j-x-l

[j-x-l]

The Tale of the Whore with a Dyed Hair

He dyes his hair. He dyed it white. White as the snow, But not as delicate as it White like the ash, Very frail like it. White as the stain, The stain they left in him When they’re beyond heaven Transcending to hell.

He dyes his hair red. He dyed it red. Red like his supple lips; Beaten, abused, battered. Red like the bruises, decorating his body. Found in him like stars, red constellations of lust. Teeth shaped marks in the neck, Crescent nail marks in the skin. Red as the blood, Dripping from the stained sheet Where a stained Adam lies. With his wrists cracked open, the entrance to the underworld. The Rape of Proserphine, the rape of this hopeless Adam. Red fluid blessing the cold floor like tears from a waterfall.

He’s full of life. He was. Now on the verge of permanent sleep, His eyes screaming pain, Bloodshot, bleak, blurry. His body yelling red tears. Used. Battered. Unappreciated. He closes his tired eyes and breathed, Deeply; Deeper than the gasping and moaning, And grunting and chants he usually hears. Deeper than the cut in his wrist. Soon there will be peace.

He dyes his hair. White. Red. He dyed his hair. To create a new person. To save the Black haired from being used. To save himself. But he failed.

And on his dying bed, The Whore with the dyed hair exhaled. And he’s never been this excited, This excited to sleep.

[j-x-l]

siguro kung naa koy choice, kato na akong gipili.  pero wala man, dili mani salida na pag makigbulag ka, muhawa lang ka, mangitag laing balay, mupuyog solo, tangina, kana nalang unta akong gibuhat tung naa pay kwarta, pero wala naman, nahurot na niya, ako daw ang gastador pero sya ning kaya magpalupad ug kwarta sa isa lang ka gabii.

wala nako kasabot, kapoy na kaayo kog sabot, asa naman ko padulong ani?

[j-x-l]

damgo na hantod damgo nalang, plano na hantod plano nalang, sturya na hantod sturya nalang,

mao ba ni akong deserve? mao ba ni akong worth? diri nalang ba ko kutob? wala na sad ko kabalo unsay buhaton. unta man lang naa kay buhaton para dili ingani akong mafeel, but instead ginadungagan lang nimo ang problema, kapoy nakog sturya, dili man diay gihapon ko paminawon, dili gihapon diay ko sundon.

[j-x-l]

I'M SO HAPPY THAT YOU HAVE THE CLOW BOOK!!! I'M SO JELLY!!!

Naiiyak pa rin ako kasi kulang sila 😢

[j-x-l]

And worse, nung sinabi ko kay Lowie na nakakadismaya kasi kulang yung cards, tinawanan lang ako. Ang bigat na nga sa feeling, tatawanan ka pa ng taong akala mo maiintindihan ka.

[j-x-l]

NAIIYAK AKO! kanina dahil sa tuwa, ngayon dahil sa pagkadismaya.

I am a big big fan of Card Captor Sakura nung bata pa ako. Nung nagkatrabaho ako, pinanood ko ulit, and I’ve been wanting to own a deck of Clow cards and Sakura cards. Lagi ko yang sinesearch dati kung san makakabili online na legit, puro OLX lang available, e may trust issues, di ako bumili. Natabunan man ng ibang fandom pero syempre mahal ko pa rin ang Card Captor.

Kanina nasa Comic Alley kami kasi gusto ni Lowie bumili ng wanted posters ng One Piece. Wala ng wanted posters pero may wanted cards. Aaaaaand, nakita ko ang clow cards at sakura cards, yung carton version, hindi yung book, or yung box na may magnetic na lock, or yung transparent na plastic box, pero okay na yun kasi yung cards naman habol ko.

Excited ako, syempre mattry ko ng gamitin as tarot cards ang clow cards. Kaso pag skim ko sa cards, napansin kong dalawa ang The Watery, chineck ko lahat, dalawa din ang The Flower. 52 dapat ang nasa deck plus tatlong blank na cards, sakto yung number of cards, so kung may nadoble, e di may kulang to. Inisa isa ko, inarrange alphabetically at nagsearch ng complete list ng cards, wala ang The Mist at The Nothing. Wala din ang The Hope at The Nameless pero okay lang kasi di naman sya nacapture sa series, part sya ng Sakura Cards pero di ng Clow Cards.

Ang o.a neto, pero ang bigat sa loob. Minsan na nga lang gumastos sa bagay na di naman talaga magagamit, ang ending e di pa worth it. 😞

[j-x-l]

As a millennial, the thought of owning a decent house with a nice yard is basically a fairytale at this point.

[j-x-l]

travel

[j-x-l]

There is this guy na out of nowhere naaalala ko. He was someone dear to me, and yes, he "was". Dapat nga di walang naging connection o spark. Out of nowhere naalala ko sya. Pag nakakakita ako ng naka plaids, or lalakeng kulot na mahaba ang buhok, kahit sa simpleng earbuds naaalala ko sya. Naaalala ko sya sa 5sos, coldplay at 21 pilots. Naaalala ko sya sa prison break, breaking bad, one piece, harry potter, game of thrones. *sigh* why?

[j-x-l]

been there, done that I shouldn’t have let love in again, see? I’m hurt again. same shit. same drama. different person.

[j-x-l]

[j-x-l]

Sooooo... this is our longest fight so far. Nakakainis sa feeling na hinahayaan ka lang o di ka kapag may problema ka tas kailangan mo ng kausap, kailangan mo ng taong makikinig at di ka huhusgahan, pero wala sya, nung nakausap mo na, sasabihan ka na lahat ng tao may problema, na di lang ako ang may problema, like wtf? I dont need you you to solve my problem or fix all my life shit, gusto ko lang na makausap ka, damn! Anyway, I'm used to this feeling. People slowly drifting away from me because I'm fucking complicated. I'm sorry I'm being me.

[j-x-l]

i want to fill a room with people who have loved me and I want to ask them why, why did they love me what did they see in me that was loveable but I soon realise you can’t really ask questions to an empty room where you smeared the walls with blood that came from the wounds inflicted by the swords called words but how do you hurt someone that isn’t even there to begin with why are there footsteps pointing towards the door when the room has always been empty

why have I never been in that room

[j-x-l]

Lami kaayo iadtog hilltop run, nya tan-awon ang citylights, tas magsyagit syagit. Dili diay magsyagit syagit, magshat nalang, solo.

[j-x-l]

They won't listen. They won't understand. No, they won't.

[j-x-l]

your mental health is a priority your happiness is a priority your self-care is a priority your existence is a priority

[j-x-l]

Kana ganeng kapoy na ka, hago na, dili pisikal pero emosyonal, pero dili nimo iingon sa ilaha kay dili nila masabtan ug dili nimo maexplain ug tarong? Kana ganeng pwede magkaamnesia para naa koy rason mawala diri? Kanang pwede mulayo nalang ko? Kapoy kaayo nga naa sa tunga, si mama naay kalain ila auntie tungod kay papa, sila auntie naay kalain kay mama tungod kay papa, pareho gaclaim na para ni kay papa, pero nganong dili man pwede magkasinabot nalang sila? Nya pareho dili maminaw sa akua kay "bata pa ka han, wala pa ka kasabot". Ako kaya? Nasabtan kaha ko nila? Kapoy aning tiguwang kay dili maminaw, dili musabot, sila ray tama, sila pirmi hawod, kesyo "papunta ka pa lang, pabalik na kami"