mariii-3007-blog

[mariii-3007-blog]

Never Lost and Never Found

It was the day before my birthday and I really wasn’t amused about it. My lovely parents wanted to have “the talk” with me. I knew what will happen when I turn sixteen. They think I will run away and search for him but I’m not interested in him or her. I just want to live my life like a normal teenager in my age. Therefore I didn’t give a damn about my parents and went shopping with my friend. We ate at our favorite ice cream parlor and the time flew away. We didn’t recognized that it was 10 pm. I said goodbye and walked home alone. In moments like this I was very grateful to have friends like them. They didn’t reminded me that my complete life will change when the clock strikes 12 pm. I was so lost in my mind that I didn’t realised that I arrived at home. Slowly I opened the door and there they are, standing in front of the door. If looks could kill I would be dead within seconds. The eyes of my mum were tired and my face of my dad screamed anger. In this moment I realised what a fool I was. My parents were afraid what will happen if the clock strikes 12 pm and I was so selfish and run away instead of facing my problems. I threw my bag aside and was about to apologize. Before I even could open my mouth my dad told to me follow them in the living room. I followed them with a lowered head and sank embarrassed into the couch. “Amy, look at us. It’s time now. We have to talk about your future life!” This was the voice of my father. Strict and harsh like ever. He was one of the first lieutenant in the army but was dismissed because he drove a whole group of young soldiers to their safe death. After he was dismissed he began to drink and I saw a bottle of whiskey on the table. I never understood how my mother could fall in love with him. He was ugly. His character, his body, his behaviour. There was nothing pretty about him neither there was a reason to fall for him. Every relativ of me told me that he was pretty in his younger age, before he betrayed his family to go to military. I never saw him as a hero. Every time I saw his goddamn face with his creepy smirk I wanted to puke. Many people told me that i have the same eyes like the ones of my father. Others said I look like my mother. Same skin, same hair colour, same lips, same everything. To be honest. My mother is the most beautiful human in the world. She is the real hero in the family. Without her, this household would be a clear mess. When I see my mother smile, it’s the most beautiful smile in the world. But since my father is back at home I see it very rare. I want to look in the eyes of my mother and say that she don’t deserve this bullshit. I just want to look in her colorful eyes. Sadly I don’t which colour they are. Or which colour I am wearing. Or better said, I can’t see colours at all. No one under the age of sixteen can see colours. We see our beautiful world in black and white. Therefore I’m afraid to turn sixteen. What if the colours aren’t like I imagined them? What if they scare me? What if he or she is like my father? I’m not ready to search for him or her. I’m not ready to find my soulmate. “Goddamnit Amy, why do you never pay attention when I talk? When you turn sixteen you will see colours. You should never follow the bright ones. If you dare to follow them, I kill you!” “But Robert, she’s old eno..” “Shut the fuck up Carmen, I will never allow her to go away. Never ever!” I was shocked. My dad never screamed so loud. I saw the fear in the eyes of my mother and the hate towards my father rose and rose. “That was enough for me. I’m tired. Tomorrow is my big day. Goodnight y’all.” I gave my mom an encouraging smile and went up to my room and closed my door. I can still hear my father screaming at my mother. From that day on I knew I will rescue her one day from this psychopath. But only god knows when. I can’t remember falling asleep. The last thing I remember is my prayer towards god.

I opened my eyes and closed them directly afterwards. It was so bright and so… different? Once again I tried to open them, this time I opened them slowly. I couldn’t believe what I saw. It was so wonderful. It was the most wonderful thing that I ever saw in my life. I don’t know how I could describe such a wonderful thing. I don’t even know what colors these are. I looked out of the window and I saw the sky. I think it was blue? Everyone said that my eyes are blue like the sky. My eyes! I can finally see how I look like. I ran excited to my bathroom and looked in my mirror and I couldn’t believe my eyes. My eyes looked exactly like the sky and my hair didn’t change. It was still black and my skin was so pale. I had the feeling that nothing changed expect my eye color but this was the thing that changes everything. I walked downstairs to see my wonderful mother in color but instead I saw a big puddle. The color looked the devil himself puked on the floor. Accidently I stepped in the puddle that looked like the puke of Satan and my feets were suddenly wet. It smelled like iron and I recognized the scent. It was blood. I heard someone coughing and turned slowly around. I saw one of the most terrifying scenario. There laid my mother with a knife in her heart and everything was full with blood. Blood came out of her mouth and she looked at the knife. she treid to take it out be she can’t. She wasn’t strong enough. I ran up to her and hold her in my arms. “Mom, please tell me what I can do for you. I can’t lose you. Not now where I can see you. The real you.” Even if she is complete red, she was so beautiful. Her eyes screamed love when she looked up to me. “Amy, you can’t save me not anymore but you can save yourself. I lost the ability to see with colors when you father came home but every time I saw you, I saw your bright shining eyes and I knew that you have to be saved. So my little angel, please run away and find your soulmate. Do me a favor and never stop searching for him. I love you little angel.” This was the last sentence I heard from the mouth of my mother. She died with a big smile on her face. Suddenly I heard someone calling my name from the distance. I never heard this voice. Maybe it’s him? Maybe he feels the same pain like me? I ran upstairs, steeled some money, changed my clothes and ran away. After running for 30 minutes I realized how lovely everything was. I stopped for a few minutes to admire the beautiful nature. I understood that there was two sides: the dark and cold one and the bright and warm one. I chose one side and ran like my life depended on it. One year, three months and two weeks after the incident I searched whole America after him. Beside I learned everything about the colors: there was good ones and bad ones, that colors can tell emotions and that every color has it own name. I found out that my soulmate was a male person. We talked a lot through our thoughts and kept each other on the newest news. Now I’m standing just five meters before him. But something was terribly wrong. I saw both sides. I saw the dark one and the bright one. The dark one was behind one person and the bright one was behind the other. I only closed my eyes for a few seconds when I heard the gunshot. I opened my eyes and everything was black and expect of one little point. I ran towards him and it was like a throwback. I hold him in my arms. He opened his eyes and looked with a big smirk on his face. He was such a beautiful human being and I can say that we was such a human being. “I knew you would find me. I sensed that you have the spirit of a fighter. I’m so fucking sorry that you have to see me like this. You went through so much in your life and then your soulmate dies in your arms. You don’t deserves this. You deserve nothing of this bullshit. You deserve the world Amy.” “Please don’t say things like that. I suffered so much. I just wanted to find you and be happy. I just wanted to be happy once in my life. Please don’t leave me. I can’t take it.” “I love you my little angel.” Out of nowhere everything starts turning black and white again.                                                                                                                                                       I saw the two people that I loved more than my own dying in my arms. I didn’t want to live this life. A life where everyone that I loved died. Therefore I’m writing this letter. To everybody who wants to understand why there are two people laying against a big tree. Both complete covered in blood. Whoever finds us. Do me a favor and help people that you know. If you see that someone has abusive parents talk with them. Help them. Maybe if I had talked with my mother she wouldn’t be dead. She could have met my soulmate and we would be a happy family. I didn’t do it and I regret it very much. Help as much as you can. You will never know how many lifes you could save with this.