kendopath

[kendopath]

Eclipse 2024 Miller Grove, TX

Totality is hauntingly beautiful.

It is the synchronization of time.

It is harmony and perfection of the planets in all their harmonics of physics.

It is, to be concious and sentient, fully present.

It is mind altering.

No one who stands within totality feels like the same person prior after the experience.

It is a waking dream.

It is so profound it saturates your every empty thought for months, day dreaming.

It is pure mental seme-

[kendopath]

“Enzan no Metsuke”

I've grew up in the mountains.

Whenever I hear people talk about Enzan no Metsuke they always reference a mountain.

In my daily world, mountains are infinite.

When you've climbed a mountain and attained enlightenment, it turns out to be only the first peak; overlooking a vast landscape of more mountains.

Looking behind you, you see the same peaks and valleys you climbed on the way up.

Your journey will never end at the top of the mountain.

To observe your opponent as if viewing a distant mountain, limitless focus.

This is the view I imagine. Not a mountain, but a vast landscape of mountains. The view is so wide, you can't resolve a single mountain, because within you focal point lies 20 mountains.

The view of your opponents entire being.

The continental divide.

[kendopath]

Basics: Fundamentals: Balance

You often hear about the importance of Basics. Every seminar you go to you start off with a focus on basics. The kamae, the suburi, the waza -- the basic.

The base of Kendo.

After doing Kendo now for over 17 years. I had a realization last night when speaking to a much younger student.

Basics are critical because your body isn't the same over time.

My conditioning, my body, my Kendo is constantly evolving and changing. In order to adapt and learn, to progress you constantly need to address your body and mind.

Returning to basics is a continuous method of allowing yourself to know your current state.

My knees, my ankles, my back are MUCH different than they were 17 years ago. My body cannot attain what I did in my younger years.

So focusing on basics, the return to the fundamentals is critical in understanding where I am NOW.

Focusing on basics allows your mind and body to adapt to the new normal of your current state.

Basics allow you to once again find a balance as you reconnect with your body and mind.

Evaluating, changing, adapting and learning of your spirit within the Now.

The Now: The moment in Kendo, where ippon awaits.

Connected Ki-Ken-Tai-Ichi.

[kendopath]

Confrontation: Present and Removed

Last week I had a life event occur. One that threw my mental status for a loop. 

All parents will understand and relate to this Kendo lesson story.

Last Sunday I had to call the police. 

Not something I take lightly in this world. My daughter was skateboarding in the street, and as I approached her diagonal through my garden. I heard dogs barking. My dog, by my side perked up, the sprinted immediately toward my daughter. 

I look up an see a 65lb Pitbull, ears flat, tail raised, squat low sprint. Full attack mode. 

I reacted, but it was my young 9month old, fearless dog, that ran interception and got infront my daughter, and lunged at the pitbull with a great Taiatari chest hit. Then I was within distance. 

Situation of very tense, and my mind had shifted.

Lizard Brain level 1000.

Primal protective DadMode engaged.

Lethal license activated.

I was getting ready to hand fight a 65lb pitbull. It was a "to the death" mindset. Nothing was going to stop me from protecting my daughter...

My Kiai kicked in. The fact Im a very big guy and so...so loud the dog backed up a few steps. 

The owner came up and barely controlled their dog back home, still unleashed....

Thankfully no injuries. 

But Lizard-brain endorphins raged through my system for the next day.

------------

I think Kendo is a mental stress training. You can fight an opponent, but really you fight yourself and control of your emotions. You train your mind to assess and target and activate. 

You refine thought to its bare minimum in order to absorb the moment and have a awareness of the environment, you widen your perception.

This widened awareness allows 8th Dan to find kensen-wide targets and accurately place the Ippon. That is the greatest mental chess game. 

A passive active participant. Present, Active and Removed. 

[kendopath]

Ya...that pretty much sums up Kendo.

#relax #kendo

[kendopath]

Inertia

I’ve had two years of rest. Two years of non-Kendo.  I attended a GogoKeiko and it was a breath of fresh air into my life.  At the end I realized how much I needed Kendo in my life again. I was out of practice, I was out of shape....I am beat up. 

The past two years have transformed everyone’s lives around the world. We find ourselves searching for how we can adapt to today, because tomorrow is always unknown.  I had a really good time reconnecting with those Kendoka I haven’t seen in many years, the Kendo family.  But now I am facing Inertia....I’ve sat for too long, and my body is fighting me.  Mental inertia is also a trial. It is hard to move your mind once it is comfortable and relaxed.  Changing patterns. I had the goal for GoDan. It is still my goal, but long offset.   I am trying to establish forward inertia.

