mattievictoria

[mattievictoria]

I am… Late, lol. (By a week, even!)

(Just a heads up, I discuss some potentially triggering topics in this month’s entry, such as the novel Human Acts by Han Kang, the 2022 film Women Talking and death anniversaries)

I was determined to still write a July blog post because I realized how lame it looked, making a Big Deal out of writing these little entries again only to fall off the blogging wagon after one post. I’ve been pretty busy but I’m finally sitting here, staring at this Google Docs page, trying to think of all the things that happened in July, so bare with me…

My tendonitis is better, but I’m still limited with what repetitive actions I can do (drawing, typing, gaming, etc). Essentially this recent pain flare-up boils down to me needing to manage my chronic pain better, so it’s something I’m focusing on. I was hoping to finish two drawings this month, but it didn’t happen. Since art is an income source for me, I have to spend any “spoons” (please Google ‘Spoon Theory’ if you have no idea what I’m talking about) I have for work. Fortunately I’ve been doing some work that doesn’t flare up my tendonitis, but I’ll talk more on that when the project is finished, possibly. It’s not too terribly interesting, in all honesty.

My one finished personal piece this month was a chibi drawing of my alien girl Neela, and her little extraterrestrial kitty that I decided she should have (see: alien cat memes, gleeb glorp, narp narp, etc.). Thank you so much for the nice comments on that one, everybody! Especially on the little cat UFO which I added pretty much last minute. Someday I’ll figure out her story and I’ll present it in… some way. I think maybe a Visual Novel or some type of simple video game would be best.

I really wanted to finish this re-draw of my 2020 piece The Birthmark— I just didn’t get the chance. But I’m kind of thinking like… it may be for the best, because even though we don’t really have seasons in Southern California, there is a distinct change in the air as summer winds down into September and working on this piece may benefit from that particular vibe.

As I mentioned in last month’s blog post, if there’s one positive outcome of this recent tendonitis flare-up, it’s the fact that it’s helped me catch up on my reading. I had a discussion with my sister not long ago about how Korean media has become popular in the past decade, but how neither of us had read any Korean literature (or could name a single Korean author). Something else I know I mentioned is that I’m making an effort to familiarize myself with non-English language media, especially literature, because the rest of the world can name an American book or film and we Americans generally cannot. Through this, I discovered the author Han Kang, and damn.

I first picked up her novel Greek Lessons. I don’t want to give away spoilers, but… while it was a book I enjoyed, by the end of the novel I felt like it just wasn’t the book for me (a slow-burn romance). I’m still glad I read it because 1) it’s a genre I wouldn’t normally pick up if it was mentioned on the jacket blurb and this year I’m all about Broadening my Horizons and 2) It introduced me to Han Kang’s novels. A huge plus, I think!

While I was reading Greek Lessons, my friend Sarah (the same Sarah who’s GR reviews turned me onto Daniel Mason’s North Woods that I mentioned last month, and who generally has impeccable taste in books) was reading Han Kang’s Human Acts— a novel about the 1980 Gwangju Uprising. It’s the kind of book that I don’t have words for— not only for the writing, but just that this massacre took place 9 years before I was born and I had never heard of it. I am in no way in a position to try and condense the Gwangju Uprising so I encourage you to do your own research (and possibly pick up Human Acts). Part of why Human Acts enraptured me so was that it hit a little too close to home. I was born in and currently reside in Los Angeles county and the unconstitutional actions of ICE, the US Army deployment as a response to human rights protests against ICE, the manhandling and handcuffing of one our California senators … There were parts while reading Human Acts and doing my own research into the Gwangju Uprising that sent a chill down my spine. The novel has chapters that utilize second person narration (“You do this”, “You saw that” etc) and my friend Sarah made an excellent point regarding Kang’s use of this technique: this can happen to anyone, at any time, anywhere.

I have yet to read Han Kang’s The Vegetarian, but it’s on my list. I’d like to carve out time where I can sit and Absorb it, because I think she’s just one of those authors whose works should be read in that manner if that makes sense!

I also want to give a shout to my friend MCalhen (Cal) and his short story Don’t. A companion story to his novel Geckos, Automata (which you can get on Amazon), I honestly thought it was some of his best writing! I love the world of Geckos, so it was awesome being able to step back in it.

