kandreilism

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Another quick self-indulgent thing for kevjean thursday. Giving Jean longer hair because I can <3

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Andrew totally likes to (discreetly) watch Neil solve math problems. He doesn’t know the steps that Neil is taking to pick apart each one, & frankly he doesn’t give a shit. Andrew just likes watching Neil work, watching the way his brows furrow together, and Andrew wants to reach out and smooth the skin between them flat, but he doesn’t. He just stares at Neil with the same hooded-gaze that he’s watched PSU’s #10 with since the day he smacked his runaway in the gut with a racquet, since the day he gave Neil a key and a place to call “home.” Andrew doesn’t want to admit it, would never say it aloud to Neil or himself or anyone else, but the boy who once said to him “I’m not a math problem” to which he replied “but I’ll still solve you” looks best when he’s sitting at his desk, leaned over the sprawling sheets of paper and focused. Not on Exy, not on his future, not even on Andrew: just Neil sitting with his shoulders relaxed in a way that would’ve been entirely impossible a year ago, chewing on the end of his pencil like he doesn’t even realize he’s doing it (Andrew always knew he was just a rabbit in disguise). Just Neil existing quietly, the way he always does in the very edge of Andrew’s mind, where Andrew keeps him tucked away safely.

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Thinking about Jean laughing hysterically for the first time. I didn’t see this myself but apparently Nora said it’s a fan that makes him laugh?

So Jean is finally brave enough to interact with the people in their stands before one of their home games, and a girl wearing his jersey calls to him, and then proceeds to tell him a terrible joke in broken French.

Jean is used to people in the stands heckling or insulting him, so he’s so startled he bursts out laughing. Full on clutching his stomach belly laughs. The sound of his laughter is wild, the smile lines soften his face and make him look younger, more free.

“Mon dieu, that is terrible,” he tells the delighted girl. Everyone in the stands is staring at him in a shocked silence. The press is having a field day taking pictures.

The Trojans and their Coaches are all frozen in awe. Jeremy can’t take his eyes off Jean’s face. He wants to bottle the sound of his laughter and listen to it first thing every morning. A part of him is also irrationally jealous that someone else made Jean laugh before he could. He almost considers cornering the girl after their game to ask her how she did it.

But then Jean turns to him with a wide smile and tears in his eyes from laughter, and Jeremy’s heart almost bursts out of his chest with love, and he forgets every other thought in his head that isn’t Jean.

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I love Nora for having the love interest say "I'm not your answer and you sure as hell aren't mine" to the main character in regards to their trauma and healing. I love her for giving both characters external support systems and healthy relationships outside of each other.

I love that Andrew and Renee are best friends and have been before Neil ever entered the scene. I love that he's an active participant in therapy.

I love that Matt and Neil are best friends and built their friendship prior to Andrew. I love that Dan is protective over him and was the first after Andrew to reach, hug, and talk to Neil both after Baltimore and Riko trying to kill him.

I love that Wymack is an authority figure to them both in different ways. I love that Kevin has equally close but unique relationships with them both. I love that Nicky lowkey adopted Neil as well.

I love that Nora has shown from the GET GO that consistent, enduring love can be/is such an essential part of healing and growth but that it's not exclusive to romance and that platonic and familial love is just as important.

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kevin day not only are u irish but literally the most catholic guy ever. nobody is doing guilt-ridden like you. nobody is doing fucked up strained relationships where you isolate yourself from anybody who could care about you before they get the chance to decide you’re not worth it like you. nobody is doing biblical daddy issues like you. nobody is doing connections to the dead because fuck, at least they can’t tell you you’re not enough like you. nobody is doing homoeroticism that’s just love wearing a mask of extreme shame and guilt and self-loathing like you. he’s even a drunk like come the fuck on. praying on your knees like it doesn’t even matter you’re getting god’s voicemail. you deserve it, right? right? please..

