lafemmedarmitage

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Five times Sherlock thought of Irene.

Yes, an Adlock gifset at the year of our lord 2024.

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Well, I didn't think I would write another KinnPorsche meta any time soon since lately the series has brought me nothing but disappointment (damn you ep9, it all has started from you). But the fact that fans seriously compare Kinn's behaviour in ep9&10 and Porsche's in ep13 baffles me so I just couldn't help myself.

Let me be clear - for me, Kinn did NOTHING wrong in ep9&10. Absolutely nothing. Except for moronic flirt with Tawan at the beginning but here I blame writers (they've been doing a shitty job lately, and ep9 is exactly when it all started) cuz it was completely out of character. Everything else is absolutely fine with me, so if you don't agree please skip this meta, you won't find anything interesting here.

Let's recall everything Kinn's been accused of:

You brought you ex into the house.

Well, Porsche, don't wanna upset you but it wasn't some relationship stuff Kinn was dealing with. He brought the traitor into his family's house. Not yours and Kinn's house. Mafia's house. It was family business, Kinn decided to leave him here because of this mafia stuff and it had nothing to do with you as boyfriend. Do I think that it's incredibly stupid that Kinn and Porsche didn't have even one proper conversation about Tawan during the whole episode? Yes. Do I think that Porsche should've come to Kinn and simply ASKED what's going on instead of spying on him? Yes. Screenwriters fucked up a lot, cuz after all lovey-dovey ep8 this lack of communication looks like a stupid tool for draaamaaaa out of nowhere. But still, this "you brought your ex" argument is incredibly stupid. It wasn't ex, it was traitor. See a bigger picture, Porsche.

2. You locked me in the basement.

Well... what else should Kinn have done? You were caught red-handed, spying on Tawan simply cuz you didn't consider it necessary to talk to Kinn and decided to play Agent 007 instead. Kinn trusted you, for sure, and ofc he didn't believe that you were a spy or smth, but let's not forget that Tawan was there too and Tawan had to be assured that everything was going according to his plan. Kinn was ready to set you free but you decided to run away with Vegas :))) And we do remember that Porsche ran away without having any plan. I've seen some posts like "sure Porsche has a plan" but the funniest and dumbest part is that he didn't. He didn't have a fucking plan. He didn't think Vegas is evil, he didn't know how he's gonna confront Tawan. He simply ran away from Kinn because he trusted Vegas AGAIN. So when he says...

3. You never trust me.

... I was like - do we have to? You make it so easy not to trust you. You were fooled by Vegas for the 3d? 4th? 5th time? I lost count. Fans were so eager to believe that Porsche was witty and always one step ahead of Vegas (like in ep7 or ep9, I remember these theories) but sad truth - he was not. I don't know why screenwriters made Porsche so dumb but I'm extremely disappointed.

So yeah, all these accusations in ep10 were total bullshit but still somehow Kinn was a bad guy there. Well, okay, I almost made my peace with that.

But ep13 has nothing in common with ep9&10. Okay, I can get that Porsche was worried about Kinn's reaction if he found out the truth about Korn. Seriously, I get that. But how can he doubt Kinn?! Porsche really said "I can't trust anyone in the main family?" Seriously? Then why this "I love you" has been even said? Out of pity? Or it was his plan as well? Kinn didn't doubt Porsche in ep9&10. Porsche in ep13 did.

But of course the worst part is Porsche trusting Vegas over Kinn again. Yes, he uses him as a tool, yes they're not best friends, but still somehow Porsche is certain that Vegas can be trusted more than Kinn (cuz he's the only one who "can't be bought by the main family"). So yeah, well, you have every right not to trust Kinn, he's from mafia family, he lied to you several times, he wasn't a nice person at the beginning (though for me Kinn was a perfect boss even in the first episodes - we do remember Porsche's behaviour there, right). You don't trust him - okay, your choice. But don't you dare then say anything about "love". This is not love. Nothing close. You know, here I remembered one conversation between Clark and Lois from "Smallville". Clark went to the suicide mission and didn't tell Lois anything trying to protect her. And Lois there said very wise words:

"You're a part of me now, Clark. A half of the whole. So in the future, if there's even a chance that the mission might claim my better half, sign me up. Because I'd rather be in some sandblown purgatory with you than in the hell of never knowing if I'll ever see you again"

So, well, Porsche, if you really do love this man, there's something for you to think about.

