lucilleposh - Tumblr blog

lucilleposh · 8 days ago

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Unsure whether i should post this on ao3 or not

Simce its honestly just a carbon copy of karma alien stage except i swapped out mizisua with daminate

Anyways...

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Beaming, he smiles at Damian, as the instrumentals to the song faded into the shimmering background. In the soft light, a smile appears on Damian's face in response. Yet the smile does not reach his eyes. It seemed strained. Forced. Pained.

Still, all Nate could think about was the way the light shone made it seem as though Damian's hair were weaved from silver. Mesmerized, as always, at how delicate yet stunning he could effortlessly look–like a god of ethereal beauty had set foot upon the land of filthy mortals.

Damian's eyes fluttered half closed as his brows furrowed, tilting his head and looking upon Nate with an expression that conveyed more than what he could say in that moment alone.

That night, the sound of the fired shot was the loudest. The blood now splattered across Nate’s face the warmest. And the space in his heart the hollowest it had ever been.

Feeling his legs go weak, he collapses before the limp body before him. But not a tear fell from his face. Not even a drop. The river of his tears have long since run dry.

Nate woke up with a jolt, sweat clinging onto his skin with his heart pounding hard enough for him to shake. Letting out a sigh, he placed the back of his arm over his eyes, sinking back down onto the bed.

It had been a few days since he had been pulled out from that cruel stage but it still felt like he had never left that place. Heavy feelings lingered longer than what he would have liked, memories vivid as ever in his mind. He could still remember every moment of the last song he sang with him, their voices resonating with each other as one like they were always made to complement the other.

Now he got up, finding his way around the rebel’s hideout in the dark. Moving with purpose, he walked past hallways and rooms until he found it.

By the doorway, he peeked into the study. Sure enough, the one who saved him from the stage was there. With just a table lamp to light up papers of scrawled diagrams and plans scattered across the table, April was hunched over them, a pen still in hand as she continued scribbling words upon words.

“April…”

The pen stopped moving in her hands.

“There's something I need to confess.”

She looks up, gesturing to Nate to take a seat. But Nate shook his head, weighed down by the guilt and grief on his shoulders. He chokes on a sob.

“He was secretly rehearsing his death every night.”

Whenever night fell in Anakt garden, he would see Damian quietly sitting in the dark of his room through his ajar door. His eyes would always be fixed onto a screen, depicting the death of those that failed to appease the crowds of creatures who stood higher than them. Damian’s hands would linger on the side of his neck, fingers tracing over the spot numerous times, feeling for the bullet before it even hits him.

“And I knew, but pretended not to.”

Each time, Nate had only watched upon him through the gap of the door, not confronting him about it nor trying to stop him. He simply let it happen. He closed the door on Damian each time, despite knowing what was going to happen as a result of that.

“Maybe I just wasn't as desperate for him.”

The amount of love his heart could hold was lesser than what Damian's heart could hold. Because many times he had the opportunity to stop Damian, to save him, but he was unable to bring himself to even try. Maybe that was why he laid himself down like a lamb to the slaughter, expecting Damian's death all along.

“I know my love was different from yours.”

When he had originally been committed to a lonely, miserable end with noone to truly cherish and love, he appeared like a godsend. An angel. A saviour. So in him, Nate placed his faith and devotion, offering up all of his to solely him.

“But it was love, too.”

His love was like fire. Passionate, intense and dangerous. It wasn't completely pure like that of an angel like Damian's. It stemmed deep from the feeling of control he had over Damian. He could do so as he wishes with Damian, and Damian would be willing to accept it, even if it ends up hurting him.

But even a love that originated from that doesn't make it any less than love. He still loved him. All those days in Anakt garden that they spent weren't nothing. And he knew that because when he collapsed and stared at the body before him in a daze, there was a pain that drove through his heart, shattering it, because he had loved.

“Who could really blame me?”

That evening, as the skies bled red into the horizon, Nate had found a cliff that overlooked a ravine so deep the bottom was enshrouded in darkness. While others would have ran away from the danger on the edge of the cliff, he walked towards it in a daze, entranced.

What would happen if I fell?

Would it hurt?

Would anybody care?

Or would I just be another dispensable contestant?

If I fell and died, would I be free?

Muddy rocks and soil gradually replaced the soft lush grass beneath his feet as he walked closer to where the cliff ended and the drop started. As he looked down, his heart picked up the pace. A bottomless pit.

The trembling in my steps, this noise in my chest, and the tightening feeling around my lungs–is it from fear, or excitement?

