ifiamhumaniamperfect

[ifiamhumaniamperfect]

old doodles of how altsar and ms. torres' first meeting was meant to go!!

[ifiamhumaniamperfect]

some notes on ifiamhumaniamperfect mark!

-huge horror movie nerd. and very, VERY into the paranormal and supernatural. he has LOTS of books on ghosts, whether they're real or not (they are), he is fascinated by them. from a distance. he does not want anything to do with REAL ghosts, thank you very much. was actually the one to introduce cesar to ghost hunting and stuff! they don't do anything official, they just read books and watch movies and every once in a while cesar tries to talk to a ghost while mark tries to stop him. -speaking of cesar! they met in middle school and have been best friends since. mark's family moved into mandela when mark had just turned 11, and sarah was born. he. did not have any friends until he met cesar in 7th grade. but from then on they were inseparable. -is not actually estranged from his parents in this au! after alternates start to become more well known and six starts stealing kids, mark's parents decide to get sarah out of mandela asap (since she is 6, and possibly in the age range to get snatched). but they have a whole house that they can't just leave behind. since he wants to finish up senior year and stick with cesar, mark basically volunteers to watch over it until they can sell it and he can move out as well. he's basically an adult, and he's always following exactly what the broadcasts say, so it should be fine… right? -speaking of his parents, mark's relationship with them is… rocky, but he still loves them. they do not approve of the interest in the paranormal, and wish he would have more… 'normal' hobbies and focus on his grades but. they do care about him. -he has a cat! shes solid gray with green eyes, and named church (his parents were not a fan of him naming her after an undead evil cat from a horror movie but they DID say he could name her whatever he wanted). shes 8, mark got her from a shelter in 1990 and renamed her (she. didn't really respond to her old name anyways). shes very dumb and always getting in trouble but shes also a big lovebug :]

[ifiamhumaniamperfect]

some notes on maría torres :D -she was born and raised in mexico with her parents. -moved to the us at around the age of 20 after her parents died in an accident. she just couldn't stand to stay there with all of the memories, and decided moving to the us would be a good fresh start. she used some of the inheritance to find an apartment and got a job to avoid thinking about any of it. -since she was so focused on running away, after 3 years she also ended up flinging herself into a romantic relationship that…. did not last long. they got married after 5 months (mostly so she could have an excuse to change her last name) had cesar, and about 2 months later cesar's father vanished. the only communication she receives is child support money in an envelope and thats it. -despite this rocky start, she loves cesar more than she loves herself. she realizes how much shes been running away from her problems and resolves to turn her life around for his sake. and she does! it's a long process, but eventually she learns to love herself and start facing her problems. -for a long time she stopped cooking mexican dishes because they reminded her of her parents too much. she took a few cooking classes and learned how to make a LOT of different things (which is why in that one video she makes carbonara). later on, after shes had time to grieve, she eventually digs through storage boxes and finds her book of family recipes and reconnects with her family that way. -really loves classical music and songs from the 30s-60s, always plays a disc on her radio when she reads the paper or solves crosswords in the mornings and evenings. -has a few plants in the backyard, her favorites are the roses. whenever cesar goes to a formal event the rose on his lapel is always from her garden.

[ifiamhumaniamperfect]

honestly, i totally respect your decision. i know what it's like to suddenly lose enthusiasm/interest for something after pouring a lot of effort into it (it sucks). i'm just glad you're giving us context and closure instead of completely... ghosting? us. idk if that's the right word but. yeah!

HOWEVER...

i do think that new timeline cesar should have a cat. for altsar's sake. perhaps even a tuxedo cat. it's just been at the vet or something dw about it-

[ooc: thank you :] i was. honestly really bummed out about not having the motivation to make more for this au (i HATE leaving things unfinished) but i'm glad people are still interested in the stuff i have! i've been a bit. distracted lately but i am going to post the notes i have for ms. torres, and i'm finishing up the notes i have for mark :D

also. cesar having a cat IS a fantastic idea. however mark already has a cat in this au! her name is church (named after the cat in pet sematary 1989). shes a gray moggy from the animal shelter. altsar would eventually get to meet her! however i think if the torres family had a cat then altsar would Not have a good time (cats can see him, and he's not a big fan of being perceived yet)]

here's some (very old) sketches of how altsar and church meet

[ifiamhumaniamperfect]

the rest of ifiamhumaniamperfect

i never really had a solid outline for this au, since its an interactive askblog the best way to 'plan' was to keep it flexible and react to the audience. that being said, i had a few notes of the 'main events' that would happen no matter what. i've put those under the read more:

