incorrect-nhl

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Matthew Tkachuk: Stop asking me if I’m straight, gay, bi, whatever. I identify as a THREAT.

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Connor McDavid: I have no idea why people say they struggle with anxiety. It comes so naturally to me

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Aleksander Barkov: Did you have to break your stick over his back?

Matthew Tkachuk: You were on the bench. You didn’t hear what he said to me

Barky: What did he say?

Chucky: He said ‘what are you gonna do? Hit me with your stick?’

Sergei Bobrovsky: That’s fair

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Matt Duchene: My kink is when people actually care about my feelings and what I have to say

Tyler Seguin: Too unrealistic. Settle for bondage like the rest of us

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Mitch Marner, arguing with William Nylander: I am an excellent secret keeper! I’ve kept all of your secrets

Auston Matthews: Secrets? What secrets?

Mitch: Oh no. No. Matty. I’m not going to tell you because I’m an excellent secret keeper!

[Willy walks away]

Auston: You’ll tell me later?

Mitch: You already know

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*Connor McDavid explaining the wonders of hydration to a group of rookies*

Connor: Water is so good for you! It can solve so many problems! Want to lose weight? Drink water. Clear skin? Drink water.

Leon Draisaitl, from across the locker room: tired of someone? Drown them

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Brady Tkachuk: I have a bad feeling about this

Matthew Tkachuk: what do you mean?

Brady: don’t you ever get that little voice in your head that tells you if something is going to get you in trouble

Matthew: no?

Brady: that actually explains so much

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William Nylander: You shouldn’t be using a straw

Mitch Marner: Yeah yeah it’s bad for the environment or whatever

Willy: No, it’s just a weird way to eat spaghetti

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Trevor Zegras: Send dudes

Jamie Drysdale: You mean nudes?

Trevor Zegras: No, I’m about to get jumped and I need some backup

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Literally any player on the entire NHL: Uh you know we just gotta pucks deep

Waiter: I asked if you wanted fries with that

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Coach Mike Sullivan: Where are you??

Evgeni Malkin: You said I’m healthy scratch

Coach Mike Sullivan: I never said that

Evgeni Malkin: oh, well can I be a healthy scratch?

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Trevor Zegras: ARE YOU-

Mason McTavish: fucking

Trevor Zegras: KIDDING ME? YOU-

Mason McTavish: fucking

Trevor Zegras: IDIOT. WHAT KIND OF

Mason McTavish : bullshit

Trevor Zegras : CALL IS THAT? ARE YOU

Mason McTavish : fucking

Trevor Zegras: BLIND?

Troy Terry: what was that?

Mason McTavish: Jamie said that he finds swearing unattractive. I’m just helping Z out.

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William Nylander: A drunk mind speak sober thoughts

Auston Matthews, drunk af: Mitch I think I’m in love with you

Mitch Marner, drunk af: hehe stomachs think all potatoes are mashed

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Jamie Drysdale, coming down the stairs: Is something burning?

Trevor Zegras, leaning seductively across the counter: Just my desire for you *winks*

Jamie Drysdale: Trevor the toaster is on fire

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*Playing Scrabble*

Kris Letang: I will put down my “A” and my “T” to spell “AT”

Evgeni Malkin: I will put down “R” to make “RAT”

Sidney Crosby: And I will add to your “RAT” to make

“BIOSTRATIGRAPHIC”

Evgeni Malkin: *flips board*

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Bryan Rust: It’s funny how when you get older, you start to enjoy things you hated as a kid

Jake Guentzel: Like taking naps

Brian Dumoulin: And getting spanked

Bryan Rust:

Jake Guentzel:

Brian’s Dumoulin: *loudly sips drink*

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Jonny Toews: You’re pretty dumb.

Patrick Kane: Thank you, that’s very nice of you to say.

Jonny Toews: I literally just insulted you, why are you thanking me?

Patrick Kane: All I heard was “You’re pretty” I’m choosing to to focus on the positives in life.