I do get that Porsche is supposed to be in love with Kinn and ofc I don't believe in evil love plot or smth like that, they will get their happy ending. And you know, ep13 showed me Porsche's feelings even better than ep8 - he was so tender with Kinn, he was torn between his wish to tell the truth and his own doubts, I actually believed that he's in love with Kinn. But this atrocious plot with choosing Vegas over Kinn and "I can't trust anyone in the main family" got me so irritated, I just can't. Screenwriters are absolutely inconsistent in writing Porsche's character that's why I'm extremely disappointed in the second half of the series. Maybe the last episode will make things a bit better (I sincerely hope so) but this will not change the fact that KinnPorsche had so much potential and they could've been so much more if these novel (I guess) plotholes had been corrected in the series.

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Don't you dare now justify Porsche's actions after all this shit that has been poured on Kinn after ep.9&10. Don't you fucking dare.

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I don't read kinnporsche tag since ep9 has been aired cuz writers ruined so much in order to add more drama and make a "wow" effect that I lost interest in the series very quickly. Surprisingly quickly, to be honest, considering my previous anticipation and awe. It's amazing how much you can ruin (logic, storytelling, ambiance) with only one episode. So I don't know what fandom's reacton was after ep9 but based on the experience after ep5 and ep7 I'm pretty sure everyone was angry at Kinn again (and Porsche was right, of course). I already said that, for me, Kinn did nothing wrong, except for this ridiculous flirt with Tawan at the beginning (logic bye). Same thing for ep10 - Kinn did nothing wrong, he was following his plan but Porsche decided to run away with Vegas (L.O.L.) so Kinn didn't have time to tell Porsche that. So how come that Kinn is a bad guy again? When will Porsche grow fucking up? When will they both start communicating? I have a feeling that we're going in circles. And no wonder they'll point guns at each other again, maybe not even once - considering their inability to freaking talk to each other, like properly (and not - "you don't trust me" - I'll kiss you in response cuz... yeah, why bother) and Porsche's dumb plans, it's a miracle they won't shoot each other. I haven't read the novel but pretty sure it will be Porsche again who'll be responsible for their next fight (but ofc everyone will blame Kinn, it's daily routine).

So yeah, now I'm disappointed in KinnPorsche and it's rather sad cuz first 8 episodes were such a roller-coaster, in a good way, that I didn't expect ep9 and 10 to be that illogical. I'm not even waiting for a pool scene now cuz it doesn't feel like their love confession anymore (as it was supposed to be). They have too many issues to resolve to talk about love. The only way I see this scene is in the finale, when Porsche finally admits all the things he did wrong and they both promise to start fucking communicating (that will never happen, ofc, but still, I guess this scene will be in ep14, not earlier). So, we'll see.

(the only thing I'm glad about though - Kinn told Porsche to apologize, like WOW! YEAH! FINALLY! ofc Porsche decided that hell no, he's too good to apologize (he really doesn't see what he did wrong, does he?), but Kinn, my baby, finally you stand up for yourself).

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Ep9 is a bullshit. Kinn did nothing wrong (except for flirting with Tawan at the beginning - like, wtf, man?). Porsche drinks with Vegas AGAIN - already tired of being frustrated with it. Kinn and Porsche not having a proper conversation during the entire episode, not even a small talk - bullshit. Tawan is alive and NO ONE is questioning it - bullshit/plothole (srsly, have I missed smth? everyone is okay with it? especially Porsche who knew that Kinn shot Tawan to death? wtf). So I'm just trying to forget about ep9 like it's a nightmare and waiting for ep10.

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What I love about ep8 (and for the record, I enormously love it) is how briefly yet vividly all stages of the beginning of the relationships have been shown.

First they literally can't keep their hands off each other. It's so natural, so out of question - they are craving for any form of physical contact, either hug or kiss or footsie game, they just can't get enough of it. It's new, it's exciting, plus both of them have been waiting for so long for this, they had to deal with so many issues and internal struggles - so no wonder the minute they have a chance to be alone (well... sort of yeah... footsie game... they have no shame) they are eager to catch up. Maybe it's different for some people but as for me, I can relate.

