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Mandamientos de Mando #3

Mandamientos de Mando #3 - Don’t ask questions when you’re not prepared to hear the answer.

Don’t ask questions when you’re not prepared to hear the answer. I’m sure you reading this right now can think of various times you asked an intriguing question and received an answer that didn’t bring benefit to you. Yes, I’m talking about the times you asked questions knowing the answer would pain you. Also talking about the times you asked questions knowing the answer would disturb you. Even about the times you demanded answers for validation, but instead were let down. Overall talking about the times you asked questions when you weren’t prepared, be it mentally, to hear the answer.

As human beings we are naturally curious, however; we are also irrational in the way we process certain information. I like to divide the world we live in into two distinct environments: the micro and macro environment. The micro-environment is simply your thoughts, beliefs, values, emotions, awareness and consciousness. At a larger scale, the macro environment is the vast external stimulus that may affect your internal micro-environment. You are not able to control your macro-environment, but you are very much in absolute control of your micro-environment - or at least, you could be.

This mandamiento focuses strongly on the idea that you shouldn’t allow the macro-environment to radically impact your micro-environment. One technique that I have found extremely useful is to not ask questions when I’m not prepared to hear the answer. There are millions upon millions of individual processes, activities and events happening every second that you simply don’t know about. Since you’re unaware of all theses events taking place, you’re not affected by them. You only filter into your micro-enviroment things that interest you. May it be the gossip going around in your local friend group, keeping up with the news in the middle-east or following bets on wolf races in Russia. Every day, you actively choose what you allow into your micro-environment. Ensure you’re prepared to receive the information you seek. Be aware of your micro-environment. Be conscious of the energy you devote to certain thoughts and feelings.  

There are many questions that arise in your mind per day that thankfully never receive an answer. I specifically say “thankfully” because: can you imagine finding answers to every single question generated by your psyche? Not to mention the emotions, anxiety and stress that accompany these questions. There are many questions that are better left unanswered. These type of questions exist in both your micro and macro environment. The answer, however, should only exist in the macro-enviroment. If it’s there, and you haven’t filtered it into your micro-environment, then that answer belongs to the external environment. Before asking, ensure you’re prepared to receive the answer. You know yourself better than anyone else in this world. The alternative choice to ignore the question and corresponding answer is always present, you just choose to follow your irrational emotions. I understand that this is easier said than done, but it simply requires practice. Anytime you feel the urge to ask questions that will pain you, notice that feeling. You’re a conscious being; become aware of the feeling and simply let it go. Don’t hold onto the idea of discovering the answer because then, unfortunately, you will spend hours fixed on that one thought.

In my case, for example, I’ve reached levels of over-thinking that are absolutely ridiculous. I have imagined scenarios that never in a million years would actually happen, but I convince myself that it’s the truth. I am a victim of this parasite as well. But I’ve learnt to deal with it. Trust me when I tell you I’ve dealt with this problem countless times. However, as I became more and more aware of the fact that I could simply wait to find out the answer when prepared, or ignore the thought as a whole, my worries disappeared. It takes a strong mentality to do this because you must not allow your emotions to guide your mind. Control your micro-environment by not asking questions when you’re not prepared to hear the answer.

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Can money buy happiness?

The simple answer to a such a complex question is no. But to reach that conclusion, there’s somewhat of a tricky explanation.

Money does not buy happiness, but it does provide comfortability. I’ve seen people unhappier in the alps of Switzerland than in the rural streets of Colombia. Money suffices the needs in life. By needs I mean a roof, bed, clean water, energy. From then on it also provides some extra benefits. These extra benefits please desires and are in fact not a need. You don’t really need the iPhone 12, even the iPhone 3G will suffice to call, text and communicate with others. Now that isn’t to say that the extra luxuries aren’t fun. However, the extra luxuries that money allows are merely a temporary moment of satisfaction mistaken for happiness. Real happiness comes from your health, mental state and well-being, not from external things.