A hysterical smile was making a way on his face now, as he took a step onto the edge of the cliff. He was now partially standing on the rocks. Just one step and he would have fallen. Just one step.

Slowly, he extends a foot forwards, suspending it above the space below. The wind from the height of the cliff was blowing even stronger now, lifting his loose shirt. Teetering over the edge on one leg, he wondered if the wind would have the force to push him down like a leaf in the wind. Not that it would have mattered.

The air began to rush past his ears, howling with ferocity. But perhaps what awaited him at the bottom of the cliff was a better fate than having a life of being tied down. So he put his weight onto the void, letting it free him.

“If you'd seen the look on his face too, you wouldn't be able to fault me either.”

A hand had grabbed onto his at the very last moment. Clammy cold fingers trembling as they clutched onto his, desperately holding on even as he could feel himself slipping. With snow white hair flowing behind Damian resembling wings, his eyes glistened as he looked upon Nate. His usually calm expression was now replaced with that of distraught, akin to watching a world containing everything he had ever known and loved burn to ashes.

It was then, Nate realised, that as much as he wanted to be free from it all, it was selfish of him to desire liberation in this manner. For if he did, Damian would have followed. So he had to keep living.

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Looking at April, who now laid on the stage, a pool of blood streaming from where she was shot, all Damian could do was bitterly think.

You've been running away from the very beginning.

From the previous rounds on the alien stage till now, she had only escaped and evaded. Fleeing from Anakt garden and joining the rebellion of humans who wished for a better world.

Not once did you face your real feelings.

He remembered April momentarily beginning to tell him about her days in Anakt garden before turning quiet. She had always driven the topic away from her experience at Anakt garden afterwards, mentioning about her plans for the rebellion or the future uprising of humans instead.

Damian knew. He knew that there was something that had happened in that place that April didn't want to think of and he scorned her for it.

Did clinging to some noble cause or sense of justice ever really fix anything?

The rebellion was just a means for April to feel less guilty of her unresolved feelings. In reality, not a day had gone past in her mind since that incident in Anakt garden. Thinking that the good she was doing now would weigh out the wrongs she had done, she continued being a part of the rebellion.

But what came of it? A meaningless death.

An end just like this. Soaked in cold blood on a stage. Just like how all they have been destined to die. Not even once were any of them in control of their lives. To be bred, to be entertainment, to be playthings for these beings. That was their purpose set in stone from the very beginning.

Pulling himself up, he stumbles towards one of the members of the rebellion, snatching the laptop from their hands. Plans over months, statistics and floor plans all popped up but he clicked them away until he found that particular tab–the controls to the missile the rebels had prided upon.

Finally, there was something he could change about his life of his own will. Freedom of his own volition. Not a decision made by bullets fired by others, not a decision made by the collar upon his neck and not a decision made by this world.

Abovehead, the missile bursted through the roof of the stadium, sending debris and overhanging frames falling down. A crack and an explosive noise followed, sending the whole stadium shuddering under the sheer force of the explosion that followed. Before Nate could stabilise himself from the shaking ground, light so bright broke out from where the missile had landed, momentarily blinding him.

When the smoke had cleared, the first thing Nate felt was the pain in various parts of his body. It ached each time he moved, searing hot pain erupting from many spots all at once. Burns, bruises, cuts littered all over his body. The warm liquid dribbled down his chin–a reminder. He was bleeding and he knew it. Alone, he would die, the cold hard stage pressed into his back.

As he closed his eyes, he imagined a world where he could love and be loved. A place where Damian never chose to die. Where he found it in himself to stop Damian. A reality where his love never came from those foul thoughts of his. But it struck him. It was, at the end of the day, just an imagined reality.

And even if we'd been granted freedom, we'd still have felt alone.

Because humans are the root of all this pain.

We're creatures who can't seem to love without exploiting.

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Since you made it to the end, what about i tell you some fun stuff?

Originally while writing this, I was debating on who to kill off and it changed a few times while i was writing this

At the end of the day i realised

"woah damian would literally sacrifice himself for nate who could be the seemingly "innocent" person to preserve his "innocence""

"and Nate could be the "innocent" mizi who only acts that way to survive"

Not only that but its literally similar to their dynamic in the canon cf1225 universe minus the Nate pretending to be innocent part

Because damian literally is more aware about the corruption in the police than nate who's our innocent cinnamon roll who only wants to bring people to justice

Pretty sure there were a few voicelines about Damian not wanting to "drag" nate "into this" or smth

#cf1225 #roblox #case file 1225 #Spotify

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