As far as movies go, there were a few first-time watches this month that absolutely floored me. 1917, Women Talking, Sinners and Flow; all four vastly different movies, but excellent all the same.

There’s a line from Women Talking that I’ve been turning over in my head since I watched the film:

I used to wonder who I would be if it hadn't happened to me. I used to miss the person I might have been. I don't anymore. Because it's doomsday and a call to prayer. It's both.

Kate Hallett’s delivery of the line as Autje is something that will stick with me for years to come. As a survivor myself, I remember coming to a similar realization in my own journey. As I’m writing this, I realize Women Talking also uses second person narration, similar to Human Acts. A reminder of how that these brutal (human) acts can happen to us all.

(Also— I wasn’t that familiar with Jessie Buckley until recently but between Women Talking and I’m Thinking of Ending Things, I love her.)

At the risk of making this too long, I’ll try to wrap my Movie Talk up. 1917… also A Movie Of All Time (positive). The trek through No Man’s Land into the abandoned German trenches was like… maybe some of the scariest scenes I’ve seen in a movie ever. Sinners is the actual horror movie I watched this month for (Garrett’s Birthday! Yay!) and while I loved it, it didn’t really scare me; I knew it was going to be the kind of horror I watched for The Vibes, and The Vibes were immaculate. But 1917. God. I legitimately tensed up in the scene where George MacKay’s character dips his hand in the pail of milk like… somehow I was expecting the pail of milk to blow up. That movie is A Lot. But in a Good Way.

And Flow. I absolutely adored that movie, and I feel like it hasn’t gotten the marketing it deserves! So here’s my message telling you to watch it!

Speaking of cats!!! I got to visit my erstwhile cat son Pan this month. My partner Garrett and I, along with our friend/former roommate raised him after Garret and our friend found him at just three weeks old sleeping under a Chevy Malibu in the parking lot of our old apartment. Pan now lives with that very same friend, and we visit him occasionally. He is still basically a feral wild child but he gave me headbutts and holds a very special place in my heart.

July 21st was the six year anniversary of my mom’s passing, and in hindsight Pan (even though he probably doesn’t realize it, or maybe he does??) helped me through my grief. We found him that November, about 4 months after my mom’s passing. There was one time I specifically remember crying as we neared the holiday season and Pan just like…started attacking my foot completely oblivious to the fact that I was in tears. I remember saying something like “wow, read the room, Pan!” While he continued to do battle with the wrinkles in my sock— I couldn’t help but laugh.

To commemorate the anniversary, I cleaned and repaired some of mom’s old jewelry for my sister. Our mom loved turquoise jewelry and turquoise is my sister’s birthstone, so I took this charm and tried my best to match it with a chain. A difficult task, since I was not only matching the style of the pendant to the chain (this is hard to describe, but the best way I can is that it’s like choosing fonts if that makes sense) but the aged silver color too. I found this small chain of our mom’s and added an extender to it.

You can also check out my sister’s art! linktr.ee/SweetsParade

Garret and I went out for ice cream— Baskin Robbin’s thin shaved chocolate chip, which was my mom’s favorite. It’s also a favorite among his family as well! It’s been a year and a half since Garrett’s mother’s passing, so it was a way that we celebrated the memories of both of our Mamas.

As I’m writing this on the 7th of August, it’s the anniversary of the date that we interred my mother’s ashes in the niche with my grandma and my uncle. Since then, my aunt and another uncle of mine have also been laid to rest in that very same niche.

I recently had a memory come back to me, with the passing of Ozzy Osbourne. Before my uncle’s untimely death in 2003, my siblings and I grew up with him quoting the opening to Iron Man in his best metallic voice. When I started making my very first burned CDs not long after my uncle’s passing towards the end of middle school, Iron Man was probably like. On the very first mix CD I ever made, which was mostly Rurouni Kenshing music with Iron Man. RIP Ozzy, I hope wherever you are, you’re rocking some grand stadium to all your fans in the hereafter.

I think this may be a shorter entry than last month’s… maybe not? Thank you so much for support… hoping to get back on the mend soon ❤️‍🩹But also remembering to heed my doctor’s advice and care for myself!

