying things like, “I’d love to be a man,” and, “Can I get boy jeans?” was a part of the strong female identity. That was it.

And so, why I didn’t know?

I think because I did have such positive encouragement to more “manly” things in such a way, that my family simply comforted me in the “womanly” things I was obligated to. And there is so much about being a woman that I hate, but I had learned early on that there were things I could enjoy.

For instance, I sometimes like I having my nails painted. It’s not always, I have phases, but occasionally, I enjoy it. I sometimes like wearing makeup. I know I don’t know much about it, but I know enough. And I 50/50 enjoy wearing it, etc. I love shoes - I don’t like heels tho. And other little feminine things, I can get into the mood for.

So here we are for the last of it, which I will just title mental health and such.

I already have mental health issues (depression) - which, my brain has already began to ring a bell that some of it had/has to do with this - already plan to talk to my therapist.

But in my own encouragement of my mental health, I decided to approach the issue like we do for issues at work. Which means in my case listing what are both real and “in my head” problems.

Why to not ID has a trans man and possibly transition:

- I know I will lose half the family I have, possibly all (blood family)

- I am too old for this - if I was truly a man, I surely would’ve known so much younger and will never be taken seriously as a man

- I am too overweight for a transition

- Money

Why to shelf the idea:

- I’m just now beginning to allow myself permission to think this way, shelving and letting the thought(s) develop could be helpful (note: also harmful, to be considered)

- Even at my age, despite everything, I could be going through a phase. Let it pass.

- I know I am likable and employable right now, as is, so perhaps stay physically as I am no matter what I think/feel.

Why to actually “man” up:

- Because I actually got a lot of just life/maintenance shit done this week by thinking, “You’re doing this for the man you will become.”

- Because I have always looked at men as both “he is so hot” and “I wish I could be that” v looking at women as either “why would someone find this attractive?” and “this is what I’m supposed to look like/want to look like”

- Because I have always related to men, and I have always ever related to women when it was a direct issue involving this body I’m in

- Because throughout my life I have had detailed daydreams of how a situation/reaction/or-just-life would have gone if I was the man I wish I was

- Because the older I’ve become, the more I’ve hated the thought of being a woman and loved the idea of being a man

- Because if I was ever asked what to be, I would be a man. Full stop, no question about it. 

But I wasn’t asked, and I can’t, and I just don’t know. So much about “being a woman” has been so grilled into me, expected of me, and the norm for me. And I’ve fought. I’ve tried. I just at best felt comfortable being the girl who never reaches out.

So, fuck it. I’m reaching out. And I’m tagging certain blogs I follow that I hope will be friendly but also give their honest opinion. 

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Do you have any thoughts on the cane that Remus uses in the PoA movie?

I do actually think that Remus may have needed a cane from time to time, especially as he got older. Of course he probably needed it far younger than he liked and chose not to use one at all, citing that he was young and otherwise healthy and would be better in a day or two anyway, but OLDER Remus had to look into the future and really decide whether he should face his quiet embarrassment and just use one or whether to go an increase in the number of days it really hurts to walk around unaided.

I think it was mostly to do with sprains when he was younger, but as he got older and approached his 40s (that of course never came) that it was a little more about arthritis in his knees and ankles. I think certainly by 50 he would have owned one outright, because the full moons absolutely ravage him physically and his joints take a beating. It only makes appearances after full moon though. But again, I think he probably wouldn’t have liked using it until he was old enough to say “fuck it.”

That isn’t to say that he wouldn’t have used it openly while much younger, say PoA or in his 20s, but I think he would really have needed it to push him past the point of appearances (because suddenly the professor has a cane and questions are flying). I really don’t think it was very often that he did ever need one, either, but I don’t have a problem with the movie showing him using one because it’s not ridiculously unlikely and also because it’s the movie’s way of flashing a little intreague—we’re supposed to ask why he’s using it in lieu of a book telling us that he looks like crap after full moon etc.

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Some things I love about Sam Winchester

He’s always willing to humour people

When he’s humouring people, it’s one of the few times he actually fucking relaxes

He’s book-smart, but his street-smarts was something he had to learn and is completely forgotten when 1, a pretty girl smiles at him, 2, there’s a clown nearby, 3, he’s been drinking, and 4, when hidden, secret knowledge is dangled in front of him

#what do you mean new lore #no dean, he said new lore #i think we can trust him #where are the books, then?

His street-smarts go up a hundred-fold when someone he loves, especially Dean, is in danger

He loves dogs, so much so part of his Heaven was with his childhood dog

But he’s awkward and names his other dog Dog

He doesn’t forget the people he meets, not even Soulless!Sam

He has a very dry sense of humour

With that dry sense of humour, he insults people hilariously, usually without them noticing

Just because he didn’t get the normal life he wanted doesn’t mean he’s abandoned his experience with trying to achieve it

Often times in my life (and depression), I run across a mistake or character flaw and think “Sam would understand and forgive it”

He has soundly put boundaries in his life and all his relationships

#i know, I just need some time, Dean #you’re right, Cas, and thank you, but don’t try to stop me again

Furthermore, he reinforces those boundaries

#I’m sorry, Dean, but I said I needed time. #You’re wasting your breath, Cas. #I heard you out, but I’m doing this

Out of everyone, Sam’s the one who’s going to notice a tell first

And that can either be great for you... or the end of you.

