micahammon

[micahammon]

Home again

#tuelear

[micahammon]

8-bit chiptune church in Antananarivo

Take a listen.

[micahammon]

Loading luggage for the trip, a la Tetris.

Going to Tamatave.

[micahammon]

House exterior art. These murals are on the side of a house in town, here in Tuléar. Picture 1, 2, 3: Vezo People Vezo is the term for the semi-nomadic maritime or sea people from Central–Eastern Indonesia who settled in southern Madagascar. It also includes Bantu migrants from mainland East Africa.

Picture 4: Baobab Tree and Zebu

Picture 5: Lemurs Lemurs are endemic to the island of Madagascar.

Picture 6: Kipetaka Hair Braiding Kipetaka braids are a traditional African hairstyle originating from the Betsileo people in Madagascar.

[micahammon]

Street scenes from the window

Picture 1: Women can carry pretty much the entire world on their heads.

Picture 2: I rode on such an ox-drawn cart when I went to see some Baobab trees.

[micahammon]

There are many beautiful restaurants here. This one has been the most expensive one I've gone to. We kept it on the cheap side and only paid about $25 USD for two people but could have easily spent more.

[micahammon]

Pousse-Pousse Drivers

Pousse-pousse is a French word for describing a rickshaw used to transport people or things and which is pulled by a human on foot. The traditional pousse-pousse is not so common now, instead it has been replaced with the cyclo-pousse which is just the bicycle version. Due to habit, we still use the term pousse pousse to refer to either variety. Here in Tulear, there are hundreds of them in the streets. In reality the city stays pretty quiet (outside of active market areas). I reckon you will see pousses-pousses at a ratio of 8:1 to cars or motorcycles. That keeps things quiet. Even in the city center, it’s quiet and the streets are rather bare.

Those pousse-pousse drivers (or just “pousse”) are simple, humble and hardworking; they are exposed to the elements and have to work hard to get the bicycle and its cargo up hills and across town in the dead heat of a never-ending tropical summer. They earn about 0.21-0.42 USD per typical trip. (Madagascar does have a huge amount of the population living on about 2 USD per day). I usually pay about 0.32-0.42 but with my girlfriend, the stickler, we keep it closer to 0.21 USD.

It is something remarkable to see the pousses on the street corners and roadsides resting, waiting for the next trip. They often sleep on their bicycles, in awkward positions, head contorted this way, torso and legs that way. Obviously just making do—preferring to rest on the bike while waiting for riders in lieu of resting on the ground.

They are a rugged sort when it comes to enduring the elements. They don’t even flinch when the sky opens and rain falls. They calmly retrieve the plastic covering used to protect passengers and affix it in place, while remaining stationed on the side of the vehicle. Perhaps it’s a quick wash for themselves.

Sometimes and more so in the past I gave more money. Side note: It’s crazy here, because apparently every mother has trained their children that when they see a foreigner to immediately ask for money. I mean, it must have taken a lot of repetition and training because a child could be in the midst of playing with friends or walking with a sibling and they will immediately stop what they're doing and begin to ask for money as soon as they see me. I mean, there aren’t many tourists here in my city so it’s a bit surprising the effort put in to get children to be prepared for the off-chance.

When living in a certain place the pousse drivers you see are the same ones; they all have their spots where they stay posted up. So, they get to know me. And at a previous place I made the mistake of giving too much money; then they all began to expect it; which is understandable, but also caused me problems. The issue often times is having correct change to pay the pousse drivers. So after having built up their expectations for receiving a higher rate for trips, I might only have enough small change on hand for what should be a trip from home to the store or something and a return trip home, but then they no longer wanted to accept that so I’d get into logistical issues; leaving me without money to pay for my trip home.

The thing is, they are actually a really humble sort of people, but if you upset the equilibrium it throws things off. So now I keep the rate closer to the going rate and it makes things much simpler for me and also my girlfriend as she does her own trips visiting me and pays for her own trips.

In Ethiopia the children were the most insistent. After having shortly arrived and having zero cash, a child on the street just attached his arm to mine walking interlocked at the elbows and asked for money as I kept walking. Of course I tried to explain that I didn’t have money. I was shocked, looking around for his parents and thinking surely he will have to abandon his efforts but we literally walked two city blocks like that until I got the pharmacy. The other people on the street just kind of watched, somewhat embarrassed by the situation, occasionally telling the child to leave me alone. There was an ATM nearby so I did get money and gave him something. I had a couple other experiences with insistent children there in Addis Abba.

I always remind myself that we are all beggars before God. We say our prayers at night, begging for blessings just like any beggar on the street does.

But it gets a little crazy sometimes when the numbers and intensity are overwhelming. I have stepped out from eating at a restaurant here in Tulear and a child asks for money, I give a little, but then suddenly I’m swarmed by like 15 kids. I leave in bicycle taxi and children continue to run alongside as we go away. I’ve learned that being discreet is best.

It’s common to be on bicycle taxi, going at a decent clip, and people will just thrust their arms out as if I am on a Mardi Gras float, beads in hand, ready to disperse as we go by. The logistics are perplexing. I suppose I look like a money tree and if a sudden wind gust blows, dollar bills will just fall off, so it’s best to have a hand out as I pass by.

It’s a feeling that follows me around as I travel in less developed nations. First, it’s inconceivable that I’m not rich.

I have seen bewildered looks from people at seeing what to their eyes appears to be the most unusual sight—an ATM wearing sneakers walking through the neighborhood.

I always have given to those that asked, as frequently as seemed reasonable for me to do so. But on the Africa side of things, it got a little overwhelming and made me just put on a hard face and ignore; which in fact calms everything down and allows one to go on about their business in peace. But then, I feel sad at seeing some faces from afar that lost hope in me; they remember me and don’t bother to ask again. So my next goal is to give discreetly to those I’ve slighted.

Many places in Africa and especially in Madagascar, a large portion of the population lives on 2 dollars per day. And actually this is something that has interested me most, just to see how people can live so simply. It’s interesting to see them cooking their lunch on the corner of the street. The pousse bicycle taxi drivers oftentimes are there on the corners with their wife and kids huddled around a pot and little fire cooking lunch. I take a ride and he goes back in time for lunch.

[micahammon]

Micah! This is funny… I wanted to tell you something about what we’ve been learning and talking about lately since yesterday, but I wasn’t sure. I figured you’re probably busy, still trying to listen the last (lengthy video) I sent you.

Then this morning, about 5 minutes ago, I started listening to the video I wanted to share with you, it’s a book I ordered back in 2020. Then recently I found it online and I have mix feelings about, but it is fascinating, and the more I listen to it, the more I understand.

Again I thought of you, and decided that I definitely would send it to you, but then I quickly changed my mind against it. Because I couldn’t concentrate on what I was listening due to my inner debate, I exited the audio and opened tumblr: I had one notification only, and it was from you! It said “Micah liked your — post,” and then I took it as a sign 😁

Here’s the video. Pay a lot of attention to the very simplistic yet profound points:

https://youtu.be/uz7qNWbQujk

Hey Rosie! Well I like to check out everything, so thank you for sharing!

