love-advice-on-call

[love-advice-on-call]

I'm really in need of some romance advice. This summer break I've been getting really close with my ex, A. She and I talk almost every night via text. This has been pretty great for the most part, but she recently told me she still has feelings for me. I broke up with her last school year because she was too clingy and wanted to change herself too much for my sake. It was like she wanted to be my trad wife; she also values romance to an extreme degree. She and I are both T-girls, and one of the main reasons I kept in touch after the break up was because of the sister-like bond we have. I personally view her as a little sister of some kind, since she's new to trans stuff in a lot of ways. I don't think I view her romantically, but I'm very unsure about this. I really want to be there for her in the best way possible, but I don't want to hurt her and myself. (She's also not out yet, if that matters.)

Hmm, you know I think there are definitely different philosophies and preferences on whether people will or should date someone after they break-up. It is 100% personal preference. I am the type of person who is a one and done type. However, I have friends who have broken-up before and now they're married and genuinely could not be happier.

Now one of the important things to note (as you kind of already done) is that usually the times people break-up and get back together is because one or both of the people are not ready to be in a relationship yet, but then they take that break and take time to adjust/strengthen themselves to be a better partner. I really get being unsure and not wanting to hurt anyone or yourself. I think that is totally rational, but one of the things that would dictate whether or not this happens I think is whether or not she has grown as a person. This is really only something she can answer for you and for herself.

Changing herself for you is definitely different than her changing herself for herself. It can be literal torment to live in that reality where you are trying to cling and mold yourself to fit another person and if she ended up "being different" or changing solely just because it might mean you two get back together, then it kinda technically means she hasn't actually changed. Now I don't want to knock it if she did do that, but it is kind of a technicality to consider. I don't think it is the worse thing and I think it is okay to do for a lot of situations. People change all the time for other people and it is healthy, but if you really are afraid of that clingyness, then it might be something to consider if you are afraid of her slipping back into her old habits.

My advice (since she does still have feelings and might still be interested in you) is that if you are interested or are deciding, then you should talk to her and see what is different with her and whether or not things have changed with her and if so why. I think you should remind her in this conversation the original reason why you ended things the first time and seeing if she has done some reflecting and work on that. I don't think you should tell her that you are looking to see if she changed specifically to fit you better and not to help herself just because I'm afraid she might panic a little and say she did it for herself just because it would make you happy. I think this should more be a probing conversation for you to get an understanding of where she is at and if she has grown and I'm sure there will be some probing from her end just to see if you might be interested. Since you two have had these open conversations, it sounds like you two can have a mature conversation about this.

After you get a bearing, I think it would be good if you didn't make a decision right away and spent time to reflect on the conversation to see if you really believe she has worked on the relationship areas and also to see if you are still interested in dating her in general.

You can totally still be friends if this conversation goes towards maybe her not being ready yet or maybe you find that she isn't the one for you anymore. It does sound like you two have a good friendship so I wouldn't want you gals to let that go just because of some romantic differences. Worst case scenario, you have a really great friend and that is saying a lot.

Posted June 26, 2025

[love-advice-on-call]

Hi! This is some sort of update if you don't mind me doing it so. I'm the anon who didn't knew if it was okay to date her nephew's friend because of how I still feel about J, btw

We (my nephew, my nephew's friend and me) were hanging out together and we started following each other on instagram, my nephew DID knew about his friend liking me cause when we started following each other and he looked at us like this

https://ar.pinterest.com/pin/259590366009833773/

So, maybe we're gonna start talking via instagram I guess, wish me luck!

Good luck! thank you for the update! Hahaha, you know it is so good to hear that your nephew was watching you guys and had that smirk. It's a good sign in general that he must be close with you.

Posted June 26, 2025

[love-advice-on-call]

I need an advice, my older brother lose interest at anything at all. He just look tired everytime and don't like socializing. He's also slow in thinking and moody. But he's overeating and has a lot of appetite for food. He got very failed grades from senior high school because of this. His teachers and even classmates noticed some changes in his behaviours. I want to help and reach out but I don't know what to do. I don't wanna mess up on his studies.

