inactivebsdblog

[inactivebsdblog]

I'm just gonna congratulate someone. We have a birthday boy, everyone.

(In my time zone, at least.)

ODASAKU I LOVE YOU YOU'RE A WONDERFUL GUY AND I'M STILL CRYING-

Errrm. Anyway, Happy Birthday, Odasaku! We love you!

[inactivebsdblog]

Update: the doctors messed up. I need to inject myself something every night for about six weeks and they prescribed me two times as much as what I actually need (another doctor noticed and prescribed me the right amount). My body didn't take that well. I won't die or anything but I'm constantly feeling like I might vomit (which I did four times after I was discharged) and I'm dizzy, so... well. I don't think I'll be able to finish the challenge anytime soon.

I'm really, really sorry

That I didn't manage to write anything for the past week but I had constant panic attacks out of fear that something might go wrong during surgery

I had my surgery finished about four hours ago, but I didn't wake up until two hours after that. I was really afraid that I might wake up with one toe less since my bone seems to have a hole there and it could've easily been fractured, but I can still feel the pain and I can move the toe to a certain extent bc thick bandages. Can't see it though bc of those bandages (and I don't want to, honestly)

(In other words I'm kinda okay now except that I've had to throw up a total of four times today, three times out of fear in the span from midnight to three in the morning and one time as a reaction to the anaesthesia after the whole thing ended

...And I got my period yesterday night, a whole week late. Well, thanks, body, that's exactly why I hate you sometimes)

[inactivebsdblog]

I'm really, really sorry

That I didn't manage to write anything for the past week but I had constant panic attacks out of fear that something might go wrong during surgery

I had my surgery finished about four hours ago, but I didn't wake up until two hours after that. I was really afraid that I might wake up with one toe less since my bone seems to have a hole there and it could've easily been fractured, but I can still feel the pain and I can move the toe to a certain extent bc thick bandages. Can't see it though bc of those bandages (and I don't want to, honestly)

(In other words I'm kinda okay now except that I've had to throw up a total of four times today, three times out of fear in the span from midnight to three in the morning and one time as a reaction to the anaesthesia after the whole thing ended

...And I got my period yesterday night, a whole week late. Well, thanks, body, that's exactly why I hate you sometimes)

[inactivebsdblog]

Bungoutober, day ten

Prompts: Help/Abuse

Type of media: OS

◇

The boy felt horrible. His limbs were hurting. His cheek burned. His heart was pounding like crazy. He couldn't think properly.

"Stand up," he heard a cold voice.

Looking up, he saw his mentor. A man with brown hair and eyes- though one of those eyes was hidden by bandages- who couldn't be much older than himself. His clothes were as dark as his heart.

Suddenly, he felt pain errupting in his side, a strong, sharp pain that felt like he had just been hit with a rock over and over again. The boy had troubles not to groan.

"I said: stand. Up."

Every other person would have been in rage because of this unfair treatment, but not this boy. He was responsible for this misery himself. The man was right to hurt him for being weak.

He lifted himself up, careful not to let a single sound- a sign of weakness- escape his lips.

The other male turned away. "We'll continue now. I expect that you won't disappoint me."

The boy shook his head. "I won't, Dazai-san."

◇

A/N: I really hate Dazai for doing this. Akutagawa could've been a better person if anyone had just taught him that killing people doesn't necessarily equal skill. Well, at least Atsushi is doing the job now.

Hope you liked it!

[inactivebsdblog]

Bungoutober, day nine

Prompts: Madness/Ghost

Type of media: Drabble/OS

◇

He couldn't bear to watch.

The boy's tears were flowing, yet again. He was only crying at night, after especially rough days. Silently, when nobody saw him.

Or so he thought.

The man, standing right before him, stared at him in pity. He knew why the boy was crying. He wished to help him. To embrace the boy and tell him it wasn't his fault.

But- that wasn't possible anymore.

He extended his hand, as if to ruffle through the boy's hair- but it passed right through.

The male sighed, kneeling down to look at the boy's face. "Stop crying, Dazai," he mumbled, even though he knew the other couldn't hear him. "I can't bear to see you like this."

And just like that, a single teardrop rolled down his cheek, falling down towards a floor it would never touch.

◇

A/N: I live for Dazai and Odasaku angst, but I also feel sorry for them. Odasaku deserved better. I love him.

I'm maybe going to add a drawing of them later on if I can manage to finish.

Hope you liked it!