[kendopath]

Storage

In December of 2019 I announced my retirement from Kendo. My spirit was broken, my body was broken, my life was full of stress. I had truly reached a breaking point physically and mentally and had come to the crux. 

But I was determined, I was set, I was following through to attempt GoDan after 15 years of training twice a week without interruption..... Then of course, CoVid shut down the world. I was two weeks away from my shinsa when everything stopped. ....everything.  I made the transition out of Kendo, out of leading a Dojo, and now....Kendo stopped.

There are wonderful sensei that continue with online zoom meetings and trying to keep their dojos present -- but I have had such difficulty in my mind trying to find connection with that series. I consider them colleagues and friends, and I admire their pursuits -- but for me, Kendo online is like taking a life drawing class with photographs instead of a live model-- the essence is faint. Sometime in August, I noticed my bogu was dusty. I cleaned it up, put in some drywick packets and stored it all away....and there it still sits, in the dark.  I live in a country where no one cares about their personal responsibility to the community, and our CoVid plague has killed hundreds of thousands of people-- and continues everyday to set “new records”. I consider myself a realist. There won’t be Kendo in America for maybe another 3-5 years.  Vaccine is on the way-- great news. But I really don’t see America coming back “online” until 2023...and maybe Kendo will return sometime in 2024...

We’ve burned ourselves a deep open wound, a scar that will last the rest of my life-- and still be present in my children’s lifetime.  So here we are, in storage. 

Awaiting the day, we might be able to practice again. My injuries have healed, and my spirit is reawakening-- but CoVid has other plans. 

[kendopath]

so far away....

where are you? where were you?

For many reasons I took a break from Kendo in January, I cut back my training a lot, left a dojo to other leadership, redefined my relationship with Kendo in my life. I was training and maintaining myself for my GoDan test, which was supposed to be in April.  Long since passed, cancelled.  The world I live in, doesn’t look like its going to come back to functioning anytime soon.  This have given me time to heal from my persistent injuries. I’m sure they are still lingering, joint damage doesn’t go away -- ever, it just calms down a bit.  I’ve gotten out of shape, no gym to lift weights --  I think I will probably start training in Isometrics and get back into a functioning mindset.  Its been very difficult. Family has been lost, friends have been sick. The virus is all too near in our environment and it feels like a breeze may just kill me one day...leaving a widow, and my children fatherless, So where do we go now? Where does the path lead?

When the future planning, that once held years....is now down to a matter of days. 

Yes you cannot predict life -- ever.  But future planning requires the ability for the future to exist. Right now everything looks like it will be closed down, with no end in sight. I’m not sure people fully grasp what it is like to live in America right now. Its a daily terror.

30 Million out of work, Millions Sick, Hundreds of Thousands dead...virus infections climbing through the sky, Hospitals filling up, Morgues filled, bodies filling ice trucks...and our government doesn't give a fuck. 

We are on the brink of a massive civil unrest. MASSIVE. There are more and more citizens everyday, with less and less to live for. No Job, No home, No food, no healthcare, and they are watching Billionaires walk away with all of the “help”.....Humans are very dangerous when they are scared, hungry and sick.  If our government doesn’t get their shit together...QUICKLY. I fear for our nation, the unrest is deep rooted and wide spread. 

Far beyond anything that has happened before. I hope I am wrong, but everything I’ve predicted since reading about Wuhan in October has pretty much come to pass....so here we are....entering “America’s dark depression” the vast Economic Depression, infused with the death of millions of citizens. It will take decades to climb out.....

How do I protect my family? How do I continue to fight for justice, the good, the honorable -- when the government lacks all ethics and morals to protect our citizens.  I try to think back to my mental training in Kendo, to be aware of fear, surprise and doubt.....but fuck it is hard to control in the long term.  I have my family, I have my home, I have my health, I have my job....For now.  Is anyone out there?

[kendopath]

New Path.

My life has is beyond complicated. The schedule I keep is a fractured timeline. I have 5 major international projects under production. The waza to keep everything running is a feat.

Kendo has taught me how to face my adversities head on, with a calm mind.

It has forged in my soul a self motivation that I have not yet fully comprehended.

But that's what the path of the future sorts out....

It's not an echo. It has yet to be focused through.....

[kendopath]

Heart

Its been a while since I posted. I’ve taken some major injury to my Ki. My body and mind were exhausted. I’ve taken time away from Kendo after practicing twice a week for 14 years. I’ve needed to adjust my outlook in Kendo. 

