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shorthands for dumbassery that i have grown to love deeply

"how dare you say we piss on the poor" in response to someone misinterpreting your post

"_ isnt gonna fuck you" for suck up behavior

"woah. should we tell everyone? should we throw a party?" for who the fuck cares

"and what if the world was made of pudding" for when would this ever matter.

"and sharks are smooth both ways" for a group of people heatedly arguing with 1 guy who is fucking with them all

".. but its about a witch in the alps finding her lost cat" for someone trying to sanitize something to the point of absurdity

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a non-selective plan for the resurgence of fic commissions

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Cinderella but it's a heist movie and she's a mob boss ✨

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hold on a fucking second. delaware is a state?? i thought it was a river? or is the river more important than the state? why don't i know this? (i should mention i don't like in america, i'm just confused)

there is delaware (state) and delaware (river) 

both are equally strange

the state is a tiny little cryptid thing

the rive is a monster that spans new york, pennsylvania, new jersey and delaware. also washington crossed it once and that was like kinda a big deal i guess. like crossing the rubicon in rome.

the state tries to me more important with its “im the first state!!!” bs (seriously its even on the fucking license plates) but we all know. its the river.

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merry gay christmas yall

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dog toys that make you stop dead in the middle of the store and figure out their IUPAC names

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People describe shoebill storks as being scary or ugly birds and always use one image to make their point. When in every other photo they look like this

More like shoebill dork

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Some of you guys have never burned a CD and it shows

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SOUND ON.

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using "what were YOU doing at the devils sacrament" to mean "yeah i made an embarrassing reference but you understood it which is also embarrassing" is very funny to me

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GBBO: “A s’more is basically just an Italian merengue sandwiched between two ganache-covered digestives”

Americans:

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👏🏾Education 👏🏾is 👏🏾a 👏🏾right,👏🏾 not👏🏾 a👏🏾 service 👏🏾

Pass along and use the shit out of them

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10 or 11 little ducks have been spotted crossing the dash board

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I WANT TO HUG A WOMBAT NOW ughgu