[mattievictoria]

What started as a simple little drawing of my alien girl Neela and her little cat took about a month and a half to finish due to my tendonitis. I think about her story off and on! She’s been on my mind lately with all the alien cat memes going around, so I decided Neela should have a narp narp of her own 🛸🐈‍⬛

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The chibi Mellifera I drew for my Dungeons & Dragons mini! The good news is, nothing crazy is going on with my elbow, it’s just RSI/tendonitis. The orthopedist reminded me not to lax on the care for my tendonitis which admittedly is something that is easy to do after living nearly two decades with it. I’m going to start physical therapy again, but I’m still limited in what I can do so… in the meantime, please enjoy this little figure I made!

If you recall, I had a metal beekeeper miniature I used, but it was with my bag that I lost that contained a lot of my DnD stuff and two of my small artworks. I’m pretty happy with how she came out! My cuts could be cleaner lol, but it’s passable. I used photo paper with thin cardboard in between; next time, I’d definitely use some heavy paper (not cardboard)… the cardboard was just too messy.

Dice is by Your Magic Dice!

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My doctor appointment went really well today! I was given an elbow strap similiar to the one I wore in my late teens/early 20s, as opposed to the sleeve. Speaking of which, the dark red dot that appeared after I felt like my pain was worsening again was just skin irritation/a pimple. (I’m sure wearing the sleeve when it’s hot and I’m sweating under it was the cause.)

She asked me if I had ever seen an orthopedist for my RSI and I don’t… think I have. I’ve been to PT… I may have seen a one for another issue, I can’t remember. I’ve had a lot of chronic pain throughout my life, so it’s hard to say. I did some drawing today and that felt so good 🥲

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June 2025 Monthly Blog Post!

I’ve decided to start writing monthly blogs again! Thanks to my friend Alix (shout out Alix!) for the inspiration and motivation!

I want to start out by giving a huge congratulations to my dear friend Bryn Wickerd (@ somethingwickerd on IG), author of Fable (which I illustrated and can be purchased from Moontide Press!) for graduating LACC with an AA in Early Childhood Education, annnddd… getting into Mount Holyoke as a Frances Perkins Scholar studying English Lit! I am so proud of you, and I can’t wait to see where your creative and scholarly journeys take you.

And while we’re at it, a huge congratulations to my partner Garrett who has started his college journey for the first time ever at the age of 40 this year. He got a 4.0 and an accolade for the research poster he made his Geography 101 class! We took a celebratory hike when his grades came in, it was lovely.

The end of May and beginning of June had me with two deadlines I was trying to meet back-to-back in addition to my usual work, and the repetitive strain injury (RSI) in my elbow hasn’t forgiven me. While I am excited to (potentially) share some really cool news with you all this year, because of my RSI I haven’t been drawing much after I met my deadlines. But I did begin fleshing out some style concepts/etc for my lumberjack horror story (which has a tentative name… that I don’t want to reveal because it feels Too Soon).

I’m not thrilled with the Canson pastel paper… it’s too thin, and while I like the texture, the Posca paint makers have trouble with it. (I may end up using gouache in the final versions, but while I work on ideas, I’d like to just stick with Posca pens sice they’re less work to set up). I’ve got some red Cardstock I’ll try next when my RSI allows it. These aren’t final illustrations… or even ideas for final illustrations. Just a bunch of rough scenes I have in my head that I’d like to get down on paper to see how things look. Thank you so much for the feedback on the drawings I’ve done so far!

I GOT TO SEE FAUN! This is definitely me in my “Un-Follow Me Now, This Is Gonna Be the Only Thing I Tweet About For The Next Week. Ive Wanted This For Years Fuck. What The Fuck“ Era. I can’t express how happy I am that I finally got to see them live. And I even smuggled in a pen to draw with! (When I saw Myrkur back in 2018, the venue made me toss out my pens… I have since Learned.) It was a little rough because I hadn’t been drawing at all due to my RSI, but I got back into my element fairly quickly. I mentioned this on my other social media posts, but one of the most touching moments of night was Faun ending with Hymn To Pan, which was nostalgic as Eden, the album that song is on, had come out around the time I started listening to Faun, so it felt very full-circle. What a fantastic night… I really hope they’re able to come back soon! (I finished another sketchbook that night too! Yay!)