I’ve gone through a separation caused by incidental movements, and split second errors -- and it has taken me a while to understand what I really need from Kendo, and what others were doing to me.

One thing I don’t need, people who lack compassion in their hearts. 

I don’t need a mentor. I don’t need someone to guide me through life. I appreciate lessons, critique, and learning and practice.  I can handle the rest. 

Is that arrogant? No. It is being self-aware, self-reliant. Kendo is a personal journey. Your sensei is on their own path, you share it for a while, then you take your own way. 

Over the years I’ve reached out to others to be helpful as much as I possibly can. I’ve never assumed I knew more than others, or that I deserved anything. 

I’ve always approached Kendo as a learning moment. I’ve won medals. I’ve lost matches -- I’ve never thought I was better than anyone. I’ve beat people of higher rank and lost to those of lower rank. Humility.

 I’ve had to lead. When decisions need to be made, and you step up and make decisions, not everyone will be on board. But any decision is better than no decision. You lead by leading, a lot of people choose to follow. I choose to lead.

I’ve found when I needed help, or even the slightest sign of empathy it wasn’t there. Even after years of showing dedication -- POOF nothing --  as if I am a stranger. I used to project that unto myself, but I have since grown up and realise its a failure of their character. 

When you reach your hand out asking for help, and they choose not to recognize you-- You have to walk away, leaving them behind as you walk forward. 

There is no discussion. There is no turmoil. You just walk away. 

It hurts to leave people behind. 

I’ve learned from my past.

I don’t need people who lack heart. 

[kendopath]

[kendopath]

Always move forward; they tell you, until they tell you; you shouldn't move forward.

[kendopath]

Student Teacher Teacher Student

When does a student become a teacher? When does a teacher, need to become a student?

When teachers meet, who teaches who? When students meet, who learns? We cannot separate ourselves from our roles. We cannot disconnect this relationship.

One is teacher. One is student.

---

Accepting this simple, pure fact allows us to move beyond our current state of presence. Engaging in education, is the exercise of the mind’s capacity to change and evaluate the world. 

One instant you are teaching, the next microsecond you find you are a student all over again. I think this within the struggle of Kendo.

When does a student start learning, only to find themselves teaching, falling back into being a student....over and over and over.... .... always striving to learn.

[kendopath]

Memoirs

This collection of thoughts you read through, isn’t for you. It’s an open book you’ve stumbled upon. 

I make it public because we all share the human condition and expressing these moments of success, doubt, anxiety, fear, pain, joy, love, friendship and anguish connect us together as humans. 

Empathy needs a foundation. It helps make this world a better place when we become open and vulnerable to other humans. 

I remain open and try to unmask myself as much as possible to become a better person. 

These thoughts and experiences recorded for my future self, to reflect and evaluate. They are not about you. If you read these thoughts, understand this.

I am trying to be humble and honest with myself.

Maybe when you reflect on some of these meandering thoughts, you may see reflections of your own experiences. 

You can spark a conversation with someone else and that idea can evolve and grow as we all must. 

[kendopath]

Ota Sensei destroying me. I am going to print this out and frame it. I have such poor posture, I’m all kinds of crossed and twisted

[kendopath]

Telescopes are only time machines.

Humans developed telescopes. And it led to probably one of the most important discoveries we will ever make. We are still just beginning to unfold the vast secrets with the development of technology -- revealed by the discovery of physics, light, matter, atoms, subatomic particles, biology, chemistry. ...on an on. 

We are able to look back through TIME itself, and comprehend its vast dimensions and predict and model theories which lead to new discoveries all verified through the “simplicity” of math.  We began to formulate -- the beginning, of everything....

And it all vanishes if we forget to look up and gaze at a star. ----

This blog is probably my Telescope. The ability when I’m old to have someone read me my life again.....but this time as a book I have never heard. To remember the faces, laughs, trials and joy that this character went through, when I’m so old I cannot recognize myself in the book. So to my daughters who by now are grown and old, with grandchildren and loved ones around, reading this to me -- here in this space, could remember me as a gentle giant trying to humble my way through life the best I can. 

[kendopath]

Lesson

From Ota sensei's seminar,

He mentioned that you must be willing to listen. Listen to critique of your Kendo without disregarding the advice.

You need to be honest with your Kendo. When your teacher tells you to fix something you need to practice to fix it. You need to practice with intention, purpose to fix it

Apply the practice.

Then you listen again......