I'm no doctor or therapist, but your brother sounds depressed.

If your parents are around or guardians and you think they are pretty decent, then I think you should bring your concern with your brother up with them and let them handle the situation because that is really something they should be taking care of.

Now if you don’t have folks around who you can rely on, then things are a bit harder.

I think either way you should talk to your brother and let him know that you are concerned for him and that you are there for him. I think trying to pry a little bit (but not too much) would be good just to see what might be wrong. Getting insight will help you understand the situation more. You may even find that perhaps he is happier this way than what he was before. You may find that what he is sad about is temporary too.

It would be good to let him know to maybe seek a therapist if he can. If you wanted to find some resources, some states offer free mental health counseling. For example Georgia: https://dbhdd.georgia.gov/be-dbhdd/be-supported/mental-health-children-young-adults-and-families You will need to do some research. Some of the programs you will see online are a scam or are paid, but you might be able to find one ran by a local college or state program. Additionally, most high schools have counselors and their job is actually to be a therapist to the kids. I really didn’t know that growing up and I know they might not be the best, but they’re pretty much the easiest to access resource that your brother would have.

I think outside of that, you can try to recommend some hobbies to him. It is a subtler approach, but getting him into a hobby or sport would help get him to be more active in a community and talk to other folks. For example, maybe he is really into table top board games, you could find an event going on or meet-up and show it to him in case if he is interested. Or maybe he used to play soccer and you find some free pick up game’s or leagues going on around you.

One of the things to keep in mind when we want to help people is that you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make them drink. Ultimately, it is up to your brother if he wants to improve his situation. You can recommend therapy, books, sports, etc. but at the end of the day, if he doesn't have the drive to do it, then things wont change. Basically I'm saying not to lose yourself to the pursuit of making your brother happy. Him being sad also doesn't mean it will be like that forever, but it means that you may have to accept that he will just be like this for a while. Hopefully things don't come to that and I think most people don't want to spend their life sad so definitely talk to your brother and check whats up. Maybe things can turn around.

Last thing I'll say is, as someone with an older brother, one of the hardest things in our life is seeing our sibling going through it. Especially when we don't know why. They are the person we've known all our life, but sometimes that can make them the hardest person to reach. I think being there for your brother is important, so talking to him and being a friend even if he doesn't want to go to therapy or change anything in his life can still mean a lot for someone.

Posted June 19, 2025

[love-advice-on-call]

There's a guy courting me probably 43 year of age. He's rich and had no children but I have no idea About his past relationships but it was gossiped that he's not really dating anyone ever since. Also there's a woman I met and is 43 yrs old. she's also rich and never been dated. I found myself liking the woman even though I have no idea she's into me. I'm a lesbian and never came out. She's really appealing to me even tho she's average looking and old. What should I do

Well my recommendation is that if you're a closeted lesbian then it would be better to not date the guy in general because going into a relationship where you know you aren't attracted to the person plus you're doing it for reasons of maybe maintaining the heterosexual image on behalf of other people might make it so you resent him and yourself later on.

Now you didn't details about your age or whether it is safer for you to be open, but I'm going to give advice from the perspective that you are in a place where you could be open about your sexuality.

In which case, you don't sound too excited about the woman though who knows maybe if you dated her a couple of times to get to know her, you might find that you like her. If you are interested, then maybe you can just get to know her first in general and that should give you some insight. I think hanging one on one with someone can tell you a lot and as you get more comfortable with each other, you can start asking her about her dating history and move the conversation towards finding out if she likes girls. Basically, if you don't know if someone is gay, you usually can't just ask them straight up unless they are open. If you want to find it out, then you need to build some trust with them first. Same if someone was interested in you and wanted to know if you liked girls. It might take some "get to know you" first before you might talk about it with them.

