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There’s a song I need to write, because it’s a song I cannot find. I know that it’s too big to get at directly, but the metaphor’s not coming yet.

[redacted]

Anyways. The song will come. The metaphor will come. I cannot find it, so I will have to write it.

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"that doesn't sound sincere- it sounds rehearsed" is one of the most devastating and fucked-up statements you can make to anyone in the neurodivergent/ADHD/Autistic/Schizophrenic/Disordered Personality sphere. yeah bitch it's rehearsed. because i wanted to get it right when i said it

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@words-writ-in-starlight tags make compelling points:

Today’s horrifying Scholomance thought:

When the series begins, everyone knows graduation is going to be a bloodbath. Students spend their whole educational career planning for it, jockeying for alliances, gathering spells and weapons and skills that might save them. Their last term is dedicated entirely to training for that one mad dash across the graduation hall.

And still, only half of them make it out.

Imagine the first class to graduate after the cleansing machinery broke. The ones dropped into that hall with no idea what was waiting for them.

Did any of them make it out?

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writing omegaverse CPR because apparently that's how my brain expresses itself these days

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The Borderline Personality Disorder Checklist

This is a checklist to help one understand Borderline Personality Disorder. One may use it to self-diagnose or as a worksheet to present to a doctor or therapist  or other medical professional and better communicate symptoms they are experiencing. All information is taken from the DSM-5.

Section I Must check TWO or more of the following:

I have identity problems, including: I have an unstable sense of identity, I have poor self-esteem and excessive self-criticism, and I often experience dissociation when I am under stress.

I am unstable in my goals, aspirations, values, and/or career plans.

I have a heightened sense of empathy and am hypersensitive to the feelings and needs of my peers, although my perceptions are often biased towards negative attributes.

There is a lot of instability in my relationships, in that I am needy, mistrustful, and anxious.

__ / 4 Total

Section II Must check TWO or more of the following:

I have cognition problems and difficulty retaining information and remembering people and events.

I have affectivity problems and difficulty controlling the range and intensity of my emotional responses.

I have problems with interpersonal functioning and being aware of my own actions and feelings and how they affect others.

I have difficulty controlling my impulses.

__ / 4

Section III Must check ONE or more of the following:

I am very impulsive and often act on things without planning.

I engage in dangerous, risky, and/or potentially self-damaging activities with no concern to my personal limitations.

I am easily angered.

__ / 3 Total

Must have at least FOUR checks TOTAL by the end of this section, including ones from previous section (If you checked two above, you only need two here, for example):

My emotions are incredibly unstable, and I change moods often (sometimes within minutes), feeling things more intensely than others seem to.

I experience intense feelings of nervousness, tenseness, panic, and/or anxiety. I have fears of the future and of falling apart or losing control.

I get separation insecurity and fear abandonment.

I am frequently depressed and feel hopeless and have a difficult time recovering from such moods.

__ / 7 Total

Section IV Must check FIVE or more of the following:

I have a fear of abandonment and do my best to avoid it.

I switch between idealizing and devaluing the people in my life. My relationships are often unstable and intense.

I have an unstable sense of self and often question my identity.

I am impulsive.

I have attempted suicide and/or I self-harm.

I have frequent mood swings.

I often feel empty or depressed and have doubts about my future.

I am hot-tempered.

When stressed, I am paranoid and/or I experience dissociation.

__ / 9 Total

Section V Must check ALL of the following:

My symptoms impair my personality and social functioning 

My symptoms are consistent across a broad range of personal and social situations.

My symptoms have lasted a while and started in early adulthood or earlier.

My symptoms are not caused by medication, drug use, or another medical condition.

-

At this point, if you have checked the minimum, you may qualify for a diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder. The next section is a compiled list of symptoms, behaviors, thought patterns, etc. often found in borderline patients.

If you did NOT meet the minimum, check out Major Depressive Disorder, General Anxiety Disorder, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Bipolar Disorder, or Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder. If you checked ALL of Sections II and V but still did not meet the minimum in other sections, look into other personality disorders, especially other Cluster B’s.

-

Section VI Common Symptoms and Behaviors associated: 

I have disordered eating patterns.

I am sometimes obsessive.

I sometimes get intrusive thoughts which I am unable to ignore.

I become attached easily.

I often “bait” people in order to start a conflict.

I have trouble sleeping, or I sleep too much.

I have a child-like curiosity.

