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jul-has-no-chill · 23 hours ago

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A (no so) brief character study on Sanzu

My beloved partner asked me for my opinion on Sanzu, and I thought I might as well make a post out of it. That post ended up severely lacking in chill though I had lots of fun writing it!

Disclaimer: what follows is my understanding of Sanzu’s character. Just my own, personal reading of TR. Please enjoy!

As I’ve said previously, Sanzu is one of my favorite characters in TR (I prefer Kisaki to be honest, for many reasons, but that’s another discussion for another day). That being said, I think his characterization in the manga is also one of the most frustrating, if not THE most frustrating because the story ended without telling us much about him though he is of pivotal importance to the plot. I wouldn’t say it is bad writing, because I don’t think it is, but it is nevertheless super frustrating. Here’s a somewhat structured collection of my thoughts about Sanzu, and I’m mostly talking about his role within the narrative, and what might inform his point of view as well as how he might be perceived by the other characters. Naturally, a lot of this belongs in fanfiction territory.

I’ll starting with names, because most characters in Tokyo Revengers have cools names that can tell you lots about their personality and role into the story. In this case, Sanzu is no exception.

A river of three crossings, Sanzu no Kawa.

So I don’t speak Japanese at all, and I can’t read kanji for shit either, but I do know a thing or two about Shintoïsm and Hinduïsm, and we’ve seen throughout the manga that TR is riddled with Buddhist imagery.

In this case, the name Sanzu chooses for himself refers to the river that separates the living and the dead. The Sanzu-no-Kawa (literally the “River of Three Crossings”. Three. Yes, you read that right lol) is a mythological river in the Japanese Buddhist tradition.

Basically, before they can reach the afterlife, the souls of the deceased must cross the Sanzu River by one of three crossing points: a bridge, a ford, or a stretch of deep, snake-infested waters. Where you can cross the river is decided based on how you’ve lived your life. The more offenses you’ve committed, the harder it will be to cross the river.

On a side note, I noticed that “Sanzu” only exists in altered timelines. Before Shinichiro time leaps for the first time, Sanzu still goes by Haru. It’s not until Haru remembers seeing Shinichiro drowning in a river that he takes the name of Sanzu.

Another fun fact is the possible link between Sanzu’s name and Senju’s moniker (“Kawaragi”). Similarly to the Sanzu-no-Kawa, there is also the Sai-no-Kawara (“Riverbed of Death”) which is the boundary by which the souls of young children cross over to the realm of the dead.

It’s also neat to note that their given names both involve the number ‘one thousand’. I’m not too sure what to make of it, but I like thinking that a name roughly translating to ‘one thousand springs’ (Haruchiyo) is a sort of pun, referring to a sort of time loop. Spring always comes back the same every year, and Haruchiyo is stuck in the past, with memories from alternative timelines. Nothing changes but everything is different.

The one who stands in between

To me, Sanzu is the character who has the least sense of belonging anywhere in the story, the one who stands in between factions, in between past and future, friends and enemies. For instance, Sanzu is both Mikey’s oldest friend and the one Mikey is seemingly the most estranged from at the beginning of the story. Towards the end of the manga, Sanzu clearly appears the be the one who knows the most about Mikey’s past and time leaping yet he says the least. As Shinichiro’s trigger, the Sanzu we know best has two conflicting sets of memories. Amongst all the characters in TR, that makes him the one most capable of relating to Takemichi, because he’s the only one who has experienced having knowledge of altered timelines, and dealing with trauma caused by the knowledge of multiple failed timelines. Moreover, their goals should align, yet for the most part, they’re actively working against one another. In fact, I would argue that Sanzu’s situation is even more tragic and agonizing since he’s dealing with the knowledge of the worst timeline conjointly with the uncertainty of the future, and the inability of having a clear view of the consequences of his present actions.

That would explain why he seems to have such a fatalistic view of his actions. I think Sanzu must have felt incredibly helpless, from the moment he’s seen Shinichiro die. Maybe the only sense of agency he could reclaim in that situation was to take on the Shinichiro’s purpose as his own destiny and become Mikey’s guardian, thus relegating himself to the role of a helper. Or in this case, an enabler.