[inactivebsdblog]

Bungoutober, day eight

Prompts: Knife/Kiss

Type of media: One-shot/Drabble

◇

It was only one kiss that they shared. A tender, bittersweet and way too short kiss.

She could never forget that kiss. It had been her first and last one.

She still remembered how heavily she was breathing. How full of lust his eyes were- she was sure he would've gone further than just a single kiss wouldn't he have restrained himself.

In the aftermath, she wished he would've gone further. Had he done that, then maybe, maybe he wouldn't have had such a risky and idiotic idea.

Maybe he would still be alive. Right here by her side.

But instead, he showed her the light, irresistible and alluring as it was. He made her long for it. He made her believe that she could lead a life in the light.

Oh, how wrong she had been. How wrong they both had been.

She still remembered his last, reassuring smile. His blood, splattering onto the streets. Her own screams, horrified and betrayed.

If she thought about it...

Yes. Their relationship had been exactly like that one kiss they had shared.

Short, bittersweet, and irresponsible.

Always destined to end.

◇

A/N: Oh, Kōyō... I feel so bad for her. She was exactly like Kyōka before her hopes were crushed. She deserved better. I really wish they could show her again in the Manga. A bit of development couldn't hurt her.

Hope you liked it!

[inactivebsdblog]

Bungoutober, day seven

Prompts: Spell/Curse

Type of media: One-shot/drabble(most of my entries are gonna be OS from now on since I don't have much time for drawings)

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Was it a blessing... or a curse?

He was sure it was a curse.

It couldn't be anything different.

It had never done him anything good, that curse of his. He was always alone and abused and he never knew why. He only found out about his curse through mere coincidence.

That damned ability... the tiger he couldn't control.

He hated it. He never asked for it. He wished it would be gone.

That's why he looked up to Dazai.

He was able to make the tiger disappear. He could nullify that curse. He was the only one who could.

The boy feared the day his suicide attempts might succeed, as it would mark the day he would lose his only hope on leading a life without having to fear his curse.

Sometimes, he wished he could just let it all out. His rage, his sorrow, everything, but on those days, he reminded himself that there were only three things he should hate- the director, for putting him through hell; the tiger, for being the cause of his pain; and himself, for not being able to defeat the tiger. To overcome him.

•••

Why. Why. Why.

Why was it always him that was used?

Why was it him that was born with this curse?

Why wasn't he loved by God like the others were?

He never asked for this power, so why was it given to him?

Sometimes, he just wanted to let it all out. To destroy and hate everything in his path.

...What was he saying?

He always wanted that.

◇

A/N: Hi everyone! Again, a monologue... or rather, two of them. I think most of you realised, but the characters used are Atsushi and Yumeno. During writing, I realised how similar fates these two had; abused since birth- in different ways though- and born with powers they didn't ask for, so I decided to include Q too. The key difference is that while Atsushi can restrain himself, Q cannot.

I have this headcanon that Q was once like Atsushi- a pure cinnamon roll, but the Mafia corrupted him and made him go crazy. He is what Atsushi would have become should he have been found by the Mafia during his infancy.

Hope you liked it!

[inactivebsdblog]

Bungoutober, day six

Prompts: Organisation/Family

Type of media: ...Something like a diary entry

◇

This is my family. It's chaotic here, but I like it that way. It would be boring to only have people like Rintarou here, right?

First of all, there is Rintarou, of course. He is submissive. Like a dog. He follows every of my orders, but he always wants to dress me in the dresses he likes. I hate them.

Then, there is Chuuya. He is short, but don't tell him that, only I and Dazai can do that. He likes wine and hats and thinks he looks cool. He also screams like a woman sometimes. Dazai once send me that video of him saying "There won't be a second time" like a little girl.

Wait I'm also a little girl so forget about what I just said.

Kōyō is very nice and pretty, but she has this strange obsession with darkness and Kyouka. She is like a mum, or a big sister. Chuuya always calls her that and she doesn't like it. She isn't all that old, she says, but she looks like it.

Don't tell her though. She's going to kill me for that.

Akutagawa has problems. First of all, his eyebrows are missing and so is his fashion sense and his will to live like a normal person. He also is all about Dazai. What do people have with that guy? He's gone. That's all there is to him.

Also he has a thing for that tiger boy but he would never admit that.

Akutagawa also has a partner, Higuchi. I think she is one of the only people halfway reasonable in this family, but she is masochistic and has a thing for Akutagawa, so there's no way she could be the leader. She should also go out shopping with me once in a while. She needs new clothes... like Akutagawa. He smells.