It is easy for me to say that of course, as I do acknowledge my situation. But trust me, I’ve met some of the wealthiest individuals as a result of my international upbringing and their lives, despite their lavish and luxurious lifestyle, is absolute shit. Money allows for people to live in a bigger house, have a more extravagant car, and purchase the most exclusive clothes. However, while it may be an upgrade, it remains a luxury and not a need. In the most spacious houses, some feel the vast emptiness. We all endure our hardships in life, whether rich or poor. Unfortunately those hardships are worsened when you lack the basic needs. It’s not the same to be upset in a villa overlooking the sea than in the streets wondering whether you’ll find shelter for the night. Money removes the basic worries in life so you can deal with the extra shit surrounding your existence. It sounds quite sinical, I know, but it’s the sad truth.

I come from Colombia and have lived in Switzerland. I can honestly say I’ve seen both extremes. When I was younger I used to accompany my dad when he was doing political rallies. We went to some of the poorest towns in Colombia. The poverty that I’ve seen is crude, raw and undesirable. Yet what impressed me the most was that while many people were struggling for survival, their passion for life never wore out. In fact, I more often heard somebody complain about their life when I was in Switzerland than in Colombia. The struggle for survival forces individuals to live day by day and consequently become grounded in the present moment. In the other side of the spectrum a comfortable couchin awaits those with wealth, and are more consumed by the worries that the extra luxuries creates. If there’s anything I’ve truly learnt in my years on this planet is that you must ground yourself in the moment to find happiness. Not live in the past, let alone the future. With money, it’s easier to drift away from this principle and worry about the troubles of the future. When you lack the comfort supported by money, you’re stripped away from the future in some sense and you’re left with the present. It’s also redundant to dwell in the past because it doesn’t bring any benefit. Living in the present however provides a luxury above all riches, happiness. The feeling of happiness can only come from within and not from external things. When I previously mentioned that extra luxuries provide a moment of satisfaction, I meant that it’s a temporary feeling and not constant. When you purchase a new t-shirt, video game, car, watch, or whatever it may be, you become very excited. That excitement fades away quickly because it’s temporary. You may keep the t-shirt that you so dearly wanted for the rest of your life, but you’ll never experience the same level of emotion as when you got it. So while you will see individuals racing their cars fast in the street, flexing their wealth with watches and boujee clothes, know that the thrill provides excitement but not real happiness. I’ll repeat it once more, happiness comes from within. Live in the present moment and focus on yourself and you’ll find happiness.

The comfortability enabled by money indeed facilitates the game of life, but very few actually know how to access the true game-changer, happiness. I am convinced that I’ve seen more passionate, happier and gleeful individuals when they’re detattched from things, than those that possess all. I’ve also seen wealthy individuals that are completely detattched from all materialistic things and have a distinct infatuation for life. You don’t need any of the extra benefits that come about from money to be happy in life. All you need is yourself and the present moment. There is where you’ll find happiness.

Please keep in mind that this post is intended to provide my perspective on the subject and in no way am I trying to state anything said as “factual information”. I am open to your comments and opinions on the subject ! DM me on instagram @manditoart if you’d like to chat!

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“Confia en ti, desconfia de los otros”

The other day I was in a kickboxing session with my mentor Fernando when I heard him say, “confia en ti, desconfia de los otros.” For those reading that don’t speak Spanish, the translation to English is “trust yourself, distrust others.” I really liked this quote he said.

I’ll provide a bit of context before I jump into the subject of this post. In January of 2020, I began kickboxing with my trainer Fernando. I would do it 3 times a week and just wanted to do it for fun. When the quarantine came around in March, I was back in Switzerland and practiced with a different trainer at home almost every day. I came back in August to Madrid after the summer, and since then, I’ve been intensely devoted to the sport. Since August, I’ve been training 4/5 times a week for around 4 months now.  The goal in mind is to enter and win a championship by the end of 2021. It’s been tremendously demanding but at the same time incredibly rewarding. I’ve been learning the base of absolutely everything I need to know to fight during this past year. However, that’s only the first phase of competing for a championship. This month of December, I’ve commenced sparring with my trainer as well as his other trainees. In the ring, you have to have confidence. You have to distrust your opponent to be alert and trust yourself to react and attack at any point. The sport of kickboxing comes in two parts. The first is the physique and technique, and the second is the mentality required.