Come to think about Takemichi, I think it would be easy to imagine that Sanzu would have been jealous of him. Although Takemichi comes from nothing and he is a stranger, he manages to capture Mikey’s interest very early on. On the one hand, Takemichi enters Toman of his own volition and quickly becomes a core member. On the other hand, although Sanzu is a close childhood friend of Baji and Mikey, he is not a founding member, and upon entering Toman he is tossed from one division to the other due to his behavior. Sanzu is constantly sidelined whereas Takemichi always remains at the center of the action. Everything that Takemichi has, Sanzu might have thought he deserved. Sanzu was already fiercely loyal to Mikey before Takemichi first entered their lives. I wouldn’t be surprised if Sanzu felt like Takemichi stole his place by Mikey’s side.

The weigh of Karma, destiny and cie

Though Sanzu and Takemichi have a lot in common, starting from their devotion to the goal of saving Mikey from himself, the hidden struggle of reconciling their knowledge of different timelines with the present and future, layered identities, an eroded sense of self, etc…, I think the most fundamental difference between Sanzu and Takemichi is a difference between passive and active. Whereas Takemichi actively struggles to reclaim his life from a series of doomed timelines, Sanzu takes the opposite stance of resisting change.

Sanzu is pretty much the diametrical opposite of Takemichi in that aspect, which is probably why although their main goals align, they’re always at odds with each other. That being said, although Takemichi is unambiguously the hero of the story, Sanzu isn’t a clear antagonist. He’s neither hero nor a villain. If you look at it from a more meta stance, he’s a very ambivalent character, being both central to the story, and on the periphery of the narrative.

(Now that we’ve seen the conclusion of the manga, we know that Sanzu’s probably talking about Mikey’s cruse in the screenshot above. But it tells you something about him that he would have such a fatalistic approach on Mikey’s struggles when it is contrasted with Takemichi’s. Curses are absolute. Essentially, to Sanzu, saving Mikey doesn’t mean getting rid of his dark impulses, it means allowing Mikey to embrace them. Someone who can’t bear Mikey’s darkness doesn’t deserve to stand by his side.)

Mikey’s loyal mad dog

Sanzu’s character is actually really fascinating and multi-faceted. He’s manipulative and clever. Devoted to a fault. He feels a heaviness of duty to his friend who is like a god. In Tokyo Revengers, Mikey is Sanzu’s promise and his future. For Sanzu, there is nothing that cannot be sacrificed for Mikey’s sake, including his own sister. Sanzu can be both calculated and quick to judge and take risks. He has little regard for authority that he does not respect. I wouldn’t put past him acts of radical love. Sanzu following Mikey in every timeline is a radical act of love. Actually, one of the things I found particularly interesting about Sanzu in the latest parts of the manga is that although he’s always become a career criminal in every future timeline we’ve seen, he clearly states that he doesn’t want to be a delinquent. To be fair, that panel belongs in the conclusion of the manga, which corresponds to the only timeline where Sanzu does not in fact become a career criminal.

That reminded me a bit of Kakucho ending up becoming a career criminal in every timeline as well, to be honest. There are many fun parallels you can draw between Kakucho/Izana dynamics and Sanzu/Mikey. I’m sure you can see a sort of mirroring here.

Relationships

(do you see me getting increasingly lazy with my titles?)

1) Takeomi & Senju

They are the family he’s rejected. They’ve probably failed him from Sanzu’s perspective. The only timeline where we see Sanzu and Takeomi together is the Bonten timeline, and Senju is absent from the picture (most likely dead? Definitely dead? I don’t remember exactly). I think in this timeline, helping Mikey might have been a way for Takeomi to redeem himself in Sanzu’s eyes. Becoming a key, essential figure of Mikey’s organization might have allowed Takeomi to 1) ensure Mikey and Sanzu’s relative safety and 2) remain part of Sanzu’s life now that he’s the only family he has left.

2) Shinichiro

Honestly I very much understand Sanzu’s relationship with Shinichiro through the lenses of sibling trauma. I’m not saying Takeomi was abusive to his siblings. He probably tried his best to raise them, being a very young, struggling adult himself when he took charge of their family. But on the other hand, what little we’ve seen of Takeomi in the manga doesn’t bode well for their home life. Ironically, although Sanzu’s life was drastically affected by Shinichiro’s action, and he might have looked up to him, his entire worldview seems to be closer to Takeomi’s than Shinichiro’s (or Takemichi’s which is identical to Shin’s). You could say that Shin’s perspective would be more along the lines of “reshape the world to your ideals” and Takeomi’s would be the opposite, “reshape your ideals to fit the world you live in”. That translates to Sanzu enabling Mikey’s dark impulses instead of struggling against it like Takemichi does throughout the story.

