mistymountainmadness

[mistymountainmadness]

Fun Magic Item

An octopus hat that let's you speak and understand deep speech when you pull it over your face.

[mistymountainmadness]

Alrighty you class hungry junkies!!!

We're gonna talk about one of mah faaaaaavorite builds to do. Best part, it starts at level four bitches!!!

So what ya gonna do is finagle a bit of Protector Aasimar. Once you charmed the pants off ya dm to let ya so this, you immediately drop into paladin. Yes, I know, we're already awesome, hang on, it gets better. Cause you gonna take entertainer background baby.

Now, you rock that beyotch with some chaotic goodness, devote to some god/goddess/muffin of sanctuary and family or some jazz like that and take devoted at level three. Honestly, this part has some loose preference, but I like devoted subclass.

Lastly, after tap dancing over some heathens and saving a prince from a tree or two, you get that sweet sweet level four. And you get a Feat. Which one you might ask...

Magic Initiate!!!

Because now? You are lady fucking gaga in this bitch, and when you take the sorcerer cantrips prestidigitation and minor illusion, you gonna be telling any and all punk ass bitches to fuuuuuuuck right off.

Why? Cause those spells turn your ass into a diva, and aasimar let's you turn that disco ball hanging off your ass into a laser light show.

Once a day, protecter aasimar can infuse their level in radiant damage into their attacks OR SPELLS!!! That's right, kiddies. For the low low price of a feat, you can go from shiny flying paladin to disco ball of death and dance offs.

For one minute, or 10 combat rounds, you are burning them bitches down with smells, illusions, muffins of unusual size, the sky is the limit!!!

So unleash the diva in you and just DANCE DARLINGS!!!

[mistymountainmadness]

Fun Druid Concept

A druid that is one hundred percent convinced that their alt forms are a form of lycanthropy and spends most of their time trying to turn people into various animal shifters.

[mistymountainmadness]

This is a post dedicated to appreciating the best spell in D&D 5e:

Now I know what you’re thinking:

“Well obviously that’s the best spell in the entire game, but please, please wont you tell us why in vivid detail?”

Yeah okay, lets do that.

So first up, boring stuff. 90 feet of range, sure, cool, that’s pretty groovy. Longer range than a lot of spells actually. A minute possible duration, also solid, 10ft radius, pretty good, aoe crowd control is great, even better at higher casts. 1 action. Fine, cool.

Now we got that shit out of the way, lets start drinking up the delicious goddamn nectar that is the power of taking away the one goddamn braincell your enemies have all been sharing this wholeass time.

LETS DIVE INTO THOSE JUICY ASS RANDOM EFFECTS. BECAUSE HAVING A SPELL WORK THE SAME WAY EVERY TIME IS FOR BORING ASS NERDS.

So say they roll a 9 or 10, they get to act normally, so this ain’t the best. This isn’t good, this works for them right?

WRONG.

This is to lure your dm into a false sense of MAINTAINING CONTROL.

THE DM DOESN’T CONTROL THE GAME ANYMORE.

NO ONE DOES. WELL ALMOST NO ONE.

THIS FUCKER DOES. WE’RE PUTTING OUR LIVES IN THIS FUCKERS HANDS AND TRUST ME WHEN I SAY THIS FUCKER CRAAAVES THE DEATH OF YOUR ENEMIES.

So next we have 7-8. Which I like to call: The Mario Party effect.

Chances are when you cast this on a group, you probably had a few of those goons next to one another. Enemies like to be close to one another, they’re friends, they get along.

OR AT LEAST THEY FUCKING USED TO.

NOW THEY BEAT EACH OTHER TO DEATH FOR YOUR AMUSEMENT. NO ONE KNOWS WHY.

THE DICE MADE THEM DO IT.

Or they might not be next to anyone, in which case they may as well have rolled a 2-6, a roll I like to call: Time out mode. This is what the dice rolls to make you earn your keep, it can’t do ALL the work killing all these people for you. Sometimes, it’ll just make all your enemies stand around not doing anything for turn after turn after turn.

Until they roll a 1. Now, you might be thinking “Move in a direction, that’s not that bad.” That’s because you don’t know.

There is a truth to confusion. A hidden reality within the dice. It hates them. It truly, truly hates the people it gets used on.

When they roll a 1, if the dice can kill them

It will.