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The Kings men, chapter three

"Neil hesitated, then set the bag on Matt's bed and struggled out of his shirt. It was getting a little easier every day, but it hurt when he raised his arms too high and when he twisted he felt the pull at his stitches. He got his shirt over his head and to his elbows before Andrew got tired of watching him struggle and tugged the shirt loose. Andrew tossed it off to one side and didn't look to see where it landed. He was more interested in the scars and bruises covering Neil's front."

This chapter holds so many great passages I might draw another one from it asp. But in this one there was something that felt very real, a mix of pain and trust and interest and discovery, and even desire maybe.

It's actually been a while since the last aftg comic! It was tkm chapter four (the fact that they reverse-follow each other was not intended) and you can find it here if you're interested.

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some of you read Nicky saying "I said something I shouldn't have, and got what I deserved" and him saying "You can't live like this, Aaron. I can't live like this. It's exhausting and depressing" and his smile fading into something small and tired and him white-knuckling the couch to get away from Andrew and him volunteering to wake Andrew up when he knows Andrew will react with violence and saying "I'm good" when he's folded in half with pain and his smile not reaching his eyes and him saying "I don't want to die" and him tense and wincing and him saying he doesn't believe in family, tiredly repeating Andrew's words and him drowning drink after drink and and his face tight with concern and with both hands gripping Neil’s and him shooting worried looks in the rear-view mirror and the put-upon tone of his voice and unnatural-looking defeat on his face and him having met Erik in the nick of time and him shifting as if he wanted to throw himself between Higgins and his cousins and him smiling without it reaching his eyes and him looking ill with nervous hope and the growing edge of his words and him standing silent and still at his parents’ doorstep and him going mute at the sight of his father and the joy punched out of him

and you didn't reflect on Nicky's character at all???

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I LOVE UR ART SMM i need it injected into my veins!!!! also have u ever drawn fem kevin/jean? ^_^

Thank you!! Ngl one of the best praises an artist could receive dkjsdkjs <3 And yeah of course I have!!! What kind of lesbian would I be if I didn't turn my favourite ship into a wlw one haha >:)

Staring at your girlfriend like she hung up the stars for you <3

+ I have these rough fem versions of them separately. Didn't want to make them look very different from my original designs of them as boys sooo here's my only attempt 🚬

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Aaron’s want to be wanted and Andrew’s need to be needed. two sides of the same coin.

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I like Neil's color palette and the way he's red-haired

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Any miscellaneous Kandreil hcs that you're willing to share with the class?

the issue with this is that there are so many different versions of kandreil that exist in my head. there's the one where they do actually all kiss each other on the mouths and there's the one where none of them do and there's the version where only two of them do and there's also the one where they're them but also have 2 other bfs in a crack polycule that i treat with a miniscule level of seriousness that has other various versions etc etc.

but, long story short, just in general kandreil hcs that are floating around in my brain—wait, lemme make a list. ive had a shit week and lists please me.

kevin is destined to find andrew in every universe if only so they can annoy each other

piggybacking on that, i also think that kevin and neil are destined to find each other in every universe

piggybacking on that, i do not think that andrew and neil are destined to find each other in every universe, but they always find kevin, so they end up meeting one another anyway

i think andrew has a list of historical facts kevin likes to think/talk about memorized, just to use it like a reset button, by which i mean kevin will get in a Mood that is concerning and andrew purposefully references one of these facts incorrectly and kevin wakes the fuck up like a sleeper agent lmao

meanwhile i think neil has no historical facts memorized, but likes asking questions and then when kevin will tell him whatever he wants to know, he offhandedly says something like "that was a really cool story" and walks away while kevin's head nearly explodes bc it wasn't a story, it actually fucking happened!!! that's what history is, neil!!!

