incorect-spelling

[incorect-spelling]

Even the people who don't support the death penalty often do so for the wrong reasons. People talk about how the criminal deserves to suffer or how it's more financially efficient to keep them alive. When you start to talk about the value of a life even the people who once agreed with you grow less and less accepting of your views because they don't see why every life should be preserved. They don't think people deserve the chance to change; to regret their actions or beg the universe for forgiveness. They don't believe that humans are defined by the worst among us and to see them as truly, unreliably evil gives a description of your own species that you don't want to be forced to accept. They don't see the difference between self defense or keeping people safe, and orchestrating the death of someone you feared and hated. They aren't scared to give the state the right to kill those they don't see worthy of life. They don't see killing as wrong and that's a horrifying thing to learn about someone

[incorect-spelling]

Why are you so nice?

I know you do not want me,

Why do you not leave?

[incorect-spelling]

I used to be so used to only saying what was expected of me, but I met some people who let me say the other stuff, the stupid thoughts I was scared were "wrong". When I stopped seeing these people I thought I would be fine. I went 16 years without them, what's 16 more? But the difference is that now I know what I'm missing. Now I read a stupid joke and I want to share it. I have an embarrassing story and I want to tell it. I want to talk about my interests and the things I hate, I want to unapologetic but unjudged. I know I can still be content by myself, I will be independent again, but oh fuck I miss having people to show that part of myself to. I really wish they missed me

[incorect-spelling]

We were supposed to make heaven on earth

But the men in power embody the deadliest sins

The heat is rising and the world is starting to burn

We lit the world on fire and we filled it with greed and sloth and wrath

We built hell, word for word

And that makes humanity the devil

[incorect-spelling]

You've heard of heaven and hell but have you concidered that in the moment you die its the feeling you get when you're terrified that something will go wrong but you have no power over it. Your body is a wreck of worry and a vessel of every mistake you've made but then you begin to fall apart, not metaphorically but your ashes are spread or your corps decomposes and you become a part of the same earth you were always a part of but more intertwined now and you're not at peace because you don't exist but there something better now made out of what you once were and it's peaceful

[incorect-spelling]

I'm not scared to go to hell because we live in a world on fire. It's full of assholes and creatures who cant find enough empathy in them to care who's dieing and suffering in agony while they sit there preaching about free speech like they aren't the ones who want to silence the screams of the less fortunate. Hell is full of the worst people you can imagine, but you will know that they're the bad guys. Here when you meet a man who calls you a whore. An abomination. A mistake. You have to ask yourself if he's a good man. When stolen children cried for their parents a wealthy privileged mother told them that what their parents did was wrong and when those children died the Christian that screames save children didn't raise a sign or start a protest. At least when I'm in hell I won't be scared to speak my mind. There won't be threats of war and rape and torture coming from those who say they speak on behalf of god because the devil is mean but clear while man is monstrous and will twist your mind until you wonder if you are the horrible fuckup that they say you are. Hell is hot but the world is burning and I've given up on being scared

[incorect-spelling]

You can use a lot of big words

Say a lot of things

People will think youre smart

But you're not

You're scared

Scared to admit that your heart feels like the rain on your skin when it's bearly dusk and the fog hugs you gently.

That love smells like the ocean when you stare out at the waves and you wonder if someone on the other side is staring back.

That his kiss tastes like moon light when it's dark and your heading home, wishing the drive could be a bit longer

You try desperately to complicate yourself because you're scared to see yourself as a part of the world you say you love

Scared to exist as a blade of grass because you want to be the flower standing tall in field of green

But you're not

[incorect-spelling]

Forgiving seems easy until you can't help but love the people who betrayed you. They caused you so much pain you lay awake at night hating yourself because you can't hate them. They're your world, your sun, and your moon and you wish more than anything that you could survive without them. Forgiving seems easy, but the never ending battle is what makes it hard.