Then the hormones are a bit under control so they can be around each other without the constant urge to rip their clothes off - and they go on a date. They're cute, adorable, sweet and disgustingly in love. They devour each other's smiles, touches, kisses, they don't see anyone but his beloved, they're in their own love bubble. Porsche with his desire to take care of Kinn (also, love the fact that the date is his initiative, not Kinn's - no division into roles in terms of dating, he did it just cuz he wanted to do smth nice for Kinn) and Kinn being gladly involved in all kinds of romantic stuff and reassuring Porsche it's perfect (and it really is). Porsche being sooo clingy (yeah i need to highlight it cause I've been waiting for this since idk when) and Kinn being as touch-starved as Porsche. Again - disgustingly in love. Also very relatable.

Then this little scene in Kinn's room with the phone and the gun(s) (sorry). Yeah, this I miss you was partly a lie but Kinn's soft happy smile made up for everything. They're still hungry and horny with each other but there's also a room for some affectionate words before Kinn gives Porsche hickeys all over his neck. They start being casually, domesticly sweet, not on a date or during the foreplay but on a daily basis.

And this leads us to the ghost dildo Tawan scene. Kinn and Porsche still can't keep their feet hands off each other but they mostly communicate there. They open up, they listen, they kinda confess their feelings - and it's actually their fist scene without any sexual overtone. They just talk and share and it feels right.

I get why this episode may seem unimportant or inappropriate but I see this kind of romantic scenes as necessary as angst and drama (which I'm all for). It's another part of the storytelling, not to mention the contrast - when you're filled with this fluffy stuff, you get a better understanding what you're gonna lose. And I'm talking about both the audience and the characters here.

(it's not specifically about ep9 though - frankly speaking, I'm not scared of it at all. and not only cuz we know that the pool is coming so everything's gonna be alright but cuz Tawan doesn't seem such a big threat for KinnPorsche. for the family, further plot, some mafia stuff - maybe, idk. but for KinnPorsche - no. I completely believe in Kinn, believe in their love and trust. yeah yeah, it's all gonna be ruined later I know (and of that I'm not scared, I'm terrified). but it's not Tawan who's gonna be the reason. hell no)

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Though I'm currently obsessed with KinnPorsche, there's no way I'll forget about my main straight OTP's. And this cover just got stuck in my head, I had to do smth with it.

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I don't know why tumblr hates me but I've written a looong meta about KinnPorsche last scene and it doesn't show up in KinnPorsche tag :( So this way, I mean, the link, will be my last attempt to share it and if I fail - well, I should accept my fate, I guess :)

(this last scene from ep7 got me confused in every way possible so this meta is not all with screaming and excitement but also with questions and doubts. I'm really curious if anyone had the same questions and issues during that last scene as me.)

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I don't get why we scold and curse and get angry with Kinn for slutshaming Porsche (which is awful and disgusting and Kinn had no right at all) but don't do the same with Porsche for deliberately hurting Kinn with Tawan mention. Their words are different but the impact is absolutely the same. And the point was also the same - to hurt his beloved. I could write a long meta why Porsche's words were extremely cruel and ruthless (and it's exactly the case, cuz Porsche knows. he's heard this story so many times, he has, more or less, a general idea what has happened and how it has impacted Kinn, he practically sees the consequences now - all Kinn's trust issues. and still says that cuz he's eager to hurt Kinn. and it's funny that he hasn't heard Kinn's side of the story yet but brings this situation up the minute he has a chance to do it - well, actually it's not funny) - but I won't do that. As much as I love Kinn and totally get why he said what he said and my heart skipped a bit when Porsche mentioned Tawan - I'm not gonna defend him cuz his words to Porsche are equally abominable. They both fucked up. And I don't get why we're talking about Kinn being wrong when the fact that we actually need to discuss is how bad they both are at communication right now. How much they both should grow before we can say that they have dealt with their issues. Sex won't make it up. They need to talk, in the same way they've talked in the woods but to be even more open with each other. I have a slightest hope that we'll get some of it in ep8 since it's their first date (I think it's not gonna be all fluff and rainbows - though I wouldn't mind). But till then, they both are at the very very bad place in their relationships and they have so much to work on.