[micahammon]

All the walls are crumbling because they were never real

I’m moving into belief. I’ve spent my whole life trying to understand the nature of life and identify the construction of right and wrong, truth and illusion. It’s a fascinating process and I know I’ll never be done with it, and that’s exciting and makes life interesting. But I feel like I’ve come to a point in my process of discovery something like scientists did when they discovered quantum physics. 

In Newtonian physics everything has a cause and effect. There exists a linear relationship between action and consequence. That is true and will continue to be so forever. But Newtonian physics cannot describe everything that happens in the material world. When the scale of matter becomes really small, on the level of atoms, Newtonian physics no longer succeeds as a theory. Atoms are governed by different laws, and quantum theory, as bizarre and unintuitive as it is, continues to be proven true.

Physical reality is made up of two theories which have yet to be reconciled. Although they appear to be incompatible, compatible they must be. The physical world and everything we see with the naked eye is built on the foundation of the irrational and the impossible. The particles which we are made of can move within and without time, be in two places at the same time, and seemingly violate the universal speed limit--the speed of light. Particles can be physical matter which take up space in the physical world, and at the same time, be a wave--like a radio wave if you will. Somehow reality is built upon this impossibility.

"Reality is far fetched. The truth is always a long shot."

As modern humans, we are in a precarious place. A detached place. Our roots are no longer in the soil of the earth which gives us life. We are living in the world of biological theory, political theory, economic theory, etc.--which all function very well and have allowed us to advance incredibly once understood and applied. What is the logical conclusion from this process?

We learn natural laws that we might better understand spiritual laws.

I remember in the first computer science class I took at university, my teacher drew a picture on the board, something like the following...

And then he asked the question, “What’s missing?”. He answered his own question by saying “antimatter”. Then he filled in the “antimatter” absent from view, something like this...

Note: I’m a bad artist but I tried to draw the inverse of what was originally visible. 

So what’s the logical conclusion of reality? Reality is a paradox. There’s always a catch.

Note: The teacher then went on to name laughter as an example of something behaving like antimatter. In this regard, we can theorize that antimatter comes in to play where we have inflection points. That’s useful to think about in the context of the choices we make, day by day.

Note 2: Antimatter, which cannot be seen, “refers to sub-atomic particles [that] have properties opposite those of normal matter.” It’s useful to note that this is in the quantum world, where perhaps, we could say that everything there is existing simultaneously.

I think the first paradox was in the Garden of Eden. Adam and Eve were commanded to multiply and replenish the earth. They were also commanded not to eat of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. The problem which may not be obvious depending on your brand of Christianity is that Adam and Eve apparently could not keep both commandments at the same time. They were in a state of innocence and could not procreate without first creating the fall through eating of the fruit of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. 

I’ve heard it said that what may appear to be contradictory to us is not to God, and that somehow He can balance two conditions in perfect harmony which appear mutually exclusive. I don’t know how God could do it in the example of the Garden of Eden, but I do think we should learn to try it in other areas.

I am nothing. I am everything.

Helaman 12:7 O how great is the nothingness of the children of men; yea, even they are less than the dust of the earth.

John 10:34 Jesus answered them, “Is it not written in your law, ‘I said, “You are gods”’?

Through the course of a day we may need to remind ourselves of either of these quotes. What’s important is that we have to choose to put the concept into use in order to humble or inspire ourselves as needed. We have to draw up the belief then let it guide.

All truth is paradox.

My brother once responded to the above statement by saying that the paradox of truth serves as the fuel for free agency. That is an extremely instructive comment, which makes me think of Einstein’s dissatisfaction with the then emerging theory of quantum physics. When Einstein analyzed and documented the workings of the universe, he did so from the perspective of trying to understand the mind of God. He disbelieved the theory of quantum mechanics presented by Niels Bohr; the same theory that today continues to be scientifically verifiable. What he objected to was that in this explanation of the universe, the natural world became a lot more random. It seemed to diminish the role of the Master Designer. Einstein’s famous quote was “God does not play dice (with the universe)”.

I sometimes think that quantum physics only appears mysterious and random to us because we cannot see the complete picture, we are only seeing the effects of things in the physical world and perhaps there are other counterparts like antimatter that we can’t see (but can detect) and even beyond that, other counterparts we can’t even detect with clever testing.

On the other hand, there is beauty in accepting the concept of an “uncreate Reality” that can represent the quantum state. We in the Newtonian state have become the created Reality which “shows forth in our beings the uncreate Reality.” That is to say, our physical world and our physical selves are manifestations of the uncreated reality. 

Alma 30:44 ...all things denote there is a God; yea, even the earth, and all things that are upon the face of it, yea, and its motion, yea, and also all the planets which move in their regular form do witness that there is a Supreme Creator...

What we see here in this world is a manifestation of God and the uncreate Reality beyond. Said in different words we have the following:

“For the Source of All Life created the worlds by dividing Its Unmanifest Unity into the manifesting Duality, and we that are created show forth in our beings the uncreate Reality. Each living soul has its roots in the Unmanifest and draws thence its life, and by going back to the Unmanifest we find fulness of life.“

The uncreated reality represents a primordial place from which the physical world is drawn into being from. This place we could liken to the quantum state. I make this comparison because when we can understand a concept in the real world, it helps us to have the faith or belief to put it into practice for our own benefit.

To address Einstein’s concerns, quantum mechanics may actually be evidence of God’s will to give us more free agency by providing an uncreate Reality with which we can interact. For one, It provides some “randomness” whereby everything that happens is not simply a predestined linear result of cause and effect--thereby, we cannot blame every thing that happens as a direct consequence of God’s original first act of creation (whereby He would have known the exact consequences of every single thing to ever happen, and the only intrigue in all of it would be our discovery of the result). Secondly, and more importantly, the interconnection of the quantum and Newtonian world can become for us a primordial wellspring from which we too can create. I am suggesting that it is belief and faith which allows us to materialize things in the physical world. Even as God himself does. 

Hebrews 11:3 Through faith we understand that the worlds were framed by the word of God...

Lastly, the context of reality, or truth being a paradox further bolsters free agency because it provides choice, even as it did for our first parents. The choices you choose to make are based on what you first choose to believe. In the paradox, you are able to believe whichever aspect you choose to focus on because it also has basis in reality.

I don’t speak of the choice between good and evil, but rather the choice between beliefs. Belief is a tool you can use to do good or harmful things.

I think it’s important to iterate that prerogative is a part of free agency and choice. 

Doctrine and Covenants 58:27 Verily I say, men should be anxiously engaged in a good cause, and do many things of their own free will, and bring to pass much righteousness.

We know we should do many good things of our own free will and choice but those choices will naturally be more oriented to our own dispositions. The challenge is not to confuse limiting beliefs about ourselves with what is our true nature and disposition. In fact, what I am getting at is that we should use faith and belief to overcome our limitings habits, beliefs and worldview.