I am dependent on others.

I sometimes mimic or mirror others.

I have nightmares.

I have difficulty processing information.

My appearance changes often.

I have an extreme need for acceptance.

I have a natural rejection of people in authority.

I constantly feel like I need to prove myself over and over again.

I very much live in the moment, to the point where past actions don’t matter. How I judge others (and myself) depends entirely on what is happening right now.

I isolate myself, even when I need social interaction.

I am often defensive.

I have anxiety/panic attacks.

I experience memory lapses.

I consider myself a perfectionist.

I react very strongly to mundane experiences.

I have a difficult time making decisions.

I have difficulty completing tasks.

I often feel misunderstood, mistreated, or victimized.

When I am upset, I am unable to calm down without help.

I castrophicize my problems and see the smallest things as the end of the world.

I often see my problems as unsolvable and hopeless to fix.

I hold grudges.

I alternate between seeing others as completely for them or against me.

I have a hard time recalling someone’s love for me when they’re not around.

I change my opinions depending on whom I’m with.

Sometimes the slightest provocation will make me feel abandoned.

I feel distrustful and suspicious a great deal of time.

I rush into relationships based on an idea of a person rather than the person themselves.

__ / 35

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im fine im just thinking about how geralt is so dehumanized -- everyone thinks of him in such wildly different ways. people see him as a monster killer, a monster itself, the butcher, the white wolf, they see him as a moping brother, a loving father, a lost father, a scared man, a best friend, a strong hero, a failure, he sees himself as a disgusting monster whos trying to be human, he sees himself as an awful father who can't even find his daughter, a shitty lover, a shitty friend who isn't deserving of the people who love him. thinking about how geralt is everything and nothing at once, how people will remember him as the guy who killed the griffin bothering them, as a person who spared the innocent sentient monsters who aren't harming anyone, as a legend only heard of in ballads and poems. as a person and as a monster.

people project these ideas, true and false, onto him, and people make assumptions of what he must be like based off of these titles. and how he never got to choose who to be. it was chosen for him -- but he still tries to be a good man.

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boomer take incoming but there's something that ends up kind of anti-social about social media in the way people use it as their only avenue of disseminating information. like the amount of times that I have completely missed big news from my friends or relatives because they're in the mindset that posting about something on Instagram is the same as telling people. they don't think to send a text or pick up a phone because they posted about it. so if you either aren't on Instagram or just didn't happen to see that post, you get to find out months later something like your cousin is pregnant or your childhood friend is engaged, and now is probably annoyed that you never congratulated her, when you literally didn't know, because she didn't actually tell you, because an Instagram story is actually not the same as telling people your news, but she thinks it is.

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Gods, I’m so fucking ace. I’m really out here thinking shit like, “I think I should like to be horny this weekend,” and without a trace of irony!!! Yes, let me pencil this trace of libido into my schedule. It may be overwritten by grocery shopping or crochet.

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What is the Diagnostic Criteria for Borderline Personality Disorder?

To meet a diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder under the DSM-V, you must show “a pervasive pattern of instability of interpersonal relationships, self-image, and affects, and marked impulsivity, beginning in early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by five (or more) of the following”:

Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment

A pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation

Identity disturbance: markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of self

Impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g., substance abuse, binge eating, and reckless driving)

Recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, or threats, or self-mutilating behavior

Affective instability due to a marked reactivity of mood (e.g., intense episodic dysphoria, irritability, or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days)

Chronic feelings of emptiness

Inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g., frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurrent physical fights)

Transient, stress-related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms

Alternate DSM-V Model for Borderline Personality Disorders

Typical features of borderline personality disorder are instability of self-image, personal goals, interpersonal relationships, and affects, accompanied by impulsivity, risk-taking, and/or volatility. Characteristic difficulties are apparent in identity, self-direction, empathy, and/or intimacy, as described below, along with specific maladaptive traits in the domain of Negative Affectivity, Antagonism, and Disinhibition. 

Proposed Diagnostic Criteria

A. Moderate or greater impairment in personality functioning, manifested by characteristic difficulties in two or more of the following areas:

Identity: Markedly impoverished, poorly developed, or unstable self-image, often associated with excessive self-criticism; chronic feelings of emptiness; dissociative states under stress.

Self-direction: Instability in goals, aspirations, values, or career plans.