3) Mucho

Mikey probably knew Mucho would be a good fit for Sanzu because Mucho is also out of place in Toman. I think their relationship might have been extremely ambivalent. In some aspect, maybe Sanzu truly loved Mucho as a brother. But that love might have been twisted from the start. Remember, from beginning to end, Sanzu kept lying to Mucho. We never get to see Sanzu’s point of view in this sequence, only Mucho’s, so we don’t know how sincere he was.

In a sense, maybe he was sincere to some extent, and he still chose his self-imposed duty to Mikey over his affection for Mucho. Sacrifice is only meaningful if you lose something important to you, right? Maybe Sanzu killed Mucho to redeem himself in Mikey’s eyes precisely because he cared for Mucho. That’s something we will never know for sure.

4) Mikey

There’s Shinichiro’s ghost, the knowledge Sanzu had of a past in which Mikey died, but we can’t pin down his obsessive devotion to Mikey on Sanzu’s dual sets of memories and his implication in Shinichiro’s crusade to save his brother. Remember, this happened before the story even started.

Sanzu was always devoted to Mikey, and his brand of devotion is one of destruction. Upon first reading, I thought Sanzu’s character reminded me of Medea (I’m thinking of more modern depictions of Medea though. I can only recommend Bright Air Black by David Vann).

Generally speaking, Medea plays the archetypal role of the enabler. She helps Jason steal the Golden Fleece by using her magic to save his life out of love and then brutally murders her own brother so they can escape. They eventually get married but Jason leaves her 10 years after to remarry King Creon’s daughter Creusa. In an act of revenge, she murders Creusa with poisoned gifts and kills her own sons by Jason.

Sanzu reminds me of her for three reasons:

The excess of love bordering on obsession: the love he has for Mikey is immeasurable. In every failed timeline, he’s constantly on his side, living in his shadow. On a side note, I’m convinced Kisaki would have kept a very close eye on him in every timeline Kisaki ruled Toman using Mikey’s name. I don’t think he would have necessarily killed him, but Kisaki would have certainly recognized the danger Sanzu posed to himself. On the one hand, their goals seem to neatly align: making Mikey the head of the most successful criminal organization in Japan. On the other hand, their methods and end results are contradictory. They would have been bound to clash at some point, and I have no doubt Kisaki would have come on top.

The mysteriously blind devotion: Sanzu didn’t choose to love Mikey, and his love is servitude. He expects nothing from Mikey in return for his devotion, and he gains nothing for his services.

The potential for backfire: Sanzu’s only human, and they never had the opportunity to grow old in failed timelines. I wonder how long it would take for Sanzu to snap. Some dogs don’t wait long to bite the feeding hand, but in Sanzu’s case, Mikey never did much to feed him what he wants (love? recognition? gratitude?) That makes me think that an interesting idea for fiction would be to think about what would make Sanzu snap and turn against Mikey. What would he do to exorcize years of rancœur over being scored and neglected, the shame of being used? What would he do if Mikey were to betray him? I’m thinking of something along the lines of Misery by Stephen King tbh. I can’t imagine Sanzu killing Mikey. But forcing Mikey to enact his fantasy of being his perfect King? That would be a good darker twist on their relationship.

On Sanzu’s appearance

One thing I noticed about Sanzu’s character design is that apart from the ultimate timeline, his face is consistently scarred, and his appearance oscillates between pretty and grotesque, masculine and feminine, conformity and rebellion, hiding and exposing himself. Sanzu’s character design is also very interesting, including a variety of masculine/feminine elements. He’s also been shown to be very unconventional as a bosozoku gang member as well. If you remember the beginning of the manga, and to some extent, the Kanto incident, bringing a weapon to a fistfight is not something most gang members would do because it’s seen as cowardly, and most of them actually put a lot of stock into traditional fighting values. It’s also really interesting to see that Sanzu himself doesn’t seem to belong completely in gang culture as enacted in Toman. He didn’t want to be a delinquent in the first place, and he isn’t shown fully adhere to gang values (as emphasized in Tenjiku/Kanto Manji arcs, he brings weapons to fist fights, manipulates and lies to his superiors, doesn’t fight his opponents straight forwardly, etc…).