I reckon that beliefs become powerful as they connect to internal desire. Since that is the case, it is instructive to follow the path of our own personal orientation and if there are lessons to be learned, we will learn them much, much faster if we are making the choice for ourselves rather than merely trying to follow someone else’s instruction. That’s because belief is the thing that supercharges our experience.

With belief in play we can properly channel the “why” to our actions and attendant effects in the real world. If we err, the “why” will be there to make clear the error of our ways. Notwithstanding, in the middle of all of this is God’s intervention to steer us from unneeded error if we stray off course, and which can be greatly aided by our responsiveness to His Spirit. 

Let’s introduce something which is not a paradox but tends to be polemic.

Brigham Young said that “we live far beneath our privileges” because we fail to seek and receive the guidance the Lord wants to give us in our spiritual and temporal affairs.

This instruction is meant to help us lay claim to what might be ours but it can also paralyze us if we don’t engage with the belief that we will actually receive it. Successfully gaining access to guidance from the Lord is usually based on the belief and faith we put into it. The important thing is that we need to use belief to create the reality and then it follows that we will receive the guidance. However, we also have to put belief and faith into a great many other things of which we proceed with in lieu of guidance because...

Doctrine and Covenants 58:26 For behold, it is not meet that I should command in all things...

We must build and develop our ability to seek and understand guidance from the Lord but most times His guidance works like a signpost as we navigate. It helps us stay on course but there are a million decisions we must make for ourselves along the way by “using [our] best judgement”. 

In my experience the contrast between God having a personal prerogative and objective in the management of choices and not having a prerogative is plainly evident in the line between church affairs and private affairs. When it comes to the administration of callings and duties within the Church I have witnessed an extremely high level of involvement from the Lord. If you pay attention you can see that He is almost constantly involved and directing. The Lord really, really cares about His work. 

As soon as you move away from the realm of the administration of His Church, guidance is much more sparse. It truly feels like our personal lives are meant to be a learning experience through trial and error--a sort of experimentation. It does help us develop our own capabilities bit by bit. When you think about it, that really makes more sense anyways. Perhaps it also allows us to make mistakes without the additional condemnation we might receive if we had access to more from beyond the veil. 

On the other hand, as I consider what will happen in the future as the world is thrown into turmoil and we all begin the work of building Zion I reckon that the line between church affairs and private affairs will become almost indecipherable--and I know that there will be an abundance of guidance as such in order to complete God’s work. There is something to be said for living like that already, here and now.

Gospel of Thomas 22: When you make the two into one, and when you make the inner like the outer and the outer like the inner, and the upper like the lower, and when you make male and female into a single one, so that the male will not be male nor the female be female...

The world is separating from a longstanding known reality. Social systems are being dismantled with an intention to reengineer them. Truth and science have become weaponized. We are dependent on technology more and more. Algorithms and big data will rule our lives. Breakages will occur. Power grids will be threatened. IT infrastructure will be compromised. Natural resources will become scarce. There will be natural disasters. Financial systems will collapse. Some of these things will be unplanned, others intentional.

I’ve always thought it so peculiar the human creature existing on this planet. All the animals on the earth have been endowed with instincts which directly provision their survival. Many young animals are taught survival skills during infancy, that is true, but even if they lose their mother, their instincts will guide them the rest of the way.

Humans on the other hand are nearly helpless without the knowledge passed on from generation to generation. At this point we’ve already lost our connection to mother earth. In our quest to master nature we have also sought to remove ourselves from nature--mother nature and also what we might call human nature.   

As the walls crumble around us and the very ground is swept from under our feet, our only choice is to evolve and learn to fly.

“It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of light, it was the season of darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair.”

Faith and belief will enable many to do things which we previously knew to be impossible in the Newtonian world. To evolve means to move beyond the structures (spiritual and otherwise) we have upheld for sake of dogma. Those structures will be shaken. God’s work will not fail but we are to learn not to look beyond the mark. Ultimately, to evolve will result in having our natures changed into that resembling God as we learn to create/do through faith and belief. 

For those whose trust remains in the shifting sands of the world’s social, economic, political and even scientific structures--they will be left without root and branch to stand on. 

We’ll have to act for ourselves rather than be acted upon.  We have to use faith and belief to power those actions or else it will be hollow inside and our hearts will ultimately fail us.

Luke 21:26 Men's hearts failing them for fear, and for looking after those things which are coming on the earth...

Let’s go back to the world of very small particles...

If ye have faith as a grain of mustard seed...

Matthew 17:19-20 Then came the disciples to Jesus apart, and said, Why could not we cast him out? And Jesus said unto them, Because of your unbelief: for verily I say unto you, If ye have faith as a grain of mustard seed, ye shall say unto this mountain, Remove hence to yonder place; and it shall remove; and nothing shall be impossible unto you.

I’ve always thought it so curious that basically the whole point of our existence on this earth is to learn to exercise faith and belief. Before we can really do anything, the important first step is starting with a real belief that we can do the thing we set out to do. When we supercharge our actions with belief, the universe responds. 

I posit that we on this earth are here to learn to become co-creators with God--creating through faith just as God does.

Sometimes we are able to energize belief through our belief in others, but it’s not always enough, as I believe was the case with the disciples of Jesus referenced in the example above and Oliver Cowdery desiring to participate in translating the Book of Mormon. 

Doctrine and Covenants 9:11 Behold, it was expedient when you commenced; but you feared, and the time is past, and it is not expedient now;

Let it be noted that this was free agency in action, since it wasn’t in the original design of God that Oliver Cowdry participate in the translation, but it would have been permitted if he had faith enough.

Because God wanted Joseph to translate, He gave him extra strength to be able to do it.

Doctrine and Covenants 9:11 For, do you not behold that I have given unto my servant Joseph sufficient strength, whereby it is made up?

To aid with the translation of the Book of Mormon Joseph received special seer stones called the Urim and Thummim. What’s curious is that Joseph often used his own seer stone rather than strictly relying on the Urim and Thummim. Eventually Joseph had enough faith to do without seer stones altogether as he continued to receive revelations. I believe that the Urim and Thummim were there to build his belief and make up for his strength until he was able to fully energize belief in himself, his ability.

Believe that you have received it, and it will be yours

One thing that hurts belief is by having a narrow view based on the here and now. When we think of how things are supposed to happen in the Newtonian world we limit the power of the supernatural quantum, timeless uncreate Reality which is boundless. We have to allow for the uncreate Reality, unintuitive non-Newtonian world to intercede. We connect to this state though the particle of belief.

As long as I believe in myself I find I can do certain things. If I ceased to believe in myself, I think I should just crumble into dust, like an unwrapped mummy.

I have said all of this in order to say this, we need to use belief daily in order to shape our lives in the way that we truly wish them to be. Our lives have ended up the way they are precisely because of the beliefs we have engaged about ourselves, others and the nature of reality. If you say that you belief that life can be grand and beautiful but you spend your days dejected and depressed, then you aren’t engaging the grand and beautiful beliefs. Whether we like it or not, beliefs are constantly directing our lives. 