-cesar's introduction: i was going to wait until someone tried to reach out to cesar (which did happen, i just never got the motivation to answer that ask) and show his reaction. unlike the first cesar, this one is NOT afraid of ghosts. in fact, he is VERY interested in the paranormal, and almost immediately calls mark about it. (another thing different about cesar i forgot to mention is that this version of him doesn't wear suits or dress shirts regularly, usually he just wears flannels or button-ups)

-while this is happening, altsar decides to look in a mirror (prompted by another ask i got) to check his appearance. and he notices that his form has gained more stability. it isn't PERFECT or anything, but its waaay better than what it was before. aside from a few inhuman details (usually on the right side of his face), he looks A LOT like cesar. eventually he would realise this is because he has stopped forcing his face to change form.

-as per someone's suggestion, he decides to try to perfect his voice. he figures out how to turn on ms.torres' radio and starts 'singing' along with it (he is not very good at it). he often gets a bit caught up in it, and doesn't even realize that ms.torres has gotten home until he hears her. he immediately hides, but he forgets to turn off the radio. ms.torres didn't see him, but she could have sworn she heard… something.

-(speaking of ms.torres!! her name is maría and i have an entire thing of notes on her and her backstory. which i will post later.)

-one time, altsar is so focused on his voice, because hes finally gotten it right, that he doesn't notice ms.torres has walked in the room. all of the 'imperfections' on his face are on the side facing away from her (his right), so she thinks he is cesar. shes confused, because cesar hardly ever listens to her albums, he has no reason to be wearing a suit of all things, and hes acting so /strange/. altsar manages to fumble his way through a conversation, and keep the left side of his face towards her as he darts into another room. ms.torres is absolutely bewildered by this, especially when cesar walks through the front door 20 minutes later. after this she begins to piece together that maybe the radio being left on wasn't just her being forgetful after all…

-quick sidenote: this was meant to be a video and i have a wip of altsar 'singing' to "i'll never smile again". its not very good because i am not very musically talented and i had to transcribe piano chords into individual notes. and also its unfinished. but i could still post it later if anyones interested in that.

-anyways, ms.torres is conflicted. while the idea of… /something/ being in her house very much unnerves her, and shes /terrified/ of something happening to cesar… she just can't help but think whatever (or whoever) it is seems… lonely. but very, very shy. so she pretends she hasn't noticed anything. until one night when the radio is playing an album she knows she didn't put on, and she asks the empty air if it likes frank sinatra, since thats usually what disc she finds in the radio. and while she gets no response, she brings home a new album of frank sinatra anyways. and when she finds the cd case open and the new disc in the radio later, she takes it as a success.

-due to this altsar gets a bit… bolder. he managed to fool ms.torres once (he does not know that he did not fool her. at all.), why not try it again? so he lets her see him again and just starts talking. and ms.torres knows that isn't cesar, and she isn't quite sure what it is. a part of her screams that the... thing... in front of her is dangerous. but another part of her knows that if push came to shove? this is not a fight she could win. a different part of her knows that whatever this is… probably doesn't want a fight, seeing how skittish it is. and beyond all of that, she also cant stand seeing something with her son's face looking so lost and so scared. so she humours it. shes on guard the whole time, but after seeing it-him relax and stop hunching his shoulders and stop looking like a corpse, she realizes she really doesn't have to be afraid of him.

