johannesviii

[johannesviii]

My mom sold me to my chemical romance and then they put a bag over my head and executed me on stage

[johannesviii]

Painting in the forest

[johannesviii]

#anyway this is why 'simon isn't to blame because he's traumatized' rings super false to me#he COULD do better. we literally saw him do better#he just decided he didn't want to#simon also COULD see grace as a fallible person who needed his support but chose to see her as an idol and then a fallen idol#but that situation is a little more complicated since grace /did/ do some things that hurt him#grace did those things b/c she had to protect hazel who is a defenseless child and/or b/c grace is just as traumatized as simon#so it's not grace's fault things ended between her and simon the way they did#but it was a little more complicated than e.g. simon being like 'i could be friends w/ tuba but i don't want to lol. bye'#so i didn't bring that up for the sake of keeping this post simple

saving these tags because I think they're as important as the rest of the post

I like how Simon is written where we see him taking baby steps in a better direction, and then choosing not to continue based entirely on internal factors, and not because anything external pushed him in that direction.

He was able to get along with Tuba and work with her as a team. He was able to start processing his feelings about everything that happened with Samantha and not just think of her as a symbol of his childhood trauma - he sadly but calmly says goodbye to Samantha at the end of Le Chat Chalet car like he’s starting to move past straightforwardly resenting her. And there is no negative consequence for this. Nothing bad happens as a result of those actions. He didn’t start to make progress and then get “punished” for it by the narrative. He didn’t start to make progress and then backslide when something traumatic happened. He didn’t put effort into making progress and then fail because he was so traumatized he couldn’t do it even if he tried. He started making progress and then decided to stop. He had a chance to hurt Tuba and he chose to take it. He wanted to be powerful and dominant and get to dehumanize and hurt people more than he wanted to make friends and do the right thing.

Simon is able to understand children trapped on the train as being like his defenseless younger self. He told Lake that Lake couldn’t help Jesse like the Apex could. He got really, really upset about Samantha specifically being around Hazel, and compares Hazel’s relationship with Tuba to his own relationship with Samantha. It’s more like “projection” than “empathy”, but he was able to think of children on the train as needing protection and help from the Apex. He even engages Hazel a few times, like when he playfully draws her into the snowball fight in Le Chat Chalet Car (probably just because he wanted to draw Hazel into the Apex, but you know, that’s how it started for Grace too). And he chose not to follow that thread. He doesn’t empathize with Hazel not immediately getting over Tuba and treats Hazel’s grief like an obnoxious inconvenience, wanting to dump her onto the other Apex kids so he can forget her and get more one-on-one time with Grace, even though he himself still gets upset about how Samantha abandoned him years later and feels completely entitled to Grace dropping everything to accommodate his feelings when Samantha shows up again. Simon was able to see himself in other people, but he chose to ignore those relatable feelings when it wasn’t convenient for him. Instead of protecting and watching out for Hazel and the Apex kids, he rejects Hazel and tries to force the Apex to become his obedient little soldiers.

In general - throughout S3, when Grace has a chance to rethink things and change for the better, she almost always takes it. She makes a lot of mistakes and she doesn’t change fast enough to save her relationship with Hazel, but she does change. And the more she changes, the stronger she gets, and the more she confronts the lies she told herself. When Simon has a chance to rethink things and change for the better, he turns away and chooses dogma and control and self-pity. After Hazel leaves, Grace has grown enough that when she sees a setback or challenge, she squares her shoulders and chooses truth and integrity, no matter the cost. When Simon hits a setback or challenge, he falls apart and lashes out.

[johannesviii]

lake isnt the only one who i obsess over... my favorite cult leader!!

[johannesviii]

[johannesviii]

Happy 30th bday to these freaks

[johannesviii]

tens of thousands of years

[johannesviii]

story by @may--hawk

⚠️animal death

[johannesviii]

sam❗👽☮️

[johannesviii]

c

[johannesviii]

on survival

-// @aridante // @orivu // @buzzkillgirls // ? // ? // richard siken// @cemeterything // moomin, tove jansson// @disenchanted-killjoy // isn't that enough, shawn mendes// @ prettytheyswag on twitter// @ coletyumuch on twitter// ? // ? // bird by bird, anne lamott// undertale// @strawberrycircuits

[johannesviii]

Synesthesia drawings of personal favorite hit songs - 2012: “Some Nights” by fun.

[johannesviii]

[johannesviii]

Throwing these doodles on my blog also, i did them while i was going crazy watching the show

[johannesviii]

ryan flipping you off

[johannesviii]

ughhhh... well im obsessed now🧟‍♀️

[johannesviii]

The two tracks werent synced right and it sounds like everything’s gone to shit at MTT Resort