icarus-can-fly

[icarus-can-fly]

first, i thought i was good.

wild, arrogant abandon of all modesty i was conviced

i was good

the inkling, the crawling whisper of suspicion that things were not so clear and set as i believed them to be broke into my consciousness like a trickle turned roaring stream

i tried to be smart, and while i found i was good at knowing i learned i wasn't so, at learning.

next, i tried to be pretty, gripping whiteknuckled every speck of beauty on my flawed and flayed old body i could grasp.

i am, now at last, humble enough to admit, i failed that, too.

so now what is left, i am neither wise nor fair nor strong nor shining.

but perhaps, i hope, i can be kind.

that more often than not, i can learn to choose right, to have grace and patience, to be

if not good

at least better than i was

[icarus-can-fly]

i feel incomprehensibly, soul-quenchingly lonely

[icarus-can-fly]

penn heut aufm sofa,

hab mich nach dem abend

selbst rausgeschmissen

[icarus-can-fly]

A Hundred Lovers, Richie Hofmann

[icarus-can-fly]

i just want someone to love me...for real...for once

[icarus-can-fly]

it was all for nothing

again

and i have to move on and take that heavy knowledge with me

that things can feel big and important

and still mean nothing, be nothing, slip away

that i'm still not found

that still

there's no one who ever wanted to keep me

[icarus-can-fly]

god please

look at me like i'm worth something

[icarus-can-fly]

i hope you get happy one day. with your husband, two kids and the house by the lake.

make art, love yourself

thank you for the good times

farewell friend

[icarus-can-fly]

last night i slept in the arms of someone who will never love me

still, it was warm, it was gentle, it was safe.

we will not lie like that in fifty years, hair grey and wrinkles on our faces.

we will not lie like that tomorrow, moving on to live our lives, so many strangers' beds to sleep in.

But we lay like that last night.

And we were soft and good to each other.

In a world like ours,

that wants us to turn on each other, to take as much as we can get,

to tread on each other for that one step ahead -

in such a world it does feel like love.

the kind of love the universe has for all its children.

Two earthlings, holding one another through the dark

[icarus-can-fly]

having me around might feel a bit like getting a dog.

i'll make all your clothes smell like me,

i'll cuddle up to you the minute you sit down

i'll be disproportionately sad whenever you leave and over the moon when you get back

at times i might be too loud of inconvenient

i might be needy and a bit of a mess.

i will love you wildly and with abandon and i'll be so, so dumb about it.

But i'll try my best to cheer you up when you're down, i'll sit with you when you cry through the night.

I'll be by your side wherever you go, i'll always want to make you smile.

I'll be there, as long as you don't tie me to a lamppost to get rid of me i'll wait around for you

[icarus-can-fly]

i wanna go home,

to a place that doesn't exist,

a place i haven't built yet.

where i can sink into your arms and be caught, where we laugh during dinner and lie in each other's arms while the stars take our breath away

where there's peaceful togetherness

where my heart feels the presence of yours

[icarus-can-fly]

i know i'm too much but i don't know how to be less

[icarus-can-fly]

hab monatelang von dir geträumt und dich letztens noch nicht mal erkannt. ist das wirklich heilung?

[icarus-can-fly]

in the mood for softness, for settling against each other. for calm and quiet, for peaceful togetherness

[icarus-can-fly]

i pack up all my hurt,

all the pointless adoration, the wasted midnight thoughts

and i leave it by the river where i walk to not have to think about you.

there's so much of it.

it seeps into the pavement and i hope the rain washes it away.

so that it finds the ocean some day, dissolves and fades away back into the rain.

you're not for me.

and maybe i'm not for anyone

[icarus-can-fly]

there is nothing wrong with me

[icarus-can-fly]

ok fuck it. you're gone anyway, and you don't care.

i'm gonna dance and smile and laugh and work on a sixpack and maybe find a different boy to kiss and i'm gonna keep thinking of you a lot but i can live with that