Sanzu doesn’t really belong anywhere. He’s always in between. He doesn’t fit in society, but he doesn’t fit in Toman either. He doesn’t fit into Tenjiku either and ends up betraying Mucho. He doesn’t exactly fit in Bonten either since Mikey keeps rejecting his help.

That was super long and rambling, and I would have to think some more about the last parts where I got lazy. For instance, it might be interesting to think about Sanzu’s lies. Does he believe in his own lies? What do his lies tell us about him? On a last side note, @echtach-messy-place, you said I wrote a lot about Sanzu which is not exactly true because what I mostly wrote about is Mikey from Sanzu’s perspective. So I technically didn’t really write all that much about Sanzu himself. But Sanzu is so interesting, and in my opinion, he’s one of the best-written characters in TR up until the last arc. It’s a pity he wasn’t given a more thorough backstory :’). I would have loved to learn more about his relationship with his siblings for instance, and maybe his interactions with Mikey, since it’s always been shown to be so one-sided (which is quite telling in itself, ok.)

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jul-has-no-chill · 3 days ago

Note

HONESTLY I LOVE BOTH IDEAS SO MUCH, but I'm a huge fan of fanfics where the character is always flirting (and teasing 🥴) the reader LOL but whichever one you post I'll love it for sure 🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️

"Yes Ma'am." ༄.° ⌗ One.

ᯓ★- pairing: Bonten!Sanzu Haruchiyo x Fem!Reader

ᯓ★- synopsis: Sanzu had never left your side since the first day you joined Bonten. This ruthless man who was tough on everyone was completely different towards you. He felt a feeling in his heart that he had never felt before. He was ready to do anything to see the reciprocation of this feeling from you, to feel your love and to possess it.

ᯓ★- w.c: 3.2k

ᯓ★- warnings: drug use, alcohol use, implied possessiveness/jealousy, vomiting, emotional manipulation (light), toxic attachment, delusional behavior, mild suggestive content, obsessive behavior, emotional vulnerability, unhealthy relationship dynamics.

ᯓ★- h/n: I wrote this at 2 am and the editing is just now finished so I don't know if it's good or not. As i said I'm thinking of adding a few more chapters to this but i don't know when I'll post it. Don't hesitate to point out any mistakes you see or parts you don't like, enjoy reading!

You are in bed, the window is open and the cool breeze of the summer night is coming in, you are about to fall asleep. It's a very quiet night for a Bonten member. Everyone had gone to the usual club except you, you didn't go tonight because you wanted to rest.

Until that damn phone rang. You were already suspicious of the fact that your peace lasted for too long. It was Ran. Ran wouldn't usually call you at this hour unless there was something important, he would be busy flirting at the club.

You groaned as you reached for the phone in anger. When you answered the call, there was loud music in the background and Ran spoke immediately.

"There's a problem. It's Sanzu again."

"There's no one else who's a pain in my ass anyway. What happened this time?"

Just as Ran was about to start talking, you heard Sanzu yelling from behind, probably yelling at Rindou.

"Get the fuck out of my way! I said I want {Y/N} to come!"

"She said she would rest!"

"And why do you know this and not me?! Why did she tell you and not me?! Are you trying to get close with her or something?! Don't you dare!"

You pinched the bridge of your nose when you heard the argument between Rindou and Sanzu. Sanzu was acting jealous as usual, even though there was nothing in the name of love between you two. Ran spoke on the phone as he walked a little further away from them.

"I warned Sanzu but he took too many of those pills and also drank too much alcohol before and after. So right now he's both drunk and high, it's a mixed thing. He does stupid things, he doesn't even listen to Mikey. He says he wants you, he also tried to beat Rindou a few times."

You sighed and got up from your bed and quickly walked towards your wardrobe to put on some clothes while answering Ran.

"Tell him I'll be there in a minute. And why the hell did he try to beat up Rindou?"

"She thinks Rindou is flirting with you or has a crush on you or something. Hurry up or I'll lose my patience and shoot him with my gun."

"Keep that fucking gun on your belt, I'm coming."