-this is around the time that altsar realizes he likes hanging out with ms.torres, he likes spending time with a human. and he starts to freak out about it because he can't do that. he KNOWS he's going to have to end up killing cesar eventually, and that ms.torres will never forgive him for that. but… does he really want to? 'gabriel' never said He would kill altsar if he failed, just leave him behind. but does he really want to kill cesar and shuffle on to the next timeline to kill another cesar and repeat that over and over again? he doesn't. but he also doesn't want to get attached. he knows he can't keep either of them safe forever, its only a matter of time before another alternate decides to kill one of them (his sibling already made that choice for him last time, after all). he can't let himself get attached to a person he knows is doomed, he couldn't handle losing them. but… the anons knew he was doomed, and they didn't leave him. they knew it would hurt, but they still stayed with him. maybe… he can try. he promised he would try, after all, maybe he just needs to change what it is he is trying to do.

-while all of this is happening, cesar is pouring through every book on ghosts, spirits, and demons he can get his hands on. he is THRILLED that his house is haunted, and he is trying to get his best friend to help him catch a ghost. which is hard because although mark likes ghosts in theory, in practice he isn't going to touch a oujia board with a ten foot pole. except cesar already bought one, and is inviting mark over to his house. great. cesar is BEGGING him to help him set everything up and make sure nothing goes wrong, because although cesar is very enthusiastic about ghosts, he also very much believes in all of the risks, and is VERY cautious. and although cesar has gone on about how important it is that he has mark helping him, mark knows it's only a matter of time before cesar attempts to use the oujia board on his shoulders hunch and a constant anxiety to engulf him whenever he stares at a shadow too long. what is it?

-this is where my notes start to get vague. from there, mark and cesar start messing with a bunch of diy ghost equipment that cesar got together. altsar was kind of watching the whole time because, hey, there's that mark guy thats been mentioned before. he sticks around to learn more about mark but also because there's something… familiar about him. no, not him, something outside of him, that makes his eyes dart around and his shoulders hunch and a constant anxiety to engulf him whenever he stares at a shadow too long. what is it?

-eventually, cesar pulls out the oujia board. and altsar feels… drawn to it. it's dark enough in the room that if he's careful, they shouldn't be able to see him if he moves the planchette… so he starts answering some questions. he's had plenty of experience with that, after all. (during all of this, anons would ALSO be able to answer questions one word at a time via poll.) and at the end, cesar asks altsar to reveal himself (mark thinks this is a horrible idea). and altsar does.

-everything kind of goes to shit. neither mark nor cesar know about alternates at this point, but seeing a weird shadow monster version of yourself manifest out of thin air is. pretty unnerving. altsar does not really stick around, he only revealed himself because he felt drawn to do what they asked(in this world ghosts are drawn towards attempts at communication, and he is technically somewhat of a ghost). and now hes freaking out over revelaing himself. the one thing he WASN'T supposed to do. nobody is having a great time.

-from here the notes get. very very sparse. eventually they calm down and form a truce with altsar once they notice he isn't trying to hurt anyone. cesar is trying to keep his shadow clone a secret from his mom (who. already knows lol)

-and mark is… spending a lot more time at cesar's house. almost like he's trying to avoid going back to his own. and eventually altsar realizes whats familiar about mark: the alternate that killed cesar last time (his 'sibling') is haunting mark's house. that. is a problem.

-altsar FREAKS out, telling them about the other alternate and possibly telling them how he was. originally meant to kill cesar but changed his mind. which is a fun conversation. this ends in altsar FINALLY going outside. and going to mark's house to confront his 'sibling'. a confrontation he actually WINS this time! turns out he's pretty decent at fighting when his body isn't falling apart at the seams.

-eventually ms.torres 'finds out' about altsar (he probably just tells her and shes like "oh i know^^" and hes absolutely shellshocked. how could she see through his well-crafted and clever disguise????) and is finally let in on the loop. altsar explains the whole thing with 'gabriel' and she basically just goes "well what if you severed the connection you have with him?? would that work??" and altsar. is kind of mad at himself for not thinking of that sooner. because he CAN disconnect himself from communication with the anons. which is DEVASTATING. he doesn't want to say goodbye. but he has to.

-however, altsar realizes that severing that connection would ALSO cut off communication with the anons. which is DEVASTATING. he doesn't want to say goodbye. but he has to.