What might be easier for you though is if you try to find people who are openly lesbian and dating them. I think if you're looking to be open and exploring dating in general, then it would be easier for you to find folks who are already open since you won't have to guess. Finding them might come down to joining more LGBT+ community events and online dating.

Posted June 19, 2025

[love-advice-on-call]

Hi! I need some advice on how should I do this, I'll explain:

I used to be friends with this girl as kids (our moms kinda "made us" being friends cause we went to the same church) and we continued being friends as teenagers. She was a "theater kid" and that made me cringe a lot to the point that we had a fight about it and grew apart from each other. I remember she, back then, told me I was being a mean brat and that if I valued her and her friendship I should suck it up and go with her to her events/plays and stop making those faces and if I didn't then I never was her friend at all. I got mad too and told her that if she was my friend she wouldn't make me go with her to every single event/play that she was in, that I didn't meant to make those faces it's just that I couldn't stop it

Now we are both adults, we recently saw each other and chatted for a while. We both agreed that we were stupid teens, that all of our drama should stay behind

It was all good (I even got to met her husband and 3 kids and she met my fiance) until now that she invited me to a group event where they sing/act/do theater things. I tought she was joking at first but quickly realized she wasn't, I told her in the most polite way I could find that those events still make me cringe, that we should see each other outside those events and she (almost as exactly as the last time we had that fight) got all dramatic and defensive and told me that she thought that I had changed and matured but she realized I was the same as the last time we saw each other, that I was even making those faces again and, before I could say anything, she grabed her things and left, not before saying to me that she was gonna expect me to go at this event

I talked with my fiance about it and he laughed. Not in a mean way, it's just that we both think it's ridiculous, that we are both adults now, that she shouldn't be that hurt about something like that, that we can perfectly see each other outside those events. My fiance laughed even more about me doing "the faces". Again, not in a mean way, but in a "I know what faces she means". I mean, my fiance always says that I'm as expresive with my face as Emilia Clarke is, that I could tell a story by just making faces

Now, my fiance thinks that I should block this woman and move on but I don't know, isn't that too rude? Should I say something to her? I mean, I don't wanna go to this event but she's not gonna listen that. Should I just not go and that's it?

Yeah, the mom’s being friends and putting you two together expecting you two to get along is always wack. I feel like it never worked out for me. As a tangent, I remember my mom was friends with this girl in college (she went later in life) and she’d take my brother and I to her house and we’d “play” video games with her son. This kid was a total DICK and he never let us play so we’d just sit there watching. They had a dog that sucked too. They ended up not being friends anymore after she turned out to be an ass too. Anywho, I’ll continue on with your ask, but this just brought up some memories.

I will say, I do think it is kind of sweet that you two met after all this time. It sounds like you’ve got a good grasp on what the relationship was like for you and I do think it is so funny you think that the theater stuff is cringe. It kind of is so I get it, but yeah it sounds like she is really passionate about it. I would honestly laugh along with your husband just because I do agree it is ridiculous. You two are so much older and I feel like just because you grew up doesn’t mean you’re going to suddenly like theater stuff. I do think it is kind of wild that she expects you to go to her even after having what I feel like was a second minor falling out.

As far as blocking this woman, I mean, I don’t know her and I always want to give people a chance, but I feel like you and your fiancé sound like solid people so I feel like I should trust his judgement even though I’ve never met him. I think blocking should usually be reserved if you think the person is going to be a trouble maker later on. Regardless, even if they don’t make you trouble, she will be kind of annoying and it doesn’t sound like you two would end up spending much time together despite this rekindling. It just sounds like you two still might not have that much in common besides being older now.

My thought is, if you don’t think you’d actually want to spend time with this person going forward, then don’t go to the event. The earlier you do it the better because as an adult, I feel like our time is so precious so I wouldn’t want to spend it on something I don’t really like. Is it rude? Not really. I think it depends how someone takes it, but just because saying no is uncomfortable, doesn’t mean you need to do it. If you think there might be something a little salvageable from this relationship, then maybe go. Honestly, I think it would be a good experiment not to go just to see what her reaction would be. It would give a good bearing on what she is like as a person now. Ultimately, it is up to you. If I were you, I probably wouldn’t go and let things fizzle out, but that’s only because I’m not the type to be that excited about old friendships. I feel like sitting in an event is a commitment versus a relationship like this might be more of a “hey lets have coffee today” type thing.

