jcbasiya

[jcbasiya]

Trigger Warning

In a recent twitter encounter, I happened to see someone put a trigger warning on her post about depression. In her post, she asked “Have you ever been like abandoned or betrayed by a person who was the closest person to you on earth, who(m) you could share things you coudn’t share to even your family? Were you able to move on? If you so, how?”

As a person who have experienced this situation a couple of times, I thought I had to share a piece of advice. The truth that this kind of betrayal or abandonment is the worst feeling in the world, and the recovery takes time, I just had to share a piece of my experience to help others. No matter how good or bad a person is, no one deserves to be betrayed or abandoned.

This kind of betrayal is the worst! It’s even worst than a break up with your boyfriend. I swear! One of the reasons I never believed in the concept of bestfriends (but I believe in the concept of real and good friends) is because almost all of my so-called bestfriends in the past either betrayed me, abandoned me or left the world early. What happened during my younger years were probably easier to forget because during that time I had tons of friends but the most recent one was the worst because I imagined growing old with him and taking care of him, but one day I woke up and we’re no longer talking to each other. Please don’t ask me why, because I never knew his reasons. There were probably people who knew and took his side. Well, okay, that’s life. What made the situation worst was that we were colleagues and known as “head and tail”, and people started noticing that we were not talking anymore, so, of course they’d ask what happened. THIS! This part was killing me softly. It was like a constant reminder that we were no longer friends.

It was the first time in my whole life that I had to beg for someone to talk to me, so we could resolve our issues, whatever they were. Because that’s what adults do, talk to each other when there are issues to be talked about. No matter how hard I tried, nothing happened. He just kept ignoring me and I was slowly losing myself. The fact that most people think I have a strong personality, they equate it to a strong heart. However in all honesty, I was so shattered inside but I had to keep that happy and strong disposition in life. In my mind, I kept telling myself that I can’t be mean or sad in front of other people because they also have their own cross to bear, and they have nothing to do with my problem.

He might not be friendly to everybody, but he was kind to me. He made me laugh and I learned many things about finances, investments, practicality and saving. I will always remember how he also took care of me. I wanted to save the friendship, but he refused and my self-esteem hit rock bottom. Eventually, I lost myself and cried myself to sleep almost every night. I am not ashamed to share this because I think that was a part of my journey to detachment and healing. Eventually, I left work and lived in another country for the next 3 years where I became ice cold to people who wanted to make friends with me. I felt that it was so tiring to invest my feelings to people that I will leave in the near future. By that time, I didn’t know I was going to stay abroad that long. I was practically a zombie inside who put up a wall.

The first step in to ALWAYS FORGIVE YOURSELF. You cannot continue on living and blaming yourself about what happened between the two of you. Sometimes, there is really nothing you can do about people who don’t value real friendship in this world. I understand that you may close doors for a while or put up a wall, and THAT IS OKAY. But believe me, one day someone will break that door or wall or whatever you put up to shield yourself from getting hurt. Someone will come into your life and will make you realize that you are worth the friendship and love; and that you are a beautiful person. FORGIVE YOURSELF and then FORGIVE THEM. That is the best way to b able to continue with life and experience new friendship with people who truly deserve your being. My healing process was long but I learned a lot of lessons along the way, and I met a lot of amazing people who slowly broke down my wall and added blood to the zombie kid inside. I pray for them and I thank God everyday that they all came into my life.

The healing process maybe long but it’s worth it, because the next time you meet him, you are at peace and not hurting anymore.

[jcbasiya]

Reply 1988, Korean Mini series #unfilteredyetunspoken #notmyquote #quotes #kdrama #reply1988 #love #loveandtiming #ryujunyeol https://www.instagram.com/p/B_UdgvUF3HL/?igshid=14vxktue2ztwi

[jcbasiya]

Perfume, Korean Mini-Drama, 2019 This is a perfect quote for tonight's Orionid Meteor Shower. . . . . . #quoteofinstagram #quote #kdrama #kdramaquotes #perfume #shinsungrok #qotd🌸 #love #meteor #comet #seoyido https://www.instagram.com/p/B34ocWhFbow/?igshid=dien3iu22ksr

[jcbasiya]

Drinking Solo

Again, I am drinking solo today

When I'm drinking solo on a rainy day,

I like it even more.

Even if I cry as much and as loudly as I want

It's not as embarrassing or loud because of rain.

I get comfort from the sky that's crying for me.

The rain will stop tomorrow.

We will have a better day tomorrow.

We can hope for that.

Because the sound of raindrops

could be a source of comfort

For the pain we try so hard to hide.

At the end of a long hard day.

If we can have a drink watching the rain fall

I think it will help us forget the struggles a bit.