[incorect-spelling]

You smell like cigarettes

And summer afternoons

Bike rides and freedom

We'll hum a pretty tune

Just us two

[incorect-spelling]

I complain constantly about stubid things to avoid the fact that there's absolutely nothing wrong with my life and when I can't stop crying and I know Ive lost control of my life and I've sunk so far below the surface I'll never see the sun again I have no one to blame but myself

[incorect-spelling]

Talking to you

Is like hearing my favorite song

A comforting melody

Inspiring words

And a feeling that I am home

I am safe

My favorite song on repeat

And I pray it never stops

[incorect-spelling]

You wear your addiction like a crown

The king of a castle that's crumbling down

[incorect-spelling]

I want to die

Feeling like I've lived

For more than happy moments

Spread too far

And too thin

[incorect-spelling]

Story's are too often written by the ones who know how to write, not the ones who know what to say

[incorect-spelling]

Their are so many things I've never told anyone because they're my problems but the year is ending and it's time so that I can look back and know I didn't spend this year drowning myself in secrets

I live with my mom my dad and my sister and my dad yells and it never seems to bug my sister but you couldn't count on two hands the amount of times me and my mom have cried together.

When I was a kid my mom worked on weekends and I was left alone with my dad and he would send me to my room and I couldn't get the door open because my bedroom door gets stuck and I was 3 and I would sit in there and cry for hours and some days I would throw and break stuff because I didn't know what else to do and after a while I couldn't stand being alone

One of my clearest memories from my childhood is when I tried using my tooth fairy money to pay my parents to love me

I'm scared that my sister is becoming more and more like my dad because sometimes I can't tell the difference between his stomping and hers and when I hear doors slamming and things being thrown I don't always know which one of them it was

When I was younger my dad would chase me around and tickle me or grab me and he thought it was hilarious and so did everyone else but I hated it and I hated that no matter how much I screamed and cried he wouldn't leave me alone and that's when I started locking myself in rooms and I never stoped

I don't remember much about being a kid but I remember cutting myself for the first time in 6th grade and not stopping till the end of 7th and I remember telling my friends that I was depressed and I remembered that they told my parents and I remember how much my parents yelled and I remember that that they still make fun of me and I don't remember telling my friends that part but I'm sure they know it happened because I can't imagine why else they think I stopped. I didn't want my friends and family to hate me.

I remember when I realized I wasn't straight. It was the best and worst thing I ever did. Everything clicked and so many things started to make sence and I thought I was pansexual and now I think I'm bisexual but that doesn't really matter what matters is that I still say "I think" not "I am" because I'm scared that this is me desperately trying to get attention and I don't even realize.

I remember my friends making jokes that they thought were funny and I was too scared not to laugh and when my friend told me it would easy to hide that I liked girls I didn't even know what to say because i have hid it and it was painful.

I remember the first time I really listened to music. I was at a friend's house and she put on my chemical romance and it was a song from the album danger days and I loved it so much. Before that all the music I listened to had been from the radio or my dads old ipod.

I remember meeting new friends in the 9th grade. I can never thank them enough. They made school worth going to

I have never drank or smoked or done drugs even though I think it sounds fun because I don't know how I would get drugs or alcohol and I'm too scared to try to get them.

I used to hate my body and the way I looked and I feel more guilty than glad because I didn't start liking it until I lost weight. How can I tell people to love themselves when I couldn't

The first time I played guitar in front of my dad he told me I was terrible and every time I play I think of that. I am terrible.

At this point I'm more comfortable when I'm sad than when I'm happy. When I'm happy it's weird and unusual and I act really akwardly

I can't hide my emotions

I scare myself because when I get mad I throw and punch things and I feel like I'm becoming my dad.

I love my mom.

I had a teacher in 5th and 6th grade who made me hate English. I'm still scared to write anything, whether it's a text or an essay

I always wanted to skateboard but my dad wouldnt let me because he said I'd be terrible and quit and I know he was right.

I'm scared that the guys I like remind me of my dad.

I'm always sad and bored because I feel like I've been waiting for my life to start. I want to get high in parking lots and go to parties and leave my fucking house after 7pm and I want to go down one of those roads that are always empty and walk into the center of someones farm and look at the stars. But I don't want to do it alone and no one wants to do it with me.

I realize how annoying and clingy I am

I know my life is so much better than so many people's and that my dad is just being a dad and I need to learn to live with all the things I just said but when it's 4am and I can't breathe or sleep or stop crying it will be nice to know that someone somewhere might know what my life is like

I'm going to stop now and maybe I'll do this again some day. I don't expect that anyone read that and I don't expect people to do anything about any of it, but it's nice to have it said

[incorect-spelling]

We have more in common than I think you notice, which is why you've never liked me

[incorect-spelling]

Why do i worry?

You don't even know my name.

Please be safe. For me.