i think kevin and neil go for runs together sometimes (when neil isn't up at the ass crack of dawn) and they inevitably race at some point every time. kevin never wins and ofc complains and grumbles about this but secretly he's actually so smug bc of neil, like that's his striker, the fastest to ever grace a court

i think kevin tries to trick andrew into healthier alternatives to his typical nutritional intake and i do think it sometimes works. like, kevin brings home some almond milk (chocolate or vanilla) and pours it into a regular milk jug like oh andrew i got us some milk since we were almost out and then andrew is like. ok. and is not suspicious until kevin is watching him like a hawk the first time he tries it, asking if he likes it etc, and yes actually andrew Does like it, wtf why does it taste like this, what did you do day, and kevin is like AHA you do like healthier options!!! andrew is Not amused

i think neil and kevin both semi-inappropriately fawn over (or their versions of fawning over) magazine articles or pictures of exy-related things that pertain to andrew, while andrew ignores them doing so

neil is not the best at receiving genuine, heartfelt extensions of sincerity and kevin is not the best at giving that, but they do it for each other anyway (this is just canon), so i like to think with time, they get a little better at it, but it's funnier to me if they Only improve with each other and almost no one else. so it's like. a person tries it with neil and he is very uncomfortable with it (relatable) and the person is like "but you don't mind when kevin says it???" and neil is just like. yes well. it's kevin. what's ur point 🤨 and then on the other side of it, someone expects that From kevin and he's just like. absolutely the fuck not. idk who u think u are but No. and they're like "but you offer that to neil???" and he's like. well ur not neil are u? 🤨

i love the idea that even when he doesn't have to anymore, neil still lies. he Likes lying. it's a comfort to him and also an instinct and also he's Good at it. and like, i do think it's more innocent/casual than it used to be, and i think andrew would see through most, if not all, of neil's lies more often than not (even if he doesn't know the whole truth), while kevin Doesn't see through them that often. even just the little things, like someone asking neil if he's seen a movie and he says he's seen it a hundred times while he doesn't even know the title lmao. and i think he would do it like a knee-jerk reflex at times and probably have some internal issues about it, but i ALSO think kevin would help him with that as he's someone neil can fuck with, and kevin wouldn't care that much bc it's not like. ya know. Big Lies.

piggybacking on the back the above point, i think that if anyone ever tried to give neil shit (even just to tease him) for his little white lies, kevin would be overall so dismissive of it as like. such a non-issue that whoever is bringing it up kinda looks stupid in the end. and he's not Defending neil, but he's also not not defending neil, and i think neil would appreciate that

i also think in worlds of sports (exy or otherwise), they are all on the same team for the Big Win. olympic level type of stuff. it's them. its always gonna be Them

andrew "i am not your pet, i never liked you, i don't care about you, i won't wait for you. i bite" minyard and neil "holding out like the dog they've yet to put down" josten and kevin "i bet on losing dogs" day <- not even necessarily a hc but. well im a slut for dog motifs and it just makes sense in my mind ok

and yeah, i think that's some of the misc kandreil thoughts i have floating about in the cooker. i love them and every iteration of them!!!

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Jerejean's two dogs (I know Kevin fought hard for that bed)

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Oh No! What If A Humanizing Depiction Of Riko Illustrates The Uncomfortableness And Violation Of Abuse And Force Us To Wrangle With The Fact That Abusers Are Humans And Can Be Anyone

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Oh no thinking now on how Nicky and Andrew are both cousins putting up facades to deal with their trauma and weaknesses and as a way to cope with how others see them (in often violently dehumanizing ways) but their facades are. Almost the exact opposite.

Andrew wants to be seen as cold and tough and a violent sociopath with his concerns over the Drake reveal (who fears a monster that knows the taste of the whip?) directly on how he’ll be percieved as weak because if he’s seen as a Monster then maybe he’ll be left alone and too feared to have his loved ones harmed, and maybe he’ll become cold and tough.

Meanwhile Nicky wants to be seen as normal and bright and flamboyant and bubbly, who’s canonically trying to make up for the twins’ lack of care and normality, who cannot for the life of him hide his gayness so he amps it up as a shield and sword instead. And maybe if he acts normal enough he can be given normal companionship that he so craves, and maybe if he acts happy enough he can become happy.