“Confia en ti, desconfia de los otros”

Trust yourself. Always have faith in yourself. You’ve made it this far; anything that comes your way is just a test of your resilience. The moment Fernando said this quote to me, I begun trusting myself in the ring and consequently started fighting better. When you have trust in yourself, you feel the adrenaline rush. You feel in control of the situation. Trusting yourself translates to discipline, determination, and self-love. If you know that you’ve put more time, effort, and passion into it than others around you, there’s no reason to let your insecurities consume you. If you’re prepared and you’re comfortable in your own skin, you will always succeed. Even when you’re less prepared than others, you must trust yourself. There will come times that you have to think on your feet, and you’ll feel fear creeping in, even then and more importantly then, you must trust yourself. Everyone has a roaring animal in them that once you tap into it, it becomes your source of self-trust and confidence. Always push yourself and have faith in yourself.

While I don’t think that we should distrust others all the time, I believe that we must be attentive to their actions. In my other posts, I’ve mentioned that people’s irrational behavior stems from their own complexities and insecurities. When they hurt you, they’re only projecting themselves. We must be attentive to people’s actions to understand them, in other words, analyze them. It’s not that different from that of kickboxing. You must analyze your opponent to discern their next move. This quote that my trainer mentioned hit me in many ways. While it taught me to distrust my opponent, in the ring, it also reminded me of situations I could apply to in real life. Let’s be honest; we all have our own agendas. When you have a goal in mind, you won’t let anyone stop you if you’re wise enough. That means doing all that’s necessary to achieve it. This axiom applies to many different scenarios in everyone’s lives. Say you’re trying to attain a high position in a firm; if you’re determined, you won’t let anyone get in your way. Or if you’re about to win that competition that you’ve been working so hard for, you won’t let anyone stop you. Even in love, if you have your mindset on someone, you won’t let anything get in the way of your desires. However, while you’ll prevent people from stepping on your dreams, there will be some that will get close to ruining them. Many people want the worst for you when you’re succeeding. At that moment, I’ve realized it’s important to remember this exact quote Fernando uttered - “trust yourself, distrust others”. In kickboxing, they will try to fake their moves to drive your focus and defense where they want it to be and strike wherever you’re vulnerable. Very similarly, some will deceive you and pretend to be close to you to crush your dreams. You have to distinguish those who cannot be trusted apart from those who want the best for you. More often than not, it’s those who are involved in some sort of conflict of interest over something you both want to attain. Or those who will be affected by your accomplishments. Those are your opponents, very much like in kickboxing, you must distrust them.

This quote essentially bridges two concepts together, trusting yourself and distrusting others around you. It’s a juxtaposition that pins trust against itself. Trusting yourself to succeed while distrusting your opponents.

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“Accepting Death”

An excellent friend of mine recommended a Netflix tv-series called "Drive To Survive" during the quarantine. The series focused on what I believe is one of the most extraordinary sports in the whole wide world, Formula One. Since then, my love for the sport has spiked. I've become an enthusiastic fanatic that does not miss a single race on Sundays.

My love for this motor-sport is grounded on the cars' incredible mechanics, the drivers' autonomous skill, and the millions poured into designing the best-fitted car. However, what fuels my love for it the most is the mentality required to take part in formula one. Many of these drivers said on the show that they "accept death" every time they get into the car. I mean, they're going 250 - 300 km/h in vehicles that have only begun developing proper safety measures in the last decade. At any point during the race, anything could go terribly wrong, and the driver could end up dead. The latest death in Formula One was in July 2015 in Japan. The driver was Jules Bianchi, a Frenchman who died nine months after crashing into a track-side vehicle at the Suzuka Grand Prix. It was incredibly tragic. The sport requires a mentality in which you accept death for what it is.