You hung up the phone and threw it on the bed, then you got a few things from the closet and quickly put them on. Sanzu was always like this, every night you weren't with him he would cause trouble and somehow bring you to him. What about his jealousy? It had been there since the first day you came to Bonten, in a way you didn't understand. He would never let you go, he wouldn't let anyone else besides him follow you either.

After getting ready quickly, you grabbed your phone and car keys and started walking towards the garage. Your phone started beeping in your hand with messages one after another. When you looked at it, it was Sanzu. Of course, who else could it be anyway? He was sending you ridiculous but cute photos that he wouldn't send to anyone else and bombard you with messages.

- where are you?

- when are you coming????

- Ran said you'd be coming soon.

- i miss you so much girrllll ♡♡♡

These were exactly the messages that high Sanzu would send to you. You couldn't help but let a short laugh escape your lips as you rolled your eyes.

- I'm coming, don't get into trouble.

- sit on your ass and wait for me.

- yes ma'am.

You got into the driver's seat of the car and quickly started it up, stepping on the gas. Sanzu would usually listen to you, but this time you weren't so sure because he was both high and drunk right now. Because it was late, the roads were generally empty. The radio was playing a few of the songs Sanzu had previously added to your playlist.

When you arrived at the club, you planned to take Sanzu directly and go back to Bonten base, so you parked the car near the garage exit. You entered the club from the back door. Sanzu was sitting on a couch with his legs spread apart and his head leaning back a bit. His eyes were half closed. There was another woman next to him and she was trying to get closer to Sanzu, while Sanzu was trying to ignore her.

"Come on.. we can have some fun tonight."

"I don't want to, you're not {Y/N}."

"Oh fuck {Y/N}! You've been saying her name all night long."

"Don't you ever mention her name like that again!"

Even though Sanzu couldn't move properly, he frowned and tried to push the woman away, not realizing that you were watching all of this. When you saw that the woman was still trying to get close to Sanzu, you cleared your throat and approached them both. Both of their gazes turned to you. While Sanzu was happy as if he had seen his favorite toy, the woman raised an eyebrow.

"What's the problem?"

The woman's tone of voice bothered you, she was acting too cocky.

"The problem is you. Can you get up?"

"Excuse me? Who do you think you are, telling me to get up?"

Sanzu wasn't even listening to the woman, his eyes were only on you and he was muttering in an exaggerated sappy tone.

"Hmm.. my woman has come for me again.."

When the woman heard this, she realized who you were and cleared her throat, quickly stood up, mumbled a fake apology and walked away.

As you stood in front of Sanzu, he placed his hands on your hips and smirked as he looked up at you, mumbling. His hands had trouble finding the right places to hold on to, and his eyes had trouble looking in the right places.

"Did you miss me that much? You came too fast."

"Miss you? Tch, that would be the last thing I'd do even if I were to die. And... who is that woman?"

"I don't know, she's nobody for me. I think she wanted to undress me. I told her I'm married. She asked me where my ring is and said a bunch of other nonsense."

What Sanzu said seemed ridiculous and funny to you right now, considering how his gaze was wandering every five seconds and how he was having a hard time keeping his head up. Still, you tried not to laugh.

"Did you say you're married? Who's your wife then?"

"What do you mean who's my wife? Of course it's you. We got married, remember?"

That stupid but somehow attractive smirk was always on his face. With all the pills he took and all the alcohol he drank, he was starting to make up ridiculous memories again. Still, it was amusing to tease him in moments like this

"Mhmm, yes we got married Haru. But shame on you! You forgot our wedding anniversary!"

A worried expression appeared on Sanzu's face and he quickly stood up but he almost fell on you because he was so dizzy. He barely held on to your shoulders at the last moment.

"Our wedding anniversary?! But wasn't that in the winter?! In February, actually! And we're in June."

"No, it was in June! I can't believe you!"

Sanzu whined and laid his forehead on your shoulder, closing his eyes. It was starting to get a little harder for him to get the words out.

"Okaaaaay, I'm sorry... I'll make it up to you, I promise. But let's not break up, okay? We haven't even had kids yet.."

Your heart skipped a beat for a moment, even though you were only joking at first. Sanzu's vulnerable state... was driving you crazy. Sighing, you put one hand on the back of his hair, patted it, and spoke into his ear.