(And Garrett and I finally got to meet our friend Nik in person, and his Ren Faire friends that were awesome! After the show I had reached Maximum ADHD Overstimulation and I wasn’t very talkative, so sorry about that! But it was great to meet you all!)

Because of my RSI and needing to rest my arm, I got back on the reading train and finally finished William S. Burrough’s Naked Lunch after 6 months. I’ve got a few personal reading goals I’ve set for myself this year— I’d like to read more “Classics” on my own, since there haven’t been many that I’ve read in my life outside of assigned readings in school. I’m also trying to pick up books in genres I normally wouldn’t read, and more books translated from other languages (most of the world is familiar with English language authors, but there are very few countries where I can name a famous author, and that is A Problem).

Why did I pick up Naked Lunch? I guess it’s because I saw a post on Tumblr and thought “hey, this is surreal and weird and I normally wouldn’t read this, so I should read it.” I also watched the Cronenberg movie which honestly I didn’t like from the get go because of Joan Vollmer’s murder being woven into surreal plot elements of the film… to avoid going into a Full Essay, I’ll just say that didn’t sit well with me. Honestly… I don’t know how I feel about Naked Lunch, LOL. I wouldn’t read it again, and I don’t think I’d recommend the book… and as for the movie, there are some great practical effect creatures and if that’s your wheelhouse, then I’d say go for it. I’m glad I finished it, glad to have stepped outside my comfort zone and engaged with Controversial Media™️.

One last tidbit about my trip through the Naked Lunch Extended Universe— the only free streaming I could find of Naked Lunch had non-removable Spanish subtitles which definitely added to the Experience of the movie, haha.

With Naked Lunch finally done and an RSI to recover from, I at last got around to reading Bunny by Mona Awad, which my friend Ari gave me a copy of last year (shout out Ari). I really enjoyed it, and I’m curious to see the forthcoming movie adaption. I also read North Woods by Daniel Mason, a book about a home in the woods and the people that inhabited it over the centuries. North Woods spoke to my heart 😭 I can’t remember what book I was initially looking at on GoodReads, but my friend Sarah (shout out Sarah) had left a review that basically said “go read North Woods instead” and so I did. Highly recommend both Bunny and North Woods!

Lastly, I read I’m Thinking of Ending Things by Iain Reid. Garrett read it and loved it, so I picked it up as well. I have to say, I liked it less that Garrett did— I would have rated it 3 ½ stars on GR, but you can’t give half-star ratings, so I gave it a 4 out of 5 (kind of felt I liked it more than 3 stars, hard to explain that logic, though.) I watched the 2020 Netflix movie adaption too, and I have to say… I liked the movie more than the book? Which is rare for me, because I tend to be a purist. I think, actually… I like the movie and book together. They compliment each other well. I will have to mull that one over as to why, but that’s my consensus.

I watched a lot of movies, yes, because of my RSI. A few notable first-time views were Moon Garden, Snowpiercer, House of Spoils and The Farwell. The Farewell (written/directed by Lulu Wang) in particular was something I really enjoyed— it centers around a family of Chinese expats who all return to China when their elderly matriarch (Zhao Shu-zhen) is diagnosed with cancer. The catch is, they don’t tell her she has cancer, and so the entire extended family gathers under the guise of a wedding. Apparently based on a true story from Lulu Wang’s life, it had the right amount of humor and sadness I love in pieces that deal with grief. Absolutely filed away in my “grief media” collection.

The Horror Network Discord Server’s horror movie exchange is back! This month I watched The Vanishing (Spoorloos), The City of the Dead and Black Sabbath. My recs were Society of Snow (La sociedad de la nieve), Kwaidan and Rebecca, the latter of which I finally re-watched since I read Daphne Du Maurier’s book last year! (Hitchock’s version was very formative to me when I first watched it in my high school cinema class). My favorite was probably The Vanishing, recommended to me by my friend Mal (shout out Mal). I’m sure you guessed by the original title of Spoorloos, but it’s a Dutch-language movie (Dutch is the Language Of All Time). Despite being in Dutch and French, the actors were so on point that I felt like there was no language barrier. The three main actors, Johanna ter Steege, Gene Bervoets and Bernard-Pierre Donnadieu (RIP) really made the movie for me. I didn’t need to speak Dutch or French to understand that Donnadieu’s character was incredibly smarmy, ter Steege’s Saskia wore her heart on sleeve, or Bervoet was broody the entire time. It made me interested in the book it’s based on, The Golden Egg by Tim Krabbé. Especially since I want to make a point to read books translated from other languages and I don’t think I can name a single Dutch author?