The Black Lizard is kinda okay. Hirotsu is the only sane person in there. Tachihara and Gin always fight, but Tachihara is more annoying since Gin doesn't speak at all. I think she doesn't want everyone to know she's a girl and Akutagawa's sister. A shame, she's really cute. Not as cute as me though.

And then, there is the lemon bomb guy. I forgot his name, I think it was Kaijuu, but he is the most insane out of all the people here. He loves science and bombs.

The most pretty, smart and wonderful person though is clearly me! I'm Elise. I LOOOVE shopping, cute things and my family! They're the best family in the world!

◇

A/N: I liiive! But not for long since I am going to utterly fail my exams. I can already see my parents' faces... I shouldn't have told them about these.

Anyways, the Port Mafia as a family. I think Elise sees them like that since... I dunno, she just strikes me like that kind of person. Also, these people are lovable idiots even though they are mass murderers and they have Gin which is a huge bonus.

Hope you liked it!

[inactivebsdblog]

Look I'll post two entries for Bungoutober tomorrow bc I had to drive home for what should've been four hours but turned into almost eight bc of the goddamn traffic

It's almost midnight

I'm tired

[inactivebsdblog]

Bungoutober, day five

Prompts: Tea/Alcohol

Type of media: Drawing

A/N: A rather quick drawing of Aku drinking tea... I thought Chuuya and wine would've been the obvious choice, so I chose Aku since I remembered he likes tea.

Hope you liked it!

[inactivebsdblog]

Bungoutober, day four

Prompts: Rock band AU/ China Town AU

Type of media: One Shot, maybe making something out of it later

◇

"Thank you, Yokohama! Good night!"

While the crowd was still cheering, the lights went out for a moment, allowing Chuuya to go backstage without being the focus for once. Immediately, he was handed a bottle of water, which he, still panting and not able to stop grinning, took a huge sip from.

"Chuuya-san! That was incredible!", he heard Higuchi, a woman from the management staff, call out to him. He turned in the direction he thought her to be and gave her a grin. "Thanks, Higuchi," he tried to reply with a hoarse voice.

"Chuuya!" Tachihara's voice, on the other hand, wasn't hoarse yet, which honestly impressed the other redhead, since both of them had been singing for three whole hours now. "Do you have time now? We need to talk about the next song and-"

"Not now," Chuuya coughed, pointing at his throat.

"Oh, I see," the younger male nodded. "So, tomorrow? At the usual place, around twelve?"

The redhead nodded, then went to the direction of his cabin. He couldn't get back to his apartment tonight- he couldn't most nights after live concerts because of too many fans swarming around, so he had a cabin right here which he had prepared in advance. The people here knew him, so they always let him stay the night.

On his way, he passed the Akutagawa siblings- Ryuunosuke, the older sibling, who was generally referred to by his last name, and Gin, the only female member of the group. They both weren't really talkative, so they just gave him a nod. He did the same.

As soon as he reached his room, he let himself fall onto the couch. He was exhausted, this had been a rather long day. The longest in a while. He didn't even want to drink some of his beloved wine anymore. Only sleep... he felt like he hadn't slept for ages.

He couldn't even change his clothes before he fell into a deep slumber.

•••

Chuuya woke up when the sunlight already fell through the window. Groaning, he sat up, checking his phone. 10:38. He had two messages and five missed calls.

The messages were from Higuchi- "Chuuya-san, what to do about the meet and greet you all wanted to do" and Tachihara- "If you got too drunk yesterday to remember now, today at twelve at the usual place" . The calls were all from the same unknown number. Probably a fan. He shouldn't call back.

He lifted himself up. He felt like shit. Still in his stage outfit, still with the bit of make-up he had worn yesterday evening. And even though he hadn't even seen a single bottle of wine yesterday, he felt like he had drunken his whole bar empty.

The male sighed while walking towards his backpack. He had a few shirts he could wear stored in there and there was a little bath where he could shower right next to this room. He would even have a bit of time to get home.

As soon as he got out of the building, he put on the hood. His signature hat was in the backpack. The risk of being recognised through it was too big. Making his way downtown, he passed a shopping district.

I need to get some food later, he thought. His fridge was almost empty, if he remembered correctly.

Chuuya got to a small apartment complex, climbing the stairs and nodding at the passing people- an old lady, a young man with his son in his arms, Dazai, the landlord's daughter-

Wait a second.

