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kurapikaspookie · 2 months ago

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⋆˚࿔ Somethin’ Stupid | x ness 𝜗𝜚˚⋆

'and then i go and spoil it all by saying somethin' stupid like i love you' sypnosis: a cute, fastburn short fic, 3.2k words, ongoing ft: trainer!alexis ness and gn!reader

tags: fluff, domestic fluff, sweet, romance, light angst, fast burn

A boy with big cheeks and a sheepish smile seems to be bent on making you work harder than you should.

It’s been hours under the harsh, German sun, hours running laps with him by your side, always keeping up, even though you’re a fast paced runner. He cheers you on, tells you there’s ‘only one more drill!’ although one always turns into two, and then into another round of hurried breaths because Ness can’t count. The two-hour session is over. Has been, technically.

Training to be a midfielder was not for the weak. Your father – Noel Noa – decided he needed to hone your skills. Apparently, he had ‘hired a professional footballer’ with ‘years of experience’, someone he knew personally. Of course, you had never expected the professional footballer to be a boy your age, not even taller than you, with bright eyes and an easy-going smile.

That same boy was standing in front of you, still managing to stay upright, even after the long lap the two of you completed. But you didn’t miss the way sweat made his hair stick to his forehead. Didn’t miss the way his chest was subtly rising and falling, hinting at his own fatigue.

“Good run, right?” Ness huffed, hands on his hips, his eyes wide and bearing into yours. “What next? Should we home your aim? That cross was a little off-“

You blink. “We’re… still doing this?”

“You said you wanted to improve,” he says, too sweet. “And I’m still technically on the clock.”

Except he’s not. His session ended fifteen minutes ago. And you’re pretty sure you saw him glance at his phone right before ignoring it.

“Wait, ‘m tired…” you groaned, stretching your arms behind your back. “Isn’t two hours enough? We’ve passed the time already…”

Ness’ eyes widen, as if he hadn’t realized how much time had passed. His hands immedeately sprung up, a light blush appearing on his cheeks, as if he’d just been caught in a heinous act. “Ah, sorry! Time really does fly by… I lost track of the time!”

This is the third time this week he’s “lost track of the time.”

You nod, smiling at him, still grateful somewhat. You said you wanted to push yourself today. “Don’t apologise, was just exhausted, that’s all.” You pause for a second, recalling his words, your eyebrows raising. “Hey, you said my pass was a little ott, right? I can’t leave without correcting something like that .”

Ness nodded, the sparkle returning to his eyes. He picked a ball up off the hard floor, throwing it up and down twice, eyes still intense on you. “Well, it was really just your form. You were leaning back, see? That would to an overfit, not ideal for your strikers. You wanna open up your hips and torso so you can see both the ball and your targets.”

Ness dropped the ball in front of you, before walking over behind you, the ball rolling in front of your feet, at a slight angle.

Ness clears his throat. “Is it okay if I-“

You nod, looking over to the side, catching a glimpse of his sweet, innocent, awkward smile.

“I don’t mind.” You respond, facing front again. You feel Ness’ hands on you, his breathing seemingly heavier. He seems close, his chin almost above your shoulder, his chest brushing against your back. His hands slide down to your hips as he angles them.

“So… uh… try and engage your core.” Ness’ voice is a quiet, calm and level like it always has been, contrasting his loud breaths.

Ness places a hand on your shoulder, pushing them down. “Normally, when I deliver cross paths, all I can think about is how cool I’ll look…” Ness’ voice trailed off, as if he said something he wasn’t meant to.

“Really?” You chuckle softly. “That’s the best advice I’ve heard in a while, honestly.”

Ness laughs as well, still slightly adjusting your posture, his touch soft and careful. He guides your body to the right position, concentration reflecting in the tense air. His hair smells nice, you realize. A soft, vanilla scent,, something you know you would grow to associate with him.

You nod, but it’s hard to focus with the way his breath ghosts over the back of your neck.

You clear your throat. “You always get this handsy when you train people?”

He startles, pulling back just slightly, cheeks instantly pink.

“I—uh—I’m sorry. It’s just the fastest way to correct posture, I didn’t mean to—”

“No, it’s fine.”

(You shouldn’t like how warm his hand felt. You do.)

Ness watches you try again, serious now, nodding as you follow his instruction. And when you finally get the angle right, when the ball arcs cleanly, smoothly… he beams, clapping his hands once with genuine excitement.

“That was it!” he says. “That’s exactly what I was trying to show you—see, I knew you’d get it!”

You’re flushed from the heat, but something else stirs in your chest. The way he looks at you, like you just won a match, like you’re the only person on the pitch, it’s… a lot.

“So…” Ness starts. “Time goes really fast during these lessons, doesn’t it?”

You nod, trying to gauge where he was going with this. “Sure does.” You mutter sarcastically, because no, time - in fact - did not go fast. “Why?”

Ness chuckled again, rubbing the back of his neck. “I should… I should give you a gift or something. Because of the extra time. Sorry about that.”

Ness gave you a wide, turtle smile, to which you nodded, your heart melting ever so slightly. “Do you want to… I don’t know… go out today? To a restaurant or something. My treat.”

You chuckled, giving him a small nod. “Yeah, sure. I can never turn down free food.”

The two of you walked in silence, a petulant, feverish silence, one that made you fiddle with your fingers, something you’d never done before. Ness wasn’t any different, he seemed to find the flowers in the bushes far more interesting than they should be. You could only see the side of his face, only a section of his concentrated expression, his closed lips and upturned nose.

The two of you were walking over towards the town’s square, one across a garden with children circling on their bikes and people sat on old benches. The boy that almost crashed into you a second ago swerved around the statue as he laughed, coming too close to the water.

But Ness seemed like he was in a different world. He kept looking at the scenery, not anywhere in your direction. At first, you would’ve been offended, but from what little you knew about the boy, you could deduct that he was naturally drawn to that kind of thing. And, weirdly, you didn’t mind it. You were content with simply watching his eyes dart from place to place, not caring if he caught you staring or not.

“Oh—yeah, um. I was just thinking about if any of them were... broccoli.” Ness muttered, eyes still fixed on the flowerpots as he shoved his hands deep into his pockets.

“Broccoli?” You blinked.

“That sounds weird, doesn’t it?” He laughed, glancing at you nervously. “I didn’t mean like actual broccoli just—broccoli is a flower. Technically. Like, it’s harvested before the buds bloom, which is kind of tragic if you think about it, because no one ever lets broccoli reach its full potential—oh god, I’m rambling.”

“No, I’m genuinely learning something. I thought broccoli was just… vegetable.” You grin.

“It’s actually kinda cool, because they’re purple sometimes.” Ness said.

“Purple like your hair.” Your eyes travelled to his hair, the curly strands fading into purple. “Might wanna check your family tree, Ness.”

Ness paused for a second, before smiling and laughing softly. “I mean, they’re just as unresponsive as a piece of broccoli, so it checks out.”

You raised your hand with a dry smile. “Same here. My dad’s got the emotional expressiveness of a potato sack. But I know he cares. Just... quietly. From another room. Through a closed door.”

“So we both got broccoli branches in the family tree.”

You stared at him. Blank. Silent. Then a grin cracked your face.

“Shit, Ness. Never say that again.”

Ness looked genuinely alarmed, glancing around like he accidentally summoned something. “Wait—what? What did I say? Was that weird? Was it too weird? It felt weird.”

“You just made it sound like we’re long-lost cousins or something.”

Ness clapped a hand over his mouth, snorting through his fingers, his shoulders vibrating with laughter he was trying so hard to keep in. “Okay—but… you’re not friend-zoning me at least. That’s a win. Right?”

You give him a dramatic side-eye and nudge him with your elbow. “Oh, no. Definitely friend-zoning you. Full platinum-tier friendship package.”

Ness slid a few inches away with an exaggerated gasp, then burst out laughing. “You’re way more defensive than usual. Must be because you’ve got a crush or something…”

“Good lord, go reunite with your family!” You pushed him playfully, but it was harder than you expected, the force brewed from embarrassment. He stumbled over again, dying of laughter as he collided with the flower-filled bush beside him, his limbs disappearing in the thick greenery.

You pause.

“I hope your hair gets tangled with the flowers!” You call out, expecting him to pop out any minute now.

“Ness…?” You call out, finding yourself walking over to the bush. “Hey, Ne-”

That’s when a flower-covered figure jumps out from the bush and at you, coated head to toe in greenery, yelling loudly. It makes you jump and scream, the sound piercing through the air.

The figure laughs. A Ness-sounding laugh.

“Woah, calm down! It’s just me.” Ness says, his hair actually tangled with an amalgamate of flowers.

“I was about to have a heart attack… oh my goodness…” You clutch your heart dramatically, making Ness laugh again.

“I was going to have one too, when you pushed me into the bushes! And I just washed my hair…” Ness picked a lone tulip from his curls, frowning slightly.

“I think it looks nice, though. Makes you look like some wedding’s flowerboy.” You say, picking another flower from his hair, watching as he looked up at you.

“I… I didn’t know flower boys wore actual flowers in their hair.” Ness rose an eyebrow, a light blush appearing in his face.

“Have you never been to a wedding before? Of course they do!” You smile down at him. “Well, the flowers are gone now. You’re hairs just a little messy. Really does look like broccoli if it were purple.”

Ness falls silent, his gaze down at the floor, something solemn in his eyes.

“Ness?” You say, looking down into his eyes. “Hey, Ness. You alright?”

His head snaps back up. “Sorry, yeah. It’s just that… I’ve actually never been to a wedding before.”

Your eyes widen. “Oh…”

Ness’ smile returns to his face, albeit nervous and strained. “It must be really beautiful, though. Weddings. What’s marriage like? The only one I’ve had is when we played Kiss, Marry, Kill with the entire class in 4th grade, and everyone killed me except this one girl who chose marry because she thought I was a wizard who could turn into a handsome prince but…”

You heart wrenched inside you, a frown appearing on your face. Off instinct, you threw your arms around Ness, hugging him tight. Ness paused for a second, his hands risen by his sides, before they wrapped around you too.

“That’s… like… really sad. I’m so sorry.” You muttered, hugging him tighter, as if your embrace could comfort the child inside him.

“Hey, it’s not your fault.” Ness patted your back as you pulled away. “I didn’t really care, anyway. It hurt at first, but then I got used to playing by myself.”

“Just so you know, I would have picked ‘Marry’.” You said, not realizing the words even left your mouth. Ness’ lips parted, his face going a furious red, his thick eyebrows raising.

“Wait… what?”

“I would never kill you. And I don’t know how to kiss. So I’d marry you, because you’re nice and I think we’re friends.” You smiled earnestly.

Ness paused for a second, before looking to the side. “Uh… I mean… I-I think I would marry you too.”

Your smile spread wider, almost cheeky. “So. What does that make us?”

Ness went even more red. He started scratching his arm, his skin slowly going red. “Uh, I mean, I don’t know, I just… I guess I, I think… not that I’m thinking about weddings… it’s just that…”

You chuckled and walked beside him, holding his hand and intertwining your fingers with his. “It’s fine. Don’t answer. I don’t know why I asked anyway.”

Ness couldn’t survive a second without your touch, every since the two of you held hands.

Whenever you would pull away from him, he’d start to get restless, fiddling with his hair, or the hem of his shirt, continuously staring at you until you’d hold his hand again. His eyes would become big and woeful, like you had just denied him food for 2 months. You would always feel him staring up at you with those large, impromptu puppy eyes. When you’d hold hands again he’d swing your arms, swinging his free arm in time with it, a small smile on his face. It made you chuckle inwardly, trying to not bring it up.

The restaurant he led you to was pretty and petite. It was vacant, with beautiful flowers blooming from the window and vines cascading down the grey-white walls. The inside seemed just as charming, with a dimmed, yellow light and a brown, wooden floor. It was laden with decorations: flowers in pots, chandeliers hanging low, a shelf filled with an array of drinks, fake grass hanging from the wooden walls, with fairy lights tangled within. You looked over at Ness, who looked in bliss, his eyes wide, his smile toothy.

“Wow, Ness, this is…” you looked over. “How did you even find this?”

Ness brightened, rocking slightly on his heels. “Ah, I kind of got lost on purpose, actually. I took a random turn and told myself to walk nine and three-quarters of a block. Like, um, the train station in Harry Potter, you know?”

He turned to you, eyes wide and eager. “D-Do you like it?”

“I love it. I’ve never seen a restaurant like this, how is it so vacant?” You’re still admiring the beautiful interior.

“Well, no one really comes down this part of the square. I’m glad I could show this to you, the lady that owns it is lovely!” Ness exclaims, his eyes wide, his voice breathy, leading you inside, practically dragging you in. “I’ve got a seat reserved. I always do, it’s the one by the window because I like watching the cars pass and she knows that. Wait, you should come meet her, honestly, I think you’d love her!”

“Well, alright then-” You stutter, as Ness hauls you over to the counter. Situated there is a happy looking, older woman, with greying blonde hair and small, green eyes.

She looked over at Ness and you, a small smile on her face as she cleaned a glass bottle. “Welcome back, Ness! This is the second time you’re here today.”

“Hey, Irma!” Ness waved, his hands still gripping into yours. “This is… this is my friend.”

You smiled casually, letting go of Ness’ hand to wave at the woman. “Hello.”

“Hello! My, it’s definitely nice to have someone else in this café, normally it’s only Alexis, and then my children when they pop in to work here sometimes.”

You nod and smile. “I’m surprised, the café really is pretty.”

“I do spend an awful lot of time decorating, my daughter loves the pink!” The woman says, putting down the bottle to shake your hand. You hesitate at the gesture, but return it, smiling with your teeth now.

But Ness on the other hand…

Ah, there it is.

He’s staring at you, his eyes wide, his eyebrows upturned. You can see the open and close of his mouth from your peripheral, the way he’s scratching his arm that’s already red, the way his gaze darts from your hand back to your eyes.

You look over at him and your heart melts. You give him an upside down smile and grab onto his hand again, making him smile once more, his dimples shining on either side of his cheek.

“You two seem like a lovely couple!” Irma cooed. “You remind me of me and Martius when we were young—though he was much taller than me.”

“Oh, uh—w-we’re not—”

“Thank you.” You cut in, polite but firm.

“Don’t mention it! Your seat’s the one by the window, and I’ll come take your order in about… 30 seconds, because there’s really nothing else to do.”

The three of you laugh as you head over to the table. It’s just as the lady said, a little secluded from the other tables, but the way the light shined upon it made it seem special. It was a fairly large table for two, covered with a table cloth down the middle that situated a bouquet of flowers. Ness leads you forward, eager as always. The two of you sit opposite each other, Ness’ eyes still trailed on you, his finger drawing circles into the table.

“So… what do you think you’ll get?” he asked, his voice bright but a little breathless.

“I think… just the tiramisu.” you say, leaning on one hand, scanning the menu.

“Ooh, good choice. Irma’s tiramisu is seriously elite. I’ll get the same then.” He paused, tilting his head slightly. “Is it your favourite?”

“I mean, not really. Honestly, I just like the texture.”

“Mm… yeah, it is a good texture… creamy and soft… kinda like clouds if they were edible? Hehe…” He trailed off, eyes flicking to you again. “S-So, then what is your favourite?”

“Basic ice cream, I guess. It reminds me of my brother. He used to get us chocolate after school when it was hot out.”

Ness gave a soft, “Awwhh…” and his hands pressed over his heart. “That’s so sweet. Nostalgic stuff always tastes better, right? I used to absolutely destroy chocolate bars as a kid. Like, I’d get it all over my face. My parents had to carry wet wipes just for me…” He laughed sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck.

“You know, you totally seem like a chocolate or strawberry guy. Vanilla doesn’t suit you.” You narrowed your eyes playfully at him.

“Eh? It doesn’t?”

“Nope. Too plain for you. You’ve got sparkle.”

“Sparkle…?” He blushed, fidgeting with his sleeve. “Well… I do like chocolate and strawberry more than vanilla, I guess… if that means anything…”

You just smiled. It does mean something.

(A/N: small draft to make sure I’m on the right track! I am so snowed down with exams and results and my own personal book, so I will probably finish this during summer, expect like 20k words or so! Comments are SO motivating and appreciated! does anyone want a taglist 😭💍?)