"Okay, we won't broke up. But come on, we need to go back and you need to rest, okay?"

Sanzu made some whining noises but nodded and held onto you, putting his arm around your shoulders for support. As you walked him towards the exit, you saw Rindou watching the two of you from the sidelines. When you made eye contact with Rindou for a second, Sanzu immediately frowned and spoke angrily, although it was difficult.

"What the fuck is going on?! Why are you staring at each other?! There's something going on between you two, right???"

Rindou just rolled his eyes and walked away and you sighed as you looked at Sanzu, he had to stay calm since it was a sign of doom for him to get angry when he was high.

"No, Haru, there's nothing going on between us. We just made eye contact, that's all."

"No, that bastard is trying to take you away from me! I can tell by his looks!"

Because Sanzu thought you two were married right now, telling him that you are not even together would put him on edge. So you just continued to lead him to your car.

"You know I don't even give a fuck about him, right?"

"But what if he takes you away from me? Then I won't even listen to Mikey, I'll shoot him and his brother."

Sanzu was talking like a stubborn child as he stumbled, you had to admit that he was quite cute and charming even now. You opened the backseat door as you leaned him against the car, carefully helping him to get inside and laying him on his side.

"No shooting at anyone."

You took off your jacket and placed it under Sanzu's head as a pillow. You got into the driver's seat, fastened your seat belt and started the car after closing the backseat door. As you were driving towards the garage exit, you saw Rindou looking at your car from the garage entrance. You didn't understand what he was trying to do and every move he made made Sanzu even crazier.

Sanzu lay quietly in the backseat with his eyes closed. You spoke with a tone of voice that contained a bit of concern as you looked at him through the rearview mirror.

"Haru, are you sleeping? Wait a little longer, when we return to base I'll take you to your room and then you can sleep."

"I'm tireeeed..."

Sanzu didn't open his eyes while whining, normally if he was sober he would be ashamed of his own actions right now. You continued to drive silently while smiling involuntarily, occasionally checking his condition by looking at him through the rearview mirror.

When you arrived at the Bonten base, you parked the car in the garage in its usual spot and got out. You opened the backseat door and saw that Sanzu's eyes were closed, but thankfully he wasn't fast asleep yet.

"Haruchiyo, come on, open your eyes. We're here. I'll take you to your room."

"Can't I stay here a little longer..? Your jacket smells exactly like you. What was your perfume? YSL Libre? I'll buy all the stocks of this perfume."

You had a hard time not bursting out laughing at Sanzu's words.

"This is a women's perfume, what are you going to do with all the stock?"

"If I spray it on myself, no woman will come near me because I will smell like women's perfume. Besides, I will smell the perfume when you are not around."

Sanzu gave you a tired smirk as he opened his eyes.

"You're unbelievable.."

There wasn't a single trace of anger in your voice, just fondness. Sanzu got out of the car, first holding on to the backseat door and then to you, but he stumbled. You left your jacket behind, closed the door and locked the car. You started to walk Sanzu towards the entrance while he was still leaning on you and he started to whimper.

"I think I'm gonna throw up.."

"What?! Wait, don't throw up right away. The toilet is right over there. Hang on a little longer."

Sanzu leaned his head back as he huffed but listened to you and tried to hold on until the two of you got inside and went to the first bathroom in front of you. But when he entered the bathroom, he couldn't hold it in and fell down directly in front of the toilet and threw up in the toilet bowl. You quickly knelt down next to him and pulled his hair back from his face over his shoulder, trying to comfort him.

"Shh, okay relax. Let it all out."

Sanzu closed his eyes while throwing up and took deep breaths when he finally stopped for a while. His voice was hoarse from throwing up.

"Why are you talking to me like I'm a baby?"

"What, would you rather I scold you while you're throwing up?"

"Would you scold Rindou?"

You couldn’t help but huff and roll your eyes when you heard that question. You knew it was Rindou’s fault that Sanzu kept bringing this up.

"Stop with this Rindou bullshit anyway."

Sanzu frowned and coughed a few times but still managed to look at you.

"No, answer me. Would you scold him in a situation like this or treat him like you're treating me right now?"

"I wouldn't even be around when Rindou threw up, Ran would have been there. Why should I care about Rindou anyway? You're talking nonsense."

"Rindou speaks differently, though."