He turned around with wide eyes, but the man was already gone.

Was that... Had that really been Dazai?

...No, it must've been his imagination. He had moved since four years ago, multiple times, to keep his location a secret.

With that thought in mind, he opened his apartment door, placing his backpack inside and stepping in.

He immediately noticed the white card on the floor, on it a handwriting he would recognise anywhere.

That man... it had really been Dazai.

It wasn't shock that filled his body. It wasn't sadness or happiness that he was back, that he actually contacted him.

It was pure, all-consuming rage.

Not even looking at the card, he ripped it to pieces.

•••

"Chuuya!", Tachihara greeted as soon as the older male walked into their usual café, Minato Coffee. "I got you coffee. Black, two sugar."

"Thanks," Chuuya muttered, sitting down.

The other ginger furrowed his brows. "Is... something wrong?"

"No," the male heard himself say. "I'm just a bit tired, that's all. Thanks for the coffee."

They sat down for a while, talking about the show the night before and discussing their next song. Tachihara also asked for a bit of advice from Chuuya- girl advice, as the boy said it (though the older redhead already knew who exactly Tachihara wanted to impress- it was pretty easy to see that he had a thing for a certain Akutagawa). The lead singer of the Black Lizard was, after all, notorious for being a womanizer.

After almost an hour, however, things took a different turn.

"So, Chuuya..." The redhead looked up. Tachihara suddenly looked even more uncomfortable than before when he had asked about girls.

"To be honest with you, we had a rock-paper-scissors match with the management team to determine who has to tell you and I lost... so..."

The young man turned his gaze away.

Chuuya leaned back. "Come on, tell me. It can't be that bad."

Tachihara didn't look any calmer.

"Our sales are declining-"

"And?", the redhead asked, lifting an eyebrow. "We just have to write better music, that's-"

"-so we want to collab with a more popular artist."

The male didn't get what was so horrible about that. There were tons of artists more popular than them. Why would Hirotsu's team do a rock-paper-scissors tournament just to determine who would-

Unless...

Tachihara still looked away, muttering "I'm sorry" to the other musician.

"I won't collab with Dazai," Chuuya said coldly.

"Chuuya, I get it, he hurt you before-"

"I. Won't. Collab. With. Dazai."

This time, his voice was even colder. More forceful. Almost deadly.

He leaned over the table, forcing Tachihara to look at him. The poor boy was trembling as Chuuya's murderous gaze struck him. "If I should hear that you are planning these things behind my back one more time," he whispered, "I will leave this band. You still need a lead singer, don't you?"

With these words, he slammed some money on the table and stormed out of the door.

◇

A/N: Man, this took longer than I expected. I started around 6 in the afternoon and I kinda failed the challenge in my timezone an hour ago, but don't tell anyone.

Anyways, an AU! I love AUs! Anyone know that Dazatsu Hogwarts AU by @looking-for-stray-dogs here on Tumblr? I love that one. It is really, really good.

I chose Rock band because I remembered that Chuuya's Japanese voice actor did the first and the third OP and is the lead singer of a band. That's also why he is the protag of this AU.

Little extra: the name I chose for the café, Minato Coffee, has a meaning: haven coffee, or, port coffee. I think everyone knows why I chose that meaning.

Anyways, I hope you enjoyed!

[inactivebsdblog]

Bungoutober, day three

Prompts: Growing up/First meeting

Type of media: Comic/Sketch... didn't have time for more today.

A/N: I had quite the hard time with this prompt since I didn't just want to redraw one of the shown first meetings and because the characters' past are either unknown or not as great... then I remembered Chuuya and Kyouka did maybe meet shortly before Chuuya went away overseas. That meeting must've been awkward.

Hope you liked it, even though it isn't much!

Oh, and to my fellow Germans: Happy reunion!

[inactivebsdblog]

Bungoutober, day two

Prompts: Blood/Flower

Type of media: Drawing

A/N: I had to think of Kyouka immediately after seeing the prompts because of a certain quote by Kōyō and because of her flower hairclips! I combined the two prompts by splattering a bit of blood on the flowers and her face. Yes, the one drop that looks a bit like a tear was on purpose.

Hope you liked it!

[inactivebsdblog]

Bungoutober, day one

Prompts: Suicide/Reason to live

Type of media: One-shot/Drabble

◇

A reason to live...

...Did he ever have one?

