incorrect-spiderverse

[incorrect-spiderverse]

*Casually in the Middle of a High Stakes/Dangerous Situation*

Pavitr: "How do you eat pickles?"

Hobie: "What do you mean?"

Pavitr: "I mean, there's a whole process. It's not like you can grab them from the jar with your hand because it's cold and the juice burns if you have a cut, plus, it's pretty unsanitary. And you can't use a spoon because you'll have to scoop it out, and it'll be way too difficult to grab more than three or four without taking 10 minutes along with half the brine in the jar, even if it's one with holes."

Gwen: "Yeah, that's why you use a fork."

Pavitr: "Okay, sure, but what if you don't have one of the big ones clean? It's weird to use a small one. But there is always one of those smaller sharp knives clean."

Miles: "But the straight edge doesn't really fit the cylindrical shape, and you have to make sure you don' t break it. It's too much work. "

Pavitr: "It makes me feel like I deserve the pickles though. Like, "Yeah, I did it. That's right. Good job me." It's empowering. But even after that, it's not like you can use a bowl. "

Hobie: "I get that. It's not ascetically pleasing."

Pavitr: "Exactly! And it looks weird if you don't entirely fill the bowl, but you also can't eat that many. My solution: Use a mug. "

Miles, Gwen and Hobie: *Nods in agreement*

Miguel: "That is all very interesting, BUT WE'RE TRYING NOT TO DIE RIGHT NOW! USE YOUR LIMITED ATTENTION SPANS AND FOCUS! "

Pavitr: "Jeez, okay. "

Gwen: "Quit yelling at us already."

Hobie: "No"

[incorrect-spiderverse]

Miles: "I have made you all playlists!"

Miles: "Hobie, yours has only heavy metal and is dark like your soul."

Hobie: "Ace"

Miles: "Gwen, yours has sad songs and blues to pair with your crippling depression."

Gwen: "Hey-"

Miles: "And Pav has the ABBA Gold album."

Pavitr: "Perfect!"

[incorrect-spiderverse]

*while Miles is being chased down by all the other Spider-man's*

Miles: " On a scale of one to ten, how mad are you?"

Miguel: "An eight"

Hobie, overhearing this and is ready to make it worse help Miles: "Oh, I can definitely do better than that"

[incorrect-spiderverse]

Spot, having fully lost his shit and beating Miles in a fight: "I want you to repeat after me"

Miles, scared and confused: "O-okay."

Spot: "Will you pray for me"

Miles: "Will you pray for me"

Spot: "When I'm gone?"

Miles: "When I'm gone?"

Spot: "Or until another Spiderman comes along?"

Miles "C-can you repeat that one?"

Spot, full drama mode: "Will you pray for me when I'm gone? Or is this the eternal dark without a dawn!?"

Spot: "Who will pray for you"

Miles, terrified: "Who will pray for me?"

Spot: "When your body's gone?"

Miles: "When my body's gone?"

Spot: "This is the consequence for what you've done!"

Miles, trying to fight back: "I'm not an anomaly!"

Spot: "WHAT DID YOU SAY?!"

[incorrect-spiderverse]

Miguel: "This is not the time for your shenanigans!"

Hobie and Gwen: "It was a single shenanigan."

[incorrect-spiderverse]

Hobie: "I feel fine."

Pavitr: "YOU HAVE BEEN STABBED?!?"

Hobie looks down at the knife still in his side and shrugs: "Don’t worry guys, I’ve been stabbed before."

Miles: "YOU DON’T BUILD AN IMMUNITY TO BEING STABBED, HOBIE!!!!"

[incorrect-spiderverse]

*Hobie and Pavitr stuck spontaneously babysitting Mayday*

Hobie staring at Mayday: "uhhh"

*Mayday stares at him*

Hobie: “Want to go fight crime?”

Pavitr: “SHE'S 1!”

Hobie, while picking her up by her foot and Mayday giggling: “I don’t know! What am I supposed to do with her?!”

[incorrect-spiderverse]

Miles: *quietly sketching during a meeting*

Pavitr: *leans over and sees that Miles is drawing Gwen with hearts and stars surrounding her*

Pavitr: "Oh, do you like Gwen?"

Miles, tensing: "What-?"

Pavitr: "Oh? Did you not hear me? I ASKED IF YOU LIKE GWEN STACEY"

Miles: *covers Pavitr's mouth while launching his sketch book* "SHHHH-"

[incorrect-spiderverse]

Jess: "Miguel! I found a kid in the trash!"

Miguel: "WHAT- PUT HER BACK! SHE DOESN’T BELONG TO YOU"

Jess: "FINDERS KEEPERS"

Miguel: "JESS"

Gwen , a traumatized teenage girl: "I can’t tell if I’m being kidnapped or spontaneously adopted"

Gwen as she watches Jess and Miguel argue over her: … *tries to walk away*

Miguel: "SIT YOUR ASS DOWN"

Gwen:

Gwen, while sitting criss cross apple sauce style and watching them argue: "Adopted, it seems"

[incorrect-spiderverse]

Gwen: "My self-care is suppressing all my trauma until it comes back and hits me in the face with the force of seven very large trucks."

[incorrect-spiderverse]

Hobie grabs Miles's shoulders: "Would you take a bullet for me?"

Miles: "...yes?"

*Miguel angrily burst into the room*

Hobie: *running away* "Great, thanks!"

[incorrect-spiderverse]

Hobie: "RIP to everyone killed by the gods for their hubris, but im different and better. Maybe even better than the gods"

[incorrect-spiderverse]

*On Earth-42*

Miles, while tied to the punching bag: "Am I being kidnapped?"

Prowler Miles: "No, no, no"

Miles:*pauses* "Can I leave?"

Prowler Miles: "... no..."

[incorrect-spiderverse]

MJ: *to 5-month-old Mayday* "Mommy’s going to drop kick anyone that touches you."

Peter B Parker: "And Daddy’s going to bail Mummy out of jail."

[incorrect-spiderverse]

Miguel: "To be an Alpha, you have to work through your emotions and learn to accept them. Peter, access and share with us your most painful memory. "

Peter B Parker closes his eyes: "I'm... I'm on the playground... stop taunting me!

Peter B Parker, while gasping and starting to cry: "just want to go on the swings!"

Miguel, nodding somberly: "Early childhood is a treasure trove of pain. "

Peter B Parker: "That happened this morning."

[incorrect-spiderverse]

[on Twitter]

Hobie: "One like, and I’ll rob the head of the Spiderverse."

Hobie: *likes his own tweet*

Hobie: "Say no more."

[incorrect-spiderverse]

*Peter B Parker coming back to the spider hideout to find Noir, Hobie, Miles, Gwen, and Pavitr watching strange unsolved mysteries and eating snacks*

Peter B Parker, confused: "What are you guys doing?

Noir, watching intently: "Seeing how many of these were me. "

Peter B Parker: "… How many have you found so far?"

Miles: "Around eight"

Pavitr: "I thought we were up to nine?"

Noir: "I’m still not sure about this last one..."