k3ttl3z-m4zz4cr3

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it’s sooo funny when rude customers encounter employees who can deny them service for the first time.

i was working at a little cafe where I could deny service over bad behavior, harassment etc. & mask mandates had just ended a week before & already people were being weird about me still wearing mine—an N95, the kind shaped kinda like a duckbill.

so this man walked in, looked at me sooo scathingly, laughed at me, and said “damn. never known a woman to choose…practicality over looks.”

And I just said, “oh. you can go, you’re not getting a drink.” And he said, “what???”

I said, “sir, you just walked in at 6 am & called women impractical and me ugly in one sentence.”

And he was so astonished he didn’t even argue he just turned around and left 💀🙏🏻 it was like he suddenly became self aware

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this is some fire art

make more

first post yay

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absolutely screaming crying AND throwing up at how many of pitts' lines got cut from tom schulman's script or delegated to other characters and then pitts just ended up being. a guy. no archetype. no nothing.

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this one was a hit tweet

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Hey so i’m all of these. Someone you know? Nah. It’s just me lil buddy.🤑🤑🤑

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Sex!!

you're allowed to say "sex" on the internet. See? I just did it. Sex. Sex sex sex. You don't have to say s*x or smex or Adult Fun Times or s3x or "spice" any other variation of self-censorship on tumblr dot com you can just spell out the word SEX i am going to scream until the heat death of the universe

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Finally, a post about grammar and words. I love tumblr dashboard

These posts are cousins to me.

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Is this a star trek reference.

Current Obsession: 60s eye makeup 💄🐈‍⬛🪄👜📿👢

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Hey, so! You made me cry. Not kind!!

its quite sad to me that wilson does not know what he wants, like, ever.

"I want a water bed" he says, and then its "I hate the water bed"

"I want to meet the actress I had a crush on as a kid" and then "I actually never REALLY had a crush on her"

he spent his whole life not even THINKING about what he wanted :(

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Perfectly balanced, as everything should be.

Pokémon Human Character Tournament: THE FINAL SHOWDOWN

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robert chase…robert chase…

i hate them so much (lie)

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“This is the closest we’ll get to them being inside eachother”

- My sister Clyde, 2025.

sincerely this is the funniest paragraph I have ever read in a wiki

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Cheers @transactivecybermemory, and thank you for the ask!!! Titles are from this list. Here's the always-unfinished WIP known as "Wandering Dick Syndrome" (House M.D., Hilson, early season 3):

*****

“Hey!” a voice yells. “You! House!” 

It’s the philanderer - Not-Lupus’s husband. Wandering Dick Syndrome.

“Mr. Hayward -” Wilson starts, his hands already up in supplication. 

More like Mr. Wayward, House’s mind supplies, automatically, as he pivots to face the spluttering, foam-specked face of his patient’s decidedly worser half. And then Wilson is stepping in front of him, putting the full spread of his torso into the path of the apoplectic fit on two legs, and House sees red. 

—

It takes two hours after Wilson gets an elbow to the face pulling Mr. Soon to be Divorced off House - hours that House spends badgering his way out of a trip to the police station, harassing his way through a scolding from Cuddy, and haranguing his interns into adding Terminally Bad Taste In Men to the patient's list of un-lupus-related symptoms - before he can finally give Wilson a piece of his mind.

“You’re an idiot,” he announces as he throws open Wilson’s office door.

Wilson doesn’t look up from his paperwork, but his bandaged cheek dips to the side as he finishes a line with a quick stab of his pen.

“Sure, House,” he says. “I’m an idiot. The patient’s husband is an idiot. Everyone’s an idiot but you, the pinnacle of cool rationality, who makes decisions based on the unerring logic of ‘it sounded clever,’ and ‘I was bored.’”

“That guy’s an idiot because he thinks he can make his decisions someone else’s problem. You’re an idiot because you make everyone’s decisions your problem. At least I live with my own consequences -”

“Live with them?!” Wilson explodes. “House, you almost died from them! You got shot. Twice. And I wasn’t even there. Cuddy had to call me in the middle of some insufferable lunch meeting to tell me that you’d -”

He breaks off, squeezing his eyes shut for a moment before staring back at House.

“I could barely pick up my phone for a month without needing to sit down, so I’m sorry, House, but I’m not even a little bit sorry. Next time - every time - if I’m there, and I can do something to keep myself from having to feel that way again, I’m going to do it. Because we both know you’re never going to stop pissing off every asshole who comes through the front doors.”

House stares at him.

“I won’t stop.”

“I know.”

“I can’t stop,” House says again, because he has to make Wilson understand.

“I know.”

“Because I am clever, and people are boring -”

“House, I get it -”

“- but you’re not boring.” House runs his tongue over his teeth, twirls the head of his cane. “You don’t bore me.”

Wilson blinks.

“If you’re trying to flatter your way out of the argument,” he quips, but House can tell his heart’s not in the deflection: he’s offering House an out. House doesn’t want one.