As for gaming, because of my RSI I only played Final Fantasy XIV on a few occasions— I’ll have my subscription through October as I need to have it active for the Furnishing Contest I entered, even If I can’t play it. I’ve just been working towards a few titles and achievements as per my usual routine, but I did dip my toe into Occult Crescent. The Final Fantasy V music was super nostalgic and I have to return to OC so I can get the glamours and orchestration rolls!

Years ago I had started writing monthly blog posts, but fell off it. So thank you again to Alix for inspiring me! Please go check out their site! They released a new game, a kinetic novel called Late Night Solace… give it a try! You can find it here: https://alixesque.itch.io/late-night-solace

Here’s to the second half of 2025, and may it treat you well,

Mattie 🌿

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I didn’t get to do a July calendar 😭 I had some tight deadlines I was working with back in late May and the beginning of this month and the repetitive strain injury in my elbow has been preventing me from drawing. I don’t want to miss one month, so I decided to stop with June. I still made some cool calendars I think, I might be biased as a March baby but March was probably my favorite that I made.

I’ve had this pain for like a decade, have had it seen by doctors before, but it’s never persisted this long. It felt like it was getting better, but the pain started up again yesterday and it looks like there’s some kind of bruise on the inside of my elbow. I got an appointment for next Monday, and I’ve been wearing a brace! Hoping the pain clears up again soon.

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[Alt Text for video: A video of me flipping through my sketchbook showing various studies of environments, plants, figures and portraits that I’ve drawn of the last 2 and half years.]

I brought my sketchbook to see Faun last Sunday! It was unreal finally seeing Faun in the flesh after nearly 15 years as a fan of their music. They ended with Hymn To Pan, which made it all come full circle since Eden had just released when I first discovered this wonderful band. To say that things have been rough in Los Angeles and California is a massive understatement lmao, but I’m happy that Faun was still able to come out, and enjoy everyone’s bad German as the crowd sung along to their songs (myself included!). What a magical night, I hope they’re able to come back again soon!

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I also finished another sketchbook! I first got this one back in 2022 for a trip to Northern Idaho— you can see the Coeur d'Alene and Farragut State Park Bigfoot stickers, lol. Yes, there are still a few empty pages but I’m calling it finished.

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A few sketches I did trying to find the style that I want for my lumberjack story. I know I want a limited palette and to draw them analog/traditional, but that’s all. I got some red Canson pastel paper and it wasn’t *great* for this, but I also got some cardstock so I’ll try that next. I definitely want to implement more colors, like other shades of toned paper, but I have to start somewhere! Let me know what you think.

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We saw Faun last night, it was amazing and I have pictures and videos and even did DRAWINGS at the show, but I am so tired to go over it all to post, but just know that it was an incredible time!

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Re-worked another older piece as I wanted to use the original in a portfolio application, but it was too dated. I have to say that I like the oud in the original 2022 version slightly better, but her face and everything else shows my definite improvement!

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Dipped my toe into cake decorating via my partner’s step mother for her mother’s 80th surprise birthday party! We painted and drew on pre-colored edible butterflies with a variety of edible paints and markers. My partner’s step mother is the one who assembled all the butterflies together and did the decorating, which she did beautifully! Side note- I did try eating one of the butterflies, all I have to say is that they are definitely digestible by the human body, lol 🥲

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Managed to submit 2 (two) designs for the Final Fantasy XIV furnishing contest! I was working til just about the final hours, but I did it… got my drawings submitted around 5 pm PDT yesterday when the designs were due this morning. I realize that I really don’t work well like this, but sometimes it’s just unavoidable. This is kind of the like, the domino effect of several other projects that I was also working on til the final hours (but some of that was out of my hands… not to make excuses, however).

I won’t be able to share the art I did until they announce the winners in October, but I’m excited. Some of the winners may even get their designs put into the game… Imagine that, me having a design in a Final Fantasy game 😭 It would be a dream come true!