On another Netflix show named "Midnight Gospel," which is essentially just a podcast with an animated storyline, the idea of accepting death was mentioned as well. Facing death is extremely important in life. It's what gives meaning to the word "life." Death provides us with a time restriction to complete all that we desire and a deadline for accomplishing our goals. Say in a hypothetical scenario that life is eternal. Wouldn't you just put off working on yourself or achieving your goals as you do with some urgent work assignment? Wouldn't an eternal life mean that there's no pressure anymore to fulfill your desires? Wouldn't it mean that life would become a bit dull?

Accepting death allows us to view reality in it's truest form. It liberates us from the simple burdens of life that tend to consume our energy and time. If you think about it, you'll be dead in the next 100 years, so why worry or even complain about things in life, especially about those we can't control? Accepting death pushes you to realize that there is not much time left on the clock, and you must savor every moment of life as much as possible. Learning to forgive and forget, to be present and grounded in the moment, driving your energy to acts of love and kindness, cherishing your time with those who truly care about you. Why duel in the negative aspects of life when you can instead choose to move on past it and focus on making yourself happy? At the end of the day, you'll be buried by yourself - so spend time making yourself comfortable. You're the priority in life.

In the second Netflix tv-show, one episode of the podcast focused on talks that the host had with individuals that were in terminal treatments. In other words, individuals that one day stepped into a doctor's office and were given a countdown to the day they died. Many said that their last three months on earth were the happiest out of all. They said that accepting death was liberating. Similarly, many Formula one drivers that have been involved in life-threatening crashes have also mentioned that walking out safe changed their perspectives. They said that they were happy to have a new outlook on life in which they knew their priorities. For instance, Romain Grosjean had an insane crash two weeks ago in the 2020 Bahrain Grand Prix. The car went into flames, and quite frankly, it was a miracle that he made it out alive. Days after the crash, while in recovery, he was asked about the emotions that arose at the moment. He said that all he wanted to do was get back home to his wife and kids. He wanted to be in a place where he felt the most love and joy. In this blog post, I want to illustrate that it's not needed to suffer some near-death experience like those mentioned previously. Instead, you can teach yourself to be at peace with death. It's inevitable; we will all be dead one day... even the guy who spends night and day working on some sort of rejuvenation potion will fall to his death one day - that person is just trying to escape reality. There's no point in hiding away from the truth and living a life that's not full of joy, love, and people you care about.

Live every single day as if it was your last. Let go of remorse, guilt, pain, or any other feeling that causes an overwhelming emotion of entrapment. You're meant to be free and liberated. Accept death, and you'll see life in a whole new light.

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Mandamientos de Mando #2

Mandamientos de Mando #2 - “It never ‘peaks.’ It’s only uphill from where you are. Quit fucking around”.

I would like to preface this post by giving background to this series’s title, “Mandamientos de Mando.” I began writing little life lessons around late September of 2019. I was entering my first year of uni, and I wanted to keep track of some teachings I had learned over the years. It was also around the same time that the well-known Instagram artist @CBHoyo had begun posting his quirky-worded quotes about life. His art inspired mine. 

“It never ‘peaks.’ It’s only uphill from where you are. Quit fucking around”.

I like to think that I am a very ambitious person. While an ambitious personality fuels me in many ways, it also carries some baggage. I’m not one to settle. I aim for the stars, and if I truly want it, I will pour my sweat, blood, and tears into it. The baggage I speak of is none other than the feeling of always wanting more.

While always wanting more has left me feeling empty at times, it’s also taught me that you can almost always go for more. I have a lot of respect for the older generation since they possess wisdom that I have yet to discover. However, I’ve had various conversations with elders, and something that always bugs me is how they point out a period of their lives and say, “that was the peak.” I don’t believe in a “peak.” I understand that at 70 years of age, you slow down and life becomes simpler, but that to me signifies a slow plateau. A peak, on the other hand, implies that you’ve reached the top and everything from there onwards will fall down-hill. There’s no such thing as a peak, in my opinion. You can only go uphill from where you are and especially if you quit fucking around.

