incorrectcomputercrewquotes

[incorrectcomputercrewquotes]

Palace, new to America and confused: In England, we drive on the left side

Eighty: Ahh well! In America, we drive on the right s-

River: *slamming his hands into the dashboard* IN RUSSIA, ROAD IS ROAD. DRIVE WHERE YOU WANT. ROAD SAME ROAD

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Jose and Han: New brother?

Aussie: No. New comrade.

Phoenix: Just say brother.

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Phoenix: What do you want for dinner?

Aussie: I don’t know.

Phoenix: How about,, 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘯𝘶𝘵𝘴

Aussie: *silence*

Phoenix: *grabs a can of cashews* Here, take em’

Aussie: I will drop kick you.

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Palace: Quick! You’re losing blood, what’s your blood type?

River: B positive-

Palace: *sobbing* I’M T R Y I N G

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Aussie: fuck it. jay drinks bug slushies

Eighty: *in the distance* W H A T

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Computer Crew as Vines

Jay: Who’s the hottest Uber driver you’ve ever had?

Palace: *panicking* Um, I’ve never been to oovoo javer

Eighty: *while high* Oh, gurl, lemme give you a kiss, that is good, mwah! That is beautiful- WOAH! *trips and falls* I FELL ON MY BOOTY!

Jay: *dancing awkwardly and falls on his face*

River: *recording* OH! He needs some MILK!

Some Squip: *waddles awkwardly over to toddler Palace*

Palace: Daddy?

Some Squip: DO I LOOK LIKE-

Jamie: *over the loudspeaker* Palace to the foyer? I have a little surprise for you!

Palace: *gasping at baby pig* Is that a chicken??

River: *stoned* On all levels except physical, I am a wolf

River: *barks*

Jay: Yo what are we about to do

River: Yo drink this vodka down the hatch, come on

River: *drinks vodka*

River: *nearly cries, spits it up, aggressive flapping*

Jay: I’m just chilling in Cedar Rapids

Eighty: When there’s too much drama at school, all you gotta do is *mad riff* WALK AWAYAYAYAYAYAY

Eighty: I brought you frankincense

Palace: Thank you

Aussie: And I brought you myrrh

Palace: Thank you..?

Aussie: MYRRH-DER!

Palace: *gasps* AUSSIE NO

Jay: Two shots of vodka

Jay: *pours the whole fucking bottle*

James: Hi my name is James, I have a basketball game tomorrow, well I’m a point guard, I got shoe game

Eighty: Hey Dad! Say “Who want lasagna?”

Palace: Who want lasga- *trips*

Palace: Mothertrucker dude! That hurt like a buttcheek on a stick!

Jay: WATCH YOUR PROFANITY

Eighty: *after hours of everyone arguing* I DONT GET NO SLEEP CUZ OF YALL! YALL AINT NEVER GONNA SLEEP CUZ OF ME!

Palace: *hiding in the closet from a killer*

Aussie: ...Red Robin~

Palace: YUMMM- OH NO OH NO

River: Airhorn prank!

River: *honks airhorn*

Palace: *after zoning out* Did someone say something?

Eighty: *while high* My favourite screamo band is probably Big Time Rush?

Jay: *tears up and clutches heart, also high* oh my god

River: *walks in wearing his boxers* Hi welcome to chili’s!

Jay: LETS DO THE FORK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL

Jay and Palace: DINGDINGDINGDADINGDADINGDADINGDING-

Jay: *high* Get to Del Taco! They got a new thing called Fresha- Freeee- FRE SHA VA CODO

Aussie: we all die you either kill yourself or get killed

Aussie: *dancing* What you gonna do? What you gonna do?

River: How much did you pay for that taco?

Jay: eyy you know dis boi’s got his free taco- *falls over and kills taco*

Jay: *lipsynching to Smooth Criminal*

Eighty: *dances by in the background*

Palace: *rides in on a hover board covered by a carpet, dressed as Aladdin* I CAN SHOW YOU THE WORLD-

Aussie: It’s an avocado! Thaaannnksss..

Eighty: *with spoons over his eyes* I’m sorry, I didn’t see you there. I was too busy blocking out the haters

River: *slides down a frozen ramp on his feet* Good evening

Jay: *walks through the cereal aisle at the grocery store*

Jay: *kicks a box of Kix*

Aussie: *trips*

Eighty: Woah! You good, man?

Aussie: *sobs while shoving spaghetti back into her pocket*

Eighty: *imitating a white girl* OH MAH GAWD I LOVE CHIPOTLEEE! CHIPOTLE IS MY LIIIIIFE!

Aussie: Back at it again at Krispy Kreme

Aussie: *does some awesome gymnast shit and breaks the sign*

Jamie: *awkwardly* Okay

Jamie: *awkwardly* OJ

Jamie: *awkwardly* Crochet

Jamie: *awkwardly* Obey

Jamie: *awkwardly* Jose

Eighty: *downstairs* YO LETS GO

Jay: Okay I’m calling shotgun!

Jay: *picks up a remote*

Jay: Hey I was just wondering if I could sit in the front seat

Aussie: Sure son

Jay: Thanks

River: What’s better than this? Guys being dudes

Eighty: *singing high notes loudly*

River: SHUT UP

Eighty: Yes

Palace: What would you do if there was a child right in front of you?

River: *yeets child to the side*

Jay: *high* Ooo I like your accent, mmm, where you from?