“The basic difference between an ordinary man and a warrior is that a warrior takes everything as a challenge, while an ordinary man takes everything either as a blessing or a curse.”

There are indeed blessings and curses in our lives but we cannot ascribe our current condition to merely a result of those two things. In addition, we need to enlarge the gratitude we feel for the blessings and overlook where possible the curses. Feeling gratitude will enlarge our beliefs and strengthen the conduit between us and the Divine.

When we engage in belief in order to shape and direct our lives we cannot merely state a belief and then forget about it. We have to return to the belief day after day.

I have been reading about 45 books a year for the last 5 years. I set a goal on a website which helps track my progress and keeps me motivated. The first year I started the reading challenge I set my goal as 100 books for the year. I didn’t have experience and I didn’t really know what that meant though. It was an idle, pie in the sky wish. I didn’t return to the goal frequently. I forgot about it most of the year and I finished with 33 books that year.

That reminds me of Oliver Cowdry’s wish to participate in the translation of the Book of Mormon. If he had more experience or at least consistent belief he could have succeeded. The same was true of me. Experience does help, in so far as it helps to reduce fear since we have better bearings on the task before us. Perhaps fear is like antimatter.

That’s the tricky thing with belief and faith. If we have enough faith we could actually move mountains. But most of us probably don’t have enough belief to make that happen. But we could and that promise is available for us, but perhaps we misunderstand something about belief. 

Mark 11:23-24 (NIV) Truly I tell you, if anyone says to this mountain, ‘Go, throw yourself into the sea,’ and does not doubt in their heart but believes that what they say will happen, it will be done for them. Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.

The NIV translation makes more clear something which has caught on with new age spirituality, like in books such as The Secret, and others which profess the power of manifesting in our lives by using the so-called law of attraction.

New age spirituality has brought us the power of meditation and living mindfully, which have slowly come into mainstream Christianity and that includes the LDS church. 

And indeed, meditation and mindfulness are key parts of nurturing belief as I am prescribing. The current problem we have with incubating belief is that, as mentioned above, we already have many beliefs which are like weeds choking out the good belief that we want to use to empower our lives. We live barely cognizant of the incessant, mind-numbing chatter going on about our heads. You can consider all the thoughts that jump into our minds as competing beliefs. It’s a battlefield for our minds and our empowering beliefs may fall casualty if we don’t learn to quiet the mind and focus. That enables us to act for ourselves rather than to be acted upon.

The first thing we need to do with the mind is wash it, clean it up, not only once or twice a day as we do for the body but in all our waking moments.

Similarly...

Doctrine & Covenants 121:45 let virtue garnish thy thoughts unceasingly...

A way which helps me practice a chosen belief is to do an experiment of thought. What I mean is that on a given day I may tell myself that I am doing an experiment of thinking that day and that helps me to suspend disbelief as I am merely there to analyze and watch the results of what happens, rather than to prove veracity or to gauge the level of real belief. I did one experiment of imagining each person as I would my own self.

Mark 12:31 love thy neighbor as thyself

I really did feel something wonderful that day.

That’s one reason I say that...

life works best when undertaken as an experiment 

Sometimes if we put too much pressure on the act itself, we enlarge the importance of a thing beyond what it truly is. We have to maintain calm levity and not worry about the result; to laugh instead of get caught up in an act’s undue significance. In this way we can shake off a thousand mistakes of ego and bad humor which sabotage us.

the fatal flaw is that average men take themselves too seriously

The balance has been described this way...

Thus a man of knowledge endeavors, and sweats, and puffs, and if one looks at him he is just like any ordinary man, except that the folly of his life is under control. [He regards] nothing as being more important than anything else.  A man of knowledge [can thusly] choose any act, and act it out as if it matters to him. 

So to apply all of this in a practical way let me tell you my plans. I am making and setting goals, big lofty goals. I am aiming for 5 years to enter more fully into the vision I see for my life. I will meditate and pray each day and return again and again to the beliefs--multiple times each day in fact--which I think are necessary to empower me to achieve my goals. I don’t know exactly how things will happen, but I do believe in the scriptures referenced, including the very words of Jesus Christ. I consider it already done because I have picked up the rod, which at the far end connects to the result. The point of access where I grip the rod is belief.

Update Apr 22, 2021: This video supports my view of free will and quantum mechanics. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sMb00lz-IfE

[micahammon]

Buddha's Brain (Chapter 2)

These are my notes from the book.

The Evolution of Suffering

Suffering comes from evolutionary survival strategies

There are 3 survival strategies

Creation & separation

Boundaries between oneself and the world

Boundaries between one mental state and another

Maintain stability

To keep physical and mental states in a healthy balance

Approach opportunities & avoid threats

Gain things that promote offspring

Avoid things that don't

However!

Everything is connected

Everything keeps changing

Opportunities lose luster, or remain unfulfilled and many threats are inescapable (aging, death)

Again,

To live, to metabolize, organisms must exchange matter & energy with the environment

The mind & world are permeable language, culture, senses, feelings

Our atoms interchange, oxygen * blood (iron) come from stars

Attempting to separate & be independent leads to signals of disturbance and threat

Body, brain, mind rely on many systems to maintain healthy equilibrium

However, changing conditions constantly threaten that equilibrium resulting in signals of threat

Aging, death, etc.

Signals of threat & desire for equilibrium equate to craving, longing, or compulsion

In other words, the body's work of equilibrium doesn't quite bubble up to the surface

"Consequently, your brain is forever chasing after the moment that has just passed, trying to understand and control it."

The feeling or hedonic tone is the aspect of experience codified as pleasant, unpleasant and neutral

The brain keeps you chasing carrots

It releases dopamine when expectations are matched

But if expectations are not matched, dopamine falls and creates craving to restore its levels

Reaching for what's pleasant can cause suffering

Desire, mild longing can be uncomfortable

Without realization of the desire, it's natural to feel frustrated, disappointed, discouraged, etc.

Even realization of desire doesn't provide long lasting satisfaction, or even if so, eventually experiences must change

*****Thus, experiences are an unreliable basis for true happiness

Sticks are stronger than carrots in the brain

The brain has a strong built in negativity bias

The brain keeps scanning for problems

Because of negative experience's more life-altering consequences the brain stays on alert for it Thus, we suffer from:

Vigilance and anxiety

We used to be prey as well as predators

Sensitivity to negative information

The brain detects negative information faster than positive; such as fearful faces

High priority storage

The hippocampus carefully stores negative experiences for future reference

Negative trumps positive

Negative events carry more weight, have larger impact

It takes 5 positive experiences to overcome 1 negative one in relationships

Lingering traces remain

So as to reactivate in a similar circumstance

Vicious cycles

Negative experiences lead to pessimism

In Buddhism, suffering is the result of:

Greed

Grasping after carrots

Hatred

Aversion to sticks

Delusion

Holding onto ignorance

Not seeing how things are connected and changing

Self-compassion is important To nurture self-compassion and strengthen its neural circuits:

Recall being with someone who really loves you

Bring to mind someone you naturally feel compassion for, like a child or someone you love

Extend these thoughts to yourself

Be aware of your own suffering and extend concern and good wishes.