So when I drink solo on a rainy day,

I like it a bit more.

(Jin Sang, Drinking Solo)

[jcbasiya]

#Lostpages #unfilteredyetunspoken #jcbasiya #randomthoughts #2amthoughts #somelovestories #lovestory #asadlovestory #writerscommunity #writersnetwork #shortstoryoftheday #shortstory #writersofig #writersofinstagram #writersoftumblr https://www.instagram.com/p/BvhfrghBwm6/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1n6zkeuo5uqbb

[jcbasiya]

3 A.M.

It was just Friday hours ago, I should have slept when I had the chance, but maybe it was the caffeine that made me stay up ‘til this hour. I once read that the only people who are up at 3 A.M. are in love, lonely or drunk. However, I am neither of the three- I’m just caffeinated! Another poem I read said, I love the 3 A.M. version of people. Vulnerable. Honest. Real. And I believe that! So, what I want to really say is don’t stay up to this time, your mind wanders and wonders too much bringing up bittersweet memories of how you used to be- when you talked about your dreams and feelings like you were the  only people existed in the world…….. At 3 A.M.

[jcbasiya]

#unfilteredyetunspoken #jcbasiya #imissyou #thisfeeling #love #hopeless #shewhomisseshim #whatshallwedowiththisfeeling #quotes #feelings #qotd🌸 #quotesofinstagram #writersofinstagram #writing #writersblock #writerscommunity #writerslife #writingmyfeelings #writerssupportingwriters https://www.instagram.com/p/Bsaw7l1B3dY/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1blras1q8ijij

[jcbasiya]

#unfilteredyetunspoken #jcbasiya #imissyou #thisfeeling #love #hopeless #shewhomisseshim #whatshallwedowiththisfeeling #quotes #feelings #qotd🌸 #quotesofinstagram #writersofinstagram #writing #writersblock #writerscommunity #writerslife #writingmyfeelings #writerssupportingwriters https://www.instagram.com/p/Bsawyc1jKfe/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1x86e0tg2xiqf

[jcbasiya]

Stay #conversationstarters #lovestory #love #stay #jcbasiya #unfilteredyetunspoken #writerscommunity #writersnetwork #writers #writersoftumblr #writersofig #writersupportingwriters #writersblock #unrequitedlove https://www.instagram.com/p/BrSr4dthx_1/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=ky4maysczyof

[jcbasiya]

Strong Independent Women . . . . . #jcbasiya #unfilteredyetunspoken #SIW #Strongindependentwomen #writerscommunity #writersnetwork #writers #writersoftumblr #writersupportingwriters #writersblock #writersofig #writing #writersofinstagram #writersworld #writerslife #filipinawriter https://www.instagram.com/p/BqSXBJeBQPc/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1aeelkrz71bu7

[jcbasiya]

#wrongtiming #quote #quoteofinstagram #ｑｏｔｄ #quotes #quotesoftheday #love #lovequotes #lovequotesforhim #lovelife #writerscommunity #writersnetwork #writers #writersoftumblr #writersupportingwriters #writersblock #writersofig #unfilteredyetunspoken #jcbasiya #timingiseverything https://www.instagram.com/p/Boji-JfDtO-/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1gf7a9lv5zoid

[jcbasiya]

An Open Letter to the Guy with the Devil Tattoo

              I hate to break it to you, that you are not good-looking! You have the face of a snob and the smile of a flirt. Your humor was so dry I could barely tell whether they were funny or sarcastic. You were not an easy person to deal with, at one point I thought your middle name was “Annoying”. You talked about your “women” all the time as if they were your trophy, and I could only roll my eyes in disbelief. How can someone not good-looking as you became such a womanizer? And I was always left wondering how these presumed “women” of yours fell for you?

               Yes, you aren’t good-looking but you are not bad looking, either. In fact, your fashion sense was always on point and your perfume had me wishing for all the boys to smell as good as you. You don’t have the friendliest face and aura, but you are gifted with sincerity and thoughtfulness. Your humor was so dry, but it was just my style. Your middle name was “Annoying” and mine was “Annoyance”- it’s pretty close. Our conversations were never a bore, sarcasm after sarcasm, you got me! But when you talked about your “women” I hated it! I felt my ears were about to burst, maybe I was secretly hoping that you’d be more serious with your relationships. So, I just rolled my eyes to avoid nagging at you.