-and that's how the ask blog was meant to end originally. altsar says his goodbyes, and severs the connection to live a new life with the family he found. from then on everyone would be able to watch, but he wouldn't be able to hear anything said to him. it would be a bit of an 'epilogue' ig.

and that's it! feel free to ask questions about anything, i'm going to post some of the things i had sketched out later :)

[ifiamhumaniamperfect]

[ooc: hey! its been a while and i just wanted to give you all an explanation as to why its been so long: i'm not going to finish/continue this au. i'm going to put the rest of this under the read more.]

[first of all: i've had an amazing time making this au, and interacting with everyone who ever sent in an ask. it was an incredible experience for my first time sharing a story online!! …but it WAS also my first time doing anything like this EVER. and honestly i'm surprised i even ever got this far with it. i expected to lose interest or run out of ideas about a week in LMAO. but i didn't, because people were genuinely interested in the story i was telling, and i. never really expected that!! and i had fun!! it was amazing to actually receive asks and be excited about what i could reply with!

but at the end of the day, it isn't bringing me joy anymore. i've just lost interest in this au. i simply don't have the same drive to draw out asks, or answer in character. i don't want to half-ass something i had so much passion for. and i REALLY don't want to keep you guys waiting for something that will never happen.

i really didn't want to give up on this au. i HATE leaving things like this unfinished. but i think i'd rather end it where it is right now than try to force myself through it.

i'm not fully dropping everything and walking away, i'm just not going to tell the rest of the story in a narrative form (hope that makes sense). i'm going to polish up the notes i have for how the story would have gone from here and answer questions about the au. but asks directed towards altsar are going to be answered by me.

i'm so, SO grateful to everyone, whether you sent in asks or just watched from the sidelines!! and i hope you guys had as much fun with this au as i did. it really made my day answering asks and writing altsar's character, and i'm really going to miss it. but all things come to an end, and i'm honestly proud of how far i got with this. i hope this story was worth it, even if it never got the ending i would have liked to give it.

thank you guys for everything :D]

[ifiamhumaniamperfect]

Are you afraid of going outside?

Yes. I tried to go outside once and I never want to try it again.

[ifiamhumaniamperfect]

Black counts. It's my favorite too.

Then I guess 'black' is my 'favorite color'.

[ifiamhumaniamperfect]

What are the biggest differences that you've noticed in this new reality?

They are different. Cesar and 'Mom'. This Cesar is less... quiet. He is not at home as much. He goes to meet someone named 'Mark'. The other Cesar talked to a 'Mark' as well, but not as often.

'Mom' is also a bit more... relaxed, I suppose. The other one always seemed... worried about something. She listens to a lot of the same 'songs' on the 'radio', but sometimes the songs do not have voices.

...

It feels... wrong. To see them again. Like nothing happened. But they are different.

[ifiamhumaniamperfect]

You'll need to learn how to cook.

...What is that.

[ifiamhumaniamperfect]

Do you have a favorite color, Altsar?

I... don't think I can see those. But I like being in the dark more than being in the light. Does that count as a 'favorite color'.

[ifiamhumaniamperfect]

Well... no, I can't really think of anything that humans have to do that isn't scary or dangerous on some level.

But that's where the beauty is. We do all these things despite the danger and we find joy in it.

I don't understand this 'beauty' but I guess I don't have a choice. Giving up isn't safer, and I said that I would try. I do not think I will find 'joy' in this, though.

[ifiamhumaniamperfect]

... give me scritches. -cassidy

...Are you a cat?

[ifiamhumaniamperfect]

No, driving is actually fun if you do it right. However, it is dangerous, so you'll have to be careful.

Is there anything I have to learn that isn't 'terrifying' or 'dangerous'? Or is everything like this.

[ifiamhumaniamperfect]

Is this Cesar any different from the previous one?

Yes. I can't exactly figure out how much, yet. I haven't seen enough of him. But he isn't the same. Neither of them are.

[ifiamhumaniamperfect]

Where are you right now, Ces?

sfx used:

door opening

footsteps

tv turning off

static

[ifiamhumaniamperfect]

cats love scritches on the neck. dont pet them backwards though, they dont like that

Okay. There are a lot of rules to this but this seems much more manageable than 'math'. At least this is simple.