indiena-blog

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Di dalam kotak yang kedap suara ada rawa-rawa yang ditumbuhi ilalang-ilalang. Ada binatang-binatang yang berenang di dunia bawahnya. Ada hati yang terendam di lumpurnya. Ada harapan yang terkubur di bawah lapisan buminya. Di dunia dalam kotak yang kedap suara tidak ada cinta yang terkatakan atau pun benci yang terluapkan. Tidak ada partikel penyampai pesan atau pun gelombang yang tergetar. Hanya ada kodok yang menatap kosong dan tidak melompat. Hanya ada ikan yang berenang mundur kembali ke masa lalu. Dan cuma ada suara-suara pikiran yang menggema di udara, yang kemudian hilang ditelan ketiadaan. Di dunia dalam kotak yang kedap harapan, yang beredam gelombang, tidak ada cinta yang terkatakan. #storiografi

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"Jangan bersedih." PesanNya sebelum kamu mengangguk menguatkan hati, bahwa hidup akan dianugerahkan padamu dan akan banyak hal yang terjadi padamu. Lalu Dia meniupkan roh ke dalam tubuhmu dan maka kamu menjadi. "Jangan bersedih." Dia sampaikan pada wakilmu untuk disebarkan dan dilafalkan dan dihapalkan dan diingat dalam hatimu. Lalu pesan itu dituliskan dalam kitab, ditempatkan berulang-ulang pada halaman yang berbeda, cerita yang berbeda, dan situasi yang berbeda. "Jangan bersedih." Lalu kamu menjadi. Kamu beranjak besar, menjadi dewasa, dan kamu mulai bersedih. Kamu terus tersesat, melewati berbagai jalan setapak, mencari-cari segala solusi agar kamu tidak bersedih lagi. Padahal, Dia telah menghiburmu, Dia telah menjagamu, dan Dia telah memberimu cahaya. Tetapi apa boleh buat karena kamu sudah dewasa, sudah lupa untuk mendengar, melihat, dan merasakan, bahwa seharusnya kamu Jangan Bersedih. "Jangan bersedih, Manusia." PesanNya tertulis di kitab, di hatimu, di sekelilingmu. Yang tidak pernah kamu hiraukan. Yang lupa kamu perhatikan. Dan kamu terus masuk ke dalam hutan, melupakan setapak terang benderang.

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Nobody ever told you this: that birds think the ocean is their sky: that they wish they could fly like us: that they always want to be free like us: that they hang upside down in the tree: that the sky is blue sometimes, and green some other times, but always dark at night. Nobody ever told you this but you have known it for some time: we always wish to have what we do not currently. And that's human (and bird). #storiografi #cerita_instagram

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This was on today's email: A "THOUGHT FOR TODAY: There is something beautiful about all scars of whatever nature. A scar means the hurt is over, the wound is closed and healed, done with. -Harry Crews, novelist and playwright (1935-2012)" And I thought it was overwhelming because it contains some truth. Even though the other part of the truth isn't so wonderful: some of those scars we wish were never there in the first place. I do have those scars. The ones in a metaphorical sense, and ones that're physically visible. Some are the signs of playful childhood, marking I was once alive. Some are the product of a painful route to growing up, marking I was once knocked dead to the ground, even buried. I hope to meet someone who will accept my scars as they are, as what the stories behind are, and accept me as I am, or love them, even. I hope to meet someone who will understand what each scar means to me, and protect me so the better ones remain good, and the worse ones become better. I wish everyone else in my life would do just that, but it's a silly silly wish. Because it would make everyone equally special, and then what would be so special about that? #storiografi

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Dulu kalau saya sedang bingung atau butuh kenyamanan, saya refleks menengadah dan menatap awan-awan yang berarak beramai-ramai ke satu arah. Karena di situ saya merasa Tuhan berada. Tidak mungkin Dia tidak berada di tempat seindah itu. Sekarang kalau saya ingin merasa tenang, saya lihat ke dalam diri. Di situ ada semesta mini, di situ ada Dia. Di situ Tuhan bersemayam dan meniupkan kehidupannya. Pernah ada yang memberi tahu, jika kita mulai bangun di pagi hari dan merasa tidak ada gunanya, letakkan telapak tangan kanan kita di dada kiri. Terasa kan? Itu namanya tujuan. Di setiap denyutnya. #storiografi (Seseorang itu adalah Dane Cook, kalau tidak salah.)

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Gunung ini bernama Malika Parbat, artinya Ratu Segala Gunung (Queen of the Mountains). Puncaknya tertutup awan musim panas di kaki Pegunungan Himalaya, walau pun yang dimaksud dengan kaki adalah jari kelingkingnya. Pendamping kuda saya bilang ia diberi nama seperti itu karena merupakan salah satu gunung yang paling sulit didaki. Beda dengan K2 (gunung tertinggi kedua di dunia) yang kokoh karena terbuat dari batu, Malika Parbat ini terdiri dari kerikil. Butuh perjuangan besar untuk sampai di atas. Salah satu korban yang dimakannya adalah penakluk K2, makanya ia dijuluki Ratu. Padahal, tingginya tidak seberapa. Seperti wanita kan? Sulit ditaklukan bukan karena hebat, tetapi karena lembut hatinya. Harus diperjuangkan, bukan karena tinggi tetapi karena pantas untuk diperjuangkan. #betultidak

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Last words.

