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Slow dance with you

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knife md

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something something, eyes like emeralds

based off those dragon!fire spirit headcannons I saw awhile ago where FS would like shiny things

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same, fire spirit, same

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who was gonna tell me that this was the day my life turned to shut because of one decision

2 Fatass fucking idiots try Skype and vc

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talking abt why I want to throw my life away again but sneakily

i dont wanna ramble on my other blog so I'm doing it on this one, nobody will see this except me, and maybe 2 specific ex's because one of them is... Clingy, and I don't even know the other one anymore so idk what to know

if someine IS however reading this TW TW TW TW TW FOR MENTIONS IF SUICIDE

So I'm thinking, right? And it's midnight, and I'm just... struck with this longing for someone. Seriously, I don't know who. But then I think about it a bit more, and I really miss A. Sometimes I wish I didn't fuck up my choices so bad, sometimes I wish I didn't try to kill myself that day. I mean, I wouldn't have gone through the trauma from certain someone if I didn't lose A, but I also wouldn't have met my lovely girlfriend. But I basically made the certain someone meet her and hurt her aswell, so maybe I think I shouldn't have done that to myself, let myself wallow in horror, keep going to the same school, and stay with A.

I mean, I guess I prefer it now, but I miss being held, I miss kissing, I miss the lovely messages. Like, the certain someone did send me lovely messages, but sometimes took it a bit far. I mean, A was perfect in the physical sense, but accidentally... neglected me I guess? But I want to take a moment to say, my girlfriend is perfect, she's genuinely made me a better person.

But sometimes I really do regret losing A, and I don't trust the thoughts after midnight saying I should get back into contact with him. I don't want to. I'm scared that if I even SEE his face again, I'll get bad again.

So it's really complicated. I don't see him in a romantic way anymore, I haven't for months, but I guess I just miss the things we did together. Fuck. I really do miss it, I really do miss A.

God, I feel like I'm just uselessly pouring my heart out, but it's fine, NOBODYYY will see this, so I can say whatever I want, something like I think the nearly 17 year old is a bit too interested in my friend that's recently 14. Anyways.

I also really miss the clingy person, they go by a billion different names, but their name started with B at the time, but the other started with A so I don't really wanna do A and B, but uhhh first time meeting it was L I think?? L will do ig.

So A had a way with actions, right? But GOD, L had a way with words. Fucking HELL. They would paint a picture of you with their words, build you up in a castle with compliments, speak nothing but magic that would get you to fold at their will. Lol why was I shocked when they were a manipulator. And abusive.

And really clingy. Like, they'd do a block you then get new acc and beg for forgiveness, but never actually apologise. Literally just get you attached just to cut it off again, and you get addicted off the high of extreme connection, that you let it happen. And they won't leave me and my girlfriend the FUCK ALONE. But yeahhh I do also miss them, a lot. Not in a romantic way, but I miss the connection, even though it wasn't healthy.

Moment of appreciation for my girlfriend for teaching me non toxic romantic love, like seriously, not treading on eggshells, and getting addicted to one part, and ignoring the rest.

Anyways, so when you love someone like that after being molded by their kind words, the first time they use their words to hurt you, without hiding it, you genuinely feel dead. Imagine coming out about something extremely personal, just for them to basically call you a freak, and grossed out to associate themself with you.

And that happened. Numerous times. When I needed them most, they told me to fuck off. I miss the hurt, I miss the high that came from him, I miss the fucking hurt.

I'm not joking when I say I see A and L as gods (and my lovely dear girlfriend as an angel). I'd bend to their will, willingly, and happily, for their benefit. Id crave their happiness so much that getting hurt for them would make me happy. And losing them made me feel like someone ripped my cat apart Infront of me, and told me they gave me the cancer he had.

My girlfriend, however, is a literal angel. She's not controlling, she doesn't have one main good thing, and I'm not blinded by love that I ignore her flaws. She picked me up from the dirt, the suicidal, neglected jerk who barely said anything nice to anyone, except close people, and turned me into a coping, trying jerk. I'll always be a rude ass bastard, due to never getting a damn break since birth, but atleast I'm a lot nicer. Like, a lot. I used to insult TEACHERS (says the person who was severely neglect as a young child and permanently can't connect with adults now and sees them as a threat, and to be worshipped). But now I feel happy whenever I'm nice to someone.

And its so unusual to the people around me. They're like "WAS THAT SOMETHING NICE?!" when all I did was pick up their towel when they dropped it. Yeah, usually I would've picked it up, thrown it away, kicked it, or throw it at them.

And thank you my dear light bulb for that.

And I should be grateful, but I feel so fucking guilty. I've gotten better when A and L WEREN'T in my life. What the genuine fuck.

Like, that's not right. They had their issues, they should get better, not me.

Sometimes I think too much so badly that I want to hurt myself so bad I can't even think anymore.

I just want my brain to shut the fuck up.