Posted June 11, 2025

[love-advice-on-call]

The girl who I have had a crush on for about 2 years and has had a crush on me (I recently learned) for about 1 year have finally got our shit together and started dating (which is, in and of itself fucking awesome).

Before we stepped up as it were, we were good friends (probably texted every other day, saw eachother in a group setting or one on one every 2 weeks, etc.).

But now I can't get her out of my mind, I find myself wanting to rush forward with major relationship events (saying I love you, moving in together, etc.) that I generally wouldn't want to so early.

How do I tell if it is just infatuation, vs. love. vs the relationship being advanced because we already had a solid friendship base?

(and if it is the first, how do I curtail it?)

How to curtail infatuation? I guess you can end it anytime by breaking up with them.

Other than that I recommend just living in the relationship to find out what it is. I don’t think most people can tell if it is just infatuation. Not the people in it because they are too close and not the people around it (usually) because they aren’t close enough. I think the best thing to do is to just enjoy the relationship and take the time to learn about yourself and this other person. I think the rest will fall into place for you.

Posted June 8, 2025

[love-advice-on-call]

(Prev anon) I forgot to mention her family may be iffy on the relationship if it happens because it's queer

Yeah, I mean her moving so fast I feel like is pretty typical of someone’s first time dating. I think for someone in your case, wanting a relationship to be healthy and grounded is a good sign and means you are on the right path in general. It’s usually the first step and being mindful of it means that you will probably be okay.

As far as advice for you to actually achieve your goal, I think trying to do some self-reflection with what made your previous relationships or romantic interactions toxic is what you should do. Whether that might be you being a little too co-dependent or maybe there were communication issues. Everyone has specific things that made/make their relationships unhealthy, so I recommend trying to find what was an issue and then once you’ve figured it out, try to do some work for yourself to improve those traits. That might be things like therapy, self-help books, or just even educating yourself on them.

The honeymoon phase ending I feel like is something that will come and go whether you try to slow it down or not. So enjoy it while you can! I understand your concern about not wanting to love bomb and overwhelm her, but you also want to make sure you take the time to relax and enjoy what you have. If you are concerned about sinking in, then just try to stay mindful and check in with yourself. All of this is also not to say that the honeymoon phase is supposed to be the best phase of a relationship. If things work out, you’ll go through a lot more phases and they’re going to be exciting in ways you didn’t expect.

The family and queer relationship, I mean that will come down to you guys. You can’t change who you are and neither can this girl and if she wants to date, then her parents being faced with it are bound to happen at some point. What the two of you have control of is how you guys react to it, but that mostly is for her to decide since it is her family. That might mean taking some distance or that might mean choosing them over you/herself. On your end, you’ll just have to be prepared to accept whatever she decides and I think you should have a conversation with her to find out what that might be.

Posted June 8, 2025

[love-advice-on-call]

I’ve been close friends with this girl for a little over a year and we recently admitted we’ve had mutual feelings. We’ve agreed to stay unlabeled until the end of summer since it’s her first time dating and I’m out of practice myself. She’s very lovesick and wants to move quickly, and while I care about her deeply, I’m nervous about accidentally overwhelming her. I don’t want to unintentionally lovebomb or rush through the honeymoon phase in a way that makes things feel unsafe or lead to something toxic. I want this to be something healthy and grounded for both of us. Do you have any advice on how to navigate this possible early romance?

answering on last part

[love-advice-on-call]

how can i get back with an ex of 4 years. i just want some closure on the break up but i miss our friendship so much that all i can think about recently is him and wondering how to even reach out. i’m just worried that if i reach out i’ll get ignored or worse. it’s just that i genuinely feel with how much i’ve changed over the years we could have a much better relationship now.

