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The Curious Squid were very small, harmless, difficult to find, and reckoned by connoisseurs to have the foulest taste of any creature in the world. This made them very much in demand in a certain kind of restaurant where highly skilled chefs made, with great care, dishes containing no trace of the squid whatsoever.

- Jingo, Terry Pratchett

Something, something, “BBC America’s The Watch treats the source material like chefs cooking curious squid”

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I had to get this out of my system today. Me and the brother were talking about birthdays today and how mine is coming up. And every time, I think of this scene in Witches Abroad by Terry Pratchett. Esp the audiobook. I love this scene, first off because its just too funny, with its nod in LOTR’s direction and secondly because, on my birthday, it plays in my head all day long. I’d think to myself, today is my birthdays but it just comes out in the voice of the slimy little bugger XD

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How did they manage to sink the river boat in the River Ankh?

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Source: Homestuck

Ysabel: It’s a truly appalling idea, but just for the sake of curiosity- what do you think it would be like if we had children?

Mort(Startled): What would it be like? Inconvenient, mostly.

Ysabel(Defensively): Oh never mind, I was just asking. I wasn’t seriously suggesting- I wouldn’t- never mind!

Mort(After a moment of uncomfortable silence): For what it’s worth, I’m picturing it now.

Ysabel(Trying to decide if she’s being mocked): Oh?

Mort(Staring into thin air): A girl, I think. A perfect little freak of nature, raised by people who’ve clearly got no business bringing up anybody.

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Igorina: Hey mithtreth, what do you think about purse girl?

Margolotta: Cute, sure.

Igorina: Why don’t you get on that?

Margolotta: She’s not really my type.

Vetinari: What are you, straight?

Margolotta: Mmm… I don’t think so, nope.

Vetinari: Well what is your type?

Margolotta: Aunts primarily. Yup. Soccer aunts, single aunts, Nascar aunts, any type of aunt, really.

Vetinari: Stay away from my aunt.

Margolotta: Too late, Hav.

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Lobsang:

This is a dangerous mission and you look like a school teacher.

Susan:

(offended) I am a school teacher!

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nobby: you know what? we’re clever too, smartypants

angua: ok, what’s the difference between a gamete and a zygote?

colon, narrowing his eyes: don’t fall for it, nobby. she’s just making up words.

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Vimes: All Cops Are Bastards

Someone: Aren't you a cop?

Vimes: All. Cops. Are. Bastards.

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"Dial it back about ten to twenty percent there, Gytha."

Granny Weatherwax is the toughest guy in Letterkenny

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Host: so you’re all set on blankets?

Angua: we actually need extra pillows. I sleep with a pillow between my knees, and between my elbows, AND under my head AND under my feet -

Vimes: okay so, we’re gonna - we’re gonna do this now, huh?

Angua: I prescribe to the Sir Samuel Vimes sleeping method

Vimes: I need to build myself a fucking exosuit of pillows. And I’m not proud of it! I’m embarrassed about it. And it makes trips with my family a living hell.

Buggy: *cackles* a pillowy hell!

Angua: you go into a room you’re sharing with Mister Vimes there’s just none there

Reg: he’s absorbed them all

Vimes: yeah. I need them for strenght, and energy.

-how i think the roadtrip to Borogravia went in MR

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Nobby: I don’t know; your plan seems complicated.

Angua: To be fair, you also once said that about an orange.

Nobby: They don’t make sense. Apples, you eat their clothes but oranges, you don’t.

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We didn't get to talk about it, cause there were heterosexuals

Maladicta, about the events of Monstrous Regiment

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Spoilers for Raising Steam

Stoker Blake: A buddy of mine saw Vetinari take his shirt off in the shower, and he said that his lordship had an eight-pack; that Vetinari was shredded. Moist: What?! Your friend’s a liar, mate. Vetinari’s a punk bitch. That guy looks like he weighs thirty pounds soaking wet underneath that little black dress.

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Why do girls always go for the assholes? I don't even like pegging!

Moist Von Lipwig

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Watchmen! I want every single one of you to get back to your homes right now and take a bubble bath! We deserve bubbles on our skin. -Sam Vimes

source: Starkid’s Starship

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my dad is turning 50 today and he loves cycling and comics and Discworld so I made him this (he hasn’t seen it yet so no one tell him)

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Cribbins: The gods showed me how I’d squandered my life. You know, cheating innocent people. I was just filled with shame. And that’s why I’m here, as a matter of fact, I’ve started a ministry to save souls the way the gods saved mine.”

Moist: What genius! The Gods! A credible partner who doesn’t take a cut!

(source: frasier)