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kurapikaspookie · 3 months ago

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⋆˚࿔ motion detected | ryusae 𝜗𝜚˚⋆

“Call me when you get home, alright Sae-chan?” Ryusei held his hands in a phone gesture, smiling at Sae with that all-so-devilish smile of his. He knew Sae was not going to call, probably curl up in bed after showering like he always did, even though he would normally take one in the morning too.

The fact Sae showered twice a day motivated Ryusei to do the same – he wanted to get into Sae’s head, find out what he was thinking every second of the day, try to uncover whatever was under that unreadable expression of his. The one he was wearing right now – the hand on his hip, the slight furrow in his brow. They were standing outside their training ground, under the warm, summer breeze, shadows stretching underneath the evening sun. But Sae… he was standing ever so still, a contrast to the swaying trees and the ever moving cars. Staring at Ryusei. Looking so intently.

Ryusei loved every inch of him. That’s why he would watch Sae open his windows right as he woke up, at 6:30 ish every morning. He would watch Sae brush his teeth, a circular motion with an electric toothbrush. 2 minutes straight. Maybe overrunning sometimes. He would then wash his face, hesitating before using his eye cream afterward, like he doesn’t know if it’s worth it. Ryusei thinks it is. He uses the same eye cream now too.

He would always watch him through his computer screen in his apartment. It was routine now. He would sit on his bed, cross legged, observing Sae like the creep he was. The bright light would illuminate his face, illuminate his tired mind, the only thing keeping him awake being Sae.

Sae.

His mind was wandering. He was staring at Sae, who was standing opposite him after practice, practice from the exclusive Blue Lock training camp they had in the summer. The one Sae requested to be with Ryusei in. Not anyone else. Ryusei.

Did he love him too?

“I’ll pass, thanks.” Sae responded, turning around ever so nonchalantly, so perfectly. Ryusei watched him, walking away with his hips swaying ever so slightly.

Ryusei couldn’t bear to just leave him like that. He immediately walked over to Sae’s side, picking up his pace, leaning over to catch Sae’s face.

“Aw, why not? Is it a bad thing I want to make sure you’re okay?” Ryusei smiled, leaning in for extra emphasis, quirking up an eyebrow.

“I can take care of myself, Ryusei.” Sae drawled. “I’ve done it ever since I was a kid.”

Ryusei.

His name.

He smiled wider.

“Are you suure? You won’t trip over the edge of a table like you did today, right?” Ryusei spoke back, making Sae shoot him a sidelong glare. “What if you don’t have anyone to catch you? Anyone like me-?”

“You’re not letting that go, are you…” Sae interrupted, looking forward, his expression a tired one. Ryusei knew that look – it was the look he shone when the day was starting to take a mental toll on him. Mostly because of Ryusei, no one else was able to annoy him like that. It could either lead to a crack in his nonchalant exterior, or Sae just outright getting mad at Ryusei. Risky gamble, Ryusei needed to navigate this properly.

“So emo… why can’t I just see you home? Promise, I’ll be so silent you won’t even know I’m there.” Ryusei made the action of zipping his lips, looking at Sae expectantly.

“… You’re not going to be quiet.” Sae responded.

Fuck, he knew Ryusei too well.

“I will. Promise. Pinky promise.” Ryusei held his pinky out, even though Sae simply stared at it momentarily before looking back up.

“Alright, demon.” Sae responded, and Ryusei went back to silently walking beside Sae. He walked. And walked. And honestly, it was getting a little boring now.

“If you were an insect, would you sneak into people’s homes or stay outside?” Ryusei turned to Sae. “Sneaking into homes means more chance of dying, but it’s more comfortable.”

“I thought you said you would stay silent.” Sae muttered.

“I’m just curious. I’d sneak into people’s homes.” Ryusei smiled wider, gaze intense on Sae, trying to gauge if his expression could hold more of an answer than his words.

“I wouldn’t expect anything else.” Sae sighed.

That wasn’t an answer.

Ryusei leaned in closer. “What would you pick? Come on, it’s a harmless question.”

Sae paused. Expression still unreadable. His hands deep in his pockets. That was before he lowered his head. “Stay outside.”

Ryusei’s eyes widened, heart jumping. “Why?” His voice went a little quieter.

“It’s safe. No risk of anyone ruining my life too much. Gives me room to work hard to live comfortably. If I do what I’m meant to, I can live without much worry. It’s just the natural way of things.”

Ryusei’s eyes widened.

This was his reward. He played his cards right. There was that crack in Sae’s nonchalant mask. It’s more than he had ever gotten, an insight into Sae’s mind, one that made Ryusei’s smile widen, that made his pure living feel wonderful. He imprinted Sae’s words into his memory, sticking it there, something he would actually remember.

He didn’t know what to say. He just stared.

And Sae caught on.

“You’re staring.” He said, so unbothered.

“I’m not.” But he definitely was.

Sae simply nodded, still walking through the street, his expression still unchanging.

Ryusei finally looked forward too.

“You’re so cool, Sae.” Ryusei smirked.

Sae rolled his eyes. “I know.”

────

Ryusei sat cross legged on his bed yet again, staring into the screen, the only light source in the otherwise dark room. Multiple tabs were opened upon his screen – one a word document, which he had never used before, to note down the exact words Sae had said, and overanalyse it.

It’s just the natural way of things. Is that what he believes in? The natural cycle of life?

Ryusei believes in that too. He believes in something akin to fate, not something harbouring life, not some divine deity, but something that was simply there. Some things are naturally meant to happen. When something bad happens, Ryusei can’t bring himself to dwell on it too much. It’s meant to come to pass. Maybe he suffered to experience greatness on the other side. Maybe he didn’t. Ryusei couldn’t change the outcome that had been set out for him. It was natural. So he lived however he pleased, he never went against his desires. After all, he was going to pull through. He knew he was destined to be different.

And Sae was his road toward that destiny.

He believed that some people were simply tied together by their innate desire, something so deep, so biological, so… natural.

The natural way of things.

That’s what happened between him and Sae.

Sae didn’t choose him by chance, they were always tied together, like a red string wrapped around their hearts. Their souls. That’s a better word.

Ryusei continued smiling as he watched Sae through his other tab – security cameras. Well, this wasn’t security at all.

He remembered the first time he broke into Sae’s house. The fear he felt excited him to no end, it pulled him forward, let him trudge through the expensive flooring, the fear helped him open Sae’s door and place his first camera. Because if Sae caught him, if anyone caught him, it was simply a play of fate.

But he didn’t. Ryusei was even able to place cameras in places he wasn’t going to originally – the kitchen, the living room, the shed. He wanted to watch Sae forever. Watch his soulmate. Watch the man he loved.

Sae’s good at being perfect.

Ryusei’s good at being trouble.

“Fuck…” Ryusei muttered to no one in particular, leaning back, counting to watch Sae perform his night routine. He was in his pyjamas now. Those ones he always wore – something simple, simple shorts, simple shirt. But somehow, it was perfect. Because it was pink. The colour of the tips of Ryusei’s hair, the same shade as Ryusei’s eyes.

Ryusei chuckled. “I’m in love.”

────

Of course, Ryusei was waiting for Sae outside the door to their training camp. As always. It was a separate place from Blue Lock, but still as clean and efficient. The place was swarmed with billboards hanging off the walls, faces of strikers upon them. Sometimes the picture would flick to Sae’s own face. It made him grimace.

“Look at that, you’re early too.” Ryusei beamed, waving him over in that overly giddy voice of his. Sae supressed an eye roll.

“Morning, Ryusei.” Sae muttered back, checking the time on his watch. He was early… earlier than usual. Must’ve lost track of the time. Ryusei walked over to him, tailing him as always, hands stretched behind his back, yawning.

“Way too damn early! If I fall sleep on the field, you’d better catch me.” Ryusei smirked over at Sae.

“Totally. Carry you to your apartment as well, pull the sheets up and read you a bedtime story.” Sae responded.

“You don’t even know what apartment I live in. I’m mad about that. 13, by the way.” Ryusei chuckled.

“I won’t remember that.”

“Then I’ll score 13 goals so you’d remember. Or jump 13 times on the court. Or I’ll swap shirts with number 13.” Ryusei looked over at Sae.

Goodness, sometimes he could be exhausting. Not that Sae minded it all that much, though. Unlike most, Ryusei knew limits.

Ryusei leaned a little too close, peering at Sae's watch like he couldn’t just check his own. “Bet you set an alarm just for me,” he teased, grinning. “Woke up and thought, ‘Damn, what if Ryusei’s already there? Can’t leave him hanging.’ So sweet.”

Sae tilted his head, staring at him flatly. “You always beat me here.”

“Exactly,” Ryusei said, as if that proved something. “You showing up early means I’m winning.”

“Winning what?”

Ryusei shrugged. “Don’t know yet. I’ll let you know when I figure it out.”

Sae rolled his eyes to the sky, “You’re so confusing sometimes.”

That’s when they finally entered the breakfast hall, clean and light, looking more like a restaurant than a cafeteria. That’s what Sae liked. Expensive.

Ryusei rested his chin on Sae’s shoulder, but Sae didn’t bristle. Instead, he simply looked forward as Ryusei rose a finger to the food options already set out (that started when the lunch lady caught Sae and Ryusei sitting in the cafeteria several minutes before her shift about 10 times).

“No meat. They know I love meat. Do you see this? They’re starving me.” Sae could hear Ryusei’s pout, even though his gaze stayed forward.

“You’ll live.” Sae walked on, and of course, Ryusei followed close behind, looking over the options on the menu.

“Tamagoyaki... yudofu…” Ryusei hummed. “That’s only the sides? This is a whole feast.”

“Good food, but seeing they’re feeding footballers, it’s…” Sae trailed off, raising an eyebrow.

“So picky, Sae-chan.” Ryusei said, leaning over and holding up a finger, wiggling it.

Sae simply sighed and took his food, walking over to his table. Or he would’ve, if he hadn’t seen his dear little brother in the doorway.

Of course. He decided to come early today.

Normally they wouldn’t interact at all, but with Ryusei around-

“Rin-Rin!”

Ugh.

“Leave me alone.” Rin shot back, shooting Ryusei a glare, who just laughed, placing an arm on Sae’s shoulder. Sae simply crossed his arms – now, he would’ve interfered, but it was early and he was goddamn tired.

“Now Rin-Rin, that’s not how you talk to your elders.” Ryusei drawled, hands in pockets. Sae bet they looked like a pair of high school bullies.

Sae did not like that image.

Just as Rin was about to spit something back, (The boy looked on the verge of killing someone. How immature.), Sae nudged Ryusei with his elbow.

“Not worth it, Ryusei.” Sae started walking over to their self-assigned table. “I’m hungry. Let’s eat.”

Ryusei smirked wider, fucking winking at Rin, shooting him a look before tailing Sae.

When Sae had finally got Ryusei to sit down, he slid up against Sae, close but not too close, just how Sae preferred. Ryusei was just able to read Sae like that, on and off the field, in a way nobody else could. Like they could infiltrate each other’s minds. And Sae wasn’t sure if that unsettled him or not.

Sae got to eating his food. Ryusei watched ever so attentively. Then, he started to mimic Sae, eyes wide with the fascination of a dog, holding his chopsticks the same, sitting the same, leaning over further to inspect what Sae was doing to a better degree.

Cute.

In a slightly unsettling way.

“You’re doing that again.” Sae sighed, continuing to eat, internally noting Ryusei’s full plate.

“Doing what?”

“Staring at me.”

Ryusei paused, before chuckling, leaning back. “It’s my guilty pleasure.”

That was when Ryusei’s hand jerked up, cutlery outstretched to slice a piece off Sae’s beloved food that Sae was quite enjoying, actually.

“Ryusei.” Sae’s voice held a warning tone.

“What?” Ryusei smiled, stuffing Sae’s food into his mouth, food that was now gone down Ryusei’s throat, never to be seen again. “Not my fault your food’s so tempting.”

Sae frowned, giving a sidelong glare. But he didn’t say anything more. He didn’t need to.

“Mmmh, good taste, under lashes senior!” Ryusei exclaimed.

Sae simply stared at Ryusei through the side of his eye, watching as he ate with so much unnecessary emotion on his face. But, after all, Sae supposed Ryusei couldn’t help it. It was how he was designed, after all. To be like this.

Sae always had a soft spot for the weird kids. The ones that didn’t conform to societal rules. Just being themselves, not putting up a show for anyone else. Sae found it beautiful. Because Sae… Sae sometimes fell too. Sometimes did things just because others thought he should. It was a rare occurrence, but it was there, and that’s what embarrassed Sae more than anything. He would always hesitate to apply eye cream in his daily routine, for the sole reason that it was only because a teammate made an offhand comment about how Sae ‘always looked tired’. It shouldn’t have really affected Sae. It didn’t that much. But, somehow, he still found himself purchasing the expensive eye cream, applying it every day.

He had his eye on those that were odd in every way. Those that acted purely off impulse. Those who did what they wanted because that was just who they were. People like Ryusei. Who idn’t harbour a boring playstyle that they wore like armour. People with real talent. People with real ego. People… that weren’t like Sae.

“Hey, underlashes, now you’re staring.” Ryusei smirked at Sae, leaning back with that all so carefree attitude of his. Sae rose an eyebrow.

“Just making it even, I guess.” Sae muttered back, looking back down at his food. Ryusei’s expression went blank, like he had noticed something, like he just didn’t know how to respond in this situation.

“Sae… you… alright? Tired?” Ryusei muttered, leaning forward to try and meet Sae’s gaze. Honestly, Sae was tired, but it was more than that.

Sae simply exhaled. He never talked about his feelings, not to anyone. He didn’t feel the need to. But today, today was different, today he was tired and that tiredness was something he could blame his manner of speech on.

“… I wish I were special.”

Ryusei’s eyes went wide, his lips parted, his eyebrows furrowed. He simply stared, like he was trying to dissect what Sae had just said, trying to piece together why. Sae couldn’t understand what he said either. It was a trivial thing, talking like this, letting too much on. Sae suddenly felt embarrassed. Why did he say that?

“But you are special.” Ryusei’s voice was loud, as if he was in disbelief that Sae would say such a thing. “You’re special in every way, underlashes! You’re the coolest person ever, your playstyle, your looks, your cuteness, just…”

He wasn’t. He wasn’t cool, or talented. He didn’t harbour the ego that he was a victim of back in Spain. The undeniable prestige of the world class players that made him feel like some sort of joke. When he was young, he was sure he was a prodigy, the best in the world. That changed when he saw the strikers overbroad. It made him wonder why he was considered so good back in Japan, but so bad there. It made him believe that Japan was simply trashy at soccer, no more, no less.

So he became a midfielder. Because of the fragile ego he knew he had. There, as a midfielder, he had a better chance.

“Forget I said anything, I’m too tired…” Sae’s voice trailed off as he continued eating. But Ryusei couldn’t take his gaze off Sae.

Because he was confused. Confused as to why Sae thought that. Fuck, Sae was perfect! He was good at soccer, undeniably handsome, had the perfect mix of nonchalance and understanding yet still… still he didn’t think he was special. And that saddened Ryusei. Then is maddened him. Because how had he missed that? Didn’t he know everything about him?

… Maybe he didn’t. Maybe he thought of Sae so highly that he forgot he was only human.

Ryusei frowned. He didn’t know what to say. Never had.

“You’re really special, Sae. Not just to me.” Was all he could muster, a pathetic excuse for comfort, but something all the same.

Sae simply rolled his eyes. “Don’t go all soft on me.”

There it was. Those walls again. That practiced nonchalance returning after one small slip of emotion. Ryusei wore a small but emotionless smile.

“Alright, underlashes.”

Notes:

I'm kind of excited for this fic, be prepared for some heavy character study, also some angst, and reconciliation! Also, here are some things that I tried to convey here, that most will probably miss because who overanalyses a FANFIC bro 😭 1. When Sae says “I’ve done it ever since I was a kid.”, Ryusei doesn't respond, not mentally nor physically. If you caught that, it was meant to show that Ryusei didn't see Sae as a person with flaws, just someone who is perfect, which he repeats throughout the passage. He almost blocks it out, only reacting to Sae calling his name instead. This was placed to show that, even though Ryusei claims he's obsessed with Sae, he misses out a few key parts that really makes Sae human (this does get addressed later in the fic!!!) 2. Insect analogy!! Kind of referencing Sae's change to being a midfielder (as well as some other things), to 'play it safe'!! It kind of summarizes how Sae is written in this fic, he doesn't take risks he knows he shouldn't. The insect analogy here is very symbolic throughout the fic, I wanted to name the fic 'Insect Analogy' at first, but idk Anyway, this fic will be slow to update as I have summer exams (IM SO SCARED!) but anyway, cya!!