Feel compassion sifting down into the raw areas

Physically place palm on cheek or heart with warmth and kindness

Repeat the phrase, "May I be happy again"; "May the pain of this moment pass"

Try to imagine:

Imagine you were brought up in an environment where you were loved and supported without end

Let yourself be that person

Imagine you had control over brain functions and you could turn up the volume on positivity and lower the volume on negativity at will

[micahammon]

Buddha's Brain (Intro & Chapter 1)

These are my notes from the book.

In the past they said that the mind is the activity of the brain. Mental activity creates new neural structures

Neurons that fire together wire together

We can use the mind to change the brain itself

The adult brain is open to change

The mind is an embodied, relational process that regulates flow of energy and information

How we focus attention and intentionally direct the flow of energy and information can alter the brain's activity and its structure

Relationships are fundamental to how minds function. Social interactions shape neural connections which shapes brain. Science verifies that cultivating compassion and mindful awareness harnesses the social circuits which enable one to transform the relationship with self.

Compassion refers to letting go of judgments

Mindful awareness means to attend fully to the present

Our goal is to build circuits of kindness and well-being

We'll seek to answer:

What brain states underlie the mental states of happiness, love and wisdom

How can you use your mind to stimulate and strengthen the positive brain states

Chapter 1 - The Self-Transforming Brain

Taxi drivers in London develop a larger hippocampus (region for making visual spatial memories). Happy people have more activity in the left frontal brain region.

The brain is the basis of the mind, but that's an oversimplification.

The body, natural world and human culture also shape the mind.

Perhaps importantly, the mind also shapes the mind.

It's probably best to understand the brain and mind as a single system. All mental activity maps to neural activity. The current working hypothesis is that the mind is what the brain does. Most animals don't have sufficiently complex nervous systems to allow them to experience significant distress (long term significant distresses).

Worrying about the future, past, present; getting what you want, suffering for the sake of suffering, sadness, etc is constructed by the brain.

It is made up.

The brain is the cause and cure of suffering

The three pillars of Buddhism are:

Virtue

Mindfulness (concentration)

Wisdom

Virtue is regulating actions, words, thoughts to create benefit for oneself and others

Prefrontal cortex regulates this, top-down and bottom-up

Relationships is where virtue is challenged

Mindfulness is using attention on both inner and outer worlds

Since the brain learns by what it focuses on, mindfulness helps take in good experiences and makes them a part of oneself

Wisdom is applied common sense

Understand what hurts and what helps

That is, the causes of pain and the path to its end

Let go of things that hurt and strengthen things that help.

Over time one feels:

more connected with everything

more serene about how things change and end

more able to meet pleasure and pain without grasping after one and struggling with the other

*The most seductive and subtle challenge to wisdom is the sense of being a self who is separate from and vulnerable to the world

Virtue → (Brain) Regulation → Green light (excite) / Red light (inhibit) Mindfulness → (Brain) Learning → Strengthen / Weaken circuits

Attention shapes neural circuits

Wisdom → (Brain) Selection → Trained by what experience tells it to value

Regulation, Learning, Selection regulate all levels of the nervous system. The happy and loving parts deep below the surface are what is considered to be the true nature. Like constant rain verses a single raindrop, little actions over time add up.

[micahammon]

COVID-World Beat

To the five burroughs

That stay sleep

You are dream

Do not want

Nor believe

She stirs though

Bill Burr funny jokester

Humor and honesty

Laugh or cry

Is how we die the death

Just to stay alive

Have you ever heard a dissonant sound?

The wrong note struck

In the middle of a dream

Everybody agrees

When drinks are being toasted

But

Have you ever heard something

That reminded you were a child

I think it's been a while

Damage has been done

Consciousness was one

But antagonists won

Innocence became a sentence

And coldness rushed in to fill the distance

Between hearts

Now we just play the parts

Now we just pray for sparks

To light the fires

But those who indulge

We call them liars

And those who love a lie

Make us Gods, granting them their desires

Which makes them devils

But before we get forgiveness

Just listen

To the sickle and the shovel

Listen to the Earth grovel

It's not just that the forests are the poorest

That rivers are takers when they used to be givers

It's not just that she has plastic in her liver

You know they set fires

And she shivers

They rage for control

And she quivers

They imprison her soul

For what glitters

But after all the oil and gold

They've come for her children

She loved without conditions

Like Hagar the mistress

She's desolate without descendents

She will move

Heaven inside her womb

For our deliverance

Trumpets sound

Jericho's walls already down

Feet in lockstep

Pandemic preparedness

Planning for scared-ness

Check the resonance how you speak

The throat chakra

Is the truth sayer

Correct posture

The lie evader

For those that have ears

Melody is a savior

[micahammon]

COVID-Something

Wait another day

In a quiet theater

One hears the strangest things

Gummy bears and Kit Kats

Have a voice

The inner becomes the outer

The girl a boy

Matter the pattern

Farewell perfect vision

We can do better than that

This year is an eon

The whale is searching

For Captain Ahab

MERS gave me the sads

Reproductive number

Zero

The number one stunner

Mathematicians

Working day and night

But there's still no cure

For love

Amirite

Belief without seeing

Brief like a baby's teething

Lunacy is not me

Safety in the pack

Eyes on you on me

We can see the threat

Looking like social misfit

Dance monkey

The edges are for hedgers

Capitalizing on lionizing

Hypnotizing

Truth serum

What you wanted all along

Just wanna belong

Hope it won't be too long

Until what you say is I say is haha

Memes is what I mean

Normalcy

6 o'clock news makes it true

Dormancy doubt and paranoia

Latency, come again lately

Misjudged the handshake

One of these echoes conceals the sniper

Barons with marionettes

Precisely 3 protein

Stringed instruments

Converted discotecas to convents

Have some cheese with that wine

Mi cuarto is chambered

I'm doing just fine

Wash my hands and wipe twice

Because

Notoriously greasy fried rice

Ruddy red dawn

And liberalism is a scourge

And I've seen what socialism will do

Digital realism will do

Digitalism will spawn two

2 is really 10

Niché is my only friend

The internet is a smoothy

Bumpy

Superhighway

Sort of byway

Said some Cherokee chief

At the mouth of great waters

Gimme the deets

How low can it go

How white is the sheet

How weary the bleats

One step, two step

That's how we get free

One step, one flesh, one breath

In the midst of every two or three

Gathered together

We'll be gathered to better

We're gonna triumph

With just enough umph

Get free

[micahammon]

I lived in Eastern China specifically, but more importantly in the northern half and rather close to Beijing—the capitol. The northern half has remained more traditional. And my city in particular is quite traditional. Most Chinese people I met in America were from the southern parts. I recognize that now because among other things, they are much shorter down there. Believe it or not, I am still considered short in this part of China, haha.