Hmm well if you are trying to get closure on a break-up, then I think the best thing to do would be to find them on social media and send them a message being like "hey I hope you're doing well, I know it has been 4 years and this is totally out of the blue, but I am wondering if you'd be okay with chatting about how we ended things because I am looking for some closure that I've been wondering about." Word it however you want to, but I think the important thing is that you cut to the point because I think wanting closure in general is an interesting topic and if the person you are trying to get it from is in a place to even talk to you, then them knowing what you need sooner will help get your foot in the door.

Now I couldn't really tell if you actually wanting to "get back get back" together with this ex, but I'd advise to not try to re-date someone after 4 years or even try to become friends with them again. I do agree you two are different people at this point, but after 4 years, some people really put away the old things that happened to them and move onto different newer phases of their life. It may end up not the way you hope. All of this being said, if you are really compelled to do so, I think reaching out would be a good start and you can really get a sense of how they are feeling about you two through a conversation about how the last relationship ended. Then if they seem to be feeling good about you reaching out, you can see how you can progress a reconnection.

Posted June 2, 2025

[love-advice-on-call]

My gf became cold to me and our relationship when her uncle died. He never answering my phone calls and texts and keep ignoring me when I go to their home. All she do is sleeping and she never went out since the incident. And she never want to eat her favorite foods

I’m very sorry to hear her uncle died. I think it sounds like she is depressed so I’m guessing they were close or she had a significance to her in her life. Either way, she’ll need time to grieve. I get totally being uncommunicative for the first few months, but there really is not advice or “proper estimate” of how much someone is going to grieve or for how long. I think if you are feeling a little left out then you should at least let her know that you understand why she is sad and that she is totally valid for being sad after a family member dies; it’s just that you also would like to be in contact with her to know how she is doing because you are concerned with how she is doing and haven’t heard from her in a while.

It might not get you the full warmness you’d expect to be back in the normal pace of the relationship pre-uncle passing, but it is a start to get into her life again and also help emotionally support her as her boyfriend during this difficult time for her. I think other things you are missing will come back with time, but you need to make sure you are in her life and supporting her. Supporting her is the best thing you can be doing for her right now especially since she is having a hard time doing it for herself right now.

Posted May 29, 2025

[love-advice-on-call]

"I think there is no need to feel guilty because you need to move on at some point"

Then why I feel that I'm betraying J? Why I can't forget him? It hurts so much not having him here anymore but I don't want to be in the middle of him and his family + I know it hurts him too

Everyone keeps telling me that I should move on and that my nephews friend seems like the best option for me but I can't seem to think about anything but all the moments that J and I spend together...

You probably feel like you are betraying J because the feelings are still fresh for you and you two shared an intimate bond. I think it is a pretty normal thing for someone in your position.

To be honest, you wont really be able to get J out of your mind for a bit. It getting over someone kind of takes a bit and each person you get over will be different. For now J is just someone you feel strongly for and you are learning to be in a new phase of your life. I also think if you just move on to the newphew’s friend or at least understand for yourself that you have genuine interest in someone else, then it will help you move on.

Posted May 29, 2025

[love-advice-on-call]

I have a manager female. I'm female as well. One time, she hugged me when we're only together alone. Then she's always helping me at my tasks. What does It mean? I'm confused she's different from others

It could mean that she likes you as an employee. I mean if you feel like this would be an issue HR wise, then you can contact your uppers about it or at least try to distance yourself a bit. I know it can be really hard to do that in a work place since they are a superior to you and are in control of your employment, but otherwise the other option would be finding a new job if things progress out of your hands.

Posted May 29, 2025

[love-advice-on-call]

Just a heads up that I see your asks, I've just been out of town this past week so I will get to these soon!

Posted May 28, 2025

[love-advice-on-call]

I hate it when my boyfriend touches me when he's drunk. I mean, he touches me everytime but it seems different when he's drunk. Because he touches me a lot And he kisses me a lot and I'm not comfortable. Do you think his actions can put us in danger?