It will have them run off cliffs, into lava, into attacks of oppotunity, it’ll run wizards into the loving embrace of your barbarian, it will feed the hapless mooks into the wall of fire your wizard made. If you have a woodchipper out somehow, it may as well be a goddamn black hole because they’re sure as shit not going anywhere fucking else.

So I know what you’re thinking now, you’re thinking:

“Wow Neonir, that sure does sound like a cruel and unjust lesson from god to inflict on your DM alright!”

And you’d be fucking right.

But you don’t quite understand.

These are but a few of the strongest enemies in the game, if you have a look, you’ll see they have a few immunities, there are more like them, some have immunity to other things, but you’ll always notice one thing. One thing missing from these lists.

Yeah.

It can work.

On anything.

Anything can be forced to run around to the benny hill theme, slapping its buddies and staring at stars.

I have not yet found a SINGLE. DAMN. THING. That you cannot confuse into submission.

Poisoned? Hah, maybe if you’re level 3 and fighting rats.

Charm? Can’t play with the big boys.

Paralyzed, cool, but still pretty much even chances of the target being immune at this point.

But confusion?

You could look your god in the it-damned eye. And you could say “Roll a fucking D10.”

[mistymountainmadness]

Lovely wizard concept

You, a dwarven wizard, must etch runes onto various projectiles, such as rocks, and throw them to cast your spells. Made even funnier if your character has no idea when they're out of spell slots, and yeets a rock at a guard trying to put them to sleep. Bonus points if it knocks them out and they still have no idea.

[mistymountainmadness]

Idea numero uno

Two young wizard apprentices start recording spells on flash cards to try and help their studying. They inadvertently create a new card game where two "wizards" are dueling, starting with low level spells and working their way up to the big stuff. The catch? They only have spells from wizard classes, and need help getting different kinds.

Campaign name: Magic: the gathering

[mistymountainmadness]

That awkward moment you try to befriend an owl bear and break the universe...

This was my first adventure as a matter of fact!!! The DM at the time was a rather heavy handed person when it came to skill checks and critical failures. If things went wrong, they REALLY went wrong. But, I was finally doing it. A lifelong goal was being achieved. I was finally getting to play Dungeons and Dragons.

I decided to play a cleric who had forsaken their god for roleplaying reasons. So no magic out of the gate... at level 6. XD Still, fun to be had!! After forgoing my place in a local city to allow the "refugees"(the party and half a city of homeless) a nights stay, I wound up traveling with them.

I met their leader, a goblin paladin named king of the city.(I still regret not calling him David Bowie) together with various others, we traveled to the remains of a sacked city and set up there. An decrepit wizard was housed in a tower, and gnolls filled the catacombs, but it was home.

We began our descent into the catacombs, when the gnolls attacked. We drove them back, only to find that they had captured and trained a pair of Owl Bears to fight for them. I critically failed an attack with my mace, and one of them caught my arm in it's beak and CRUNCH!! Snapped it like a twig...

Needless to say, I was disheartened. But determined!!!! Forging forward, I found a large wooden door. Deciding to be polite, I knocked. Imagine my surprise when it knocked back. It went back and forth several times before I decided to spice it up, using a secret knock I heard in a vidya game. When it couldn't return the knock, I burst open the door, only to find a owl bear cub on the other side.

My heart leaped with joy!!! I could have my own little companion!!!! I decided to roll Animal handling to try and gain it's trust. Sweet!! 19... I can't lose!!!

...or so I thought.

He rolled against it for the owl bear... and the die... it landed on an edge. A TWENTY SIDED DIE LANDED ON AN EDGE AND STAYED THERE FOR A FULL 30 SECONDS!!!! He said it was a sign for a change and as I reached forward to pet the owl bear, a black tear opened up... there was an ominous voice calling me forward. I turn and run with my party and black ooze floods out and catches us, one by one...

And nothing but darkness from then on. At least until the next session. XD

[mistymountainmadness]

Hey there!!! This is my first official post of my new blog. My friends and I have been playing Dungeons and Dragons for several years, and I'm always looking to talk about all the neat ideas and stories that I've had. While I don't promise the best stories, I certainly guarantee they'll be interesting. I'm always looking for the next great adventure, so feel free to shoot a message or submission and let's brain storm!! Until then, may you look into the Far Realm and never sway!!!