maloui

[maloui]

Susan Sontag, from “Reborn: Journals and Notebooks, 1947-1963″

[maloui]

I can´t collapse like a tower of cards

since if I fall there are no afterwords

my therapy is to write these silly words

in case someone else needs it too

since mental health is taboo.

Being strong and happy no one notices it

being cheerful, and enthusiastic, is what I emit

But I can´t fool myself when dops of tears fall through my cheeks

[maloui]

Love is a luxury that I can´t afford

it is so hard ......

for a coward, without a stable mind

penniless and jobless what else is there

Romance is a fortune that I´m not blessed

it won´t come to my cursed heart, ....

[maloui]

Going to walks to free my mind

read stories in order to live my life through their lives

like fell in love, getting a job, not feeling alone

sadly it is all fake and none of that is mine.

Just recently found a story that portrays what I feel

just graduate, unemployed, and in my 30s

everybody is living happily

Why it is just me that cries with no tears?

feeling hopeless but keep trying

I force myself to feel pleasure from carnal things

eat yummy food and feel myself

it is not the same Where is my happiness?

Everybody says I'm cheerful full of smiles

then don't realize I cried in my heart

with my bag just too full of shit

[maloui]

Being suffocated, for so much time

with no air to breath, no springtime

no job, no money, without mental health

Is it my fault?

This is way too difficult

Why they do not let me try?

Am I scary, unnecessary, not essentially

[maloui]

Pretty unique

I am pretty, pretty unique

not like the standard, just basic

that´s why no one approaches me first

what a shame their lost

still, I love me, just wondering where is the one that find me pretty.

[maloui]

Reflection

Lost in thoughts, unable to see

when fear overpowers me Can I be able to succeed?

Everybody grows, Why can´t I do the same?

What do I lack? just tell me, please

Give me an opportunity to prove

that I can make it work just belive

I can do it better than them

I keep learning and training, researching and working

However, It seems the doors stay close

How could I compromise?

.....

[maloui]

[maloui]

You know it was a good Me Time when you have petechiae after several org...

[maloui]

Officially fat 🙃 time to do some exercise, this year has been too sedentary so far.

[maloui]

Good news my thesis is not that wrong!!!

We got this

[maloui]

At the edge of ...

There are no more tears to cry just a charming and joyfully masquerade with a fake smile, eventually, the best way to keep going is to pretend that you are ok, even if you are extremely broken on the inside.

[maloui]

I need some cuddle time, to warm up my heart and cool my mind.

[maloui]

𝘴𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘱𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘢 𝘭𝘪𝘧𝘦 𝘣𝘶𝘪𝘭𝘥𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘸𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘴𝘢𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘪𝘯 𝘩𝘦𝘳 '𝘭𝘰𝘯𝘦𝘭𝘺' 𝘸𝘰𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘸𝘩𝘺 𝘯𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘨𝘳𝘦𝘸🥀

-𝘢𝘵𝘵𝘪𝘤𝘶𝘴

[maloui]

A reminder to myself to just keep breathing through life even though, I am drowning inside my thoughts.

[maloui]

Everything has a beauty, but not everyone can see it.

[maloui]

ovulation phase :

" Yo soy una perra en calor,

Toy buscando un perro pa' quedarno' pegao"