"Because he wants to provoke you, don't you understand? He tries to drive you crazy by trying to flirt with me, and you fall into his trap every time."

"Because I'm scared that I'll lose you because of that bastard!"

After Sanzu said that, he coughed and threw up again while turning his head. As you watched Sanzu, you felt your heart ache for a moment with his words, even though there was no romantic connection between you two.

"Haven't you figured out yet that I wouldn't be interested in someone like Rindou?"

"What if one day you change your... mind?"

"Come on, I've been with you since day one. If I haven't given up on hanging out with a maniac like you, I won't give up on it from now on either."

You said this with a slight smile to lighten the mood, but Sanzu's facial expression still looked serious and a little scared.

"I don't feel like throwing up anymore, let's go to my room."

You nodded and Sanzu stood up with support from you. You flushed the toilet, brought him closer to the sink first and turned on the cold water, wetting your hand and wetting his face and neck with the cold water. Sanzu was just watching you, he still looked angry but he couldn't stay angry while you were taking care of him like this. While you were wetting his neck, he suddenly leaned over and kissed the tip of your nose. You froze and looked at him, he looked like a little child.

"What, why are you looking at me like that? Can't I kiss you?"

"No, you can-- I mean, of course but it was.. so sudden, y'know?"

"I'm sorry I couldn't send you a letter just to let you know before kissing you."

While you were frowning at his joke, he suddenly started laughing, but you couldn't stay serious for too long and laughed along with him.

"Anyway, please leave the 'very funny' jokes for later."

You gently dried his face and neck with a towel as you turned the water off again and began to walk upstairs to his room. No one had returned from the club yet. Sanzu had gone completely silent.

When the two of you entered his room he let out a sigh and was finally able to sit on his bed while still leaning against you. He scratched the back of his neck and tried to lie down directly but you stopped him.

"No, change your clothes first. You should wear something comfortable."

"Pfft, c'moooon!"

"Nuh-uh."

Sanzu huffed but still listened to you and while you brought his pajamas, he took off his jacket, started unbuttoning his shirt. You had to hold yourself back from staring at his muscular, toned upper body, past scars showing. but Sanzu was aware of this and flexed his muscles while smirking just to tease you.

"You're impressed, huh?"

Your cheeks turned red on their own and you smiled involuntarily while rolling your eyes. You slapped his cheek lightly, playfully.

"Shut up, I don't care about your muscles right now."

"Tch, I'm hurt."

Sanzu dramatically put his hand over his heart and smirked at you. You helped him put his t-shirt on gently.

"You need to take your pants off now."

"Oh my, are you a pervert?!"

Sanzu was still making fun of you, when he saw that you were getting more and more angry and embarrassed, he started laughing. He unbuttoned his pants, unzipped them and lowered them. You looked away just to avoid seeing that.

"Don't look away, one day you'll see this every night."

"Oh shut the hell up, Sanzu!"

Sanzu was still laughing and when he took off his pants he put them aside. He staggered to his feet to put on his pajamas. While you were still not looking at him he approached you from behind. His warm breath was touching your neck and he placed a small kiss on your neck. This time he brought his lips to your ear and whispered.

"Don't try to silence me. I'm telling the truth. One day you will be mine, and the day you become my woman I will have the honor of holding you in my arms every night."

You couldn't answer Sanzu because you didn't know how to respond to those words. You turned your head to the side, and Sanzu smiled at that while still standing behind you, placed a gentle kiss on your hair.

He put on his pajamas and carefully got into bed, putting his head on the pillow. You folded the clothes he had taken off and opened the window a little to let in some fresh air.

While you were doing all these things, he was laying quietly on the bed. Just when you went to look at him, you saw that his eyes were closed and he was fast asleep. His current facial expression looked much more innocent than usual. An involuntary smile appeared on your face.

You covered him up a little so he wouldn't get cold, and even though he had already vomited everything he needed to vomit, you decided to stay with him because you thought there was a possibility he would vomit again at night, in his sleep. You were worried about him.

You sighed and leaned your head back as you sat on a couch in the room. Sanzu's words were still running through your mind. You wondered what it would feel like to.. be his woman. The feeling of being in his arms every night. These words were confusing your mind and heart even more, as you still didn’t understand how you managed to attract Bonten’s number 2.

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