lily-from-fire

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Why one writes is a question I can answer easily, having so often asked it of myself. I believe one writes because one has to create a world in which one can live. I could not live in any of the worlds offered to me — the world of my parents, the world of war, the world of politics. I had to create a world of my own, like a climate, a country, an atmosphere in which I could breathe, reign, and recreate myself when destroyed by living. That, I believe, is the reason for every work of art.

Anaïs Nin, The Diary of Anaïs Nin, Vol. V: 1947-1955

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Books Read in 2021: Salem's Lot by Stephen King

“If a fear cannot be articulated, it can’t be conquered.”

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Sarkan, The Dragon: Uprooted by Naomi Novik

The Dragon hissed under his breath with annoyance: how dare a chimaera inconvenience him, coming out of season.

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literature moodboards: if we were villains by m. l. rio

"you can justify anything if you do it poetically enough."

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Endpapers for Masters of Death by Olivie Blake hehe

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"Spinning Silver", by Naomi Novik.

"But it was all the same choice, every time. The choice between the one death and all the little ones.", from Spinning Silver.

"So the fairy silver brought you a monster of fire for a husband, and me a monster of ice. We should put them in a room together and let them make us both widows.", from Spinning Silver.

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favourite books of 2023:

“the atlas six”

olivie blake

“we are empty and trying to fill, lighting ourselves on fire just to prove that we are normal—that we are ordinary. that we, like anything, can burn”

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mean girl influencer lottie baskerville!!!!!

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if not later, when?

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Guys I fear… I fear Jean & Jeremy do put up fronts but they are still what they are. Like Jean is genuinely still a hating bitch at heart and Jeremy is still nice and sunny. They just have layers please 😭

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andrew "i want nothing" minyard certified yearner of all time. wants a mother so bad he'll do anything to keep cass, even suffer her son. wants to protect his brother so bad he does whatever it takes, and that's before he even meets aaron to begin with. wants to take care of all the people who matter to him so bad that he always takes it a little too far. wants to be known so bad he'll give a boy he doesn't fully trust yet a key while telling him to stay. wants to be understood so bad he can't help but give ground to the first person who's really starting to, no matter what the deference does for his reputation. wants to have things to live for so bad he agrees to let people try to give him some. wants to be loved so bad he has to stifle the feeling and can't handle it when he actually is. wants to want nothing and wants more than anyone will ever know.

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Run boy run

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something I just love about aftg is Nora’s use of numbers as plot devices, as foreshadowing, as fate - however you want to put it

we talk about jean’s number a lot - a 3 becoming a 29, renee’s 9 combining with kevin’s 2 to give jean a new number that belongs to only him. but aside from their romantic ties to him, they are the two people that gave jean the chance to have this new future, any future. the 2 and 9 adding to give jeremy’s 11, another aspect of jean’s future (something about past experiences shaping your new ones)

neil moving from one #3 to another (“I would not have given him to you if I’d known you would just throw him away so carelessly”) neil’s birthday being 1/19 and jean’s 11/9 - fated misplaced forever partners

However her use of numbers in andrew’s life is often missed. cass being the 13th foster home. bee the 13th therapist. His and neil’s numbers adding to give this number again. A number first representing a horrendous experience is then echoed in every step andrew takes in dragging himself towards the first future he has allowed himself to see

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(The Golden Raven, ch.9)

Hi, hello, I'm thinking about this line again. It's amazing, beautiful, I love it, but it didn't make much sense to me at first. Like, yes, Jean and Neil are misplaced forever partners, and a big part of Jean wanted Neil to stay, but Neil never would have. Neil told Wymack that he didn't sign the Ravens' contract, that Riko couldn't make him. I never thought Jean really had a part to play in that choice.

But then I remembered that it was Jean that patched Neil up in the Nest. Jean was the one picking him up off the ground and pulling him back from the edge with quiet French. Riko was trying to break Neil so that he would sign with them, and Jean was the one who held him together just enough that he could escape. Neil implies himself that he barely made it out of there and that Jean played a role in that.

Jean could have kept Neil; all he would have had to do was let him break. He didn't have to help him, and he was worse off for it, but Jean just isn't that person. He couldn't let his partner break, even if that meant having to watch him walk away. He could have had his misplaced forever partner back, but he chose to give Neil back to the people he had chosen over his own safety — He gave Neil back to Andrew and the Foxes.

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Neil is stone cold.

“He strung the noose himself when he came all the way here to put his hands on you, and I am not afraid to kick the stool out from under him.”

Absolutely chilling.

Jean didn’t even confirm anything. He just made a comment. A very obvious and telling comment. But still nothing explicit and not that much context.

But as soon as Neil heard it he decided Grayson was a deadman. With ZERO hesitation. Neil had a hit out with the MOB 20 minutes later. Grayson was dead by MIDNIGHT.

Neil you absolute icon but jesus

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jean and his experience with drowning while in an otherwise dry and dark place vs neil and his experience with fire while feet away from the ocean

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