♡

“See that, Sae? What do the numbers add up to on the scoreboard? No, tell me!”

Sae rolled his eyes at Ryusei’s antics, trying to continue walking, trying to ignore all of this.

“Sae-chan? Tell me!” Ryusei leaned in, a sly smirk upon his face, his eyes low-lidded. Sae simply collected his bag, mind drowning out the sounds of the various other Blue Lock boys. They were all over the place, riling each other up, pushing and shoving, blaming one another for a missed goal if they were unfortunate enough to be on the loosing team. One pair in particular – a pair way too close to Sae for comfort – was the rowdy duo called ‘Karasu and Otoya’.

“Eugh, what the hell, Otoya? What do you mean you’d kiss me just to make your new girl jealous?” Karasu gagged, pushing Otoya, who simply laughed.

“Calm down, it’s a joke, man! All riled up for what?” Otoya shot back. “Well… unless you really want me to…”

“Fuck off!” Karasu pushed Otoya yet again, making the boy stumble over some benches, almost landing on a maddened Kunigami, who quickly shifted out of the way, glaring at Otoya.

“What’s your problem…” Kunigami rolled his eyes, quickly standing up and grabbing his water bottle.

“Sae, what’s the number? You know I’m not going to leave you alone until you tell me what it is.” Ryusei’s head popped into view, before he walked around Sae, ending up right in front of him, way too close. His gaze was still lidded, his smirk dangerous, hot breath right in Sae’s face.

“13.” Sae muttered, before pushing past Ryusei, who simply caught up ever so quickly.

“And, pray tell, what does that number have to do with me?” Ryusei crossed his arms behind his back, leaning forward and turning his head to match Sae’s height.

“Oh goodness, must have forgotten.” Sae muttered sarcastically, turning around and opening the door to the changing room. Ryusei frowned.

“No the fuck you didn’t! Come on Sae, it’s my door number!” Ryusei teased, leaning in closer. Seriously, this man had no concept of personal space.

“I was kidding. Of course I remember your door number. I remembered it when you actually jumped 13 times in front of me. I remembered it when you bullied Tokimitsu into swapping shirts with you so you could have number 13.” Sae deadpanned, strolling into the empty lunch hall, determined to get the best servings first.

Ryusei’s eyes widened. As if he’d really just clocked that Sae was being sarcastic. “Seriously? Okay, now you have to come over! You’re free every Saturday from 12:30 to 6:40 because that’s when your night routine starts, so don’t even try to bail.”

Sae sighed. “Of course you’d know that…”

But, seriously, how did he know that?

Before Sae could dwell on it too much, Ryusei threw an arm around Sae’s shoulder. “What do you say? One o’clock? That’s your favourite number, right?”

“It’s two.” Sae sighed.

“Two, then.”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“Because I say so.”

“Alright, what if I score 5 goals next round? Nutmeg 5 people? Or-”

“Make it 13 and we have a deal.” Sae turned to Ryusei, who simply tilted his head.

“Knew you’d remembered.” Ryusei said, as he circled Sae in the changing rooms, like a planet would circle the Sun.

Well, that was what Sae was to him. The Sun. So bright and beautiful in all its glory. Ryusei couldn’t help but stare as Sae packed his locker, slipping various things in and taking various things out.

“You know, I almost broke my leg once. Jumped off a roof.” Ryusei mentioned, way too casually for the way Sae reacted.

He paused just as he was about to close the door, gaze forward. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“I jumped off a roof. To piss off the neighbours. It worked.” Ryusei smirked, still looking at Sae, drinking up every last remnant of reaction he got from the man.

“… Right.” Sae responded, finally closing the locker door. “You say that like it’s not concerning.”

“Come on, it was 1 story! Neighbours were broke as fuck.” Ryusei said, turning to Sae, who turned right back.

“Not as broke as you’d be if you actually broke your leg…” Sae muttered, throwing his bag over his shoulder. Ryusei laughed back, a skip in his step, arms behind him.

“Really? Man, you forget I’m built like a tank!” Ryusei winked.

“You’re really not…” Sae mumbled.

“Wanna see for yourself? You know, I think clothes hide my muscles a little too much…”

“Sure. I’ll check the day you score 100 goals in one game.”

Ryusei’s eyebrows rose. “That wasn’t a no.”

“And in under 20 minutes.”

“I mean, nothing’s ever stopped me from setting world records-”

“While carrying a newborn child that has to be named ‘I’ll pass’.”

Ryusei laughed obnoxiously yet again. “Fucking hell, you’re so funny when you actually make jokes.”

Sae simply hummed in response, sighing from Ryusei’s antics as he started to make his way into the lunch hall. It was bustling already, boys forming groups around each other, most deciding to talk and hang out instead of actually getting food. The air was warm, humid, from the cluster of too many people clumped into one singular room.

But Sae, unlike others, didn’t feel the need to endlessly converse with several other boys. No, he decided he was gong to spend his time much more efficiently, by looking over the options set out.

“Mmm. Yum.” He muttered to no one in particular, low enough that no one would hear.

Or so he thought.

“Sae, what did you just say? Yum? Yum!?” Ryusei was getting a little too close. “Say that again. You sounded way too cute!”

Sae let out the biggest exhale he had ever done in his 19 years of living. He was about to give Ryusei some dry comment that basically meant ‘Leave me alone’, until Karasu suddenly emerged from behind them, seeming to have stopped his conversation with Otoya – probably about not dumping his new girlfriend that was actually a popular influencer who could probably earn Karasu a second hand stack.

“Man, yer hallucinating.” He said, hands in pockets, as Ryusei turned around, frowning slightly. “Anyway, Otoya was telling me about how he overheard ya talking about plummeting off a roof, just wanted to make sure it wasn’t one of his stupid rumours again.”

Dinner was always a place of solace.

Most times, with Sae’s personal space being uninhabited by anyone but Ryusei, Sae’s thoughts would always cloud his mind, thoughts that he would never attempt to deter, thoughts that spiralled further and further into the deep pit named ‘overthinking’.

Today was not one of those days.

Ryusei had been gaining friends. Quite a lot. People seemed to gravitate toward him, not because he was likable, but because of his outgoing aura, the suspense of never knowing what he would do next, Sae supposed that was what drew people in, like moths to a burning, blue flame. Sae supposed he was no different.

That’s what slightly irritated him. Yet again, he was no different from others, practically everyone liked Ryusei when they got to know him. Sae was being selfish by wanting him all to himself.

But, thankfully, the bragging was coming to a close. Ryusei was first in the dinner line now, attention circling back to Sae ever so slowly.

“Yeah, obviously I jumped off, but I also almost broke my leg.” Now his pink, burning eyes were seething into Sae’s own, “Didn’t stop me from playing soccer though.”

“Yeah, crazy.” Karasu’s voice rumbled from behind. “Never would’ve expected anything less.”

Ryusei’s eyes was still trailed onto Sae, big and attentive, almost unnerving if Sae wasn’t so used to it.

“What if I did break my leg, though?” Ryusei chuckled, nudging Sae, almost making him topple over his own food.

Sae frowned.

“Wouldn’t you like to know.” He said sarcastically, to which Ryusei simply smiled.

Not smirked.

Smilied.

Like, something soft, something Sae would never associate with Ryusei.

But it was gone in a second, when Ryusei threw his arm around Sae’s shoulder, laughing heartily.

“How do you even manage to stay this nonchalant!” He shook Sae a little, irritating the man a little. Sae only offered him a giant side eye.

────

13 nutmegs. Those were the simple requirements. Sae was an idiot for ever thinking Ryusei wouldn’t follow through.

Because Ryusei passed with flying colours. Every wide spread pair of legs were met with a ball rolling through them, accompanied by Ryusei’s signature erratic smirk. After the match, he even let one of his signature, erotic comments slip, something about ‘always being able to slip through holes’.

Now Sae’s in his apartment, sitting atop the expensive couch he only bought yesterday, arms draped off the armrest. It’s an expensive but minimalistic place, decorated in a way that was appeasing but expected. The light was tinted a sterile white. Long, full windows held themselves at the back. The floor was clean and sleek, no stains or imprints. Sae’s waiting. Waiting for Ryusei to arrive – right on time, or maybe fashionably late.

Knock, knock, knock.

There’s three knocks, each one harsh and erratic, harder than the last. Sae checks his watch. It seems Ryusei arrived right on time today.

Sae hesitates for a split second before raising himself off the couch, travelling to the door, his hair a little unkempt in a way he would never show anyone. Today, he felt himself grow far too comfortable, a burning feeling in his heart that rubbed him the wrong way. He’s just about to reach for the doorknob when 4 harsher knocks come, reverberating through the warm room, making Sae jump a little.

This guy can never be patient.

Sae slowly opens the door, rubbing his eyes, looking over at Ryusei and his goddamn wide smile. He looks excited, too excited, bouncing on the balls of his feet and rocking back and forth. He doesn’t say anything, something out of character for someone like him. He simply stared, eyes wide, smile turtle like, like some infatuated puppy. It’s not far off.

He’s wearing something akin to the popular vkei style, maybe with hints of gyaru. It’s a long, pink shirt layered with a sleek, black jacket with the cuffs up, containing various pink leapord print stickers. It was paired with open fingered gloves and black lace. His trousers were wide legged and black, with a large double belt that hung in different directions. It was complex, his faint, silver jewlery jangled with ever movement, something Sae could tell he would be hearing a lot of.

But then, Ryusei suddenly spins on his heel, turning away abruptly. “Never mind. It’s too early. You’re not ready yet.”

Sae gets taken aback, his eyebrow raising, trying to mask the slight amplification in the beating of his heart. His hair wasn’t that dishevelled. But, somehow, the fact that Ryusei was slightly pointing it out made it all the more worse.

“… What?” Sae muttered, still holding the door open, watching as Ryusei retreated back.

“I’ll be back in 20 minutes! Or longer. I’ll watch you to see when you’re ready. Anyway, car’s downstairs, we’re going for a drive, Sae-chan!” Ryusei waved back, his hands still stuffed into his pockets, walking off with such nonchalance, as if Sae’s mind wasn’t reeling from trying to understand where he was coming from.

“Alright, demon…” Sae muttered, low enough that Ryusei (hopefully) couldn’t hear, before closing the door with a nice little click. He ran a hand through his hair, deciding all of this was below him.

Kind of deciding.

He still subconsciously went to the mirror and fixed his hair, adjusting the collar of his jumper. He didn’t understand why he did it. Maybe it was the fact that Ryusei had noticed how slightly disordered he was that unnerved him. Normally, no one would point it out, not even the mirror ahead of him. The thing had filter. Ryusei didn’t.

He frowned harder into the mirror, trying to inspect his appearance, see what Ryusei saw. His face was more flushed than usual. His eyes narrowed and darker than usual.

Is that what Ryusei saw? Sae didn’t like that.

Knock, knock, knock.

Sae sighed. Ryusei, of course, was back. It had only been a few minutes, and somehow the man just couldn’t stay away for too long. Sae walked over at a pace more brisk than he should, bent on asking Ryusei why he left and came back so soon, what he meant by that comment about ‘watching him’, but when he opened the door…

Ryusei had a pink lighter in his hand, flicking it on and off absentmindedly, his hand risen for another knock. He suddenly looked up. Smiled.

“Why do you have… a lighter?” Sae frowned.

“Told myself that if you didn’t answer by the 5th knock I would set your mailbox on fire… but you did, so yay!”

Sae should’ve been more shocked at that than he was. But, he decided, that was simply Ryusei.

He wouldn’t actually do that.

Right?

“I left because my stomach did a little flip. You feel? Like… like it was about to explode. And because you looked too pretty. I wanted to punch a hole in your mirror.” Ryusei casually flicked the lighter up and caught it, slipping it into his pocket, whatever that flirt attempt was.

“That’s great.” Sae deadpanned. “That why you came back so soon?”

“Nah, just wanted to stare a little longer. You know, you have one less underlash. Did it fall off when you were sleeping? Might have to start calling you ‘no lashes senior’.” Ryusei chuckled at his own joke, one that Sae found deeply disturbing. He didn’t like that Ryusei noticed too many things about his face. He didn’t like it when people watched him too much, it reminded him of the stalker he had not too long ago of which he never found out their name.

Sae started slowly closing the door, making Ryusei grab the doorknob.

“Hey, hey, where are you going? You can’t close the door on me on our first date! Might actually light your mailbox on fire.”

Seriously, what the fuck was wrong with this guy.

Sae reluctantly opened the door again, keeping his distance , backing up slightly.

“So,” Ryusei started. “Car? It’s pink, by the way. Illegal modifications too! Neon lights… a spoiler… oh, you know, I got teal lights ‘cuz they reminded me of you. It felt like I was always driving with you! Gave me like, 10 speeding tickets…”

“I think I’m gonna close the door now.” Sae said sarcastically, swinging it open anyway. “You can take us wherever you want, as long as it’s not some shady place that’ll end us up in a true crime documentary.”

“No promises, can’t guarantee no assassins will take me out while I drive.” Ryusei laughed again as Sae walked over to the elevator that led down to the parking lot.

“I shouldn’t have asked.”

────

Ryusei held the door open like the gentleman he knew he wasn’t. Even holding his hand out like some 1900s romance. Sae simply gave him the meanest side glare because, you know, thats just his thing . The way he let people know that they were hitting the wrong nerve. Not that Ryusei didn’t dig it, or anything.

Sae relaxed into the passenger’s seat, and Ryusei couldn’t help but stare. He told himself he wouldn’t overdo the gawking. 5 seconds of staring only.

Bad thing Ryusei couldn’t actually count, because 5 seconds turned into 10, and then 20, and then Sae turned his head and stared right back.

“Stop that.” Sae muttered bluntly.

“Stop what?” Ryusei asked, feigning innocence.

“Living.” Sae answered sarcastically, before sighing and craning his neck to the window. “Where are we going, anyway?”

Ryusei finally closed the door, his voice carrying through the window which was perpetually open (because fuck burglars, not like they would find anything).

“Wherever the wind takes us! I’m a strong believer in fate, you see?” Ryusei relaxed into the driver’s seat, starting the car. Sae hummed, nodding, pushing his cheek into a fist and looking wistfully out of the window.

As they drove out of the dark parking lot, into the bountiful evening, where the sky bloomed a warm orange, where consciousness felt like a foreign concept, where everything felt like a soon to be memory, fading into the background. Ryusei felt like he could float in the air! But even if he could, would he? Like, THE Sae Itoshi was right next to him.

Nah, Ryusei decided he’d like to stay right here.

The harsh, whipping wind made him squint, it brushed past his cheek, fresh and the perfect temperature.

Ryusei grinned, happiness overtaking his limbs. He felt the car going faster and faster, but really, speeding wasn’t anything new. He didn’t even get that small heart attack when he heard police sirens anymore. The chase was no longer fun.

“Fuck, it hurts me just to think, and I don’t do pain.” Ryusei chuckled, turning over to Sae. “I don’t do silence either, what’s on your mind?”

Sae frowned, his hand dropping on the brim of the car window. “Nothing. View’s nice.”

“Yeah, it always is when the view is you.” Ryusei leaned over for extra emphasis, to which Sae simply rolled his eyes, hair brushing against his face.

“Is that meant to be flirting? Shit’s genuinely terrible.” He muttered, shaking his head like some disappointed father.

“Isn’t that what makes it good? Some people like that. Cringey.” Ryusei laughed. “Fucking gross.”

Sae shifted in his seat, tilting his head to the side. “You’re gross. And I’m hungry. Pull up at a drive through or something, I haven’t even had lunch.”

Ryusei pulls an exaggerated sad face, turning over to Sae’s direction. “Aw, my boyfriend hasn’t been eating lately? Should I be worried? Maybe I should sleep over to make sure you’re okay?”