This mentality of no “peaks” encourages the idea of getting your shit together and focusing on yourself. I mean this in every aspect of life. May it be emotionally, romantically, at work or school. Whatever it may be, in order to continue going uphill, you must adjust your mind to believe that you can always do better. A man that thinks he knows it all and settles for less than he should is a coward. It takes balls (metaphorically, of course) to go for more once you’ve endured the uncomfortableness of the climb. Resting at the peak suggests settling in your comfort zone. That climb must be your fuel. You have to find peace in the midst of unpredictability and uneasiness. The only way to reach a peaceful state of mind in the middle of a war is by preparing your troops. In other words, quit fucking around and get your shit together. In the history of military success, rests no general that went into war without preparing himself. That was the only way of reaching a peaceful state of mind. It’s all about facing fear and discomfort while having the confidence to charge with a strong and fully peaceful mind.

You must train yourself to endure the discomfort of the climb and use it as fuel rather than allow it to become fear.

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Mandamientos De Mando #1

Mandamientos De Mando #1 - “Pay attention to what your close friends say, not to what others say.”

I would like to preface this post by giving background to this series’s title, “Mandamientos de Mando.” I began writing little life lessons around late September of 2019. I was entering my first year of uni, and I wanted to keep track of some teachings I had learned over the years. It was also around the same time that the well-known Instagram artist @CBHoyo had begun posting his quirky-worded quotes about life. His art inspired mine. Also, for this particular post, it must be mentioned that the ideas that inspired the content of this lesson derrive from Mark Manson’s “The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck”. 

“Pay attention to what your close friends say, not to what others say.”

Many people worry too much about what others think. They’re always giving a fuck about things that are not worth their time or effort. For instance, whether people will notice a small stain on their t-shirt, or if the stranger on the sidewalk noticed that their hair is a bit messier than usual. I believe that my philosophy in life is grounded on one simple moral, “giving as little fucks as possible.” When I was a teenager, I hid under this facade and repeatedly said, “I don’t give a fuck about what people think about me.” Despite the intention and confidence being present, every single time I uttered those words, my mind eventually drove me to give a fuck. It is no secret that teenagers don’t know how to manage their emotions or thoughts to the best of their ability. Sometimes, emotions trump logic. It is easy for anybody to fall into the pit of giving a fuck about what others think. Honestly, I don’t think you should completely stop giving a fuck; I simply believe that everyone should try to give less fucks.

“How do you that?” You may ask. Well, honestly, it’s not rocket science. You have to see exterior criticism as background noise. At the same time, your focus must be concentrated on the opinions of your close friends. I assume that you surround yourself with people who compliment your energy or are similar to you in one way or another. There’s a reason you hang out with these people; otherwise, why would you refer to them as your “close friends.” In my last years of high school, I realized that the drama that surrounded my life, as well as those of my peers, arose from giving too many fucks about everything. People were in constant turmoil over their clothes, hobbies, dating and social life because, for some reason, they deemed somebody important enough to dictate their taste. This is what I’m hinting at. I’ll repeat the last part of that sentence again. They, for some reason, deemed somebody important enough to dictate their taste. People on the sidelines of your life will criticize in contrast to your real friends who will cheer for you. Envy is a powerful and blinding feeling that many people don’t know how to control. They will try to hurt your emotions at the expense of not being you or having whatever it is you possess, and they desire. Some will go as far as dedicating every moment of their lives to destroying you emotionally without even being conscious of it. Most of the criticism that comes out of people’s mouths stems from envy. While on the other hand, feedback from your friends will always come in a positive form. Or at least they will intend to. If they see you’re doing something wrong, they will most likely come up and speak to you about it to help you grow. They have the best intentions in mind. However, those on the sidelines will either get close to you and criticize you or simply do it from the benches. They will find a way to harm your energy. Their intent is malicious, and they only want to see you lose.

I learned very quickly that it’s best to listen to what your close friends say, not to what others say. While in some situations, it may be best to get an external perspective, more often than not, it’s probably better to seek advice from your inner circle. Your energy depends on this. If your focus is set on those who don’t have the best intentions for you, then all your energy will be re-directed to aspects of your life that don’t need it. Alternatively, listen to what your close friends say. You’ll see new opportunities to grow and even learn about yourself. It’s your choice in the end.