The only thing though where only one of them fucked up is an apology. Kinn apologized. Porsche didn't. Porsche didn't even think of that though he didn't have any right to say that (again, as well as Kinn). And I'm sure we won't get anything in ep8 or further - cuz despite having two POVs in the series and screenwriters trying to give us a full picture, the general pattern is that Porsche is a good guy and Kinn is a bad one. The good guy doesn't say sorry if the bad guy fucked up. If the bad guys is wrong - the blame is taken off the good guy even if he fucked up too. So yeah, it'd be foolish to hope for an apology from Porsche.

(I kinda mentioned it in my previous meta but it doesn't show up in kinnporsche tag so I guess, it will remain unseen by tumblr - only in my profile)

So, I wanna believe that when bigger issues will come and KinnPorsche will have to deal with these, it won't be demonstrated that blantly, like a bad guy fucked up again just cuz he's a bad guy. Seriously. Wanna see a bit more nuances in these relationships. Cuz now, after ep7, I ache not for Kinn. I ache for KinnPorsche relationships that they deadly need to fix and upgrade.

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That last scene is actually the first one in the series that got me confused in every possible way

The shooting. The script. The (god save me from fandom's anger) acting of Mile and Apo. I rewatched it like 5 or 6 times and not to enjoy some smut but to get a better understanding of the whole idea. I guess, at the end I did get it. But still this scene is so far the most questionable in the series.

I'll go step by step and try to explain how I see this scene and what gets me confused.

(okay. I opened ep7 in my player. tried to rewind it to the last scene. saw KinnPorsche on the balcony. hit "play". got stuck on their flirty porn gun talk. honestly, this scene also gets me confused in a certain way - I mean, the lines are so cringy and cheesy, like in the cheapest porn movie, I literally facepalmed BUT. MileApo acting was i m pe c c a b l e. their smiles, their looks at each other, Porsche's tongue, Kinn staring at Porsche's lips, Porsche raising his eyebrowses in the sexiest way ... the whole scene is filled with sexual tension despite these cheesiest lines. that's why I ended up rewatching it multiple times. and enjoying it, unlike the last scene. and yeah, well, let's get back to that)

So, I'll skip VegasPorsche part and start with KinnPorsche left alone.

Kinn is angry, jealous, furious. More than understandable. Porsche is confused, annoyed, hurt. Also can relate. So, these emotions are pretty clear.

Then we get this

Honestly, I still don't understand where exactly Kinn did not trust Porsche in the previous episodes. Ep2 - Porsche made a fool of himself, so he tried to win Kinn's trust back in ep3. Ep4 - nothing. Ep5 - nothing (we've got lots of other issues there). Ep6 - only their childish fights come to mind, but they weren't that crucial. That's why, I guess, the only case that Porsche defines as never is Pete spying on Porsche at Vegas', right?

Well, what can I say - Porsche, you need to start seeing a bigger picture. I don't know why he's still this oblivious when it comes to Vegas but boy, Kinn's main concern here is Vegas, not you. I have a feeling that Porsche still doesn't fully understand how serious their rivalry is. How much they don't trust each other. And it's not between cousins, it's between families. So yeah, sure, Kinn's interested in Porsche's behaviour around Vegas too, but it's mostly Vegas he doesn't trust, not Porsche. So for me, never is a word a bit too strong. But, on the other hand, we do remember this, right

again this never that is not true at all. I mean, yeah, Kinn hurt Porsche's feelings in ep5, but even after this it's so far from "you never care". But well, I already let it go so I'm gonna do the same with never from ep7. Let's believe that Porsche's so in love that he feels everything regarding Kinn x1000 times. Can't be too mad at him for that :)

Moving on. So, Porsche's hurt, angry, frustrated, so he says this

and completely crosses the line. Being hurt doesn't give him any right to say this. It doesn't justify his words in a slightest way. This is a low blow.

As well as Kinn's shock and pain and hurt doesn't give him any right to say that Porsche's

Yeah, Kinn's my precious baby and I love him more than anything but here I'm not gonna even try to defend him. It's a low blow too. He crossed the line and it doesn't matter that Porsche kinda started it. Kinn had no right.

