jyx02

[jyx02]

Homa (هُما) (noun, Persian): A mythical bird in Persian mythology believed to bring good fortune and never lands on the ground.

Why are you dying to fly away again? Why are you so used to people not knowing you at all? You fear making a nest? You fear that this place which was supposed to be a stop in your bigger journey might become your home? Who fears finding a home? Do you fear to land my dear? How can anyone be afraid of resting at home?

I fear people will know the real me and hate it. I fear they will brutally cut my wings and tear me apart. I fear that I will fall for someone and make a nest. I am not to be remembered. There will soon be a time where I will fly away forever. I must bring smiles, peace and fortune to people. Then I must leave. I must leave. I cannot land. I cannot stay. I must not.

Nothing has made me stop in my tracks. One last sunset will arrive. The sun will set. I will set on a journey to the Almighty. He will be unhappy with my arrival. All these people i know will also be unhappy with my departure. Still, nothing makes me want to stay. I must return. When the age comes and there is nothing holding me down. I must flee. I must never be seen again.

[jyx02]

"The distinction is very vague in Arabic between the words dar and bayt, both meaning "house" or "home." But after consulting a knowledgeable colleague  (a Moroccan ambassador and man of letters), the author assumes that dar is more likely to mean a house as a structure or an apartment block and bayt a room, an apartment, or simply home. However, in the ancient Arab texts the writer often jumps from one meaning to another, and I have taken real pain trying to disentangle them, as usual. Home symbolizes the man's wife sheltered under his roof and to whom he goes, whence the expression "He went home." Therefore, home and wife are synonyms."

[jyx02]

“There is a word in German, . And the closest translation would be “lifelong treasure of destiny.”

And Victoria is wunderbar, but she is not my lebenslangerschicksalsschatz. She is my beinaheleidenschaftsgegenstand. You know?

It means “the thing that is almost the thing that you want, but it is not quite.”

Lebenslangerschicksalsschatz is not something that develops over time. It’s something that happens instantaneously. It causes swirling like the water of a river after a storm, filling you and emptying you all at once. You feel it throughout your body, in your hands, in your heart, in your stomach, in your skin.

Have you ever felt this way about someone?

If you have to think about it, you have not felt it. Everyone does eventually, you just never know when or where.”

– Klaus, How I Met Your Mother

[jyx02]

I have befriended the Antichrist

He told me to worship him. I nicely refused. We talked for awhile. He was interested in my thoughts and ideologies. He said he never felt so calm and peaceful. We were on a swing in the middle of a sea of chrysanthemums. I told him about you, the universe, my friends and my past. He is not so bad. Afterall, how can any being be completely evil. His role and responsibility requires him to cause chaos and pain. How would any human be tested in his absence? He is willing to change if i stay by his side as a friend. I have befriended Dajjal. Yet it is difficult to befriend you.

[jyx02]

“I am no bird; and no nets ensnares me; I am a free human being with an independent will.”

― Charlotte Bronte, Jane Eyre

[jyx02]

Puzzles

We are all just a big jigsaw puzzle of all the pieces. The pieces are the people we meet, the music we listen to, the books we reads, the movies and shows we watch, the speakers we hear and the food we eat. Being content is different but what becomes of he who thinks he is a whole and stops adding any pieces to himself?

[jyx02]

And so it happens that you become a background character. 22 Days and 9 hours past. I feel nothing. Neutral. You do not matter anymore. You are a mere person. Dazzling eyes and Smile might be the only thing that you carry. I carry a whole lot more. It takes someone much greater to understand my mind. You are adorable but do I even know you? When I get to know what hides behind the smile and eyes will I even like you or will you be less than the parts. If you make the efforts to show that you are indeed as beautiful as my mind had painted you, I might fall in love. But for what its worth, I don't hate you.

[jyx02]

I wish time goes back but I don't

Born in the wrong generation might not be the right thing to say. I wish I could get around and live without having to learn and grow with technology. I want to play a CD in my car. I want to have to ask people, read books and dig articles to get my answers. I want to write letters and mails sounding like myself without someone telling me that it's not "polished". I want to experience life in a world where technology had not taken over life. I love when it's a tool to us but now I think it's becoming our everything. My eyes get tired of it. I'd love to write articles but it's so hard to get one published. Look at me pouring it into a blog I hit post in a second. I am very grateful for the convenience of it but now it just feels like too much. What would be the balance? How do we do it so that I can enjoy a life without it? Can we go back without really going back? I think we reached an equilibrium around 2010s with just enough convenience but not letting it take over. Should we have stopped?

[jyx02]

Let’s Get Rejected

Sounds weird, right? But maybe it shouldn’t. Think about it like this. You apply for a job. You get rejected. At least you tried. At least you practiced. At least you moved. Rejection means you're doing something. You're putting yourself out there. You're learning. You're not just sitting in your head.

The same thing goes for a crush. If you like someone, tell them. Get rejected.

It’s better than wondering. Better than overthinking. Better than waiting and wasting time. Rejection moves you forward.

You might be scared. That’s normal. But hiding from rejection doesn’t protect you. It just keeps you stuck.

Love Isn't a Job... But Still

Yes, getting rejected by a person hurts more than getting rejected by a company. You have feelings. It’s deeper. It’s personal.

But ask yourself this: Are you already spending energy thinking about them? Are you already checking your phone too much Sleeping later? Feeling stressed? You’re giving your energy away without even knowing if they care. Just be honest.

Say:

“Hey, I’m interested in getting to know you.”

Not a big speech. Just a simple truth. If they say no, you’re free. If they say yes, you find out who they really are. And maybe after talking, you don’t even like them anymore. That’s good too.

Crushes Are Often Just A Lack of Information. You saw them in class. Or passed them in the hallway. You don’t know them yet. So why give them space in your head? Talk to them. Get to know them. See if they’re actually someone you like. You can’t know from a distance.

"멀리서 보면 푸른 봄이다."

One Note: Timing Matters

If you’re moving away, or don’t want to date right now,,, Don’t confess your feelings. It just puts pressure on the other person. They might not know what to do with that. It might stress them out. So ask yourself: Why am I saying this? If it’s not going to help either of you, maybe keep it to yourself. Not everything has to be shared out loud.

Stop Fake-Friending People You Want to Date

If you’re hanging around hoping they’ll notice you stop. That’s not friendship. That’s just waiting. That's just hanging onto hope they didn't give. You'll read in between lines they never wrote. Be honest about your intentions. You’ll never be real friends if you’re pretending. Either talk to them about it, or step back.

Let’s Get Rejected (For Real This Time)

Rejection is better than wondering. It saves time. It brings clarity. It gives you your energy back.

Say the thing. Send the message. Apply. Speak up.

Let’s just get rejected. And keep moving.

[jyx02]

believe it could go right

[jyx02]

You like them because

And you love them despite

[jyx02]

You are not a guest. You are not a traveler. You are not a stranger. You are not a lodger. You are not a passer by.

You're here to stay. These doors will only open by your voice. They shall remain closed if you never arrive.

[jyx02]

در دلم نشستی

آرزو به دل ماندم

[jyx02]

Love carries the heavens and gates the hells.

— Sadia Hakim // from Mehrsprachig (Arabic poems by sadia hakim)