His actions could only put you in danger if you feel like your boyfriend is the type to put you in a dangerous situation or if you feel like you might take it too far. People can get drunk and not do something dangerous, but it takes a person who is capable of doing dangerous things in the first place to do something dangerous while drunk (or to a drunk person). Do you get me? Sort of like a fast car without seat belts isn’t fun to drive in, but a fast car with seat belts can be a lot of fun. It’s got to have that dangerous element in it first even when not in motion.

So you said a couple of things that makes me want to check in with you to make sure things are okay. In my past experience usually people who write in or ask for advice like this and specifically say things like “I hate it” or “I feel scared/disgusted when my partner does XYZ” usually describe the situation that way because of past experience. Whether that be with being bad/traumatic experiences with men in general, trauma with a drunk/alcoholic person, or maybe a mix of both. If you feel that you fall under this category, then I recommend discussing this with a therapist as they can help guide you through dealing with that trauma and understanding how it affects you know and how you can get some control over your reactions to it.

Outside of that, either way, what I think you should do is express to your boyfriend that you feel a bit uncomfortable when he does these things with you. I think getting touched on and kissed by your partner when they are intoxicated is definitely not something everyone feels okay about. Let him know how you can enjoy it when he is sober, but how it doesn’t make you feel right to do things with him when he is drunk and that you have these concerns. At the end of the day, having a conversation that you feel this way is what is going to help put your mind at ease and also let him know how he should be behaving when he is drunk with you around. This is something I would expect to be a pretty hard discussion to have because it is a topic you feel some anxiety about so make sure to take your time to talk about your concerns and not rush through it.

Posted May 18, 2025

[love-advice-on-call]

My boyfriend hangouts with his friends mixed men and women and I don't like it when he calls me and says he's drunk and it's already night and my parents would get mad so I'm gonna call his brother to accompany him and I just hate it that he do this all the time. What should I do?

Mixed ethnically? or mixed gender wise? Either way, mixed is perfectly okay in my opinion.

Honestly, I don’t think it is fair to his brother to have him go and accompany him. This is going to be really blunt, but his brother has a life of his own and his job isn’t to baby sit your boyfriend just so you feel better about your boyfriend drinking at night. Me personally, if my brother’s girlfriend called me telling me to go check on him as he drinks, I’d feel a little upset that his girlfriend isn’t brining up the drinking to him and having me take care of it and also worried that maybe she thinks he is drinking too much. I just don’t think the brother should be involved in things this way and although that could be a way to approach this, I think there are better ways that keep the brother out.

What I do think would be good is if instead you talked to your boyfriend and expressed concern about him drunk calling you and the fear about your parents getting mad. I think that is totally valid and you should discuss it with him so he learns to respect the boundaries you have with your family. You can also talk to him about the drinking as well if you are concerned he is doing it too much. Letting him know how you’ve been feeling about the situation will be the only real way that he can get a better control of his actions so they better align with your concerns.

Posted May 18, 2025

[love-advice-on-call]

Hi hi,

This is going to be me making a mountain out of a molehill surely but if I could get your take on it I'd really appreciate it.

I have a friend group that I would hang out with a lot online. Almost daily, then my job upped the hours I was at work and meeting new friends IRL has really eaten up the time most of the group would be available.

Finally work has slowed down, and I have my evenings back and can hang out, not as often as before but certainly more often. Thing is they're all gone, there was a fallout between some of them that really blew the group apart into two groups and the usual hangout spot online is now vacant most nights. My silence on the matter and disappearing with no explanation while I admit I should've said *something* was treated like the ultimate sin and I got chewed out for it. after explaining it seems like things smoothed over with the ones who got mad at me for it.

Then I went on vacation to visit my mother, turning my online time went from online sometimes to absolutely nothing for about a week. During the vacation it was my birthday. Not a single person from the friend group even acknowledged it, no happy bday, no belated bday, nothing. even when I said something like "Oh I went to X for my birthday a few days ago" in the group chat.