I just want to stop missing A and L. Honest to god, I'm doing the worst right now, that if A messaged me, I'd probably message back, and maybe if he wanted to reconnect, I would've let it happen. That's how terrible I'm doing.

I'm the worst sibling ever. Like, genuinely. Because they still call me their eldest sibling, but I've failed so badly. I was never their sibling, I was always their parent, and I can never fix view on them, because even though we're not in that neglectful house anymore, and I don't have to take responsibility for them, I still feel like I need to be their parent, and I can't be their sibling.

Anyways. Usually House MD, Object shows, hell, even Dead Poets Society would help, comfort shows. But I just start thinking again. House and Wilson's relationship remind me of me and L, and I start thinking again. Was I too mean in that one message? Did I deserve the literal trauma I got from him? Then I watch object shows, and remember, if I never introduced L to object shows, every fucking thing would be fine. And the fact that I tried to introduce A to them, but he just... Kinda brushed it aside. Then broke up with me not long after. Then I watch DPS, and all I can think about it the people I care about dying. Fuck

I need to talk about me and A's relationship from my point of view. I never have, really. It was always about how he felt. He'd message me once a week, ignore every single message I'd sent, just to say "sorry baby, been busy". But he wasn't, I think. And on new year's Eve, we planned to have a sleepover, and to kiss. But last fucking minute he cancelled. To have a sleepover with his friend, and it was so FUCKING last minute.

He did that stuff a lot. Never made time for me, always with his friends. Like yeah, that's fine ig, but not to the point where it was months of not seeing him. Then HE'D be the one to message randomly like "hey do U wanna break up W me? U barely talk to me anymore, and you look weird everytime you see me" 1) I talk to you all the same 2) I explained to you numerous times, I have severe anxiety. I loved you so much, I lived seeing you, it made my fucking week, I just maybe can't put thoughts into actions because I'm too anxious???

No matter how much I'd explain to him, he'd keep asking. Then, the last time I attempted, he broke up with me FIVE DAYS AFTER. I mean, his reason was justified, but it was about him. It was because he didn't wanna be close to me, just incase I succeed. For the longest time, he basically called me extremely suicidal. But anyways, it was about HIM. The moment I needed him most, he left. 2 days later, I met L, who permanently traumatized me.

But his reason was odd. Because, I'm still alive, and he's lost me, but I'm still alive. I haven't thought about attempting since then until, well today ig. I don't want to, it's just so strong. All because I miss 2 fucking exes who fucked me over. Not a single day goes by when I don't think about them. God, I've been thinking too much.

Genuinely I miss them so bad, not in a romantic way, EW, I just miss them.

Anyways I'm done -Lee

started 5th April, 11:58 pm, finished 6th April, 1:24 am

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you should already know this one...

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YOU WILL KISS MEN. YOU WILL KISS MEN. YOU WILL KISS MEN. YOU WILL KISS MEN. YOU WILL KISS MEN. YOU WILL KISS MEN. YOU WILL KISS MEN. YOU WILL KISS MEN. YOU WILL KISS MEN. YOU WILL KISS MEN. YOU WILL KISS MEN. YOU WILL KISS MEN. YOU WILL KISS MEN. YOU WILL KISS MEN. YOU WILL KISS MEN. YOU WILL KISS MEN. YOU WILL KISS MEN. YOU WILL KISS MEN. YOU WILL KISS MEN. YOU WILL KISS MEN. YOU WILL KISS MEN. YOU WILL KISS MEN. YOU WILL KISS MEN. YOU WILL KISS MEN. YOU WILL KISS MEN. YOU WILL KISS MEN. YOU WILL KISS MEN. YOU WILL KISS MEN. YOU WILL KISS MEN.

NO!!

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Moon Waltz

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I love my girlfriend so much, she lives across the world, I'm not the nicest or most stable, yet she still loves me. I just received something she shipped and :(((/VPOS SHES JUST SO AWESOME, SHE HASNT LEFT ME WHICH IS CRAZY, LIKE, I JUST LOVE HER, SHES MY LIGHT AND SHES ALWAYS THERE FOR ME, I AM SO GLAD IM HER PARTNER, AND THAT IVE EVEN GOTTEN TO KNOW HER LIEK AGSHAHHAHSVSV

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>a continuation of inanimate insanity is confirmed

>brian said that knickle is his favorite m/m ship for the show, somehow beating payjay with approximately 2.5 onscreen interactions

>the movie in general (knife thinking of pickle when 4s says "i'm the head and he's the heart", pickle promising that he isn't going to give up on knife alongside suitcase, how much pickle's deletion SPECIFICALLY affects knife throughout the whole thing)

>the crew has most likely had plans for whatever's next for a while now

we might be so back, knickleheads.

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C2BC EP 12 SPOILERS!!!!!

pound really shat the bed huh?

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HAPPY KNIFECASE SUNDAY!!

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GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY CAR.

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sometimes - alex g

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New whitepine episode ey?

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BE WARNED THE AUDIO IS SO LOUD

i genuinely cannot fix the audio i am so actually sorry😭