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A post for MerMay! Months later, here are some photos of the Dungeons and Dragons box I painted! I also took these photos weeks ago, lol. I enjoyed decorating this box, but I don’t know if it will end up being used for DnD much longer— it’s got a lot of bits and bobs glued on it and while it feels stable, I’m not sure I want to keep moving it/transporting it back and forth. However, I don’t have the time to make another box at the moment so this one will have to do 🥲 Maybe in the future I’ll make something more simple with a tole painting kind of vibe!

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Credits for the items:

Miniature mermaid frame- MiniArtNuriaTorrente on Etsy

Corner accents - LittleGlassShopSply on Etsy

Legs and catch - MiniMetalFurnishings on Etsy

Back hinges - DIY Home Center

Seashell — collected by me in San Diego, California :)

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Instagram accounts for some of the dice seen in the photos:

d20_adventure

Yourmagicdice

Dnddice

Dieharddice

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Thank you again to everyone who shared the information about my lost dice and art. I never got it back, but I’m really touched not just by how people shared my post, but replaced dice I had lost. I can’t thank you all enough!!!

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Lorne’s final scene in the Severance season 2 finale may have already been drawn several times over, but I wanted to do my own spin on it! As you all know by now, I *love* Severance and I’m happy there’s finally something in the show that works with my personal style and aesthetic. There’s a lot of speculation that the outfit Lorne wears is a traditional Bunad from Telemark, Norway so it made me want to incorporate Rosemaling of some kind. My Norwegian great great grandparents were from Rana and Lillehammer, so I went with the latter’s Gudbrandsdal style. However, my favorite Rosemaling style is probably from the Os region of Norway, so there’s a bit of that in there too. (Did I make this just so I can have an excuse to draw Scandinavian folk art?? Maybe, lol!).

I also couldn’t help but think of the traditional song Kråkevisa (cue Tramell Tillman). The song is about a man encountering a large crow which he slaughters and puts to use every single body part of the bird in some fashion. There is a line that translates to “…and the neck he placed on the church for decoration” which reminded me of several scenes from Season 2 (the goat scene in the finale, Sissy’s altar in Episode 8). There’s a lot of versions Kråkevisa I love, but Arve Moen Bergset’s version feels like something you’d hear playing in Severance… perhaps over scenes of Harmony driving into Salt’s Neck or something like that. Fingers crossed maybe Teddy Shapiro will incorporate some moody hardanger fiddle in upcoming seasons?

I really enjoyed making this drawing and I hope you all enjoy IT! Also love Gwendoline Christie as Lorne, hope they bring her back for season 3 🐐(even if there’s not a whole lot of likeness to the actress herself in my drawing 🥲)

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Just got tickets to see the band Faun in June! I think… this is their first time playing California? I remember finding their music back in 2010-11 and it really just opened up a new word of music for me that was so important to the growth of my art. They were also one of the first bands my partner and I connected over when we first started dating over 8 years ago. We haven’t been to any concerts since pre-Pandemic times, so I’m very excited to finally see them live!

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I’ve struggled with this drawing for the past month— more so than any drawing in recent memory. Maybe it’s because I feel uninspired and unmotivated lately, who knows; I’m just glad that I saw her through to the end. This piece started as a colored version of the toned paper sketch I did not long ago, but I ended up scrapping the drawing because I was having too many problems with it. But I like this character and I want to explore her more, so I tried drawing her again, this time with a reference I had saved/had been wanting to use for a while.

After spending some significant time on THAT, I deleted the file off my iPad, felt like I was going to legitimately start to cry, and re-downloaded a previous back-up file 5 minutes later. I ended up taking video reference of myself doing the pose which was difficult— I can’t wear my glasses with a masquerade mask and because of anisometropia/myopia, (I’m 20/100 in my left eye, and 20/400 in my right eye, and this happened in recent years so I’m still adjusting) it was basically “let me take some videos and hope for the best”. If ANYTHING, physically sitting in this pose helped me understand it a lot better (and I did get some usable stills from the videos!)

This was a really hard drawing 🥲 She’s not perfect, but I’m glad I finished her.

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A (very) rough sketch of the Wat Thai Buddhist Temple in Los Angeles (and some photos!). I was there last weekend for the Songkran Festival, for Thai New Year. I had a fantastic time and recommend the food market to everyone who’s in the area— they do it every weekend! It’s such a warm and welcoming environment.