[mandobenedetti]

Young Love

Young love is pure, passionate, and it comes in abundance. Have you ever noticed that people never seem to forget their first love? Or have you stopped to think about the first time you ever told your parents you had fallen in love with somebody? The way they laughed and said, “Oooh, you’re too young,” knowing damn-well they were re-living a conversation from their past - only now they weren’t teenagers, they were 40-year-olds that had kids and were married. Unless you’re my dad that has experienced, so to speak, “young love” around 4 times by now, I’m sure you can relate. Anyways, that’s a WHOLE other subject. Getting back on track, the subject of this post, as you can clearly see, is young love.

Young love is truly beautiful. It’s the purest form of love possible. You’re a kid; you don’t know any better. You’re about to experience the feeling of romantic love for the first time ever. How’s that gonna be like? To answer that, honestly, it takes more than a simple “great” or “bad.”

Since you’re just a little shit-head walking around high-school thinking that you know better than everyone else, exterior advice seems very irrelevant. Anyone that warned me I was too young for this sounded like my mom trying to set a curfew on me for a night out - a pointless act. In the same way, as with my mom, I simply disobeyed and eventually ran into some trouble. Good trouble, of course. I honestly and very strongly believe that sometimes, you just have to say “fuck it” and ignore the advice. The only way you’re going to learn - again, keeping in mind you’re an arrogant little-shit head in high-school - is by experiencing it yourself.

I’ll say this now, I don’t usually like to admit that I’m wrong, but dear adults, you were right. Willem, Giuilliana, Antonio, Camilo, Francesca, listen up cause this is about to get real. You are too young, but it doesn’t matter. Do it anyway. Love is a powerful feeling that you must experience. I felt it at 14, and I have absolutely no regrets. The problem is not that “you’re too young,” it’s that you’re growing up with someone next to you. That means that it’s double the work for both of you. You must be committed and devoted to one another. Whatever you feel, they feel. Whatever they feel, you feel. Once again, you’re a little-shit head in high-school, so you don’t even know how to manage your own feelings, let alone someone else’s. It’s messed up. But in its own way, it’s kind of amazing.

You grow an obsession with that person during the time that you’re together. You simply can’t get enough of each other. I remember I once asked my sister, “how do you know you’re ready for a relationship?” Her response was, “when you don’t feel that constant urge to be around your significant other.” She continued by mentioning that “they must be a bonus in your life, not a need.” Hahahaha.. imagine this little-shit head’s reaction to her response 1 year deep into his first real relationship. I couldn’t get enough of my significant other. It was incredible. It was passionate, pure, and real, as I’ve mentioned a couple of times. We traveled the world, spent hundreds of hours together, took a million pictures together, had wild nights, partied our lives away, and most importantly, laughed and conversed with each other endlessly. But we also cried, suffered, and hurt each other.

Here’s the lesson in all of this - as that’s the general theme of this “blog,” I guess - you’re going to experience the most extreme highs of your life, but you’re also going to experience your deepest lows. In both these spots, there’s work to do. I guess you could see it as the cycle of an economy, oscillating from peaks to troughs. Even when the economy is at its peak, there is work to do. When it’s in a trough, it must rebuild itself. These highs and lows will teach you how to grow into the person you’re meant to become. While young love may be tricky, it also gives you a huge new perspective on life. You’re going to learn a lot about yourself during this time, even if you’re not fully conscious of it. You’re also about to delve into someone else’s realm. . Yes, shit might happen. Yes, shit will be said. Yes, tears will be shed. However, it’s all valuable. As you grow older and mature, you learn that sometimes, it’s okay to let things be the way they are. You stop trying to control your surroundings. You adjust to your surroundings instead. I only learned that this year, 2020, to accept my past and every single aspect of it. Not only the light but also the shadows. Young love will teach you about yourself and will produce memories and lessons that will last forever.