Sae jokingly hits Ryusei across the shoulder, scowling, as Ryusei laughs and angles to the side. “Creep!”

“What intriguing information! You say it like it’s not obvious.” Ryusei chuckled, pushing his foot on the pedal further. His heart does a little jump at the speed, at the wind that’s smacking in his face, making his hair stand up. They’re driving past a rural area now, as Ryusei went a little off course. Trees tower over the side of the road, paired with the slight drop at their right. The danger makes driving fast all the more fun, it smells like freedom, tastes like a life given up. Sae’s gone silent.

Something feels off.

It’s not just the increasing speed of the car, which will soon turn into a speed slightly alarming. Not just the smile on Ryusei’s face, something dangerous, an explosive glint in his wide eyes. No, Sae decides it’s the air, tight and thick, making the wind catch in his throat, making his heart feel strained.

Something feels off here.

And Sae’s never wrong.

“Ryusei, slow down.” Sae taps Ryusei’s arm, his taps getting harsher by the second.

The latter simply turns to him, still smiling.

“Why?” His voice is low, something unnerving, and Sae can’t turn to look back at him.

“We’re gonna crash if you keep going at this speed. End up in gravestones.” Sae grumbled, trying to sound calm. He wasn’t.

Something feels off.

The trees are blurring past the window too quickly. The air feels almost suffocating.

And..

“Would that be a bad thing, Sae?” Ryusei muttered, still looking over at Sae, eyes still as wide as ever, something akin to a manic animal.

‘There.’ Sae thought. ‘That’s what’s wrong.’

“I’ll slow down. I’m just interested. Dying. Is it really that bad? It happens anyway.” Ryusei’s now chuckling, a shrill, free sound. “I mean, sometimes I wanna die. Not a bad thing. Just an observation.”

Sae stayed silent, his heart beating ferociously. Ryusei wasn’t slowing down. And now, now he was talking about death like it was something simple. Not something frightening. Something that proved you were unworthy of life.

They were isolated from society. In the middle of a grassy plain, no cars in sight. If Ryusei crashed, how long would it be until help came? The woodland stretched on, far vaster than Sae could ever imagine.

There was no one.

No one there.

Sae’s nails dug into Ryusei’s arm, but the man didn’t flinch. It frightened Sae. Made him overthink again.

He knew Ryusei was insane, but not like this. All those unhinged things he would say, all those times Sae felt himself doubting just how safe it was, is this the consequence? What was Ryusei thinking?

“Ryusei��” Sae muttered, in a warning tone.

“Sorry, just one more second! Don’t you like the thrill? The thrill of thinking we could just crash right now and that would be… the end? No one knows when they’re gonna go, Sae. Does that not excite you?” Ryusei laughed heartily, like this was all a joke. Like Sae wasn’t scared for his life.

“I’ve already gotten what I wanted in life. You. My soulmate. We were made for eachother! If I could die, I’d die with you. You’re like the sun, and I’m just a measly planet. I may not get the chance again. To die with you.” Ryusei’s voice trailed off at the end, making Sae’s hear beat faster, his eyes enlargening. No. Sae wouldn’t like that.

“Stop that.” Sae held on tighter.

“Stop what? Living?” Ryusei turned, referencing their past banter. “I’ll do it, Sae. Just say the word. I’ll crash into the trees right now. If you say so, I'll do it. Right here. Right now.”

Sae’s nails pierced into Ryusei’s tanned skin, drawing blood, his teeth gritting, head light, heart pounding in his ears.

No.

“Fucking hell, are you crazy!? Stop! Stop right now!” Sae yelled, louder than he ever had done in his life.

The car suddenly came to an abrupt stop, making Sae jerk forward, forehead landing on the window. His heart was beating, beads of sweat coursing down his face as his chest heaved up and down. But Ryusei simply smiled, his hand resting on the steering wheel, like he hadn’t just almost killed Sae.

“See? We’re fine! God, Sae, you looked out of it! Acting like death is so bad! What are you even afraid of?” Ryusei was giggling ferociously, a stark contrast to Sae’s heaving self. He was rocking back and forth, laughter contagious, oblivious to the fear he had just caused.

“What… what’s wrong with you…” Sae panted, his clenching, anger bubbling inside of him. Ryusei had almost killed him. Fucking almost granted his worst fear and now… now he’s laughing?

Sae’s fingers curled around the door handle as he shoved it open, the thing flying forward with palpable force. Sae stepped out into the cool air, away from the tension of the car.

Ryusei opened the door too.

“You sure you’d be able to get back home?” He called out, voice high and ‘cute’. “Wouldn’t want you to get ran over or something.”

Ryusei tailed Sae as he stormed down the pathway, breath still heavy, the feeling of the ground vibrating through his leg.

He turned around.

“Are you okay? Genuinely, what the fuck was that!?” Sae face was scrunched, red, his lips pursed, his eyebrows furrowed. His hair caught in the wind, creating a picturesque image of streams of marron floating past a tired face. The orange sun burned his pale skin, seemingly warmer than it just was, overwhelming in its right. His hair was a mess, all sticking out in the wrong directions, similar to how the collar of his jumper brushed against his neck.

But Ryusei? He was the opposite.

His face was painted in the art of laughter, his hair brushing past in a similar fashion. But those strands felt free, ecstatic. His mouth was wide, eyes narrowed as if in bliss, his hands draping by his sides. The orange sun didn’t seem to burn him, it only added texture to his elated expression. His clothes were still tidy, swaying in the wind. Something perfect.

The image of the two was almost static. Two parallel lines, still doomed to defy everything and intertwine with each other.

“Have a safe trip home, alright?” Ryusei called out, still laughing, his words breathy.

Sae turned around again, his hands in his pockets, his eye twitching.

Ryusei brought an arm up. Waved. Still smiling.

“I fucking love you, you emotionless bastard!”

Notes:

I changed the title of the fic from motion detected because i always listen to IFHY - Tyler the Creator while writing this and it fits it SO MUCH. also, did you guys catch that lil My Ordinary Life reference (“Fuck, it hurts me just to think, and I don’t do pain.”) Anyway, im trying (REALLY TRYING) to write longer chapters, so in the summer holidays that is defo happening. Thinking of combining the first two chapters to seem cool.

A/N: I don't know if i want to continue this further before I post it on ao3, because idk if I should post an introduction or a full chapter!!! so im posting it here to see how it does, and if i should continue it!! comments are very motivating and appreciated! Also, guys did you catch the IFHY reference???

35 notes · View notes

kurapikaspookie · 3 months ago

Text

I (Heart) You – Nerdmin

Almost….

Armin planted his palms onto the desk in front of him, his arms straightening to elevate himself even higher. His mission of peeking over your shoulder was getting out of hand – the boy was getting way too obvious with his compulsion. He was glad he was at the back of the class, by default he wouldn’t disturb any other students from their lesson, right?

Well, it wasn’t for nothing. He only wanted to see the art of the girl he liked after all.

The noise of the teacher was faded into the background of his mind, along with just about everyone else situated in that room. Right now, his mind was encased with the task of seeing your drawing, a talent he found out only a day ago. Fascinating, captivating, every stroke, accumulated for a purpose. A beautiful one.

Yes, he fell in love with you the minute he found out you drew.

It started on a simply Thursday when the seating plan changed, and he still remembers the moment, how it felt. He wasn’t paying attention—he never did. Physics revision had spiralled again, from infrared to gamma rays to alpha decay. Classic.

He caught himself, sighing and rubbing his temples, staring up into the face in front, but…

You had your art book propped up, admiring your drawing, at such an angle that Armin behind could also gaze upon it.

And… wow. He was glad.

Vibrant colours filled the page, an artistic masterpiece that caught Armin’s eyes immediately. He stared, gazed in awe, at how you could do that, at how your brain could form such a piece, at how every one of your fingers was smudged with colour, at how…

Armin loved it.

He loved the passion etched onto the page, the creativity in the drawing. Ever so complex, but simple in what it stood for. The epitome of human capacity, shown in something that displayed talent unique to everyone. He could never draw, no, he dropped art ages ago.

But he loved seeing others do it. Trying to wrap his mind around how it came to be.

It was beautiful.

By the time class finished that day, he became obsessed. With you. No, it wasn’t the crushes he’d have on girls that everyone else did, girls way out of his league.

You were liked. Popular. But sheilded.

He got a late that day from following you around into your next lesson. Yes, he was being stalkerish. Yes, he was being even more of a creep when he slipped one of his spare trackers that he kept on every single one of his belongings into your bag.

Did he care? No, not really.

He was just going through teen love after all. And teen love was normal, right? Everyone goes through it!

That teen love had turned into a raging obsession overnight. The two of you had never talked, but he seemed to want to know more, more about how your mind worked, more about you.

When he got to his dorm that day, he flopped into his bed, opening his computer – his life force – to immediately to take note of everything he knew about you.

From the tracker he slipped into your bag, you had a library lesson at 5th period, and you also went there during lunch.

You were drawing a girl with short, black hair and military uniform. She seemed cool.

You gravitated towards lychee, like a moth to a flame. Lychee soda on Tuesday, eyes lingering on Lychee drinks, Lychee flavoured jelly… it was data. Enough.

And that’s how he got here. Trying to peek over your shoulder in class, his heart thumping in his chest, his eyes going wide.

More. More.

He needed to know more.

It was when he finally stood up that he saw your drawing. This time, it was simply line art, this time of a man with short, black hair, his hair caught in the wind, swaying past his face. The lines were erratic, messy, but it came together in something beautiful.

Armin stayed standing, peeking over your shoulder as you drew, captivated, until.

“Armin?” The teacher said softly. “Is there a reason you’re standing up?”

Armin immediately snapped back to present day.

He immediately fell into his chair with a thump before anyone else could see him, pulling down his sleeves nervously, his mouth sealed shut.

“Sorry…” he muttered, even though no one could hear.

That was when you turned around, staring at him, the side of your face on view. By this time, the teacher had continued teaching, but your eyes were still trailed on him. That was before you turned away from him again, hopefully not noticing how red he was, the way he was fidgeting ever so much, the was he was pulling at his sleeves, practically sweating.

No, wait, he was sweating.

He leaned his elbows on the table, his hands ruffling his hair, awkward as ever. It took his everything to get through the lesson without combusting, and when he did, it took him ages to continue his mission.

His mission of following you to the library.

First, he took a quick trip to the bathroom, scrunching and pinching his nose to make it look red, pinching his cheeks for the same effect, before stretching his lips to make them look dry. He then applied the petroleum jelly he bought the day before to his forehead to make it look like he was sweating, before putting toothpaste in his eyes to stimulate reflex crying.

Afterward, he went to his next class, telling the teacher he was ‘sick’ and ‘needed to go to the infirmary’.

The man frowned at the interruption to his lesson. “Go ahead, then.”

The nurse, a nice old lady, immediately believed him, allowing him to go to the bathroom.

That’s when he started his mission. He immediately strolled to the library, going from the outside to not arouse any suspicion from passing teachers to peek through the library window. He even got binoculars for sightseeing, making sure to rearrange the tables during his own library lesson to make sure he could see you through the window.

It worked. He watched you borrow a book, getting the receipt, even though you chucked it into the bin.

The bin on the left of the door, not the right.

The bin on the left…

He needed to get that receipt soon enough.

He watched you sit down, reading it, seeming so intent on the book. You were expressive, smiling at some pages, frowning at others. You seemed to subconsciously fold the edges of the paper as you read, even ripping a corner once as you flipped to another page.

44.5 seconds. It took you 44.5 seconds to read a page on average, with the exception of one in particular which you seemed to read over and over again. His heart pumped as he saw you re-reading, knowing he needed to find out what page it was, as he fumbled for his binoculars. He immediately rose it to the window, trying to see, but to no avail. All he could see was three digits, but nothing more, nothing less.

He was itching to find out. What was on that page that made you re-read? What could possibly be so intriguing?

He wasn’t going to give up.

He immediately got out a ruler, lining it up with the window, or your book. He measured how tall the remaining pages were, noting it, swearing to go back to that book when you were done. He needed to measure how long the entire book was too, and thankfully that opportunity came to him when you closed it for a second, allowing him to measure it again right before you walked out of the library, leaving the chatter behind.

It took him under a minute to waltz back into that library, immediately rummaging through the bin, to the left of the door, not the right.

As he kneeled down in front of it, he paused, frowning, suddenly having a moment of self-awareness.

Seriously, what was he doing?

But he pushed that thought to the back of his mind. After all, this was simply teen love, and teen love came with obsession.

The librarian probably thought he was clinically insane. He was feel embarrassed if he wasn’t so… obsessed.

He finally found the receipt and read the book name – [Fav book] – before smiling, making sure not to giggle out of excitement. He then got a copy from one of the shelves, a little disappointed that you took the original, but happy all the same. He then measured it, measuring the ratio compared to the entire book, before calculating the page you re-read, page 136, gazing upon it.

He too re-read it, over and over.

It was a romance book. And, yes, it was a particularly spicy scene.

Doesn’t mean he didn’t enjoy it.

He read it twice, thrice, four times, smiling to himself, braces on display, gripping the cover.

He was so taking this home.

────

“You’re such a looser, Armin…” Eren sighs, Armin’s childhood friend. Seriously, they were definitely a rarepair, a frat boy and a nerd had no reason of being together. But as they grew up they kinda just… stuck, inseparable. Armin would ramble onto Eren, and Eren would just listen, staying silent, humming along in all his nonchalant glory. Right now was one of those moments, Armin laid down on his bed while Eren sat at his desk, his cheek rested on his palm, stubbing out his cigarette on the table next to him.

“No, seriously! She’s perfect! She’s like the sun, so beautiful in all its glory, but so complex underneath! She’s so…”

“Who even goes through trash just to pick out a girl’s book receipt? Personally, reading books is just nerd behaviour, absolute no, but I guess you’re used to that.” Eren shoots Armin a look, sitting in his chair across Armin in their college dorm, before going back to checking out his fingernails.

“It was worth it, I’ve already finished the book she was reading! What should I do, Eren? Should I- should I tell her I read her favourite book, or-”

“You’d be outing yourself as a creep.”

“Okay then, what if – what if I simply leave it on my desk tomorrow? Would she notice? Would she ask about it? What if she falls in love with me because I like her favourite book? I’d do that if I were her! Wait, wait, that’s perfect!”

“You’re a nutcase…”

Armin sits up in his bed like he just came up with Newton’s Fourth Law. “It’s fate! We’re falling in love! We’ll get married and stay together for years, our souls intertwined, even in the afterlife! Right, Eren?”

Eren groans, staying silent for a moment.

“Eren?” Armin tilts his head.

“This is painful to hear… you know what? I’’ll just give you girl tips so you don’t embarrass yourself. You gotta be nonchalant, don’t act crazy, girls aren’t into that. Simply slide into her life, treat her right until you don’t need to anymore, and she’ll be crazy over you.” Eren pauses lying down on his bed. “Also, change the look. Get rid of the glasses, they’re shitty. The bob too.”

Armin pauses, personally offended as if Eren hadn’t told him this a million times before. “But… I can’t see without my glasses…”

“Then don’t see.” Eren turns off his light, shifting over to face away from Armin.

“But, what if I try to bump into her but end up falling over and-”

“Goodnight, nerd.”

And that was when Armin was left alone, alone with his overthinking thoughts, alone with you inside of them.

────

It was a Friday. A chill day for most, a busy for others with the luck of having a bad timetable. That being any type of science on that particular day.

One of those people, of course, was Armin. Armin, who was a little sleepy from waking up 3 hours before schedule to take in Eren’s advice, folding his glasses neatly into his bedside drawer and tumbling over everything that you could tumble over. He was, as Eren said, a lost cause, he could hardly see let alone function. After struggling to brush his teeth and wash his face in the bathroom for a whole two hour, he finally managed to comb his long, surprisingly shiny and smooth hair, tying it up to try and replicate Eren’s style.

That’s when said man finally woke up, entering the bathroom, his eyebrow raising.

“No way… don’t tell me you actually listened.” Eren chuckled, towering behind Armin, looking at himself in the mirror. “Trying to recreate the man bun? Not a chance. It’s natural, really, can’t be forced.”

Armin sulked, his shoulders slumping. “This is all so tiring… it took me 2 hours to even get this far.”