Empathy: Compromised ability to recognize the feelings and needs of others associated with interpersonal hypersensitivity; perceptions of others selectively biased towards negative attributes or vulnerabilities.

Intimacy: Intense, unstabled, and conflicted close relationships, marked by mistrust, neediness, and anxious preoccupation with real or imagined abandonment; close relationships often viewed in extremes of idealization and devaluation and alternating between over-involvement and withdrawal.  

B. Four or more of the following seven pathological personality traits, at least one of which must be (5) Impulsivity, (6) Risk-taking, or (7) Hostility:

Emotional lability (an aspect of Negative Affectivity): Unstable emotional experiences and frequent mood changes; emotions that are easily aroused, intense, and/or out of proportion to events and circumstances. 

Anxiousness (an aspect of Negative Affectivity): INense feelings of nervousness, tenseness, or panic, often in reaction to interpersonal stresses; worry about the negative effects of past unpleasant experiences and future negative possibilities; feelings fearful, apprehensive, or threatened by uncertainty; fears of falling apart of losing control. 

Separation insecurity (an aspect of Negative Affectivity): Fears of rejection by–and/or separation from–significant others, associated with fears of excessive dependency and complete loss of autonomy. 

Depressivity (an aspect of Negative Affectivity): Frequent feelings of being down, miserable, and/or hopeless; difficulty recovering from such moods; pessimism about the future; pervasive shame; feelings of inferior self-worth; thoughts of suicide and suicidal behavior.

Impulsivity (an aspect of Disinhibition): Acting on the spur of the moment in response to immediate stimuli; acting on a momentary basis without a plan or consideration of outcomes; difficult establishing or following plans; a sense of urgency and self-harming behavior under emotional distress.

Risk-taking (an aspect of Disinhibition): Engagement in dangerous, risky, and potentially self-damaging activities, unnecessarily and without regard to consequences; lack of concern for one’s limitations and denial of reality or personal danger.

Hostility (an aspect of Antagonism); Persistent or frequent angry feelings; anger or irritability in response to minor slights and insults.

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Say you break your ankle. You could know everything there is to know intellectually about the injury. Even with this vast knowledge, you will still experience physical pain.

Now take this logic and apply it to things like ADHD, autism, clinical depression, and other less visible/divergent disabilities. You cannot think your way out of feeling.

That is to say: you are not a bad, lazy, or selfish person for struggling, even if you know why you are struggling.

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pins by Abprallen

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You cannot fix them, and it is to everyone’s detriment for you to try to do so.

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Teacher: Mr Wayne, thank you for coming in. We need to talk about Damian’s family tree project. Firstly, he is claiming his mother is Talia al Ghul, the renowned terrorist.

Bruce: Ah, yes, well she is.

Teacher: I'm sorry? You and her... None of my business. Now he claims his grandfather, uh, Ra's... He claims he is 687 years old. That can't be right.

Bruce: It's not. Me and him are in a disagreement about it. I think Ra's is only 679 but you know what Damian’s like.

Teacher: I... I guess so. Now in this section he did on his siblings, he has included Jason Todd, which I thought was very sweet of him only he. Well, he gives him one birth and death date and then he includes a 'rebirth' date and when I asked him about it... Mr Wayne, are you alright?

Bruce: *tearing up* He listed all his siblings. Even Tim!

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"I don't feel that way. I think..." is a great starting point for disagreeing with people you know and handling it when your friend says something unkind and perhaps bigoted without realizing. It challenges what they said without coming across as hostile and making them defensive.

As an example, an acquaintance of mine recently told me that she would never be interested in a guy dealing with erectile dysfunction because she finds it pathetic. Instead of telling her that was an awful thing to say, I said, "I don't feel that way. I think it's understandable and human that our bodies are inconsistent and that some functions don't always work. There are lots of fun ways to have sex that don't require an erection and there are plenty of ways my body struggles too."

I really recommend it, because it can get people to actually use some introspection, or at least avoids escalating conflict even if they don't agree!

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i think the thing about batman's no kill rule is that its essentially bruce saying "guilty people don't deserve to be murdered on the street either, actually." and he's not wrong.

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I genuinely think the idea that if you should draw a little every day or you'll suffer skill degradation is a total fabrication. Some of the best art I've ever drawn has been coming back from long breaks. I'm talking like weeks. Sometimes you just gotta reset and flush the systems. There's no shame in it. Take breaks. The art will be there for you when you're ready.