So they both were deliberately trying to hurt each other in a disgusting way. The only difference is that later Kinn apologized. Porsche didn't. And it bothers me a great deal. (and I don't think we'll get this apology, unfortunately).

Then Porsche blurts out a love confession that catches Kinn off guard and immediately makes him apologize (again, an irreciprocal apology. I'll try to make my peace with it, cuz it's really pointless to hope for smth from Porsche in ep8).

Porsche calms down and eventually turns around. Music, lighting, acting, mirror thing - love every single thing here.

Then tender kisses, gentle stroking, too quickly it becomes heated - and after that my confusion begins.

The script. For me, sex started too abruptly. Yeah, I get that, anger and arousal work pretty similar - excitement, emotions, not thinking straight, too deep in your own feelings ans so on. But I was still processing "I'm sorry" part (and we do remember that they already had a fight, right, like less than a munite ago), with hesitant kisses and touches, when suddenly, 10 seconds later, scene changes its course (again - it literally took 3 chest kisses) and in another 10 seconds it changes again - becomes extremely passionate (hot neck kiss and open-mouthed kiss). Then mood shifts back again, with tender glances and Porsche gently placing his hands on Kinn's neck

and tender kiss that we can barely see cuz the focus here is on undressing. And also, this is the moment when the way of shooting becomes the second thing that confuses me. It's certainly nothing more than my own perception, but here I felt such a strong need to continue with a tender mood, to which we returned 5 seconds ago, instead of having a fourth mood change (for how long? 1 minute?). I'd rather see this tender kiss and stroke so this soft mood would go on a bit more and and in this case, when it becomes heated again,

the forth mood change would feel smoother. In addition, here appears the third thing that confuses me - the acting. In one shot we see Porsche like this and then, literally 3 seconds later...

... this. I do get that most probably several different takes are used in this scene but still it all changes so fast. I just couldn't keep up with this pace. I was processing a tender part - horny stuff began. I tried to dive deep into that - and softness did come back. Made an effort to concentrate on it again - and well... back with hotness. And so on and so on.

And, at the end - this. just this. I couldn't just put a screen cuz it needs to be heard and seen.

How long is it, 15 seconds? Mood completely changes and we mostly don't see it. I mean, Mile and Apo probably showed at least something, I'm sure, they couldn't simply go from post-sex bliss to tears within seconds. They had to have some other facial expressions. Like - did Porsche see Kinn crying? Did he look him in the eyes before hold this tight? Or did he simply hear sobbing and smth shifted in his look too? We don't. and I guess never, know. All we've seen is this (+1 point to my confusion about shooting - or maybe editing, idk).

And also about acting - to my own surprise, the main problem that I had was not with Apo's acting but Mile's. It really caught me off guard cuz previously I was always on the same page with him, I could feel every emotion he acted. But here his constant shifts from wide, really wide happy smiles to arousal and back - it was extremely baffling. And I guess, I found the reason - it was MileApo's first intimate scene. I do remember Mile saying in some interview that during shooting of KinnPorsche's first love scene he was rather shy, and while watching it for the first time, I immediately thought - it must be this scene. (and as I saw, Apo confirmed it yesterday). Again, I'm talking solely about my own feelings and nothing else, but the fact that for the first time I felt this disconnected to Kinn (my precious baby Kinn if you forgot) only proves (again, only for me) that smth in this scene was wrong.

(moreover, after Kinn's wide smiles the tears at the end seemed out of nowhere - though logically I perfectly get where it came from. but the tone, the mood - again, too abrupt. I'm inclined to believe it's more an editing issue)

Well... it turned out EXTREMELY long and I'm incredibly sorry for that (and also admire everyone who was able to read it till the end). It's not even a meta, I guess, it's more my own attempt to explain to myself why I didn't scream and shout while watching it but felt like a fish out of water. Do I generally think though that this scene is outstanding? Yeah. Did MileApo and the team do a great job? Absolutely. Is it gonna be one of my favourite scenes? So far - no. Not top 3, at least. And maybe not even top 5. The scene left lots of unanswered questions. I mean, after rewatching it 5 or 6 times I sorta found my answers - like why does the mood change this often? - Kinn and Porsche are very unstable here, from anger to passion (and then to tears at the end); why does Kinn go from "sorry" to sex this fast? - he's on an unfamiliar ground with Porsche + with his love life. now this is the way he's most sure of; and so on. But the fact that I had to think a lot about it and still have a feeling that it's not entirely true, that I made that up in order to make peace with this scene, bothers me. So I do hope that most of these questions will be answered later by the actors, screenwriters (preferably) or by the series itself (the best option).