“I know. That’s why I’m awake so early.”

Armin pauses.

“Sorry…”

“Don’t be. Anyway, your looks have improved… in the sense that you look like a girl now. If she’s into girls.”

Armin groans. “I don’t particularly want to look like a girl…”

“I mean, if she is into girls, you have a better chance.”

Armin groans again. Eren’s words formed a cloud over his head all throughout the day, all through his next lesson with you. He dropped the bag to the side of his seat as he sat down, placing his borrowed book at the edge of the table in hopes that you would notice it, before going back to staring at the back of your head.

Your hair was nice. So healthy.

He was staring, his eyelids starting to droop, making his elbow shift forward, making his laptop shift forward, before –

The book fell with a thump, right beside your desk.

Armin sat up, his face heating up, his skin crawling. His eyes went wide, his mind reeling – what should he do? Should he leave it? Should he discreetly get it? Should he-

You picked the book up.

Oh, god, you picked the book up. You leaned over, you grabbed it, and you picked it up. And now you’re turning around to Armin, your eyes staring deep into his, holding the book out, a soft smile on your face.

“Is this yours? You have good taste.”

Oh, god, your voice. He was going to melt under your gaze, under the sound of you, his face heating up, his limbs trembling.

He looked like an idiot.

He opened his mouth, his breathing heavy, his hands clenching hard.

“Uh– I-” he muttered, gulping, his big eyes still on you. “Yeah… thanks… I’lll…”

You chuckled softly, a sound Armin would never forget. “What do you think of it? Good, right?”

Armin was going to melt. You… you… you were creating conversation with him?

“Y-Yeah… it’s… it’s… yeah… really good… finished it last night…” he nodded. “the… main character… cute… uh…”

“Hah, I agree. We should talk about it later, I haven’t met anyone who’s read the book.” You said, before turning around, “See you later, girl.”

Wait…

Girl!?

────

The light in your window was still on, compared to all the other dark dorm windows.

Armin gazed into the white essence, his hands in his pockets, watching you through the little space. He had scanned every single window, searching for you – your [h/c] hair, your [s/k] skin, until he finally found you in all your pretty glory. He couldn’t believe his luck, that you were still awake at this late hour, that he could see you, watch you for hours until you slept. If he got really lucky, maybe you’d keep that light on all night, so he could watch you sleep too.

You seemed to be studying, in some large hoodie and white shorts, putting a lump in Armin’s throat.

He shouldn’t be doing this. He really shouldn’t. This… this is creepy, and he isn’t a weirdo…

Right?

He never knew his obsession would go as far as following you, figuring out which house you resided in in the maze of your shared college. He never thought he’d come back, telling Eren he was simply ‘going for a walk’ (at 3am, yes, Eren rose an eyebrow), just to stare at you as you worked.

He sighed. Teen love, am I right?

Although, in all the romcoms he watched, never did any of the partners stalk the other…

Oh well. Maybe they did, behind the scenes.

It was his way of showing his love for you, after all. Watching you from your window, trying to understand you, making sure you were okay, even though you were certainly more capable than he was. He wanted to coddle you, take all the work keeping you up late at night off your damn shoulders, hold you in his arms and tell you he loved you.

So deeply.

So… so deeply.

His heart pumped in his chest, his eyes bigger than they already were, his mouth opening and closing to form almost inaudible words.

“Love you…. I love you…” he muttered absentmindedly. Maybe, if he said it enough, you’d love him back.

You had to.

That was when your head suddenly rose, and you turned around, looking out of the window, straight at-

Armin.

He froze, every nerve in his body on edge. He hoped his hoodie and mask hid his face enough, that his bright blond hair was pushed out of the way far enough that you wouldn’t recognise him during the several seconds of prolonged eye contact.

The two of you stared at each other, far enough that Armin couldn’t see your expression. He was frozen like an ice cube, rooted to the spot, his blood rushing to his head. He shifted on his feet, managing to will himself to turn away, hoping you didn’t recognise him.

You couldn’t.

You couldn’t recognise him.

I mean… what would you think of him? You’d never talk again. He’d have to live with this… pain.

Fuck, what did he do!?

“Fuck… fuck…” Armin muttered, as he briskly walked away.

And you watched.

You watched the person that stood outside your dorm, their steps hurried, their hands shoved into their pockets. You leaned forward, trying to gauge who this mysterious person was, and why they were staring so intently in your direction. You couldn’t gauge their face – they wore both a mask and hoodie – and that thought chilled you. Did you have a stalker?

Nah, you were hallucinating.

You were fine.

You leaned back to check the door, making sure it was locked, before going back to staring outside. The calm music blasting in your ears didn’t drown out your thoughts as well as it drowned out the snoring of your roommate Sasha, sprawled across the bed. You walked over to the window, dodging Sasha’s bed and closing the blinds, sighing.

“What the fuck… I’m going crazy.” You muttered, flopping down onto Sasha’s bed, making her pull the sheets higher.

“Mmh… leave me alone…” She muttered, turning over in her bed, to which you sighed.

“Sorry, Sasha.”

But the girl was back asleep in a few seconds, mumbling to herself, shifting ever so slightly. You smiled at her, at least she was there, and that made you feel all the more safe.

Yeah, you were fine.

You were probably just hallucinating.

────

Armin was just walking to his next class.

Really, he was. Maybe in the route he knew you always take, but still, just walking to his next class.

He didn’t expect to see you there, standing in front of the vending machine. No, totally not, he totally didn’t take this route just to catch a few spare glances at you. You had your hair down today, that hair, that hair he liked so much.

How would it smell? Would it be sweet, fruity? Or more fresh?

He shook his head, trying to ignore the thoughts.

You typed up a specific drink – Lychee, of course – but your card declined. You sighed, your shoulders slumping before you decided to turn your heel and continue walking to your class.

Armin’s eyes widened.

He knew what he had to do.

He immediately crossed the space, entering the two digits, paying with his pocket money usually saved up for game passes – before watching the drink drop to the bottom of the machine. He picked the drink up, smiling at it like it was one of your belongings, spinning it around.

Yeah, he was definitely getting one for himself.

He didn’t go to class immediately. No, he went straight to your locker, unlocking it with the code he watched you enter one too many times – something simple – before slipping the drink in. He was about to close the door, just in case anyone noticed something suspicious, before an idea popped into his head. A bad one. But an idea all the same.

He quickly opens his bag, fumbling inside it before he finds some miscellaneous paper inside of it, picking up a pen and leaning the piece of paper against the locker. He pauses, before scribbling something he knows as corny as fuck onto it.

‘For you, pretty lady :)!’

He wishes he didn’t write that. But now he was too nervous, now his arms were trembling with fear and his palms were sweating with anxiousness, so he just slipped the note atop the can of lychee and slammed the door shut.

He looked around. No sign of anyone that would pay attention to him.

Good.

He walked over to class, making a mental note to sprint out of his last period just to see your reaction. Would you be surprised? Happy? Would you shine that smile again?

He was itching to find out.

The next lessons were a blur. He took notes as usual, his mind half on you and half on the actual lesson.

The worst thing that happened in those classes was when he got a question wrong in computing class. He never got something wrong in computing class. It would have bummed him if he wasn’t so preoccupied with you.

You.

What if you were his girlfriend? You’d be sweet, right? Coddle him, care for him, and-

He sighed, a small, crooked smile on his face.

The thought thrilled him. He knew it was never going to happen, but it thrilled him anyway.

By the time the teacher dismissed him, he already had his bags packed, and he practically sprinted towards the door. Seriously, he had never been this fast in his entire life.

And, damn, he knew why.

His stamina was shit.

He was almost dying by the time he got to his locker, his hands on his knees, his chest heaving.

But as he looked up – oh, as he looked up – it was a sight to behold.

You were already holding his gift, inspecting it, before you turned your head to read the note.

And… you smiled.

You fucking smiled, chuckling to yourself, folding the note into your pocket.

You… you smiled.

Armin was even more out of breath, from you. From the way you smiled. He wanted to make you do that all over again.

God, he was about to go into a cardiac arrest.

The walk back was ecstasy, he gripped the handles of his school bag, humming to himself, his mind filled with you. Who knew having a crush was so fun?

In fact, he should check on you now.

He opened his phone, swiping to the tracker app and clicking on it, specifically on the dot named ‘{Y/n} 💖’. He knew you were probably heading toward your dorm anyway, so –

Wait.

You weren’t.

You were heading to the shopping mall, for a reason he did not know.

He needed to find out.

Thankfully, the shopping mall wasn’t even a 5 minute walk from his direction.

────

He wasn’t wearing a black hoodie or a mask. He was being way too dangerous as he started at you, as the two sauntered up the escalator. He slipped his hands into his pockets, smiling ever so softly at this opportunity.

This was dangerous.

Too dangerous.

The minute you turn around he would be deep fried.

But it was worth it.

You didn’t wait when you slipped off the elevator. You simply stepped off, checking your bag, licking your lips. He followed close behind, the crowd drowning out your soft muttering.

He watched as you entered a store, as you scanned the clothes, your hand lingering on one in particular.

He took note of it, and immediately when you left he picked it up, stuffing it into his bag. He did this for at least three other tops your eyes lingered on, and you would always reach out like you were about to take it but pull away at the last second. It was cute. Too cute.

You finally picked one up, handing it over to the cashier and checking out soon enough. Of course, the boy also paid for the four he bought for you, paying briskly and following closely behind. He stared at you, stuffing the stash of clothes deeper into the bag, a smile forming on his face at the thought of you opening it. You’d probably smile again, maybe a little more excited.

Just as he was thinking, you stopped, turning and leaning forward as if looking for something.

And that’s when you turned, your eyes scanning the rest of the store before…

They fell on him.

Your eyes fell on him, Armin, who was suspiciously right behind you. Your face went blank for a second, making Armin tremble, his lips parted, his mind falling to his stomach. His heart pounded ferociously, almost putting a thumping sound in his ears, the shopping bag nearly falling out of his hand.

He was cooked. So cooked. You’d hate him. You’d hate him and that would be the end. You-

“Oh, hey girl! Didn’t know you also shopped at [insert favourite clothing store].” You smiled, waving ever so slightly. It made Armin’s face heat up, his mind reeling, trying to devise a normal response.

‘Hello!’ No… too… generic. ‘Hey.’ No. That sounds like Eren. ‘What’s up!’ No.

“Uh… I… I’m not a girl…” Was all Armin could stutter out.

God, what was that?

Now you looked confused, then awkward. You paused, your head tilted ever so slightly, before you nodded.

“Ah, sorry about that…” You muttered.

Armin’s heart fell again.

“But-! I mean… I-! I could be a girl! If… if you wanted…” Armin played with his sleeves nervously, his face getting even hotter, his shoulders tense.

You stared at him.

Before… laughing.

“Oh my god, no! I was just embarrassed I misgendered you!” You were practically toppling over with laughter, a hand brushing hair out of your face.

You looked fucking ethereal.

Armin just stared.

“I…” Is all he managed to say, the words otherwise falling into his throat.

“Sorry then, seriously, you have very feminine features.” You commented.

Wait… waitwaitwait… were you calling him pretty?

“I…” He gasped again, completely frozen, his face way too hot now. You smiled at him still, beckoning him over.

“Well, we can continue the rest of the shopping spree together, right?” you said. “When were you planning to go back?”

Armin bristled, awkwardly walking up to you, his steps careful, as if he was afraid that a misstep would cause the ceiling to come crashing down. “Uhh… I… I don’t know… any time, really… was just…”

His voice trailed off as he walked up next to you, his head bowed, his breath shallow. You smiled at him.

“That’s perfect then, I myself was just about to leave.” You said, your eyes still on him. He anxiously tried to return it, his gaze falling on your hips first, then your waist, then your chest, then finally, you. He was embarrassed that he was looking you up like that, but he couldn’t help it. He simply fiddled with his fingers, trying his best to act like a normal person.

“Yeah. Sure.” Is all he said.

So that’s how he got he got here, walking beside you, walking out of the shopping mall and into the cool breeze. Your pace was quick, you were silent, your hips rocked ever so slightly as you walked.

“What do you have tomorrow? Oh – right – it’s a Saturday. Forgot about that.” You said, your voice low, controlled, quiet.

“Mhm… yeah… my roommate is t-throwing a party tomorrow.” Armin pauses. “I’m not… going… though.”

“Eren’s party?” Your voice holds a curious tinge to it. “Shame, I’m going with my own roommate.”

Armin’s head snapped up, his lips parted, his eyes wide.

You were going? How didn’t he notice this?

“Really? Oh, well, maybe… maybe I’ll… uhh… try it.” He was desperately trying not to sound weird, trying to choose his words carefully, even though it all came out wrong. What was he even suggesting? That he was going only because of you?

“I wouldn’t, really. I’m not really into parties, I’m probably just going to keep to my own.” You said, your hands in your side pockets as trees encased the sidewalk. “Only going for Sasha.”

Armin nodded, but he was secretly taking note, overanalysing. You didn’t party? You were… perfect. So… so…

“That’s nice.” Armin muttered, cursing himself for how awkward he sounded. You hummed in response, continuing to walk beside Armin, the conversation drowning out. Armin’s gaze drifted – he would look at you, before swiftly averting his gaze, looking away quickly. Until, his gaze lingered on your exposed collarbones, on how enunciated they were, his lips parting.

“I like your collarbones.” He muttered, a small sound, but you heard it.

You almost jumped, your head turning to the side, your eyes wide, your lips parted. Armin could swear your cheeks were slightly tinted, but that was probably the weather. You didn’t respond for a few seconds, simply staring at Armin, and Armin stared back, his face heating up again, until…

“Thanks…” You muttered. But this time, Armin didn’t miss the slight smile upon your face.

Wait.

You were smiling. A ghost of a smile, but a smile all the same.

He thought his compliment was awkward, creepy. But… but…

Armin continued fiddling.

He was head over heels.

────

“Eren, pleaseee!” Armin begged the moment he walked through the door. “Please let me go to frat party!”

Eren simply rose an eyebrow, tilting his head.

“Huh? I was going to drag you anyway, what the hell…”

But he could hardly finish his sentence before Armin fucking squealed, pumping his fists into the air.

“Erreeen! Thank you!” He yelled.

“Fucking hell, quieten down. It’s not about that [Y/n] girl right? You’ve probably been stalking her, knowing you.”

Armin quietened.

“What? Me? No! Hah, I would never! That would be creepy! So… so creepy…”

Armin giggled. Eren sighed.

“Right.”

___

The minute Armin stepped foot into the party, the vibrations reverberating through his body, he wanted to immediately turn on his heel and leg it out the door.

Eren’s place was filled to the brim with people that had no personal space. Never mind the sweaty air, people were smothering each other with kisses like they just came back from war. Wet, loud kisses. It was men on men, women on women, women on men, Armin could count the people that weren’t attached to somebody on his fingers. Heck, he bet half these people didn’t even know each other!

He was never coming to a party again.

His eyes scanned the room, face red, eyebrows furrowed. The lights were multicoloured, something Eren specifically bought for this occasion, but Armin had places to be. Eren had, of course, invited him to the exclusive part of the party, placed upstairs, that was only available to Eren’s close friends. In hindsight, you might not have been there. You may be in here. But hopefully by the side and not tangled in this… mess.

Armin pushed past the crowd, mumbling a few “Sorry!”’s and “Excuse me!”’s, trying to ignore the dirty looks he got from multiple people, one girl even calling him a brat for breaking up her makeout session.

He told himself he didn’t care.

He was going to see you, after all.

He hurried up the stairs, adjusting his glasses, before he finally got to the top. Jean was there, the boy simply giving him a nod. It made him feel prestigious, honestly. It was times like that that he was glad he was friends with Eren.

The room was spacious, with various drinks laid out neatly on a table, a fridge, a snack bar, and very minimal people. It was much more spacious, quieter, the only sound being the booming and shouting from downstairs. Armin’s eyes scanned the place, searching for you, your hair, your eyes, your-

You.

You were there.

Sitting next to Sasha, laughing while she downed a whole drink. You didn’t have any. Armin admired that.

But the thing that struck Armin the most was your undeniable beauty.

The complexity of your face. Such beautiful features, it clasped his heart. Your effortless makeup, bolder than usual, paired with your masses of jewellery that only added to the breathtaking effect. And then your dress – oh, your dress – it was simple, but it made a bold statement.