Among my assumptions about life here before I came was the notion that authority is hard-lined, and the culture is strict and very circumspect. It’s true in some ways but not in the way that I thought. In the schools, yes, the teachers are strict. They demand discipline. The students fall in line. While it seems to dampen the individual creative spirit, when you consider the size of this nation it does make sense from the perspective of keeping a billion people in step. Surprisingly, the students don’t resent it. And to be honest, they seem to learn better and focus when the teacher uses a heavy hand. There is a submissive element. And a slight militaristic satisfaction. From within each class, leaders are selected to be disciplinarian aids.  During recesses, in the morning and around noon, students will line up outside and do a few choreographed “dancing” routines and walking drills. The student class leaders may have a whistle and bark orders for keeping in step and on time. But the kids are relaxed, having a little fun.

The adult variant of organizational marshaling, which is rather comical, is to blast high energy techno music at the job site as the employees lineup and do some choreographed dance routines. This is done first thing in the morning as a pep rally to start the day.

They say that the reason that the society works this way goes back to a lack of religion. Whereas in the West, religion has done the job of instilling the notion of ultimate authority in the form of God, Chinese society relies on schools to be this first teacher of authority. Since the time of Confucius, teachers have been greatly revered in this way. They are a great authority; their authority is actually above that of the parents. Parents thus rely on teachers to instill discipline and mold their children.

The government, with its one-party system, commands even greater authority, but it doesn’t present itself in such a direct manner. They present themselves like an elderly grandfather, looking out for what’s best for the people.  

Chinese people like the one-party system because it can act quickly with unanimous accord. Sometimes I think it acts a little too quickly in response to what is seen on social media. If there is any sort of scandal in social media, the response from the government can be swift and somewhat surprising to a western observer. Even if the person involved in a scandal had not broken a law, they may still lose their job and entire businesses are often shuttered. New legislation is enacted, ratcheting up the safeguards and regulations to somehow prevent similar events from happening again. The cycle repeats and I wonder how complex business practices could become in the future as businesses have to take on ever growing responsibility for all the liabilities that the government chooses to lay at their door.

Caution is such an important word in here. The need for caution comes to rest in a person’s consciousness at what I would consider an early age, maybe around adolescence. The notion of reckless, or rebellious teenagers is absent from this culture. Only the pre-teens get labeled as the odious phase for parents, with Chairman Mao famously saying that not even dogs like 8-year-old boys.

Chinese are practical people, very practical. In my classes with university aged students I taught IELTS curriculum focused on bettering conversation skills. A question posed to students was: What’s the difference between young and old parents. From my student came the reply, “I don’t know, I haven’t been a parent”. That type of response always made me chuckle, but it’s a little surprising how often you hear that sort of thing. Often times students won’t have a response to questions about their favorite things, whether it be a bird or their favorite thing to do in the morning. Additionally, asking questions like, what’s the most important period in history, or the best way to study, for example, can bewilder some students. Over time it became clear that many people are just not comfortable speaking about things in such a didactic or definitive manner. There is more of an open interpretation to things—which at times simply may idle in absence of experience.

This is perhaps the most noteworthy observation about China and America. One of my favorite Chinese authors Yu Hua, noted that westerners always have to have a point. I think that’s definitely true coming from America. It can be a little tedious sometimes when you watch a movie or read a book, and you can see the message coming from a mile away. Sometimes it feels like the book or movie was just a means to get some point across. It’s something I’ve really enjoyed about Chinese literature, that they don’t try to virtue signal or tell you what the point should be—they leave it up to you, and it’s more about the journey along the way. It’s very refreshing. It feels a little more free and with less judgement. And that applies to daily life also.  

On the one hand I think that America has benefited from the approach of always trying to zero in on the point of everything. I think it has made us much more scientifically versed in our approach to the world and solving problems. When traveling I see much less reliance on a scientific approach. People rely more on anecdotes or tradition or even superstition. Chinese medicine has a long history, and it is vast, thorough, and covers all ailments but it isn’t modern or backed by science as we would say (for the most part). For common ailments, colds, etc. Chinese continue to use their traditional medicine. But when it comes to injuries needing surgery and conditions that are serious, they almost always turn to modern medicine and treatment.

On the other hand, there are disadvantages of having a dogmatic approach as Americans do. Labels are applied. Judgements follow. The experience, or journey, is undervalued, neglected. And without openness, valuable counter insights are lost. Everything can feel like just a means to an end, as we thoughtlessly march to what society has already told us is the best.

[micahammon]

On Chinese

I didn’t learn to speak Chinese. In the West we usually differentiate between Mandarin and Cantonese languages, but in China they just refer to it as one language. Perhaps because the government likes to unify and emphasize sameness rather than difference--at least when it comes to ruling. Probably not a bad idea, considering that areas where Cantonese is spoken are not currently completely under the control of the mainland government. Taiwan, Hong Kong and Macao are special administrative zones, that were under British rule previously, and are currently in a grace period until they can be completely subsumed by the mainland government again. This will happen in the next few years, I suppose.

I have a few excuses why I didn’t learn Chinese. The main one is that China uses a character-based writing system, like hieroglyphs if you will. What’s interesting is that this is a testament to the age of this culture and their tendency to safeguard their culture. When a language is being written down for the first time, the inclination is not to create letters in order to spell the words, but rather to break the words down into syllables. So if English used the same system, the word “brother”, would be two syllables “bro-ther”, and we would use a different character to represent every single syllable that we use in our language. Those syllable pieces would come together to form all the words.

However, Chinese takes a bit of a shortcut. They prefer their words to be only one syllable. That makes it easier to write. The characters are unbelievably complex! For example, to write the character for “I” (as in: I am Micah) takes 10 strokes of the pen! Obviously in English it takes 3 to write a capital “I” like how we were taught in school. So, the fewer syllables used to form a word, means the fewer pen strokes used to write the word. Now, how do you get maximum words using as few syllables as possible? Use the same syllables but change the tone and now you have multiple words using the same syllables (each is written differently though). Chinese has 5 tones. One tone goes up, like for example how when a person asks a question their tone goes up at the end of the sentence. One tone goes down, another goes down and then back up, another tone is flat, and the last tone is no tone.

I was born and raised in the deep south in America, and I can tell you that I am tone deaf. I think Chinese people are a little more naturally suited to singing because they are used to keeping tone when they speak. As an English teacher, I always get a chuckle from the kids as they try to mimic my tone as I pronounce the words, because in their brain, the particular tone I use to emphasize the pronunciation of the word might be the exact tone that must always be used for that word.

There is no written alphabet using letters. This means that reading Chinese is not phonetic. You can’t look at an unfamiliar word and phonetically sound it out in your head, like “con-ster-na-tion”. If a Chinese person encounters a word (character) that they don’t recognize, it’s impossible for them to know how to pronounce the word. They would need to ask someone who knows how to pronounce the word for them. It is said that one needs to memorize 2,000 characters, at a minimum, to be able to read simple articles, but the better target is 4,000 characters to be fluent.