               But you know what? I will never forget that rainy night as I ran across the empty street, crying. I didn’t know where I was headed, I was just running away from a broken heart. Then I heard a voice calling me- a very familiar voice. And there you were on the other side of the street, grinning happily. I thought, “Where the hell did he come from? Of all moments, why appear now?” For the first time though, I was relieved to see your face in that sad moment of my life. There was an instant feeling of security as I walked closer to you, and I could tell how worried you were when you saw the tears from my eyes. You even stopped smiling for a moment when you asked me, “Why are you crying? Are you okay?” Oddly, I wasn’t in my quick-witted self that I couldn’t get any word out of my mouth. I just heard you sighed deeply and embraced me. You let me cry without any more questions. I guess, of all people you understood what pain I was feeling. You hugged me quietly under that lamp post, while I pour my heartaches out to you.

               By the time I was done crying, or probably was tired of crying, you released me from your comfortable embrace (I wanted to stay there, dang!). Then you looked at me, smirked and said, “Done? I’m thirsty! Do you wanna drink beer or soju?” We looked at each other for a while before we burst into laughter. It was epic! Your timing was epic! No, I think it was super perfect! Your dry humor saved me from that drowning moment until I was ready to pick myself up. You cancelled your appointment with one of your “women” that night and stayed with me until I regained myself back. You may have that devil tattoo but literally you were my angel that night. Thank you!

               In that brief moment under that lamp post, I guess I finally understood why all your “women” fell for you. You are that knight in shining armor that almost every girl dreams about. You made me feel pretty special when you tried hard to make me laugh when I was busy or down; when you brought me coffee every day; when you took the danger side when we crossed the street; when you entertained me when I was bored; when you comforted me when I was sad; and when you found my home so just you can say goodbye to me personally before you left. I still vividly remember your efforts, and honestly, it was impossible not to fall for you.

               Years have passed, we even lost contact, and probably you’ll never read this letter; or even if you do, I doubt it if you remember all these events. But for me, they still make me smile when I think about the times we spent, and remembering all your “small” efforts. Just so you know, every time I rolled my eyes in the past was because, well, I was sort of jealous of your “women”. Every time I turned down your coffee (or beer) invitation was a pierce in my heart because I wanted to say “yes” very badly. It took me some time to realize that I was just in denial of my feelings for you, because it was the best for you and me.  

               I am writing this letter not to tell you how much I regret not telling you about my feelings but because you are one of those few people who made me feel special, valued and cared for. This open letter is my way of saying “thank you” and “I miss you”. I couldn’t tell you then because of my fear of not being able to control myself. After you left, I’ve met different good and kind people but not someone like you. You have a devil tattoo, but in reality, you are soft, thoughtful, caring, funny and overall a great person.Thank you for being there for me. Where ever you are now, please be well. I know we’ll bump into each other again somewhere, sometime in the future, and we’ll both have that dry humor by that time. Until then, see you!

MIssing you,

Joe

[jcbasiya]

A Gentleman's Dignity; Korean mini-series, 2012 #dramaquotes #quoteofinstagram #quote #ｑｏｔｄ #koreandrama #love #lovequotes #heart #unfilteredyetunspoken #jcbasiya #heartstory #feelingsquotes #happiness #sadness #agentlemansdignity https://www.instagram.com/p/BoB617MjTeH/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1rlo6ap4zt78p

[jcbasiya]

The Master's Sun - Korean Mini-Series . . . . . #themasterssun #quoteofinstagram #quote #ｑｏｔｄ #koreandrama #love #lovequotes #heart #unfilteredyetunspoken #jcbasiya #heartstory #feelingsquotes #love #lovequotes #chooselove https://www.instagram.com/p/Bnx3HrmD6gN/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1jb067xb5rrea

[jcbasiya]

Small things, Big Things Series Entry #1 . . . . . #prose #proseofinstagram #poem #poetrywriting #writerscommunity #writersnetwork #writers #writersoftumblr #writersblock #writersofig #writersofinstagram #writersworld #writerssupportingwriters #smallthingsbigthingsseries #jcbasiya #unfilteredyetunspoken #random #goodthings https://www.instagram.com/p/BnvXpzjjvor/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1vs3vi1c9gkp0

[jcbasiya]

#toalltheboysivelovedbefore #moviequotes #ｑｏｔｄ #love #lovequotes #onmissingsomeone #quotesoftheday #quoteofinstagram #unfilteredyetunspoken #jcbasiya #writersofig #fangirling #netflixmovies #lanacandor #larajeancovey https://www.instagram.com/p/BnePTpTDREm/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1rbapwq9lea2o

[jcbasiya]

The Master's Sun - Korean Mini-Series . . . . . #themasterssun #quoteofinstagram #quote #ｑｏｔｄ #koreandrama #love #lovequotes #heart #unfilteredyetunspoken #jcbasiya #heartstory #feelings https://www.instagram.com/p/BnS_jl6DGiV/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=qbfxahwm1iaz