No matter how rough things get, true intentions that arise from young, pure, passionate, and abundant love will remain forever. And those intentions must only be to see the other person happy and growing into a better person. If not, you gotta take some steps back and review your perspective.

[mandobenedetti]

Don’t become a prisoner.

I wanted to share something that I’ve learned these last couple of months during quarantine. Didn’t know where so I’ll do it here.. I used to hate being alone. I hated being in solitude, hated the silence. I constantly needed someone to be around. Someone to talk to and enjoy their presence. During the first month of quarantine I was thrown off balance as I seeked for people to latch on to so I could avoid spending time by myself. I quickly realized, with a lack of things to do during the day, it wouldn’t be possible to distract myself 24/7. I took on meditation and more reading, started seriously understanding the true power and beauty of being alone. You’re able to process your thoughts and feelings. You learn to be honest with yourself and surrender to the moment. You also become more aware of who and what deserves your time. You understand your value.

Despite being new in a city (Zurich), I decided to delete Instagram for a month and 1/2. It helped me grow my own space away from social media. I focused less on the appearances and people’s bullshit. I focused on myself. Being alone in my own space has changed my life and from now on I will always prioritize my own energy and needs above all other bullshit.

I am honestly very grateful for the time I’ve spent alone during quarantine to reflect upon myself and realize the strong and positive energy that I carry as a person. I finally understand the powerful capabilities of the mind and how to use it as a tool instead of becoming its victim. I learnt that above all it’s important to live in the moment to love yourself. You need to cherish your moments alone as much as those with friends. I finally know I’m on the right track in life and I’m at peace with everything.

[mandobenedetti]

"Friends don’t exist”

“Friends don’t exist” was a phrase I often heard my father repeat. He always claimed that friends exist temporarily and that, if a conflict arises, they will always choose themselves over you. For a long time, this idea poisoned my mind, and it drove me apart from my friends. Learning this “lesson” that my father truly believed in felt like a punch in the gutter. With time I learned that it was his mind that was poisoned and not mine. That belief is justified in his position. He’s a very well known politician, and I think that 95% of his relations with people outside of our family involve some form of power struggle. That’s just politics. You have to watch your back cause you never know who or when they’re going to strike. However, this wasn’t the case for me. It isn’t in my nature. If you know me, then you know that I care for people deeply. I love my friends, and I trust them with absolutely everything. Although at times, this open and trusting nature has put me in rough situations and has knocked me down, it’s also taught me that people are transparent when you pay attention to their actions. Each individual human being has endured pain in their lifetime in one way or another. What’s important is to always reflect and learn from it. People speak through actions, not through appearances. The hurt that they create in you roots from their own insecurities and own complexities. An incredible friend of mine taught me to never “take anything personally.” There’s no point. So I learned this lesson, and I’ve adhered to it since that very moment. I don’t blame anyone for the hurt they cause. It’s simply their ego projecting themselves onto me. I wanted to mention all of this in order to arrive at the bigger point of this whole post. I believe that friends play a huge role in the happiness of an individual. Happiness stems from yourself, and when you’re around friends that truly want the best for you (like mine), you learn to love yourself. If you’re ever down, they will pick you up. They will come up with something designed to cheer you up. It’s incredibly important to have faith and trust in people. It’s an amazing yet frightening feeling to expose yourself and be vulnerable. It’s a powerful feeling to be screaming your lungs out from the heights of the most treacherous peak, knowing that you could fall to your death at any moment. You’re exposed, but it’s rewarding. It’s a liberating feeling. This lesson that my dad taught me at a young age made me understand something. It wasn’t what he intended to teach me, though. What I really learned was that while some friends really may be temporary and some may hurt you deeply, there’s no reason to take it personally. Some people come into your life to teach you a lesson, some come and leave just as fast, and some enter and never leave. I didn’t let that “lesson” my father wanted to teach me to poison all my friendships. Instead, it made me reflect on my friends and asked myself what value they brought to me. While some people were cut out of my life, some remained. Now I am able to rest comfortably around the positive energy of my friends, knowing that they’ll be in it for the whole ride.