Armin couldn’t move. He could only stare.

Now he’d regretted throwing on a simple green t-shirt layered on top of a dark jumper and trousers.

And then you looked up. You looked up and you saw him, staring. His entire body froze. He could only stare more, an embarrassed motion, his lips quivering.

And then you smiled.

You smiled and waved, beckoning him over.

He paused. Should he do this? It’s like his legs weren’t working.

But he decided to walk over pensively, giving you a sheepish wave as he did so. When Sasha saw him walking over, she looked over at you, giving you a drunken smirk before leaving the sofa, walking over to Connie. Now Armin was all alone. With you, of all people.

“Armin. Thought you weren’t going.” You said as Armin sat next to you. Armin nodded slowly.

“Uh, well, I wasn’t-! But… but since…” His voice trailed off. You simply chuckled softly, draping an arm over his shoulders.

Oh, god, wait. Your arm was on his shoulders. Your arm… his shoulder…

His face was going even more red.

“It’s fine. You changed your mind?” You asked, turning to him, smiling all the same. He nodded in response.

“So you made it as well?” Armin asked cautiously, not sure if he should or not.

“Well, Sasha’s friends with Eren, so when she got invited up here I did too. Anyway, me and Mikasa are pretty close too.” You calmly responded, looking over at Armin.

“Hm.. makes sense…” Armin commented, smiling ever so softly, looking back at you. You thought it was the cutest thing ever.

“Is this your first party?” You asked, shifting towards Armin, “It’s mine. I normally don’t go to parties, I prefer staying inside and drawing.”

Armin nodded, still smiling in awe, his eyes sparkling with love. He thought your passion was amazing, perfect. “I… it’s my first as well. I would r-rather stay home too…”

“Ah, did Eren drag you along?” You chuckled softly, the muffled noise in the background fading away under the weight of your presence. Armin didn’t want to say ‘no, actually, I came for you’, so he simply nodded meekly.

“Well… y-yeah… of course he did… not like I asked myself or anything…” Armin scratched the back of his neck, his face going even redder. Yeah. Good lie. So smooth.

You caught on immediately.

“You’re not the best at lying, Armin.” You smiled down at Armin. “Really, who did you come for!”

Armin paused again, his heart rate rising, his throat running dry. The drum of his heart was all he could hear under your presence, paired with his fast breaths and cheeks that somehow got even redder

His mouth opened. Then it closed. Then it opened again.

“You.”

You paused, your eyes wide, making Armin immediately regret his words severely.

“Really…?” You muttered, before smiling a rather sheepish smile. “That’s so cute.”

Armin couldn’t breathe. Seriously, he was about to have a heart attack.

“I- uhh, yeah, I… yeah…” Armin’s words became a jumbled mess, suddenly he couldn’t form a proper sentence.

“Ah, should I not have said that?” You smiled, tilting your head.

“No, it’s fine, just…” Armin said abruptly, fiddling with his fingers, his back hunching. You stared for a second, before smiling softly, your eyebrows upturned. Armin felt a lump in his throat, his eyes going anywhere but you, – the door, the drinks, oh, that fridge really looks good….

His tongue found the roof of his mouth, before he licked his lips, anything to distract himself from…

“Wait, Armin, you have a tongue piercing?” You rose your eyebrows, your eyes widening as you leaned in closer. “I never realised that!”

Armin froze, slowly turning toward you, your face close, way too close!

“Well… uhh… it wasn’t my decision… uh… Mikasa convinced me…” Armin stuttered.

“I think it’s cool. Can I see?” You seemed excited, a wide smile on your lips, playful but relaxed. Armin chuckled awkwardly, before looking back at you.

He hesitated.

Then he stuck his tongue out.

It was adorable.

“So cute!” You exclaimed, your eyes falling to the piercing. He smiled, chuckling softly.

“R-Really? Well… I…” his voice trailed off yet again. “Thanks.”

You nodded.

“No problem.”

────

The walk back was calm, quiet, the breeze running through the gaps of your hair, the air calm as a brooding ghost. You were caught in thought as you travelled through the expanse, Armin by your side, occasionally stealing glances at you. You knew this. And yet, you never commented on it.

“The party was good, but I much prefer this.” You commented, pocketing your hands. “You looked like you were about to combust when I pointed out your piercing.”

Armin froze up, chuckling lightly, his face reddening even more. “Well – I mean – how was I not meant to? You were all close to me, then you smelled so good, citrusy, a hint of strawberry, and I-“

“So you were sniffing me?”

Armin’s heart caught in his chest, beating like crazy, putting his brain into overdrive. “Well, no, I mean, how could I not? I just…”

You chuckled lightly, making Armin chuckle as well, half because of genuine hysterics, half because he wanted to get out of this awkward situation.

“I wore my favourite perfume today. It was my mother’s before I stole it myself.” You smiled softly, looking over at Armin, who nodded. “The scent was something she made herself, inspired by a painting. My favourite one.”

Armin’s eyes sparkled as he looked back at you, his eyebrows raising, his lips parted. Then he smiled, looking back down.

“I think… that’s the most beautiful thing I’ve heard.”

You smiled back. “Well, it was a beautiful painting.”

Armin paused. “All paintings are beautiful. That is, if there’s passion behind it. You can just tell, can’t you? When someone loves a painting. There’s simply a passionate feel to it. Painting with passion is beauty. Art with passion is beauty. Really… it’s simply… amazing.”

You paused again, your eyebrows raising, pausing in your steps. Armin turned back, his face red, as if he’d done something wrong.

“Sorry… I’m rambling on too much.”

You shook your head. “No. It’s just.. that may be the most beautiful thing I’ve heard.”

!Unfinished, taglist : @kiyiiaarchived @kunikuzushis-darling

#aot #aot x reader #aot fanfiction #shingeki no kyojin #armin x reader #armin arlert #armin aot #nerd armin #attack on titan #attack on titan school castes #eren yeager #eren jaeger #nerdmin #stalker yandere #nerd alert #stalking fantasy #modern setting #strangers to lovers #slow burn

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kurapikaspookie · 3 months ago

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Hi! I have a request! — Where Sae and Rin coincidentally arrive home on the same day, and upon entering the house they find their younger sister lying on the couch curled up in pain due to an endometriosis crisis, which they and neither she (she always felt pains like this during her periods and never suspected) knew she had, making them worried and considering taking her to the hospital. — Something distressing at the beginning with the reader (sister) making funny comments trying to lighten the mood. Sae and Rin supporting each other despite their conflicts and very worried about their sister. She had nothing to do with Sae and Rin's fight and they continued to talk to her normally, but over time they ended up distancing themselves because of their older brothers' careers (well until that day).

⋆˚࿔ endormetriosis | itoshi brothers 𝜗𝜚˚⋆

‧₊˚♪ 𝄞₊˚⊹

✩°｡ ⋆⸜ 🎧✮

As you lay sprawled across the crouch, clutching your stomach in pain, the feeling shooting through your bones, stirring cold tears from your eyes, you grit your teeth to subside your screaming. You had always experienced pain during your periods – but they had never been this bad, you thought it was a universal experience across all girls. It went from a dull ache in your lower stomach and back to a full blown stabbing feeling across you. Even the warmth of the soft pillows of your living room did nothing to reduce the pain, so you were left there, groaning of the overbearing feeling.

That was until you heard the door unlock.

Sae and Rin had most likely come back from Blue Lock on some sort of break, and god were you thankful for that. You couldn’t even call out to them, your head full of pain, screeching pain, the feeling ripping through your insides. You fell off the sofa and onto the ground with a thump, arms wrapped tightly around your stomach. You immediately heard something drop – some sort of bag, before rushed footsteps sounded across the room.

“What’s going on…” Sae’s voice.

“OH MY GOD – {Y/N}!” Rin yelled, running up to you. Two heavy hands fell across your shoulders, shaking you, doing nothing to subside the pain. “ARE – ARE YOU OKAY!? WHAT’S GOING ON!?” he shook you harder, his voice breaking furiously “ANSWER ME, DAMMIT!”

But you couldn’t. All you could do is groan in pain. You could hear Rin’s short, panicked breaths as he shook you, stuttering and stumbling over his words.

“{Y/N}… {Y/N} ANSWER ME! A-ANSWER…”

He paused.

“Sae-”

“I’m already calling the ambulance… just..” His voice trailed off, but it went rough around the edges, something it never did. He didn’t seem to come closer, but upon forcing your teary eyes open, your vision slightly blurred with tears, you could see a panicked Rin in front of you, his eyebrows furrowed, his chest rising and falling rapidly. Sae was behind him, his back turned, but he fidgeted as he went on the phone, walking back and forth, the most erratic you’ve ever seen him. He eventually turned to you, walking with hurried steps, and crouching next to Rin. He had the phone pulled away from his ear, his teal eyes pulling yours in. His gaze was intense, his expression barely holding together as he stared you down.

“Just… just.. just breathe, okay?” Sae muttered, trying to calm you, even though he looked anything but. “You… you’re fine… just... the ambulance is coming…”

Rin snapped his head around, his eyebrows turning inward. “GET HER INTO THE CAR, ARE YOU CRAZY!?”

Rin was clearly out of his mind, his voice breaking as he tried to haul you up.

“Calm down – just – calm the fuck down, Rin!” Sae rose his voice, his arm spreading out to stop Rin. “Don’t move her. They’re coming. Calm down.”

Rin stared furiously at Sae, but he listened, his gaze falling back onto yours, his eyes filled with tears.

“{Y/N}… please…” he muttered, rubbing his eyes. “You’ll be alright, right?”

You nodded slowly.

But you weren’t so sure.

It was only a few more agonizing seconds – or minutes, you couldn’t tell – until you heard the sound of sirens. It was only a few more until your heard multiple voices, muffled by Rin’s crying, his attempts, yet terrible, to reassure you. Sae’s voice was somewhere in the background as your mind clouded up with thoughtless fog from the affliction.

“Yes… no… we just found her like this as we came in here… I don’t think she can talk… no… no…”

The air was silent. Silent and cold. Not from weather, but from the atmosphere in the waiting room outside your hospital room, a place were two brothers sat. Rin was crying ferociously, trying to muffle it all the same. He was furious – what could have possibly happened? Had he done something wrong? Had you hurt yourself? Will he see you again…?

The last question made him sick, forcing tears to cascade down his cheeks, his breathing heavier and heavier.

Sae couldn’t say anything. He was fighting to hold back his own tears, his eyes wide as he leaned his cheek on his fist. He just wanted you to be okay, this entire day was way too much.

He doubted he’d get any sleep.

But, the least he could do was comfort someone feeling the same way – he knew Rin was probably drowned in a tumult of emotions right now.

He seriously debated it. After all, Rin was a moody kid, and moody kids never accept help or any attempt at it. But, after weighing his rights and wrongs, the pros and cons, he turned toward Rin. His arm was shaking at first, but he eventually managed to make it rise to massage Rin’s back.

Immediately when he touched the boy, he slapped his arm off.

“Leave me alone.” Rin’s voice was the shakiest he had ever heard it to be.

Sae frowned, looking back down, ready to give up, but…

“She’ll be fine.” Sae said, not sure if he was reassuring Rin or himself. “We won’t loose her. We can’t, I won’t let it happen.”

“Stop being so optimistic, it’s making me even more sick.”

Sae sighed. “You should stop worrying like this. She’ll be alright.”

Rin paused.

“Promise?”

Sae turned to him.

“Yeah.”

‧₊˚♪ 𝄞₊˚⊹

✩°｡ ⋆⸜ 🎧✮

‘No cure.’

‘Unfortunately, there is no cure to endometriosis at the moment.’

‘However, there is no cure...’

‘Life long medication...’

‘No cure...’

‘No cure.’

The words filled Sae’s phone screen, lighting up his sleep deprived face.

It was a fact, and he knew that. A burning, seething fact, but a fact all the same. He knew that if he scrolled any longer he’d start to spiral, mind coming out with the worst possible scenario, it always did around family. He knew that, yet he still clicked to the next page. Why? He didn’t know. He was becoming drunk on trying to find a better solution, one that he knew was never there at all.

“There’s no cure.” he whispered to himself, as if that would bring the thought to the front of his mind.

It didn’t.

His fingers continued scrolling as if they had a mind of their own, a childish hope that maybe, just maybe, this was all some kind of joke. He’d continue scrolling for hours, hoping, wishing, that if he scrolled enough, fate would have mercy on him.

It didn’t.

It only lead him to see more negatives, more ‘life-long medication’, more ‘no cure, no cure...’

No cure.

He finally set the phone down, only because it had ran out of battery, screen going black, darkening the room around him.

Now, the thoughts crawled up his mind, nothing to distract him from the sickening truth anymore. It placed a careful lump in his throat, and that’s when everything hit him.

“There’s no cure...” he whispered to himself. But the words carried a new weight. He knew that there was no cure, of course he did. The words were meant to remind him of who he was – someone who had failed in the worst way possible. He didn’t want to blame himself unnecessarily. No way. That’s the kind of stuff he saw in crappy movies when they just wanted watchers to feel sympathy. But he couldn’t help himself. When there was no one else to turn to, point a finger at, what else could he do? Someone had to be the perpetrator. Even if it was himself.

He turned over in his bed, dry lips pressing together, mind a fog, the type that came with no sleep. The same fog that was always there, but stronger somehow.

It was his fault he was shitty at just about anything but football.

On the field he could read people with excellent precision, reading their moves, where they were going to go, the strongest and weak points. Anywhere else he turned a blind eye. It wasn’t intentional. He just couldn’t really bring himself to care.

That mistake was clawing at him now.

... Distraction.

He needed a distraction.

He couldn’t handle this. No, not at all. The image of you on the ground, clutching your stomach, it fucking hurt. He wasn’t used to seeing someone so close so hurt, he was used to seeing it on the news or behind a television screen. Now he had experienced it, his entire world came crashing down, his mind fogged up with you.

You.

He needed a distraction.

He forced the covers off him, taking a peek outside the window. The sky was still dark, still filled with minimal stars, light pollution or whatever that was.

In the weight of the moment, he found himself yearning for stars again.

He turned back away.

This was fucked, why was he getting sentimental suddenly?

He made his way out of his room, about to saunter down the stairs when he heard...

Heard sobs.

From Rin’s room.

They weren’t quiet either, they were loud, like a man given up on everything. He turned his head slowly, listening, debating going in.

They were going through the same thing, right?

But Rin wasn’t his problem right now. He comforted him yesterday. That was the most he could do. Right now, all he needed was to fix himself first.

He returned to the task at hand, a distraction. He stepped down the stairs, through the darkness, through the kitchen, through the hallway, through the door after grabbing a jacket and shoes, and into his car.

He sighed as he started the car, leaning back in his chair, driving lazily. He needed to see you. His arms trembled slightly from the feeling of lost control, from the feeling of something he couldn’t buy a solution for. This was biological. It was real now.

His hands tightened on the wheel.

The night ouside only served to enhance his tired mood, the colours fading in and out of his view, road almost vacant.

Because who in their right mind was driving at this time.

Sae turned a corner, turned another, hoping he was going on the right track. His GPS told him he was. If he got lost, he could blame his fucking GPS if something happened to you.

But, unfortunately, it was right.

Here he was. In front of a modern, sterile hospital, the place large and filled with people, glass windows displaying nurses and doctors, people in stretchers, people crying beside them.

He would normally not bat an eye.

But now, he could understand them. He wasn’t viewing it through glass now. No, now he was there.

He entered the building, hands in pockets, hood not up this time. It didn’t matter if anyone recognised him. If they were here at this hour, they had better things to do.

Into the elevator, up the stairs, up to the receptionist with a soft smile and tired eyes.

“Unfortunately you cannot see [Y/N] right now, as she is in the middle of surgery, but you are free to...”

Her voice trailed off. Not because she was physically getting quiet. But because Sae’s mind blocked anything past the word ‘surgery’.

Surgery? Wasn’t surgery dangerous? Life threatening?

He simply stared. The lady had gone quiet now, staring back.

“Not to worry, our staff are supper efficient, your sister would come out absolutely fine!” She nervously chuckled.

Sae simply nodded, turning on his heel, sitting down.

