quotemyemotions

[quotemyemotions]

Don’t hold your breath bc you’ll only make things worse.

[quotemyemotions]

It’s no big surprise you turned out this way. When they closed their eyes and prayed you would change.

[quotemyemotions]

I always want to contribute to the chaos. I don’t want to watch and then complain.

[quotemyemotions]

It’s no big surprise you turned out this way. The spark in your eyes, the look on your face.

[quotemyemotions]

So am I still waiting?

Yes, I have been since I was 10

[quotemyemotions]

And I will remember that summer as the summer that I started taking psych meds. Cause you like a girl with problems and I loved you.

[quotemyemotions]

I blame my recklessness and chronic wanderlust on going thru puberty in the early oughts. It was a hard time for girls.

[quotemyemotions]

Did drugs make me crazy or did crazy make me drugs…?

[quotemyemotions]

The moment after you actually let your walls break and truthfully tell someone how you feel. Every though possible running through your mind at once, breathlessly waiting for a response so your world can start turning again. Like you truely died for a second in the chaos. 

[quotemyemotions]

I can’t breathe and the only thing I can think about is how I can’t breathe.

I feel paralyzed by my brain. Is this normal or am I insane?

[quotemyemotions]

Around when I turned 16-19 it felt like my sanity was walking on a tightrope and I was trying to hard not to fall into legit craziness. Then of course one day I fell. At that moment I knew I was ruined and broken but of course my family doesn’t understand why my brain works the way it does. Just like I can’t understand how they’ve never felt insane like me. Well I remember being on the tightrope and I knew i was getting close to falling so I feel hoping for support. But my support didn’t understand my problems at all, due to our lack of empathy for each others experiences.

[quotemyemotions]

I know i am nothing special, pretty worthless in societies grand scheme. However, at the same time I feel a calling to tell my story. Not because i’m special but because I’m different. I know my perspective is unique and interesting. I see how me just calming trying to tell someone how I feel about myself scares them to the core. I realize it’s not natural. But for me I’ve got it down to a formula and it’s all that works for me. Sometimes people think i’m being short. I honestly never am, I’m just always so wrapped in my racing thoughts that i can’t really control the way other people perceive my words, that’s why I warn them that whatever Im going to say is genuine and unclouded by emotion. Most of the time they walk away still bugging even though i tried to talk rationally. But at least I don’t make it worse for myself.

[quotemyemotions]

My Rationale

PREFACE

I think I am so depressed that there is no more depression. I lost my emotion. I look at everything purely from a rational standpoint. My anxiety voice finally took over my real voice and it doesn’t care about anything, yet deeply cares about everything at the same time. I don’t want to compare it to math because I hate numbers. It’s more like if you’re intelligent enough to see life for the game it is obviously you’re going to figure out how to play so you’re winning. People ponder what life is about and claim not to see the answer. Life is about survival, that’s like the whole thing. As intellectual beings we are cursed with emotions that affect how we conceive the world going on around us. Well I turned off my emotion. They only get in the way. When you’re just trying to survive most of the time, having emotions just gets in the way Maybe I went crazy, but I’m not dangerous I would only ever hurt myself.

[quotemyemotions]

It seems that no one cares about me. The system is punishing me for being abused while my abuser walks free without consequence.

[quotemyemotions]

[quotemyemotions]

[quotemyemotions]