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Zim: Dib and I are dating!

Gaz: we’ve known for ages

Dib: we just started dating two days ago?

Gaz: the fuck were you doing before that??

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X

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Zim: you amuse me. I will make you mine

Dib: y-you mean like a boyfriend or like a slave?

Zim: yes

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Dib: "Being nice is easy. Here, watch. 'Have a nice day!' "

Zim: "Enjoy the next 24 hours."

Dib: "No-"

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Zim, in Dib’s bed: Morning… how’d ya sleep last night?

Dib, knocking Zim off: WHAT THE HELL?!

Zim: Ow—

Dib: What were you doing in my bed? You were supposed to sleep on the air mattress on the floor!

Zim: I had a nightmare.

Dib: You had a nightmare? What are you, five years old?

Zim: Listen, I needed to feel comfortable and I was getting this perverse power dynamic vibe from me sleeping on the floor and you sleeping up there-

Dib, in a royal accent: Why yes, how high and mighty I am up on my twin XL!

Zim: That is not what I meant—

Dib: Silence in the presence of your king, who sleeps a lofty twelve and a half inches above the ground!

Zim: Listen, I’m not ashamed. I slept comfortably when I got up on your bed and I’m sure you did too.

Dib: Yeah, okay-

Zim: You know what? I wanna know. How’d you sleep last night?

Dib: …That was the best I’ve slept in a while.

Zim, gasping: The king slept comfortably with a peasant in his bed!

Dib: I did not consent to this-

Zim, dramatically: But my liege, our love is forbidden!

Dib, on the phone: Hi, is this the front desk? Yeah, there’s a bed bug in my room and he’s six-foot-one, he’s got red hair.

Zim: Ask them if they have one of those “Do Not Disturb” signs. I’ll put it on the door next time we… do it.

Dib: Okay, I'ma go shower and wash all of the you off of me.

Zim: Oh, maybe together we could—

Dib: NO.

Zim: Just to save water—

Dib: No! You don’t even pay for the water!

Zim: …Good point.

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Professor Membrane: did you know there’s a knife that gets so hot it instantly turns bread into toast?

Gaz: dude…imagine stabbing someone with that

Dib: well if it was that hot it would instantly cauterize the wound so it wouldn’t be very effective

Zim: it’s effective if you want information

Professor Membrane:…why are you stabbing people when you could have toast???

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Dib: stop doing stupid shit!!

Zim: you’re stupid and I don’t hear you complaining

Dib: listen here you little-

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Dib: do I think I can take Zim? I mean…yeah sure, he’s not that big

Dib:…………

Dib: oh you mean like in a fight…no

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Zim: Will you date me? Breathe if yes, recite the Bible in Japanese if no.

Tak: 初めに、神は天と地を創造されました。

Zim: What the…?

Tak: 地球は形もなく虚無であり、暗闇が深海の面を覆いました…

Zim: Is that actually the Bible?!

Tak: …そして神の霊が水面の上に浮かんでいました。

Zim: And you stopped breathing, too?!

Tak: そして神は「光あれ」と言われました。

Zim: Christ, it would have been preferable for you to just have beaten me up and called me gay!

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Dib: Yeah, a partner sounds nice, but a supreme enemy you can make out with in secret sometimes sounds a lot more hardcore.

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Dib: Fight me!

Zim: *gets on one knee and pulls out a ring*

Zim: Fight me for the rest of our lives.

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Zim: I’m CRYING! You made me CRY

Dib: baby

Zim: NOW IS NOT THE TIME FOR “PET NAMES”

Dib: no I’m calling you a baby, I’m insulting you

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Gaz: What do you want for breakfast?

Zim: I WISH TO DEVOUR THE UNBORN.

Dib:

Dib: he wants eggs.

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Zim: Something tells me Dib's going to be a bit more unhinged today...

Dib, holding a lit match and a bag of cheetos: Leave me be, Gaz isn't home to stop me, I'm going feral.

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Gaz: Dib won’t stop talking about how “Ancient Egyptians were furries”.

Dib: But they were! Just looks at all their gods-

Gaz: Oh my god, SHUT UP!

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Zim: If we don’t get out of this alive… If we’re both about to die… I love you, Dib!

*Neither of them die*

Dib: …

Zim: …

Dib: So do you wanna talk about somethi-

Zim: No thank you.

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Dib, texting Zim: Text me when you’re home safely.

Zim: I’m home dangerously.

Dib: Stop it.

Zim: I’m home lethally.