He got out his charging plug. Charged his phone. Waited. Mind spiraling. It turned on. He went to his search engine.

‘less than 1% of people die from surgery...”

‘in high-risk surgery, the number can rise to 10-15%...’

‘20 times per week...’

Sae’s throat closed.

He was spiralling. Hard now. Falling into the lies of media that he would berate other for doing. His heart clenched, his grip on the phone tightened. He was trembling. Fucking trembling because of some measly information online.

But he couldn’t help but think, what would he do if you were one of that 10%? He didn’t know. He didn’t know, and that scared him.

He clenched his jaw. He couldn’t cry. The nurse was staring at him now, probably debating wether to leave him alone or not.

She should. He didn’t need pity.

But he’d stay here. Stay here and let his mind be consumed by thoughtless rage because he didn’t know what else to do.

He couldn’t go back. Not like this. ...

It was morning when Sae finally arrived back at home. His brain wasn’t functioning properly, his mind foggy, his movements simply robotic procedures he thought he was obligated to do. It was light outside again, opposing the dimmed light in the house. Rin was already in the kitchen. Not doing anything, but there all the same.

Sae walked up. Silent. It was Rin that spoke first, as always.

“Where were you?” Rin mumbled, crossing his arms as he gave Sae a sidelong glare.

“Hospital. [Y/N]’s going through surgery.”

Rin pauses, his eyes wide, lips parted. Sae doesn’t return his gaze, busying himself with turning on his phone. Back to scrolling. Back to spiralling.

But Rin doesn’t let him.

“What… what the fuck.” Rin snarls.

Sae keeps scrolling.

He’s overreacting. You’ll be fine.

“You… how could you be so nonchalant about it!? You don’t even care, do you!?”

Rin’s voice was rising at a threatening pace, but Sae couldn’t bring himself to speak on it. He felt empty. Out of control. And, oh, it scared him to no end. But he knew if he looked up he’d break. Lash out at the world and everyone in it. Because this was unfair, and Sae just didn’t do unfair.

“Fucking hell Sae, maybe if you paid more attention you’d have noticed. But no. You’re too good for that, aren’t you?”

Ah. There it was. The insult that gutted Sae, made him jerk his head up, jaw clenched. Rin was staring right back, knowing he’d hit a nerve, probably revelling in the fact he could finally get his oh so stoic brother to look at him again.

Sae didn’t want to lash out.

But he couldn’t help it.

“You don’t get to say that.” Sae’s voice started off low. “Of course I care. Of course I pay attention.”

Sae’s voice started to rise, become raw, almost anxious, like he could yell all his pain away. Rin was just hurting, this is how the boy handled that, Sae told himself. But it didn’t stop him from setting the phone down on the counter with a slam. His mind was foggy. He was irritated from sleep deprivation. He wasn’t thinking properly and he… he knew that. “You think you’re the only one hurting? You’re not. I don’t get why you can’t even see that. The world doesn’t revolve around you, Rin.”

Rin’s jaw clenched, voice rising, lump in his throat.. “I get to say whatever I fucking want, who are you to tell me what to do?”

He turned his body fully around, walking over, his brows furrowed harshly, tears forming at the brims of red eyes. “You weren’t there. You never were. So why the fuck are you trying to say you’re hurt. You? Seriously?”

Sae’s chest puffed up and down, his eyes wide, twitching with pure rage. “What the hell? No – actually – what the hell? You think I don’t…. I care! You just can’t see that because you’re too focused on yourself. You…”

But Sae couldn’t find the words, couldn’t get them out before Rin closed their distance, grabbing Sae’s collar, his face painted in the art of pure, visceral rage. His chest was heaving in time with Sae’s, tears running down his face, teeth bearing.

“Me? Focused on myself? That’s a fucking joke coming from you!” He gripped harder, stronger, making Sae all the more irritated. “This whole time you’ve acted so fucking nonchalant, so – so fucking careless all the time, do you not take the time to think, just for one second, what that did to me? To her? And you think you’re not the one to blame. Right! Fucking right! You-”

Sae grabbed Rin’s arm now, head filled with burning fury, prickling in his head and down the back of his scalp, blurring his vision with… were those tears?

“Shut – Shut up!” He pulled Rin’s arm off with force he didn’t know he could inflict, tears now hot down his face, his chest heaving. “Just… leave… leave me alone!”

Sae stormed off, hands clenched, breath shaky, because…

Because…

Rin was starting to get to him.

Maybe he was right. Not like Sae wasn’t blaming himself already. But maybe Sae hadn’t been there enough. The thought never crossed his mind before. He knew he was selfish, and he wore that title like armour. It defined him. Who he was. He’d never wanted to change that. But Rin’s words....

He couldn’t get them out of his head.

Sae threw his door open.

He was just sleep deprived. When he wakes up, he’d be fine.

He’d be fine.

He’d find something out.

Everything would be fine.

{THIS IS UNFINISHED! It was late, so I'm just posting the short beggining! Hope you like it, part 3 is most likely tommorrow, or maybe today if i finish revising on time!!! I’m so sorry if I missed some parts of the request, please tell me if I did! I’m aiming for 10k words in this fic, packed with itoshi brother angst and reconciliation!}

118 notes · View notes

kurapikaspookie · 3 months ago

Note

YES, DEFINETELY! This has sm potential, be prepared for a longfic of this!! I will work on it on the weekends and most likely finish in half term break/in two weeks, so please be patient! But yes, I will definitely do this, thanks so much!

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kurapikaspookie · 3 months ago

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⋆˚࿔ sick | rinsagi 𝜗𝜚˚⋆

Lying in his apartment bed, sniffing and coughing, his table filled with tissues, Isagi pulled the bedsheets over his frame yet again. He was glad it was the winter break, because if he had to miss a few days off blue lock he didn’t know what he would do.

But, thankfully, he had Rin, who was currently walking over to him, a warm drink in hand. The boy shuffled next to Isagi, staring down with that signature condescending expression planted on his face. But, as he shuffled, wordlessly holding the cup out to Isagi, the boy gratefully took it.

Or, tried to.

“Wait,” Rin retracted the cup just as fast as he offered it. “You should sit up.”

Isagi groaned, “But –”

“But nothing. Sit up already, you’re wasting my time.” Rin said, nudging Isagi, his expression stubborn as ever. Isagi groaned, propping himself up, his back to the headboard of the bed. Rin stared for a few seconds, before handing the warm mug over, of which Isagi took gratefully.

“Seriously, who even gets themselves this sick…” Rin chastised, but the way he snaked an arm around Isagi, the way he lowered Isagi’s head to his shoulder, told a different story. Isagi hummed as he drank, Rin staring down at him again, his expression seemingly indifferent.

But…

“God, why are you so fucking cute when you’re sick.” He muttered.

Isagi rose an eyebrow. “What kind of compliment was that?” His cheek squished against Rin’s shoulder.

“An honest one. I think it’s the fact you look like a zombie. A cute one, but a zombie all the same.” Rin responded.

Isagi sighed, chuckling lightly, his eyes falling shut. “You and your horror obsession…”

Rin simply sighs again, his eyes still trailing across Isagi’s features, his brows furrowing further.

“You’re not… cold, are you?” he asks. “You’re shivering a little.”

Isagi laughs again, his shoulders shaking, some liquid spilling out of the mug. “Hah, guess I am.”

Rin tsks, leaning forward, grabbing the sheets and pulling it over Isagi and himself. The boy in question smiles and inches closer, the tip of his head against the crook of Rin’s neck, a soft smile upon his face. It beckoned Rin to smile as well, a small one, almost not there. His gaze softened as he started rubbing Isagi’s arm, staring. The boy started humming, a habit Rin found Isagi doing often, specifically the Hachimitsu Kinkan Nodo Ame commercial song, of which he hums when in a good mood. It makes Rin’s smile wider.

He picked up the TV remote, flicking across the TV stations until he found the desried one. He clicked, the bright colours filling the screen, as he looked down at Isagi yet again.

“Wait…” Isagi said, his eyes opening, his head raising. “My Neighbour Toroto?”

He smiled a satisfactory smile, leaning back into the crook of Rin’s neck. “Didn’t know you had taste.”

“I put it on because it’s your favourite movie, lukewarm idiot.” Rin muttered back, though there was no real bite behind his words.

Isagi widened his eyes. “You remembered?”

Rin sighed. “You can be so clueless sometimes…”

Isagi chuckled, going back to watching the show, smiling softly to himself.

Rin looked over at the recipe on his phone – one curated specifically to help sickness, his eyes wide and attentive. Busying himself, he continued his cooking, looking back at his product.

He frowned. His food didn’t look like that. And he knew he was a good cook.

But, suddenly, he was brought out of his stupor by arms wrapping around himself. He tensed – Isagi was in bed, who else was in the house. He practically sprung like coil, his arms raising from the stove, his head slowly turning around.

Only to see his beloved boyfriend, nuzzling his face into the crook of his neck.

“Isagi – you’re meant to be in bed, what happened!?” Rin scolded, frowning slightly. But, honestly? He didn’t mind having Isagi around for a while, even thpugh he was meant to be tucked into bed, like Rin had told him. Fucking hell, could this boy not relax for one minute?

“Mmh… got a bit restless, that’s all.” Isagi muttered, starting to swing Rin side to side affectionately.

“Yoichi…” Rin trailed off. “No. Go back to bed – I’m not having you die or something. Funerals are too expensive.”

“Like you wouldn’t cry every night for the next 10 years if that happened.” Isagi teased back. “Anyway, what if I don’t want to?”

“You need to.”

“Don’t want to.”

God, Rin forgot Isagi was just as much as a stubborn brat as himself.

He sighed, continuing to cook, his signature ‘giving up’ sigh.

“Next time, I’ll tie you down to the bed instead.”

____

AUTHOR'S NOTE:

Sorry, to be honest this was pretty rushed as it was a request. I never used to like rinsagi, but after writing them I was like wait... they're so cute. So yeah, here's a short rinsagi oneshot, may upload a part 2 because theyre actually such sillies.

#bllk #blue lock #bllk fanfic #blue lock fanfiction #bllk fluff #fluff #oneshot #bllk isagi #blue lock isagi #yoichi isagi #isagi yoichi #bllk rin #rin itoshi #blue lock rin #rinsagi #rin x isagi #request #established relationship

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kurapikaspookie · 3 months ago

Text

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kurapikaspookie · 4 months ago

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I love him

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kurapikaspookie · 5 months ago

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⋆˚࿔ ryusae as your dads | platonic 𝜗𝜚˚⋆

⋆꙳•❅°⋆❆.ೃ࿔:･*❆ ₊⋆

Sitting in front of the mirror, you touched your newly bleached hair. You dad sat behind you, smoothing over your hair, holding an unexplainably smug look on his face. The smell of bleach and strong perfume filled the hair, as he planted his chin on the top of your head. He wore a smart-looking suit, his pink-tipped hair slicked down for once in preparation for the press conference you all were going to.

“What do you think?” He smiled, scrunching up your hair as you nodded in appreciation.

“Wow… it looks so pretty!” You gasped, resting your head on your palms, your eyes sparkling with awe. Ryusei gave a satisfied smirk, as he finally stood back up, walking around and crouching beside you. He picked up the many hair clips and pieces of jewellery that adorned the table in front of you. He immediately started lining them up, a concentrated look on his face as he tried to find a fitting position.

“Huh… can’t decide where this should go. What do you think?” He nodded towards you, and you simply pointed towards a large bang that covered your face, trying not to burst of excitement as you balled your hands into fists and rested them on your lap. He clipped the hairclip in, leaning back and smiling.

“Fuck, it does look cool! You have good taste.” Ryusei says, sticking two thumbs up, before his head raises as a voice calls out to him.

“I thought I told you not to curse in front of our daughter already.” Sae walked through the door, as you turned to him. Immediately when he saw you, his eyes immediately widened, his brows furrowing. But Ryusei simply smirked back at him.

“…What.” He started, resting his arm on the doorframe.

“You like?”

“What did you do to her hair…” Sae sighed, slowly walking forward, irritation slipping through. “Right before the press conference as well, PR’s going to go mad.”

“Doesn’t she look cute?” Ryusei put his hands around your face like he was displaying a product. “She looks just like me now! She’s like my evil twin.”

You smiled innocently, as Sae paused, his eyelids drooping.

“I really like it, Sae-kun!” You say, grinning wider.

“I told you not to call me by my first name.” Sae deadpans, earning a laugh from you, as he sighs. He doesn’t give in immediately, walking closer and taking a good look at the hair, before finally saying, “But I guess I can get used to it.”

You and Ryusei pumped your hands in the air synonymously, before clapping them together like you had just earnt an award.

“Oh yeah! We got Daddy’s approval!” Ryusei gave you a wide smile, making Sae frown further.

“Don’t call me that.”

Ryusei’s eyelids fell. “Sorry, Mommy.”

Sae shot you a worried glance, glad that you seemed oblivious to all of this. He rolled up his sleeve and checked his watch, before clicking his tongue. “Just get in the car, it’s here already.”

𓊆ྀི❤︎𓊇ྀི

Admiring the millions of stars in the dark sky, from the comfort of Sae’s private taxi, you watched as the large building of the conference pulled into view. It was tall and modern, with a fancy red carpet running down a set of stairs. You watched various recognisable people walk in and out – footballers, singers, dancers, actors, the whole lot. It excited you to be able to go into such a place, and as the driver opened the door for you, you practically jumped outside. Your dads stood either side of you, holding your hands as you made it into the conference.

You looked over at the many faces in the crowd, your eyes darting around in awe as you recalled seeing many of these people on television. Whispers followed you as you slowly manoeuvred through, people parting to create space for you and your dads. That was before your dads suddenly stopped in front of a group of boys, tall and towering like them, who also wore sleek suits accompanied with rich perfume.

But there was only one you recognised.

“Uncle!” You exclaimed, as the boys all looked at you. Rin rose his eyebrows slightly as you ran up to him and hugged him tightly. He tensed, his arms going up, before sighing and patting your head.

“Don’t surprise me like that…” He muttered, but there was no real heat behind his words. He picked you up with one arm, adjusting and letting you get to the same level as the rest of the boys, who stared at you. Until –

“What an adorable kid.” A boy with spiky, purple hair smiled warmly. You remember him – you were trying not to laugh at his hair when you went to watch one of Rin’s matches. Carasoo, was it?

You pointed at him, an achieving grin on your face. “His name is Carasoo, right?”

Carasoo laughed softly, shaking his head. “Seriously? Do I look like soup to you? You wound me.”

That was until a boy with yellow highlights suddenly walked up in front of you, waving his hands over your face. “Hey, kid, do you remember me? I met you when you were like 2!”

The boy was pointing to himself with a wide grin, before Rin held you closer. “She’s not going to remember from that long ago, idiot.”

That was until you heard another voice from your left, as a long-haired boy with red eyes came into view. “Balance her better, you donkey, what kind of grip is that!? You’re scaring me.”

The boy frowned, but his anger was mostly aimed at Rin, who glared back but adjusted his grip all the same. Before –

“You know what, give my daughter back, I can’t trust you!” Ryusei stormed up to Rin and suddenly snatched you back, earning a strangled grunt from you, making Mr Red Eyes and another guy (you decided to name him Mr Ginger), a worried look.

“You’re even worse, you damn prick!” Mr Red Eyes said, crossing his arms as Mr Ginger nodded.

“He’s right. That’s not how you’re meant to hold a child, you know.” Mr Ginger said, frowning slightly.

“Shut it, you don’t get to tell me how to hold my own kid!” Ryusei said back, before suddenly holding you out, his hands around your waist as he smiled devilishly. “Have faith in me, I’m not about to drop her!”

That gesture earned a lot of giggles, and a boy with white hair and a green highlight even started recording, letting off a laid back chuckle, while a girl with long, cherry red hair frowned next to him.

“I’m about to take her from you, Shidou, watch it.” She said, her voice surprisingly deep as she crossed her arms over her chest.

“Relax, Chigiri.” Ryusei said, before pulling you close. “He’s a real nagger, isn’t he?”

You rose your eyebrows when you found out the ‘Chigiri’ girl was actually a guy.

“You’re so pretty.” You said, pointing to Chigiri as he rose his eyebrows.