Now, the truth is that you don’t have to read and write Chinese characters in order to speak Chinese. I know a number of people who are fluent or who can speak pretty well, and their reading skills are below their speaking skills. And the truth is that China has adopted a Latin-based writing system, using letters like the West! It’s called Pinyin, and it is an excellent writing system. This Latin-based writing system is what Chinese kids start with when they begin school, because, among other things, it really helps them to learn the pronunciation—it clearly shows the tones using accent marks. It actually takes school children about 7 years to learn the characters in order to become fluent in traditional reading and writing.

Pinyin is absolutely critical to modern life because in order to write Chinese on the computer or phone, one must use Pinyin. Remember that there are no letters used to form words in the traditional writing system. If not for Pinyin, one would need a keyboard with 4,000 characters in order to write. Writing on the computer or phone using Pinyin works just like predictive text that we used to use on older phones. Type the first 3 letters or so of the word that you want to write, then choose the correct character from the list of associated characters that pop up. Imagine all day writing like that—letter, letter. Select word. Letter, letter, letter. Select word.

Unfortunately for me, after words get typed into the computer using Pinyin, the end result is the traditional Chinese character gets spit out onto the screen. This means that I never see the Pinyin. I can’t read the words that people type to me in Chinese. All the newspapers, menus in restaurants, signs, etc. are written in the traditional character system. And I am a person who really needs to see the word in order to get a grasp on the words being used, it really helps me to read the word and mull it over in order to learn. The truth is that I would speak Chinese today if not for this.

Aside from how it’s written, the Chinese language is really not that difficult, in my opinion. They don’t have future, or past conjugation of verbs. Roughly: I eat a sandwich yesterday. I eat a sandwich today. I eat a sandwich tomorrow. There are some oddities. It is grammatically correct to form some sentences without verbs! One doesn’t say I am very good, but rather I very good.

The language is simple, and I believe that it is in part because of the reliance on the character-based writing system. If the meaning can be derived using fewer words, the better and less cumbersome to write. I also believe that is a reason why they often speak using what amounts to idioms and metaphors. When you already have 4,000 characters that must be memorized to read and write (and there are some estimates that puts the total number of Chinese characters around 45,000) then there would be a great reluctance to invent new words as technology develops or as language evolves. So, they can combine old words and use them to connote new meanings. One example is that “hand machine” means cell phone. This makes translation very strange and difficult even for translations apps like Google Translate.

I still could’ve learned to speak Chinese, and I am embarrassed that I did not after living here so long. I will never live somewhere and not learn the local language again. However, I lacked important incentives to learn Chinese. It may sound strange, but I would rather use the brain space and future time practicing and conversing with others in other languages. If I learned Chinese, then I would owe it to myself to keep myself in Chinese circles even after I leave, in order to practice and maintain my level. My favorite thing about China is the strong reading & writing culture, there are many amazing Chinese authors (which I read in English). But sadly, these are written using characters that I really don’t want to dedicate myself to learn. That would be the one big thing that I would love to be able to do, read Chinese books in the native tongue, but that goal was too high above my ambition.

[micahammon]

On Love, Affection and Society

I teach English as a second language in China. The little kids are really cute. They like to have your attention, they like to show you what they can do. They’re excited to take a turn participating in an activity or game, and to demonstrate their learning. They’re also affectionate. Sometimes going into a classroom feels like going to play with a litter of puppies.

Previous to China I taught in Colombia. Colombian people are warm, friendly and affectionate. They communicate a lot using their bodies, whether it be a simple touch or showing a range of facial expressions. They even have a vocabulary based on sign language. I know about 10 common expressions that are used like sign language, in place of spoken language and with greater effect. When Colombians are in motion, their bodies are like a glove expressing the emotion and intent of their actions. It is not showy or flashy. It’s simple and sincere.  But it allows full vent from the place of their emotions.

I want to mention what I saw at school in Colombia. It may sound strange or romanticized. But the thing is that love runs through everything in a quantity and quality unknown back where I grew up. In a given day, there can be many ups and downs among students and faculty—including scolding, punishment and resultant tears shed. But the engine of social interaction operates on love. Love is the currency traded about. You can see this by what the students seek from you. They seek your hands, which seem to get stuck as they hold on. They seek your arms to interlock around the elbows while walking together. They seek your hugs. There are moments when a younger child sees you and knows instinctively that it’s time for their hug from you.

Words are also important, and teachers constantly address students using terms of endearment. Even in the middle of a scolding, the teacher will address the student as ‘mi amor’ or ‘my love’. Other terms may include:

‘Mi vida’ or ‘my life’, as in you are my life—I live for you

‘mija’ or ‘my daughter’

‘mijo’ or ‘my son’

‘Mami’ or ‘mommy’, as in you are a little girl but I see the good maternal qualities within you. I think this encourages emulation and development of those characteristics.

‘Papi’ or ‘papa’ as in you are a little boy but I see within the you the admirable characteristics of a good father. Again, it emboldens the boy to expand the characteristics of being a man.

‘Mi cielo’, or ‘my heaven’

And other variations using ‘niño’, ‘niña’, ‘chino’, ‘princesa’, ‘principe’

In short, there are more gestures of love and affection in a given day than I would expect to encounter in a number of months in other places.

The benefit is that a child’s sense of self-worth is secured. Individuals become self-assured, competent, complete human beings at a young age. It isn’t just in schools with educators that the children have access to warmth and kindness. You can see any adult on the street treat a child as if they were their own. It isn’t awkward or forced. It’s natural, as it was the same way when they were a child.

The effect from other members in the community providing the same love that children receive in the home is an important, affirming aspect. There is a sense of well-being with, and interconnectedness to, the community. Additionally, they can foster deep relationships with others more easily, in fact they tend to seek that out for the rest of their lives.

In America our gestures of love always carry a twinge of sappiness, or cheesiness. No one seems to want too much of it, because they don’t know what to do with it. It makes them feel uncomfortable. When emotion is displayed in America it seems to come through the channel of sympathy. Sympathy has gained a negative connotation in America. People have come to resent it because they probably don’t feel like it is sincere. They see it as pity, which also conveys negative things in America. Although one might object and say they are expressing empathy rather, it can become an excessively delicate proposition to convey just the right amount of affection without there being residual awkwardness or resentment.

Also, we often imitate a form of expression that we’ve seen in a movie or heard in a song, because it can be difficult to manifest love from a place of sincerity. Sometimes the gestures perform virtue-signaling, to carry the message of morality, parental inculcation or even nationalist ideals. This muddles love.

The American ideal of expressing love is light and fluffy. It tickles, it pleases one’s aesthetic. I think it reflects a propensity for superficial connection, short-term bonding. It could be that way because we aren’t emotionally mature enough to handle long-term bonding.

In the environment of long-term bonding, deeper emotions can safely come to the surface. Those emotions may be unexpected or even strange, wild emotions that we didn’t know we had within us. But within the safety of a long-term bonding environment, the deeper parts of ourselves can vent and become patched with the emotions of others. They can be augmented, developed and directed in different ways. Ultimately we grow stronger, emotionally mature, in greater possession of our own selves and importantly, connected to other people.

