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remus lupin. tour guide. he takes his job Very Seriously™—neatly pressed shirt, memorized facts, voice steady as he leads groups of tourists through a historic castle/museum/landmark.

enter sirius black. leather jacket. sunglasses. absolutely does not belong among the fanny packs and guidebooks.

and he’s terrible at being a tourist—keeps interrupting remus’s carefully prepared spiel with questions like “but how many ghosts live here?” and “if you had to duel one of these statues, which would be the toughest?”

remus tries to keep it professional but sirius is both (a) ridiculously charming and (b) clearly enjoying watching him try not to smile.

so it turns into this whole running bit where sirius keeps coming back—always on remus’s tours, never anyone else’s. sometimes he drags regulus, sometimes he shows up alone. he asks more and more ridiculous questions each time, just to get a reaction.

the other tourists love it because suddenly every tour is hilarious. remus is gritting his teeth but also secretly having fun.

and then one day…remus finds out sirius isn’t actually a tourist. he’s part-owner of the damn place. like the castle/museum/heritage site? yeah. black family money. he’s just been hanging around his building, bothering remus, because it’s the only thing that makes the place feel alive.

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sirius has 1000 photos of remus looking away from the camera and laughing. remus has 1000 photos of sirius pretending not to know he’s being photographed

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Modern au, probably

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so I had this idea right??

billionaire sirius × teacher remus

BUT!

remus’s class is going on a field trip to this fancy art gallery and when they get there it turns out sirius just… owns the place?? like oh, this massive marble-and-glass gallery full of priceless art? yeah that’s his.

and instead of staying in his Important Business Meetings™ he cancels everything for the day so he can personally give the kids the tour.

he’s not like “this is a renaissance piece blah blah” either - no, sirius is like “this painting is of a princess who ran away to live with pirates because she hated royal dinners, and this sculpture? totally cursed, don’t touch it or you’ll turn into a frog.” every single piece becomes a wild adventure. the kids are obsessed.

remus is standing there the whole time trying not to laugh and also dying a little bit because sirius keeps winking at him mid-story like they’re co-conspirators in some elaborate prank.

at the end of the trip sirius casually tells the gallery café to give the entire class free ice cream because “future art critics need to be fed.”

remus is doomed. absolutely doomed.

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Their house has a shoe rack. Sirius never uses it. Remus never makes him. Every pair left out is proof he’s home.

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Remus has a voice recording of Sirius sleep-talking. He says “moony” six times and “chocolate frogs” twice. It’s Remus’s favorite thing.

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One night, Sirius traced every scar on Remus’s body and whispered “thank you” like he was reading a survival story in Braille.

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When Sirius gets nervous, he fixes Remus’s collar. Even if it’s already perfect. Just to do something with his hands.

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Sirius reads all of Remus’s favorite books, even the slow ones, just so he’ll understand the metaphors when Remus casually references them mid-emotion.

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Remus always leaves the hallway light on when Sirius is out late. He says it’s so Sirius doesn’t trip. Sirius knows it’s because he’s being waited for.

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Sirius keeps pretending he hates mornings, but he always wakes up five minutes before Remus—just to see him squint at the sun and mumble about tea.

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Remus always locks the door twice. Once for safety. Once because Sirius forgot.

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They have a favorite bench in the park. Unspoken rule: if one of them is there, the other will find their way to it.

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Sirius keeps his cigarettes in a tin with Remus’s handwriting on the label: “Try breathing instead.”

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Remus always offers half his sandwich even though Sirius never takes it. Sirius always says no and steals a bite anyway. This is a ritual.

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Sirius once lost his voice. Remus whispered back for three days just to match. “I don’t like yelling anyway,” he said

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Sirius always picks the crusty end pieces of bread. “You deserve the good slices,” he says. Remus rolls his eyes. Eats the good slice. Smiles anyway.