“Well… thank you.” He said, smiling warmly as a purple-haired boy next to him gasped.

“Dude, getting compliments from kids has to be the biggest flex!” He said, laughing as he threw his head back. “I would put that in my resume if I were you.”

Chigiri simply laughed softly back, before someone suddenly called out to Ryusei, making him snap his head in the direction of the call. He sighed, leaning in to face you.

“Sorry, ‘lil kid, I have to go for my QnA. Who would you like to stay with, eh? You choose.” Ryusei whispered into your ear, spinning you around so you had a view of everyone. “Not him though. Or him. Or him either…”

You felt your options quickly narrow, so you decided to simply point to someone random person before they all went. You decided to simply point as Ryusei spun you around, watching as your finger landed on Mr Red Eyes.

“Eh? Barou? Well, if that’s what you choose.” Ryusei walked up to Barou, who sighed like it was a pain to carry you. He reluctantly held his arms out, frowning. “Well, Barou, well done! You’re the chosen one.”

You heard Barou huff above you, “Right, at least she chose someone that can actually hold a child properly.”

Ryusei laughed, and simply waved him off, going back to meet Sae, who was idly watching the entire commotion with an uninterested look, “You can’t stay out of drama for 5 minutes, can you?”

But as Ryusei linked arms with him, he looked back at you, waving you off with a small smile on his face.

Immediately when Ryusei and Sae walked off, Rin started.

“Give her back.”

“Not a chance.” Barou rebutted. “You hold her like she’s poisonous.”

“No I-“

That was when a blonde haired boy with blue tips of his hair wearing a red suit suddenly interrupted, followed by brunette with pink tips and a turtle smile.

“Well, who’s that up there?” He said, pointing towards you. Rin stepped forward, frowning.

“Who invited you?” He said. “Don’t remember you being in Blue Lock.”

“Oh? You don’t want me here? Shame.” Mr Blonde throwing his hands up and chuckling slightly. “I only wanted to talk to my fellow teammates, didn’t know you guys were so shy.”

You idly played with Barou’s hair as you watched the entire thing, watching as some other guys started to berate him. He didn’t seem very popular.

“We don’t want you here, Kaiser, so why don’t you pick up your things and leave?” A seemingly innocent-looking, dark blue haired boy walked over, as Mr Blonde rose an eyebrow and continued smirking.

“That so, Isagi? Unfortunately I don’t take advice from clowns.” He responded, adjusting his tie as he turned back to you. “Can I hold her?”

“Over my dead body.” Barou said, stepping back as he clutched your legs tighter.

“Is that your sister? That’s odd, you don’t seem to have blonde genes.” Kaiser looked back at Barou.

“That’s because it’s not.” Mr Ginger interrupted, “It’s Sae and Shidou’s kid, so you’ll probably get sued dry if anything happens.”

“You all are awfully rude.” The brunette boy spoke up from behind Kaiser, “Why are you assuming Kaiser has bad intentions?”

“Because he does most of the time…” Chigiri muttered.

“You better back off before I get my monster at you!” The boy with yellow highlights spoke up again, crossing his arms in defence. But the talk of a ‘monster’ unnerved you slightly.

Mr Blonde was about to fight back, but then you saw a familiar duo walk through. You dads. They were back.

“What’s going on here?” Sae asked, shoving Kaiser with his shoulder as he walked over. “Doesn’t matter anyway. I’d like her back.”

Barou immediately pulled you off his shoulders, passing you to Sae who held you with one arm in a similar fashion to Rin. However, he holds you more comfortably and stably, as the gazes of the other Blue Lock boys follow you. You hear them muttering behind you, but as for now, none of it matters. You’re back with your dads now, about to go on live television! Sae walks up to Ryusei’s side, who simply smiles as you manoeuvre through the crowd yet again.

“Remember what I taught you about live television?” Sae says, as he walks you there. “Try not to say anything out of pocket.”

“What does ‘out of pocket’ mean?” You ponder.

“It means not to say anything that I won’t want you to.” He answers. “Like last time when you told them that I accidentally fed you burnt food.”

Ryusei laughs. “Hah, I remember that! Good thing you have a private cook, neither of us can make food for shit.”

“Language.”

“My bad, my bad…”

As the two of you walked through a wide door into a white room, with several cameras dotted around the place and a background behind 4 chairs. An interviewer sat on the 4th one, giving you a kind smile as she waved.

Another camera man came up to you three, replicating the kind, practiced smile as he walked up in front.

“Right, so we’ll be live in about 30 seconds! We’d like you to hold her as you come in, to give a family impression!” He said, as Sae gave a curt nod. The timer counted down, making you practically burst of excitement. When it counted all the way, Sae and Ryusei walked into the room, Ryusei looking over at Sae who kept his gaze forwards. The interviewer waved them over, as Sae placed you down on the chair next to the interviewer, sitting on the chair to your left.

“Welcome, Sae, Ryusei, and our special guest, [Y/N]!” She said, leaning in towards you. You gave a wide smile, watching at the side of your eye as the staff gestured some ‘Awe’’s. “How adorable! Now, tell us about your dads, and don’t be afraid to expose them a little.”

She said light-heartedly, shooting a look over at Sae and Ryusei, as you heard Ryusei laugh behind you.

“Well, they’re really nice. Actually, Daddy number two dyed my hair before coming here.” You bobbed your newly blonde hair for effect, as the interviewer nodded and smiled.

“Aw, how adorable! It looks amazing, just so you know!” She said, to which you nodded.

“I know.”

That earned a few stifled laughs from the camera crew, and a louder one from Ryusei. “See that, Daddy number one? She takes after me.”

You decide to continue, adding other things. “Yeah, but they both can’t cook – oops. Daddy number one told me not to say anything about his cooking.”

You covered your mouth mischievously, as you turned back to Sae, who simply sighs and shook his head.

“Sorry Daddy number one.”

“It’s… fine, Daughter number one.”

You gasp, “I have siblings!?”

“No, you-“

Ryusei is bursting into laughter behind Sae, who simply runs a hand through his hair like this was the most tiring thing in the world.

“Well, they buy me everything I look at. Look, they even got me this cute hairclip!” You pointed to the hairclip in your hair, as the interviewer smiled even wider.

“Aww, so cute! What else do they buy you?”

“Everything. Everything except a dog, Daddy number one doesn’t like dogs.” You say, earning another sigh from Sae, and a laugh from Ryusei.

“Trust me, he loves dogs! He just doesn’t want to take care of one, isn’t that right?” You turn back to your dads, and Ryusei is leaning forward in his chair, his chin on his fist, his elbow on the arm of the chair. Sae simply looks back sighing and shaking his head.

“It’s annoying how you know me so well.”

“I’m glad you feel that way.”

“Oh, oh, but I have a unicorn! Daddy number one tells me I can get claim it when I’m an adult.” That earns a laugh from all of them (albeit Sae’s is stifled and soft) for reasons you don’t know.

“That’s lovely honey! Promise you’ll show me your unicorn what you’re an adult?” The interviewer held her pinky out, smiling as you intertwined your pinkies.

“Don’t worry, I’ll convince them to get it for me tomorrow instead.”

⋆꙳•❅°⋆❆.ೃ࿔:･*❆ ₊⋆

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kurapikaspookie · 5 months ago

Text

OH MY GOOD THIS ISS AMAZING

the aches of growing up and growing apart

synopsis: high school graduation has finally come around and you need to let some things go before you move on to the next stage of your life, including your best friend. but the question you haven’t dared to ask yet is, will he let you?

tags: Karasu Tabito x fem!reader, sfw, hurt/comfort, slightly insecure reader, best friends-to-lovers word count: 1.9k authors notes: ummm so this was supposed to be a drabble........... ADGFHSGSJSFG I DONT KNOW WHAT TOOK OVER ME THE INSPIRATION JUST KEPT COMING LOL. just a heads up but this is incredibly self-indulgent and very selfship coded but it can be read generally as well. this is also the first fic that i really wrote for myself and didn't plot at all lmao. i had a lot of fun though and i hope anyone who reads this enjoys it as much as i did!!!

The summer breeze caresses your cheeks like a longing goodbye. The smell of barbecue lingers in the air as the rest of the student body celebrates below. You watch them all from the railing, eyes unfocused, but your ears bottling up every sound you could catch.

The rooftop door creeks open and you hang your head with a sigh — but your lips still twitch up.

“Ya know if ya wanted some space, ya coulda just told me instead of hiding away every time I tried to wave you over,” Karasu says as he comes up behind you and leans forward, eyes on the strung up lights, but you know he's feeling the air for your thoughts.

(you clutch them a just little closer)

You hum and take a swig of your soda, the bubbles scraping the sides of your throat as they go down.

The two of you let the silence blanket, one intent on saying nothing at all and the other trying to grasp at anything to say.

Karasu turns to look at you and watches the way the darkening sky paints your face with shadows. Knowing the way your brow furrows and lips purse by memory even without the light.

He chews on his lips, turning over the words like marbles in his head. He opens his mouth, but before he can say anything—

“You know what’d be crazy?” You blurt out

“I'm all ears,” he says, watching your lips wrap around the bottle for another sip.

“What if we ran away together. Just you and me.” You breathe into the chilly air, forcing yourself to look at the purple sky and not the blue eyes taking you apart to your right.

“Where do ya wanna go?”

(an olive branch)

“Somewhere warm. But not like, summer warm. Somewhere with a lot of trees too. Maybe a couple of convenience stores down the road.”

(you reach for it)

The silence lapses again — this time with the swelling of words unsaid and kept tucked between teeth.

He bites first.

“Ya been avoiding me for weeks,” he says as he turns around and moves to lean his back against the cold metal.

You exhale and finally turn to look at him. White collared shirt untucked and tie loose, sleeves rolled up and forearms resting against the bars, he's already staring back at you, gaze steady.

He’s filled out the uniform well you muse, remembering how you teased him about it back in your first year. Clumsy and unsure but grinning, excited for what lay ahead. When you two were still on equal footing and running side by side.

(not anymore—at some point, he’d started soaring on ahead. and left you panting on the ground, watching him get farther and farther away)

You think you hate your best friend a little

(for soaring to where you couldn’t reach him — for leaving you behind)

“Yeah well, we’ve both been busy. I’ve been packing for university and you’ve been training for the literal world cup,” you can't help but let a little scoff slip out and you cringe, knowing you sound bitter (knowing he won’t understand why).

He wrinkles his nose, the same way he did when you told him which university you’d picked.

“But that's so far from here. Couldn’t ya’ve picked a closer one?” He’d said back then.

“Just felt like starting fresh,” you’d shrugged, your heart snagging over the way he sounded upset; like he wanted to keep you close.

“Besides,” you’d moved to slump beside him on the bed, shoulders brushing. “You can still visit me whenever,” you’d grinned in reassurance, feeling the snag dig deeper as he had pretended to huff.

He feels irked with the way you look so disinterested, and yet your voice still betrays you; he latches on.

“And what, that mean ya can’t walk home with me after practice anymore? Or eat with me durin lunch? Or text me back without leaving me on delivered for hours?” He snapped, immediately feeling his stomach drop when you flinched, but he didn't apologize.

It frustrated him, the way you didn’t say anything and turned back to the laughter in the courtyard. When had the two of you started talking to each other in riddles or saying nothing at all?

(why hadn’t he noticed sooner?)

He's startled out of his thoughts when you start speaking again.

“Just…… didn’t wanna burden you when you’re supposed to be focused on the future,” you mutter, glancing at him and immediately skittering away from the way he watched you. Like you held something he so desperately wanted.

(like he always did, though you had yet to notice until now)

“What burden are ya talkin about?” He asks, racking his brain to think of anything that would make you feel that way.

A bolt of anger shoots through you and you snap. “You’re going places Tabi. You’re gonna be this big hotshot football player traveling all over the world after we graduate. You don't need anything holding you back,” you retort, feeling the thorns prick at the corner of your eyes.

You quickly turn back to the music drifting up from the party, trying to focus on anything other than whatever face he might be making right now. “And I'm….. just going to be here. Figuring out university and work…… and everything else.”

(by yourself)

His heart starts to feel sore, but he stays quiet, patiently waiting for you to collect your words.

“It's….. I’m not really gonna be adding anything to your new life anymore,” you finish, the hollow feeling in your chest that you’d been pushing down for weeks finally out of your body and into the air.

(you won’t need me anymore is what you really meant to say)

A beat passes before he lets out a snort. And then a laugh and you whip your head to glare at him properly (watching the way his lips pull back just far enough to reveal teeth and the way his mole jumps up higher on his face).

“And what made ya think ya could decide that all on ya own? That ya weren’t gonna be a part of it?” He says it so simply, like he didn’t just blow into your ears words that you’d been longing to hear. Mouth settling into the teasing tilt you knew all too well.

He was closer now, and you turned your head away again, teeth clenched and irritated at the stupid look on his face. Like now he had you all figured out.

You thought you’d gotten good at tucking away those bits of yourself. The bits where you longed for something that could never be yours. Had folded them up like old photos and placed them in albums meant to be looked at years later with bitter fondness.

But this was Karasu, who knew you better than anyone else did. Always had after that first look you’d shared at the back of the class and stifled giggles at the teacher's funny socks tugged over the hems.

“.......you’re being annoying Tabi,” you say as the irritation melts away and you chuck your soda in the trashcan across the rooftop; his laugh always tended to do that to you, one way or another (infuriatingly enough).

“And you’re talking to me again,” he says grinning at the way your mouth twisted into a sulk. He catches your gaze with a tilt of his head and the sudden softness you see in his eyes surprises you. Makes you with him stay this time.

“What’re you so scared of,” he whispers after making sure he has you, elbow brushing against your arm.

And oh that's dangerous you think, glancing down at his lips.

Really dangerous; you swallow and stare up at him.

“Just gonna miss you is all,” your voice coming out thick (you hate it).

“I ain’t going anywhere though,” he says, watching the way your lashes flutter while staring at him; his heart running in his chest.

(he likes the way he can see the stars dancing in your eyes)

(prettier than the ones cluttering the sky, he thinks)

“But you are.” And this time your voice cracks. You curse the way your emotions were scattering open tonight when you’d done such a good job of packing them away.

Something changes on his face and you don't think your heart can take it, not now. Not before the two of you go from this to strangers who maybe smile at each other from across the aisle and say nothing more before silently passing by.

(You don’t think you could ever handle giving him that kind of smile)

His hands twitch and he wants so badly to pull you into his chest, to stamp out whatever ridiculous thoughts were clouding your head. But he keeps them where they are, tense with want—with need.

His nose brushes against yours and you suck in a breath, chest tight and face flushing. When did he get so close?

You want to ask him what he's doing, to warn him to stop, but you can't seem to make your lips move—maybe you don’t want him to.

“Mmmm, but I’m not. and if I was, you’d be coming with me.” He grins and you want to smack him.

(you want to kiss him)

“Yeah? And what makes you so sure of that?” You whisper into the space, or lack thereof, between your lips.

“Because. I know ya,” he stops drifting away in your eyes and looks at you, all of you. And you want to stay here forever. Stay here, where he looks at you like that (he has, always).

“And……. because I’m asking ya now.”

He waits, wants so badly to move but he doesn’t, not until you give him your answer.

“Yes,” you say, lips parting, and that’s all he needs before he crashes his lips against yours.

Your hands clutch his shirt in your fists and his hands finally grasp your waist, bringing your body to him. His lips are soft (from the chapstick he always stole from you) and he tastes like vanilla cake.

You break away for air and stare at him; eyes sparkling and he has to try his hardest not to dive into you again, your breaths coming out in puffs.

The fireworks go off and cheers rise up to the roof as everyone watches the colors paint the sky. You tuck yourself into his arms like the spot’s always been yours and he holds you close like that's what his arms were made to do as you admire the flashing sparks.

“You know you’re stuck with me now right?” You tell him cheekily, smile so wide your cheeks ache. He chuckles and his eyes crinkle as he leans down to rest his forehead against yours, blissful. “It’s the other way ‘round doll. Ya ain’t getting rid of me till the end of time,” he says smugly, eyes bright.

You snort before you feel his smirk ghost over your lips for another kiss, your heart soaring higher than you ever thought possible, now beating side by side with his, no matter what the future held.

any and all likes/reblogs/replies are appreciated!!! <3

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