He accepts really hard parts of himself, even the parts he hates, and he works constantly to use those parts for the better

But he is far from centred or fully mentally healthy

He has a ferocious temper

All that book-smarts, street-smarts, and observant-analytical parts of him goes right out the window when pushed, and he will pull that fucking trigger if you push him

Sometimes he’s a stubborn bastard who isn’t willing to listen to shit

But, see, that only really happens when he either knows he’s wrong and determined to somehow make himself right, or when there’s no time

Otherwise, he’ll take a big breath, scowl maybe, but will listen

For all these reasons, I love Sam. Ultimately?

Dude, we know you got and use a straightener. 

We know you never buy any 2-in-1 shampoo and conditioner if you can help it

We know you have a little spray to protect your hair from the heat of the blow dryer and straightener

And headcanon, here...

It’s because Jess loved her hair, and he learned exactly the kind of things she did and what she used, and over all these years and after everything, Sam does it while thinking of her. Because she also did say he’d look dashing with longer hair.

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Late Night Aro Complaint

Look, I know you’re trying to be supportive. I get it, you get it, we get it, alright?

It’s just frustrating for me, when I make a joke about never getting married or something, that my LGBT+ community friends immediately start in with, “You could still get married. I’ve read things where aros married friends,” etc. 

But I can make the same joke with my Very Christian father who has the hypocritical ‘love the sinner, hate the sin’ attitude toward all LGBT+ things (among other CisWhiteMaleTM things), and he laughs with me and just accepts “nope, she don’t wanna get married.”

And I’m not saying one way or another, and I realise my father may just be a bit relieved he doesn’t have to worry the cliché dad things with one of his daughters, but that’s not the point.

And it’s not even like an Issue, or anything, it just makes me deeply uncomfortable when neck-deep in the community because this is a space where I should be able to relax and be myself, but I’m constantly finding myself just as on guarded and defensive as everywhere else.

Look, I do get it, okay? Love stories have been around since forever. It’s a long, painful, journey for the majority of people. The notion is romantic, in the other sense of the word, and it’s a huge Thing. I do understand that.

And I understand the knee-jerk reaction to want to comfort someone who’s talking about never having it.

Thing is, I’m aromantic. That’s kind of the whole point.

I do not need to be comforted over this. 

I am finally free, yo. I’m out. Realizing who I am, that whole societal tremendous pressure is off me, and I expect to feel Normal Society, whatever the hell that is, to constantly want to put me under it again. It sucks, and hurts, to have it there again in this area as well. 

It’s the same things as coming out as gay, everyone seemingly supportive, then you make a passing joke about not needing to worry about girls, and everyone goes super quiet and tries to tell you, “You never know, you know. You might meet a girl.”

It’s the same things as coming out as transgender and making life-decisions that happen to fall into the ‘trans-thing’ of yours, and being told, “Are you sure? Because you know there’s a spectrum out there on this kind of thing...”

And on that note, all those things are the same things as, after going through so much research and soul searching for your new car, you announce which car you’re going to have, or even make a reference to it, and get back in response, “Okay, sure, I know you feel this is the car for you. I’m not stopping you. I just want to remind you that Toyota has several other models, and there’s more than just Toyota out there.”

I do get it, I do. But please understand that not all humour is self-deprecating when it comes to romantic love (or lack of romance). Not every move I make to set out on a solo-non-romantic life is me pouting while I hammer another nail in a miserable coffin. 

And for the love of god, if I laugh my ass off because I completely forgot it was Valentine’s Day and was shock to walk into our work’s caf to see a fucking chocolate fountain and spend a good half hour around that fountain- I was NOT wallowing in my lack of meaning in life and then flitter around this alien concept to understanding it. (and no, that’s not what you meant, but my god, when you cornered me later to see if my aro ass was okay after such an open display of romance, it sure as hell felt that way.)

I fucking forgot it was Valentine’s Day, and then I wanted to take advantage of free fucking chocolate. You romantic people won’t hoard chocolate fountains from me.

Here’s an example of what I’m talking about:

One day, with friends (all LGBT+), I get lunch with them and laugh about how my fortune cookie tells me romance is coming my way. They get a little awkward, and I get an ear-full for five minutes about how I can still marry if I wanted to one day.

I get home, have dinner and watch some rom-com with my roommate. Later, when emptying my pockets, I find the fortune cookie slip, laugh again and show her it. She (also LGBT+) laughs and says, “They knew which movie you’d be watching.” To which I praise the fortune-cookie-gods and we chuckle and move on with our lives.

tl:dr: I’m aromantic. I do not need to be comforted over it. I realise I can still marry “one day” if I wanna, but guess what? I don’t wanna. I actually felt better about my life and free from those overwhelming pressures. Please don’t put them on me again because you equate no-romance with sadness and loneliness. 

Sorry

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Actual quotes from Season 7. <del>what is this fandom

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incorrect destiel quotes

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Sam makes for a good hotspot.

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Sam is a real hero

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endless reasons to love dean winchester 

he expresses love in so many little ways for anonymous

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reasons to love dean winchester 

he’s an unabashed fanboy