My partner keeps telling me things happen and maybe they forgot and it's not a big deal. We're adults after all, birthdays usually lose meaning once you're in your 20s right?? In some ways I think he's right, because I'm very flighty about celebrating and telling people when my birthday is. Everyone in the group knew though, because one of their birthdays is two days after mine and i wished her happy birthday the day of. and another person in the groups birthday is a week later.

Telling them they forgot my birthday and it kind of hurt is on the table but I feel like that would be an overreaction. Do you agree?? disagree?? I'm kinda looking for a confirmation or maybe a wake up call. Thoughts??

Thank you for all the work you do.

I mean, what could you say on the matter, you weren’t there! I get your friends wanting feedback, but to a certain degree it becomes taking sides if you haven’t been around often and for totally valid reasons. I don’t think your friends should be getting mad at you for getting busy. Especially getting work busy. Like I don’t think we can or should get angry at someone for trying to secure food on the table and rent. “Get the bag girl” as the kids say. Literally I think it is crazy to be upset about it. I do think being like “hey I gotta take care of some things right now” is the minimum you should do, but outside of that it does suck people got mad at you.

Look, given the friend group blew up, I think if you have specific people that you’d like to maintain a friendship with then it wouldn’t be crazy to let them know you feel a little hurt about them not wishing you a happy birthday. I think following up with them on this depends on how hard you want to retain these relationships. It sounds like you really want to keep them which I think is totally valid. I’ve had online friends that I really wanted to retain so I don’t think it is an overreaction. Even if these people were in-person with you, I think this would be a fine response for a friend group.

One thing I will say, is that I hope they react to this okay given they sound a little tumultuous. I want to say don’t get your hopes up, but I don’t know these people. They could very well likely react very well and be like “I’m sorry, I’ll mark my calendar and follow up in the future” which would be great. I’m not trying to be negative, but I am just trying to be cautious. I do think you should follow up, but I recommend following up with the understanding that maybe this friend group is in a little bit of a tenser feeling than what they were before you got busy so some people might be a little snappy or less enthusiastic.

Posted May 18, 2025

P.S. Thanks for the thanks!

[love-advice-on-call]

My sister has a schoolmate and they started being friends. I noticed they're developing feelings for each other and I don't like the guy for her because he drinks alcohol and sometimes went out with friends (both make and female) to the restobars and even have bedroom share with female friends. I know my sister is a virgin and never been dated and never drink. She's really innocent but I cant do anything because I don't wanna break her heart

This guy drinking alcohol at a restaurant-bar and having both male and female friends is pretty common. I get if you grew up more conservatively, then it can a bit concerning and a culture shock. Now if the guy and their friends are under your area’s legal drinking age and getting your sister to do it, then yeah it can be a bad influence, but I’m guessing not considering they are going into restaurants and bars to drink, but you’ve got to have a bit of faith in your sister.

She’s really innocent, but as people get older and especially get exposed to new culture shifts, they are going to change. It’s all part of growing up. I understand wanting to preserve that, but the version of your sister in your head is not going to stay the same . It’s the same way how your parents have you and your sister, but expect that one day your sister will be married and might have kids. When my brother announced that he was having a kid, I thought it was crazy because I had known this guy my whole life and never expected him to have sex. That isn’t meant as a dig of what he can get, but I literally mean it becomes unfathomable that the version of this person you know changes and is dynamic and is growing outside of what you can see and understand in your field of vision yet one day it did and our lives will be different forever.

The virginity, the never drinking, and never dating, all these things will be different one day. The best thing we can do as their siblings is to at least be involved in this part of their life because it is going to happen with or without us. Now what you can do is nudge her that maybe you are concerned, but you can’t push hard because if you do, then she will just stop coming to you and talking to you about things. Right now, I think your concern should be for your sister (yes), but also how you want to be in your sister’s life in the future.

Posted May 18, 2025