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O’Chunks: “HOW IN THE HELL HAVE YE NOT GOT IRN-BRU LADS?! NO IRN-BRU?! ARE YE CRAZY?! I SWEAR TO GOD I’LL GO CRAZY! I BROKE YER CUCUMBER AND I DON’T CARE ABOUT THAT!”

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Dimentio: Murder is like potato chips.

Dimentio: You can’t stop with just one.

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Dimentio: Hey Nassy, what do you want for mothers's day-

Nastasia: A minion who's not a complete fuck up!

Dimentio: ...

Dimentio: AHHN! Too bad! Pick something else!

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Mimi: You know, you are really putting the "itch" in bi-

Count Bleck: MIMI!

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Mr. L: (To Nastasia) You may control my mind, but you will never control my ass! 

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I met my first valentine on this ride. Her name was Timpani. She's a ghost now.

- Count Bleck

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O’Chunks: The minions' unwritten code of honor is what makes us different from adults, different from animals. What would we be without it?

Mimi: Adult animals?

O’Chunks: Nothing, that's what!

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Count Bleck: 🎶So when push, comes to shove..I will kill your friends and family..🎶

Count Bleck: *turns to Timpani* To remind you of my love! <3

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Count Bleck: (shouting) Not only is my reputation as a villian on the line, but also my reputation as a man! So get out there and win, I tell you, win! 

(The minions stare at him). 

Count Bleck: Oh, and have fun.

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I haven’t played this in years; isn’t this canon? (Idea/original post from @incorrectpapermarioquotes)

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Count Bleck: Quickly, what are some ways we can beat the heroes right now? (O'Chunks raises his hand.) O'Chunks.

O'Chunks: I don't know.

Count Bleck: Perfect. Anyone else?

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Count Bleck: Uh, what about you? What’ve you got?

O’Chunks: I can smile!

Count Bleck: Nevermind. What about you?

Dimentio: I know how everybody’s gonna die.

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Dimentio: Murder is like potato chips.

Dimentio: You can't stop with just one.

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Mimi: Nassy!! I wanna show you something

Nastasia: I’m busy. I need to go.

Mimi: *stumbles over her words* …BITCH!….Love you though.

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Blumiere: I’ve only known Timpani for a day and a half, but if anything happened to her I would kill everyone in the universe and then myself.