River: I’m Russian

Jay: Oop- my bad- I’ll let you keep going, hurry up!

Palace: IS THAT A DOG IN A CAR- ‘EY, ‘EY- ARE Y- WH- WHERED YOU LEARN TO DRIVE?! WHAT-

Palace: LET ME SEE WHAT YOU HAVE

Aussie: *running away* A KNIFE

Palace: NO

Eighty: *giggling and skipping to the couch*

Eighty: *flops down* River! Sup?!

James: *cant play the recorder right* God damn!

James: oh- I’m sorry- *does an apology prayer and continues*

Aussie: *high* Why you mad? Why you sad? When you could be glade *sprays air freshener everywhere*

River: Go ahead and introduce yourself!

Palace: My name is Palace with a B and I’m scared of insects

River: Stop stop stop

Palace: Hm?

River: Where?

Palace: What?

River: Where’s the B?

Palace: THERES A B E E ? !

James: *strums guitar*

James: *screams*

River: Jay LOOK ITS THE GOOD KUSH

Jay: *done with his shit* It’s the dollar store, how good can it be?

River: Cabetsu, cabetsu, ca-bet-su

River: *now joined by the other squips* LETTASSU, LETTASSU, LET-TASS-UUUU

Eighty: I don’t care about my haters, and if you wanna fight me, then fight me

Jay: I have no soul. Have a nice day!

River: I don’t have one either

Game show host: Do you have anyone in the audience?

Jamie: My boyfriend Neil

James: *awkward wave*

Eighty: Hey I’m lesbian

Jay: *high* I thought you were american?

River: That is not correct. Because according to the encyclopaedia of *weird tongue noises*

Palace: Release all of the sounds that are trapped in your mind

Jay: *deep breath*

Jay: *screams*

Eighty: Hello Aussie

Aussie: Hi Eighty

Eighty: Those shoes look familiar

River: SHUT U P

Aussie:

Aussie: ¿A quién le estás diciendo que shut up? ¡¿ME ESTÁS DICIENDO QUE SHUT UP?!

Jay: *spills oil on the floor*

Jay: HEY PALACE COME GET YALL JUICE

Jay: *slips and shatters the oven door* SHIT

Jay: So I’m sitting there

Jay: Barbecue sauce on my titties

Eighty: *w h e e z e*

River: When you’re in the hotel room and you have to pay for the water

River: *yeets water bottle* SHUT THE HELL YOUR MOUTH

River: *at the sink* THERE’S FREE WATER RIGHT HERE

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Jay: WHY THE FUCK DID YOU EAT A BATH BOMB

Palace: *sobbing* IT WAS PRETTY

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Palace: Hey, Jay?? What’s an or-gee? Is it a type of dog?

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“I’m gay, and I wake up at a normal time”

- Eighty

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Eighty as another friend’s brother’s quote

Eighty: You do realise I'm gay right?

Computer Crew (minus Eighty) as quotes from my friend’s brother

River: *insert children playfully screaming outside* You hear that? That’s the souls of the innocent

Jay: Look, it’s a beheaded pineapple-

Palace: Why would you leave the light on, your wasting our 𝙚𝙣𝙚𝙧𝙜𝙮-

Aussie: We’re all just aliens in human skin- wait that actually kinda makes sense

[incorrectcomputercrewquotes]

Computer Crew (minus Eighty) as quotes from my friend’s brother

River: *insert children playfully screaming outside* You hear that? That’s the souls of the innocent

Jay: Look, it’s a beheaded pineapple-

Palace: Why would you leave the light on, your wasting our 𝙚𝙣𝙚𝙧𝙜𝙮-

Aussie: We’re all just aliens in human skin- wait that actually kinda makes sense

[incorrectcomputercrewquotes]

Palace: I suppose you’re wondering why I’ve called you all here

Teddy Bears:

Palace: oh my god I’m so sorry, I’m so rude, how could I forget? How are you?

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Eighty:

Eighty: River? Why are you here-

River: *takes a sip of his coffee*

River: Isn’t it obvious

River: *points to the big ribbon that says “Fuck you, River L.”*

Jay: Welcome to the Fuck River Levitski club, where we say “fuck you” to River Levitski

Eighty: *stands up*

Eighty: There’s been a misunderstanding here,,can I quit the club-

[incorrectcomputercrewquotes]

The member list:

Jay (leader)

Palace (he’s just there for emotional support, remember that)

Aussie

Eighty

River

Jay: Welcome to the Fuck River Levitski club, where we say “fuck you” to River Levitski

Eighty: *stands up*

Eighty: There’s been a misunderstanding here,,can I quit the club-

[incorrectcomputercrewquotes]

Jay and Palace in a physical fight:

Jay: Is that the best you can do?

Palace, crying a bit: y-yeah, I’m really trying here-

Jay:

Jay: o-oh, sorry buddy-

[incorrectcomputercrewquotes]

Jay: Welcome to the Fuck River Levitski club, where we say “fuck you” to River Levitski

Eighty: *stands up*

Eighty: There’s been a misunderstanding here,,can I quit the club-

[incorrectcomputercrewquotes]

River: From now on, we will be using code names. You can address me as Eagle One. Jay, code name: Been There, Done That. Eighty is Currently Doing That. Siri is It Happened Once In A Dream. Aussie, code name: If I Had To Pick A Girl. Palace is Eagle Two.

James: Oh thank God