kas-e

[kas-e]

East Greece.

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Art on the street.

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Balkan Sunset.

[kas-e]

This is part of my story. I know I travel and shoot photographs now, and it looks fun (and is) but it was not always like this. I had a hard go when I entered the real world. I figured it was time to share, even though it's a bit personal.

The most difficult situation to be in for an addict who is actively managing their life in a healthy way, or in recovery, is to be around addictive behavior. To watch someone succumb to their impulses over and over and over is maddening. To watch someone overindulge in thier destructive habit is incredibly difficult for the addict. In fact, a primary rule in the program is to not subject yourself to these situations, or to people in active use because when you do it always leads to a relapse.

The substance doesn't matter, drugs, alcohol, food, sex, etc, it's all the same because the problem isn't in the substance. The substance is simply a symptom. The real problem is in the behavior of the addict. It's in the outbursts of rage, the absolute denial, the blatant disrespect, and the unpredictable, unhinged mood swings. It is visible through declining health, extreme isolation, and inconsistent social interactions. It's easy to hide from normal people, but an addict can sense someone in active addiction from a mile away.

Addicts destroy everything around them. First and foremost they sabotage their relationships, and soon after the rest comes crashing down like a house of cards. How do I know? I am one. I was guilty of all of these things at one point in time. When I was at the tender age of 19 I completely destroyed my life. Everything. I grew up in Baltimore at the height of the heroin epidemic, and by the time I graduated high school I had a serious dope habit. Luckily I was a smart kid, and by the time it got serious I had completed my credits by the end of 11th grade. But it happened quick, with no warning, one day I'm a normal teenager, the next I'm copping raw dope in the ghetto. I had nowhere to go, no money, and my family and friends turned their backs on me, forever. I burnt all my bridges, and the vast majority were never able to be rebuilt. Even the one or two that eventually were mended years later were never the same. I never fully got my mom back, or my sister, and I'm still estranged from my father (who was my closest friend). No friends stuck around, they all disappeared. I had to start over from scratch.

My addiction is an extreme case, and it came at the cost of everything, my family, my job, my money, my sanity... everything. But after years of trying over and over again, I finally found myself. Took about ten years of back and forth, but now it's 25 years later, and I'm proud to report that I'm holding strong. I'm content with my life. I have purpose.

Now, for many years I've worked my ass off to keep myself in check. I work hard to keep the demon at bay. I take care of myself now, mentally and physically. It's hard as fuck sometimes, but I exercise daily, I write, I create, I work, and I communicate openly and honestly with those I love. I do everything in my power to avoid triggers, or people involved in active addiction. I help when I can, but I always put myself first because I know what happens when I don't. Not for selfish reasons, but for my sanity and survival. I try to be forgiving and understanding. I take it one day at a time, and I do my best to stay positive and grateful for every day I have on this earth.

It's nothing short of a miracle that I survived what I put myself through in active addiction. It's truly a blessing, and I can't let anything or anyone get in the way of that now. Not after everything I've lost, and all I've been through. This is my one rule. If I want to succeed myself, I have to abide by it... no question, no compromise.

...

If anyone who reads this is ever struggling, especially with addiction, feel free to reach out via private message. I will respond in a day or so at the latest, and at the very least I can offer my ear to you.

[kas-e]

Alicante, Spain at Sunset.

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Balkan forest.

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People on the streets in Eastern Europe.

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AMG GT63 on the streets of Sofia. Beautiful car.

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Winter sunset in the Balkan city.

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Late July in Sofia, Bulgaria.

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Three Frames x Summer in Eastern Europe

Second frame has some work, made from three exposures and the slightest twist of the camera.

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Summer views from rural Bulgaria.

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Summer colors in the concrete city. Eastern Europe.

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Balkan heights in the summer.

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Valencia Zoo Architecture, Spain

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Colors of Summer, Eastern Europe.

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Summer in Sofia.