ignissa

[ignissa]

I will add that I literally reverted to a previous save and picked another option because it was such a gut punch of a reaction - well done @blacktabbygames for making me feel sorry for a #girlboss coal baroness.

Tabby so clearly just wants to have friends.

（>﹏<）

[ignissa]

this post's hypothetical by itself is already ridiculous but the thing that gets me is how the wording implies two very funny things that become funnier in tandem

1. "Accidentally, the pitcher tosses a Christian baby" means this is a mistake on the pitcher's part. i imagine the pitcher is breastfeeding on the field and they pitch and they look down at their hands and they see the ball still in the glove and they go "fuck"

2. hitting the baby will still win you the game

[ignissa]

[ignissa]

The other night husband and I were watching a documentary about the yeti where they were doing DNA analysis of samples of supposed yeti fur, and every one of them came back as bears.

Anyway, the next night we watched a thing about some pig man who is supposed to live in Vermont. People said it had claws and a pig nose but walked upright like a man. Now, I happen to know that sideshows used to shave bears and present them as pig men. So every piece of evidence they gave of this monster sounds to me like a bear with mange.

So now the running joke in our house is that everything is bears. Aliens? Bears. Loch Ness monster? Bear. Every cryptozoological mystery is just a very crafty bear.

Bears. They’re everywhere. Be wary. Anyone or anything could be a bear.

[ignissa]

While making dinner tonight, I very very fleetingly, but very seriously and legitimately thought “I should watch Goncharov tonight”

And then I Remembered.

[ignissa]

Whenever I see someone refer to "Victorian era-" for places outside the UK I'm tempted to start saying shit like "Han Dynasty era Rome", "Soviet era Australia" etc

[ignissa]

I’d like to live through a week that’s not a whole new verse of “We Didn’t Start the Fire.”

[ignissa]

It's so nice being on tumblr because you don't even have to make your own post but people would still follow you anyways if you're good at rebloging posts they like

[ignissa]

I tap the mic. “Most people don’t want to crawl down your chimney and steal your dog.”

the crowd murmurs uncertainly.

“If someone wants to steal your dog,” I continue, “there are easier ways to do that. They don’t have to crawl into a chimney.”

Murmuring intensifies. People stand in their seats and begin to boo.

“People disguising themselves as chimney sweepers and stealing dogs is not a rational fear,” I shout. “Literally anyone could steal your dog. Why make sweeping chimneys illegal?”

“I have a list of chimney sweeps who stole dogs from parks!” Someone yells, throwing a shoe.

“You seriously think no chimney sweepers could possibly ever steal from a home?” Another cries.

“Only a dog thief would even want to crawl into a chimney to begin with!” Says a third.

A single tear rolls down my cheek. They are all so fucking stupid

This is a metaphor

[ignissa]

No No No! 🙀 Don’t take your hands. I feel so comfy. 💕🐊

[ignissa]

on watching a parent age

i saw somebody say “what if you’re gone and i haven’t become anything yet” and basically that broke me on a random thursday evening

[ignissa]

[ignissa]

[ignissa]

[ignissa]

cr 大同云冈蛋雕-凯哥

[ignissa]

I got to marry my wife, and our pupper was our flower girl. 2.5 years ago this wasn’t possible, as it wasn’t legal in Australia. It rained our whole wedding day, but was so worth it in the end with our phenomenal photographer.

[ignissa]

everybody do the weenus

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the weenus is a dance

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everybody is a genius

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who knows it in advance

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