I'm sincerely sure that this opinion is an unpopular one, but if, by any chance, you felt some of this stuff too - let me know, cuz I'm extremely curious.

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Well...

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KinnPorsche Side Story got 1M views for 11 hours :) BOC, can you do the same trick as with the trailer and give us a new wallpaper, i.e. brand-new shot/steal of this scene, please? I think we deserve it)

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Porsche being incredibly soft with Kinn

Kinnporsche, episode 6

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I'm just gonna push "like" button on all metas about Kinn cuz he's got so much shit from fans during previous episodes that now he deserves all the love he's being showered in :)

(it's not like I'm blind and don't understand what he did wrong - I do. but reading kinnporsche tag after ep5 was quite a challenge for me so now it's so refreshing to see how many fans actually think about his feelings too)

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I've seen some thoughts here that Porsche didn't actually believe in their goodbye, he wasn't gonna let Kinn go and so on. I gotta say, for me Porsche surely did believe in their goodbye that's why the whole scene is so precious.

Kinn gave him an opportunity to choose a normal life, to be with his brother, to forget everything he's experienced here, forget about mafia - and Porsche chose it. Yes, he barely moved when Kinn told him to go (several times), yes, he couldn't take his eyes off Kinn, yes, he was on the verge of crying. But he did choose to go away. He chose his brother which is understandable and logical and right. Cuz Kinn's still not that important to him, Kinn doesn't have that much power over him (yet) so Porsche could decide to give everything away. Brother is his number one priority and it has to be. This is a heartbreaking choice, he's not happy about it but it feels right. That's why he pushes Kinn away a little after a hug - though it's a right choice no one says Porsche doesn't have a temptation to stay. That's why he looks back at him for a moment. That's why he doesn't simply walk away after this but runs - he's still tempted.

(no this is not painful to watch)

So Porsche says goodbye to Kinn. Says goodbye to this mafia world. Says goodbye to this fear and danger. He runs away. And then he hears gunshots.

And this is the moment when he (metaphorically, not literally - it's even more subconsciously) makes the second choice (which I'm sure wasn't as difficult as the first one)

He chooses Kinn. Not mafia world, not being the bodyguard again, not all this danger. He chooses Kinn. Not his boss Kinn but the man that's already special for him Kinn. He can't leave Kinn (not the boss, not (almost) the head of the mafia) behind. He comes back because of Kinn that he got to know for these days, Kinn that smiled all their time spent together, Kinn that opened his heart to him.

I've told once that I wanna see what will lead us to "I'm not on anyone side. I'm on your side" Porsche. Now I see - this choice is his first step.

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Only now I realized the angst of "We're gonna get out of here today. - You say it every day". Every day Kinn was sincerely eager to set them free, every day Kinn wanted to let Porsche go, every day he kept in mind that he had to do it right but being with Porsche, seeing Porsche happy, getting closer with Porsche brought Kinn so much joy he hasn't experienced for a long time that he just couldn't do it. And it was incredibly selfish of him, no one could argue with that but also this human weakness is exactly what makes this whole situation so precious. Kinn's only human after all.

And that's why his goodbye hits harder. No cuz of his selflessness, it's a questionable subject, but cuz of how much he's hurt. Because he was incredibly happy all this time but he knew that this should end and he had to put an end to this. As long as Porsche didn't show any sign of discomfort it was easier for Kinn to fool himself. But the moment he saw Porsche's breakdown he knew - the time has come. He needs to let him go. And his meekness, his acceptance of inevitable - that what hit me.

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I wanna 6M views for KinnPorsche trailer as soon as possible, only to get a new wallpaper (i.e. a new shot with Kinn and Porsche from the next episode). I'm literally dying in misery here, like why is it still Tuesday?