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The people whose souls I love and respect the most. Whose souls I want to save the most. The people in this world I've disappointed the most, the ones I've hated the most but loved me back the most. The ones who I have given up on a few times but who never given up on me in return. Ones that have been tricked into hell by the people they treasure the most, but go to great lengths for them anyway. My mother with the biggest heart in the world, softest fluffiest heart in the world. In her arms I will always be 5, always be safe and loved, always be fragile, always be warm, because I have a place in this world. I love you, Ibu. When I grow up I do not want to be like Ibu, I want to be a better mom for you because that's what you always tell me to be. #remembertolove

[indiena-blog]

Cold

It's cold everyday now. It's cold anywhere now. If you have this tiny microscope to see the universe inside of me, you can see it's frozen everywhere.

I think I know that I always have this child inside of me that would never get away, and she's a sunshine. But when it rains, when she's upset, when she's cold and sleepy, the whole of me wants to look after her. Therefore nobody else inside of me will be functioning properly.

If I were to grow up, she'll have to grow up too. We have to learn together, and accept together, and walk side by side, and grow old together. Because she is a confused little girl who dreams of the snow and the friendly cold, unlike her unfriendly inner universe.

She's taking the spotlight inside, we are all looking after her because everybody loves a scared fragile little girl. Except this bossy bitch. This bossy bitch is me these days.

It's amazing, isn't it, how you can be all different people inside and other people will not notice.

[indiena-blog]

Most of these kids, Kyrgyz kids, have never seen a tree in their lives and thus they have no idea what a tree might be. Maybe they have heard it, maybe they create stories about trees, the mythical thing, in their minds.

One day, kids, I will visit your corridor and play with you in the Roof of the World, where it's cold all year round. Where the days like this picture is one you are grateful for.

Afghanistan, 2013.

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Jangan bersedih

Jangan bersedih, kata Allah, karena Aku selalu denganmu.

Iya, Allah, aku akan mencoba, kata aku, karena aku hanya manusia.

Janganlah bersedih atas mereka, kata Allah. Janganlah kamu bersikap lemah dan jangan pula bersedih hati.

Ingat, Indiena, kata aku, Sesuatu yang memiliki Segalanya selalu bersamamu, makanya jangan bersedih sepanjang waktu.

[indiena-blog]

Tutorial SARUNG

karena Hijab tutorial udah kelewat mainstream!!

from annida-online

[indiena-blog]

Penghargaan pertama setelah berbelas-belas tahun menulis. Tapi sesungguhnya penghargaan paling istimewa adalah setiap ada orang yang tiba-tiba nyamperin dan bilang, "Din, aku baca tulisan-tulisan kamu!" terutama kalau ditambah, "Aku suka." Semua bentuk penghargaan bikin semangat nulis dan bikin bahagia :") Istimewa.

[indiena-blog]

To B

Yello. I heard from one of my friends that a good New Year's resolution is one that does not involve other people to accomplish it. Maybe it's true. I thought so too when I heard it. Nevertheless.

I still put the silliest thing in my resolution list this year. It is to finally find you, Best.

I never thought it impossible, because what's impossible? It's this Earth, this world, this Universe, this same dimension. One day or the other you will fall into me and I into you, won't we? I still believe that somehow we will recognise each other before long. Somehow I know exactly when. Sometimes, though, I don't. But it's okay, it's not like we don't try.

I'm going to my higher land and you to yours. Somewhere in the middle our paths are meant to cross, because I only anticipate the best from Him, the best storywriter in all the worlds.

I don't wait for you in the corner desperately anymore, Best. I go out into my cave and I write, and I read, and I learn, and I connect with people, and I chase my dreams, and I will dissect the world. With or without you, I will. And you will do important things too, for you. And this I still believe, that if you go and do what's dear to you, what's important to you, you'll come across a special person who will think you special too.

So I go and do what's dear and important to me. And I don't mind what people are thinking and saying anymore, don't care if they think I'm too leisurely or not busy. It's not like busy is what I'm aiming for in life, right? :P

You know, Best, people can go different ways, their life this path or that, twisted and tangled, turning the other way around, but if they're meant to be, the Universe will conspire and eventually put you in the same time and place. And they will be.

We will be, B. Need not worry.

[indiena-blog]

Some day, I will spend my birthday in Easter Island.

Photo of the Day: Moai keep watch on Easter Island

Photo by Olivier Boëls (Brasilia, Brazil); Easter Island, Chile

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Thank you, Mira Hasyyati <3

The funny thing is that it wasn't even my mother. It's somebody else's. But it hurts all the same when we see it happen day in day out.

I hope you are always happy and strong, Mira.

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About

Today a horrible horrible thing happened at home. Just like it happened a thousand times before, only with a different way, different abandonment, different torture, and different child.

When I grow up and be a mother, I do not want to abandon my children. Only because I know perfectly how much it hurts. Only because I know how much pain it causes to be lied to. I know it's not like mothers do that purposely, sometimes. Sometimes they just can't control it. Sometimes they just don't want to.

It's a hard thing, isn't it, to be a parent. You can never be a parent if you don't wish to be one at the time you give birth to your child. You can never give them enough love if you aren't ready to love at all.

Most important is that no parent deserves being disappointed by their children's failure if they did not grow them themselves. You can only feel proud or betrayed if you have done what you are supposed to with your children. If not, then grow old and consume your regrets. You deserve it.