There’s another reason that Americans don’t fancy shows of affection. It’s wariness of lasciviousness and predatory behavior. Shows of love and affection can seem immoral or self-serving. I think that affection in America is generally understood to be a selfish pleasure. As such they prefer to keep it private. Perhaps they fear the result would be an overwhelming tide of debauchery. I think that’s the tide they are trying to keep out.

It’s been a while since I was in grade school in America. But I hear that rules governing teacher and student interaction have become stricter. No physical contact is allowed. When I grew up, we didn’t have those rules, but we lived that way anyway, as far as I can remember. I’m sure it probably happened, but I can’t recall ever hugging a teacher. Now you see on the news what seems to be a new phenomenon, female teachers are preying on the younger male students.

I read a study that said that these teachers were seeking genuine intimacy. I don’t know how to process that. But when thinking of misplaced emotions, I’m often reminded of a movie I saw.

As a little girl, the protagonist goes to the doctor for a routine physical. However, this marks the first time that a man has touched her (her father had never hugged her) and as the doctor uses the stethoscope to listen to her heart, it creates a sort of excitement, and her heart begins to race. She is subsequently misdiagnosed with a fragile heart condition.

Every human will feel natural desires for affection, but without sufficient opportunities to express affection in wholesome, mutually affirming ways, those desires become something taboo. The taboo label heightens the dark aspect of it, and the desires can veer into the sinister side. The labels, rules and laws increase the anxiety. In the moment a person commits an evil act, they have probably already come to accept it as a dark, sinful desire and they are essentially fulfilling the prophecy that society has created.

I don’t know the statistics on the number of incidents of abuse in countries between say Colombia and America. I know that there will always be sinister predators. However, I believe that even with those predators among us, we are damaged more as a society as we restrict and label natural affection as something of a selfish, or dark pleasure, kept behind closed doors and not practiced or given vent in natural every day settings. The fact is, those emotions are so complex that they need to be shaped over years of development with a sort of chaperoning role from an emotionally mature elder generation.

Surprisingly, Colombia actually had probably the worst child molester/killer in history with about 300 deaths connected to him. He confessed to about half of those. His name is Luis Garavito. It happened during the 90’s. If that had happened in America, it’s hard to imagine the long-term effects that would’ve resulted. But in Colombia, love and affection are still alive today.

When the events of 911 took place, many Americans had said that the worst part of the attacks would be to allow it to change our freedom loving way of life. That would essentially give the ultimate victory to the terrorists they said. You can be the judge of whether or not the terrorists have gained that ultimate victory.

You can also be the judge of whether the social climate in America is creating more individuals that have grown up feeling ostracized, lacking: meaningful connection to community, emotional maturity, and the ability to form soul-sustaining long term bonds with others, and whether or not this is becoming a cycle of apathy, emotional isolation and disillusionment.

[micahammon]

On Childhood & Getting Older

Sometimes people ask me if I have a secret to looking younger than my age. I know that genes have a lot to do with it. But since some people put the question to me, I started to think about something. I realized I never arrived at the day where I considered myself old, or felt old inside.

There’s something bizarre about getting older. When a person is young, they like to seek the pleasure and fun in life. But as people get older, they tend to shift from the fun part of life and instead pursue stability and what one might call more sublime pleasures. This is due in large part to the heavy responsibilities of getting older. But I feel like another part of this shift is due to the disappointments of life.

When children are young their emotions are always visible at the surface. We consider children immature because they often lose control of their emotions over petty things. As we age, we gain better control of those emotions by channeling them in different ways. Some emotions we repress, others may be diffused by altering our focus. But we are still the same emotional animals that we were when we were young. Only in adulthood, we play a clever game of hide and seek with our emotions.

We still like to let loose and have fun, but generally in the company of trusted friends or family. Why is that? I think it’s because when you’re feeling free and having fun, you are also vulnerable. As we grow up and we become vulnerable to the injuries of social rejection, we learn a sad lesson many times: we must be more guarded and careful in social interactions. Politeness is an obvious buffer for our fragile emotions and easily-wounded egos.

Besides the injuries of social rejection there are diverse disappointments inherit in life. I feel like as the disappointments add up, we begin to do things to insulate ourselves against further injury, such as withdrawing or holding back. I feel like most of the time, people choose to compromise a part of themselves in order to please others and to avoid the risks of social injury, or risks of personal failure. Little by little everyone loses their youthful innocence.

Obviously, the disappointments in life are to be great teachers for us. As we respond we learn more about ourselves and we transcend previous boundaries and grow ever more, on and on. But no one takes on this challenge of learning from the difficulties of life—no one takes it on unprotected. Everyone prefers to do it from within the protection of the shell of themselves. And we selectively choose our battles worth fighting for, and say goodbye to the parts of ourselves that we are not willing to fight for anymore.

I remember well being a child. I remember seeing the world from child eyes. I remember how pure it was. There wasn’t an internal voice, narrating the events as they passed. Instead the vision of everything was perceived through emotional lenses. I remember how adults would make simple things confusing. I remember they didn’t trust the wisdom of children because perhaps what was said didn’t sound sophisticated enough. More so, they didn’t really try to understand either. That would in turn make the job of explaining too difficult, and I would forget how to use the language of grown-ups. I remember that I felt that many things were obvious and people just pretended not to understand because that’s what older people do. They do it because they get accustomed to speaking in the language of the day, a local or regional way of thinking that becomes an accepted standard. To send a message, one needed to learn the local dialect. Adults have a transit system set up for communicating, like a city subway. They send and receive messages using those established routes.

As a child, I had the feeling that us children had eternal truths in our possession--the most correct attitudes and vision for the world. Of course the thing lacking was experience. Without experience we knew nothing about the world, but maybe that’s why we knew so much. As you get older, and pessimism and rejection mounts, I feel like most people forget about what they once believed as a child. I’m a person who has tried to keep those things in my heart until this very day.

I teach young children and it’s a blessing for me. It’s such a delight to see their excitement and happiness, and to see how they live with imagination, love and joy. Of course, there can be problems. They have to learn how to be responsible and well-behaved.

It’s been said that children are so easily amused because everything they see is new and interesting. As they gain experience, the old things lose interest. I believe that is indeed the case. But as long as they have their imagination intact, they can continue to synthesize their old experiences with new ones and have excitement, joy and love running through their learning experiences. But at some point, the classic childhood imagination also dwindles down. New experiences become fewer and fewer, responsibilities become more and more, and the wisdom of pessimism, or caution, comes to be understood as the reliable way to success.

As a teacher I do my best to encourage the children in every good idea and attitude that they express. I try to keep their imagination flickering. In fact, I don’t wish to dampen in any way the spirit of any child. I want their ideas and visions to grow. I revere them and believe in their attitudes and good natures. I actually feel it is a very important job to do because I feel that the world may already be too busy extinguishing the imagination in their lives.