The male stared down at the river. He was here often. More often than he had hoped.

The first time he tried to drown himself here had been about ten years ago.

It had been winter. The cold water had felt like a thousand needles piercing him, but he hadn't minded that. He would've been gone soon after that anyway.

There happened to be a school class with a teacher who had been a professional lifeguard before at the river that day. That man saved him the first time.

The next time, he tried at night, and he had been fished out by a drug dealer under the control of the Port Mafia who happened to have a deal running close by.

As if a higher force was mocking him, time and time again, he was saved, as if his life still had a purpose to them.

He didn't believe in gods- well, he hadn't before a certain shortie proved him wrong- but whatever it was that kept him alive, he hated it. With all that he had. He hated it for not telling him his own purpose in life, why he should stop trying to commit suicide.

That's why he wouldn't give up. He would defy that slight chance one day. He would manage to die, and then, during his last breath, he would mock that being, for they would have failed.

"Oi, Dazai! What's taking you so long?!", he heard his partner call him.

Why not...

With sparkling eyes, he exclaimed, "Oh, what a nice river!" and started to climb over the railing.

"Wha- DON'T YOU DARE-"

Too late.

The feeling of cold water piercing his skin like countless small needles combined with the darkness and the feeling of not being able to breathe greeted him like an old friend.

Let's see, he thought, just before his consciousness slipped away, who of us will prevail this time.

◇

A/N: So, I'm not starting off with a drawing this time! Yay!

Yes, this attempt is the one where Atsushi saves him- thought bringing that in would be interesting.

Hope you enjoyed! Stay tuned for tomorrow!

[inactivebsdblog]

Update regarding Bungoutober: I'm getting surgery on the 17th, but I need to be in the hospital on the 16th. If I manage, I'll prepare the posts for those days (and the two, three days after) beforehand, but if I don't, then... well. You don't have to worry about me in that case, I guess. Posts will definietly resume after that, though.

I'm still alive

I'm so sorry for not answering the requests I have in my Inbox. It's just that I am really busy at the moment. Like, classes started again and that's not even the reason I'm busy. I had unexpected things turning up. Imagine walking down a street in Europe and suddenly a bunch of elephants and a single kangaroo run past you, that kind of unexpected. I had and still have a ton of appointments and then I still have to catch up on my studies... It's a lot.

It may seem strange and disrespectful towards the people who had to wait up until now, but I actually want to participate in BungouTober (going to reblog the post soon) despite all of those things (I'm really, really sorry, guys, your requests will be the first thing I'll get to after this whole chaos, please bear with it). However, I might not be able to send something for every day.

For the duration of October, requests will be closed. The ask box, however, will stay open if you have any questions or if you just need someone to talk. You're always welcome to message me, I am going to be there for you.

[inactivebsdblog]

It’s only September but we are already getting ready for a new version of the Bungoutober!
ㅤ
For those who didn’t know this game, here are the rules:
ㅤ
ㅤ○ Your daily entry for Bungoutober doesn’t have to be a drawing, it could be a oneshot, drabble, poem, fanfic, cosplay, use the prompts to create whatever you want!
ㅤ
ㅤ○ You can choose one of the two prompts we suggest for each day to help you get inspired in this creative race.
ㅤ
ㅤ○ Don’t forget to use the hashtag #bungoutober so we can see your entries.
ㅤ
○ For October 11: Lily and Bokura are the ED for the third season and DEAD APPLE respectively, use these songs and their meanings however you like.
ㅤ
ㅤ○ Good luck and start thinking what you’ll do for each day of this challenge!

[inactivebsdblog]

I'm still alive

I'm so sorry for not answering the requests I have in my Inbox. It's just that I am really busy at the moment. Like, classes started again and that's not even the reason I'm busy. I had unexpected things turning up. Imagine walking down a street in Europe and suddenly a bunch of elephants and a single kangaroo run past you, that kind of unexpected. I had and still have a ton of appointments and then I still have to catch up on my studies... It's a lot.

It may seem strange and disrespectful towards the people who had to wait up until now, but I actually want to participate in Bungoutober (going to reblog the post soon) despite all of those things (I'm really, really sorry, guys, your requests will be the first thing I'll get to after this whole chaos, please bear with it). However, I might not be able to send something for every day.

For the duration of October, requests will be closed. The ask box, however, will stay open if you have any questions or if you just need someone to talk. You're always welcome to message me, I am going to be there for you.